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R.I.P. Dick Miller, Part IV: 1974-76

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25 Dec 1928 – 30 Jan 2019

The American thespian treasure known as Dick Miller, one of our all-time favorite character actors, entered the Great Nothingness on January 30th, 2019.
A Bronx-born Christmas Day present to the world, Miller entered the film biz doing redface back in 1956 in the Roger Corman western Apache Woman(trailer). He quickly became a Corman regular and, as a result, became a favorite face for an inordinate amount of modern and contemporary movie directors, particularly those weaned and teethed in Corman productions. (Miller, for example, appears in every movie Joe Dante has made to date.)
A working thespian to the end, Miller's last film, the independent horror movie Hanukkah (trailer), starring fellow low culture thespian treasure Sid Haig, just finished production. In it, as in many of Miller's films, his character is named Walter Paisley in homage to his first truly great lead role, that of the loser killer artist/busboy Walter Paisley in Roger Corman's classic black comedy, A Bucket of Blood (1959).
What follows is a multi-part career review in which we undertake a meandering, unfocused look at the films of Dick Miller. The films are not necessarily looked at in the order of their release... and if we missed one, let us know. 

Go here for
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part I (1955-60)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part II (1961-67)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part III (1968-73)


TNT Jackson
(1974, dir. Cirio H. Santiago)

Like so many Roger Corman productions, TNT Jackson is in the public domain (and available to download at the Internet Archives), which explains why so many DVDs out there offer such bad quality. But crappy quality of not, the movie is a hoot… and not just due to all the hooters.
Over at Filmlink, they list TNT Jackson as one of Dick Miller's "Top Ten", saying: "Miller's not actually in this film — a blaxploitation kung fu movie — but he did write it. It's silly fun, and probably could have used Miller's presence in the cast. Miller had ambitions as a writer, and did a number of screenplays, only a few of which were made. They include this and the Jerry Lewis film, Which Way to the Front? (1970, see Part III)."
This blaxploitation trash classic was directed by the Filipino auteur Cirio H. Santiago (18 Jan 1936 – 26 Sept 2008), a man with numerous truly fun crappy films to his name. Rumor has it that Dick Miller only submitted the original first draft, after which a dissatisfied Roger Corman had it rewritten — assumedly by Ken Metcalfe, the credited co-scribe. Oddly enough, when TNT Jackson (or at least its basic plot) was retooled and remade with a butt-kicking white woman lead seven years later as "the screen's first erotic king fu classic", Firecracker(1981 / trailer / poster above), Santiago's regular co-conspirator Ken Metcalfe got a co-writing credit but Dick Miller didn't. Retooled again 12 years later with less breastage as Santiago's Angelfist (1993 / trailer), neither Metcalfe nor Miller were given credit, all of which went to Anthony L. Greene.
TNT Jackson:
All that aside, T.N.T. Jackson makes the average Pam Grier exploiter look like a Shakespeare production — but that is part of the film's attraction. TNT Jackson (aka Dynamite Wong and TNT Jackson and Dynamite Jackson) features "your typical 'deadly woman out to get revenge for her brother's death at the hands of drug dealers' plot that you exploitation fans should all be familiar with now. T.N.T. Jackson (Jeannie Bell) touches down on the tarmac in Hong Kong and immediately sets out to her brother's old stomping grounds, which of course happens to be in the worst part of town. So bad in fact, that the first thing she sees when stepping foot in the area is a bare-breasted woman fleeing from a drooling rapist. Within minutes, T.N.T. is already kicking the shit out of a gang wielding balisong knives. The fight is typically slow and clunky as these films usually go, but ends on a high note as T.N.T. breaks some guy's arm while blood gushes out of his elbow… fantastic cinema! Soon T.N.T. makes it over to her brother's old residence, a karate dojo named Joe's Haven. There she meets… Joe. Joe (Chiquito [12 March 1928 – 2 July 1997]) is a resourceful man who seems to have the lowdown on all the town gossip and is also very passionate about hair dressing. Joe agrees to ask around town and causes a major shitstorm when he sparks the ire of the local mob, who were already very nervous about T.N.T.'s presence in the first place. Meeting the mob bosses in a nightclub, she eventually befriends their right hand man, Charlie (Stan Shaw)..."
The above plot description fails to mention babe number two of the movie, white chick Elaine (Pat Anderson), girlfriend of Sid (Ken Metcalfe of Beast of the Yellow Night [1971 / trailer], The Twilight People [1972 / trailer] and Up from the Depths [1979 / trailer]), the mob boss. She and T.N.T. insult each other like Bette Davis and Joan Crawford on a bad day, beat the shit out of each other, and then join forces…
The movie is possibly the film debut of the eternally watchable but always underappreciated and underused actor Stan Shaw: "The real scene stealer […] as the sartorially splendid kung fu heavy who Jackson beds, bothers, and then beats to a pulp. He is simply put, pretty terrific. Even if he refuses to believe Jackson will be trouble since she's such a fine sister in a place where there are almost no other black people. But why is she in Manila anyway, really? His thinking is cloudy, but who can blame him? [Academic]"
"T.N.T. Jackson is a blast from start to finish. Plenty of wonky fuzzed out seventies music compliments the big hair and bad fashions just perfectly while Santiago keeps the movie zipping by at a remarkably quick pace. […] There's not much to the story here and what plot there is really just seems there in order to move the film from one badly choreographed martial arts scene to the other but that just adds to the zaniness of the whole thing. Throw in a ridiculous amount of gratuitous nudity, some awesome tough-talking dialogue from our uber-sexy soul sister leading lady and some recycled music, and you've got yourself a hell of a good time at the movies. [DVD Talk]"
"There are moments in TNT Jackson where it really earns its exploitation bonafides. Sights like the titular badass (Jeannie Bell) wearing only a pair of panties (which change color from black to white and back again at one point in the scene) taking part in an awkward, badly choreographed hand-to-hand fight scene feels like it was lifted wholesale out of the mind of a twelve-year-old boy who fantasized about what kind of R-rated movies showed at the drive-in he was too young to attend. [Grindhouse]"
Indeed, special mention must be given to Jean Bell, born Annie Lee Morgan, who plays the eternally frowning babe-asonic T.N.T. Jackson. The second Afro-American Playboy Playmate of the Month ever (October 1969, see below), she had many small and a few large parts in films like Disco 9000 (1977 / tv spot), Policewomen (1974 / trailer), The Muthers (1976 / trailer), Melinda (1972 / trailer) and Three the Hard Way (1974 / trailer), both with Jim Kelly), and Trouble Man (1972 / trailer) before disappearing from the screen in 1977. In 1986, she married multimillionaire Gary Judis, of Aames Funding Corp.
The original artwork to the TNT Jackson film poster way at the top, of TNT in virginal (?) white, is by John Solie, whose website has gone dead — a bad sign, to say the least. The artwork — or at least the image of TNT — got reused, incongruently, for the later psychotronic blaxploitation flick Darktown Strutters (1975), which we look at further below.


 Summer School Teachers
(1974, writ. & dir. Barbara Peeters)
 

"You give an inch, the guy takes two, you find out he only has three, and you end up with zero."
Sally Hanson (Pat Anderson)

Barbara Peters, who was the 2ndunit director on Kaplan's The Student Teachers (1973, see Part III), took over the script and directorial chores for this, the follow-up teachersploitation flick. Dick Miller is there again, playing the sexist Head Coach, Sam, who at least isn't a rapist (see: The Student Teachers); you even see him in the trailer. The film was made at a time when female teachers sleeping with their younger students didn't raise too many eyebrows. 
Trailer to
Summer School Teachers:
Over at imdb, woodyanders has the skinny on writer/director Barbara Peters: "Writer/director Barbara Peters was one of the few female filmmakers who specialized in entertainingly trashy low budget drive-in exploitation fare in the 70s and early 80s. Peters often worked for Roger Corman's B-flick studio New World Pictures. She made her feature debut as co-writer and co-director of the soft-core lesbian outing The Dark Side of Tomorrow (1970 / trailer below). Barbara followed this movie with the gritty distaff biker item Bury Me an Angel (1971 / trailer), the amusingly silly comedy Summer School Teachers, and the enjoyably inane Starhops(1978 / full film). Peters achieved her greatest notoriety with the wonderfully nasty horror creature feature winner Humanoids from the Deep (1980 / trailer)." After directing the last, a violent sleaze classic if there ever was one, Peeters moved into TV before leaving to found her own firm in Oregon, SilverFoxx Films, an embarrassing name if there ever was one, and has specialized in "business and music promotional videos".
The original artwork to the Summer School Teachersposter, like the TNT Jackson film poster is by John Solie, whose website has gone dead — a bad sign, to say the least. 
New trailer to
The Dark Side of Tomorrow:
While Summer School Teachers does emulate Corman's classic 3-babe structure, noticeable here is the total lack of a the mandatory minority teacher usually found in his films — perhaps the scriptwriters figured that a minority from Iowa would be difficult to believe. Instead, the semi-social plotline went to lily white Rhonda Leigh Hopkins as the teacher who gets involved with a troubled youth… who really doesn't look all that much younger than she.
The "plot": "Summer School Teachers concerns three gals from Idaho going to teach at Regency High in Southern California, where they have three interwoven adventures: gym teacher Conklin T. (Candice Rialson [18 Dec 1951 – 31 March 2006]) battles hyper-macho coach Sam Johns (Dick Miller) to start a girls' football team; chemistry teacher Denise Carter (Rhonda Leigh Hopkins) seeks to clear the name of a misunderstood juvie; and photography teacher Sally Hansen (Pat Anderson) gets involved with a pornographer. All three girls end up suspended from teaching after a series of bizarre events: there's a big conspiracy involving payola, a porno scandal, and a kidnapping at an abandoned warehouse. It all comes to a head — as such films must — at the big football game, which becomes an all-out brawl as various protest groups and do-gooders clash for liberation. The closing theme is a rallying cry for activism. [Robert Finching at All Movie]"
"Brimming with mischief, nudity and teenage rebellion, the picture epitomizes a night at the drive-in. There's the underdog, all girls team, determined to prove that they can play football as good as their boyfriends; the misunderstood loner who is being framed for a crime he didn't commit; the instant comradely of the girls as they go undercover to seduce and trick the overbearing, chauvinist boy's coach; and the scene where Sally is eavesdropped on by a pair of dirty old ladies after hooking up with a bonafide movie star, played by Michael Greer (20 April 1943 – 14 Sept 2002), is absolutely priceless. Summer School Teachers has a bit of everything. It may not be fantastic, but it's one fun flick. [DVD Drive-In]"
"One of the biggest problems […] with Summer School Teachers is that it's considerably light on any exploitation elements. I mean, each of the three girls only gets naked ONE time apiece.  What's up with that, yo?  Another big fault is that the plot is weak and the girls' storylines come together in a rather sloppy fashion.  It also doesn't help that the flick is heavily padded with dune buggy chases and scenes of girls playing football. Summer School Teachers isn't a complete waste of time though.  I don't know about you, but I'd sit through just about anything to see Rialson naked, so the movie's many flaws didn't really bother me too much.  [The Video Vacuum]"
Candice Rialson's (18 Dec 1951 – 31 March 2006) cinema career may have been short, but she's found in some interestingly psychotronic movies, namely Raphael Nussbaum's Pets (1973 / trailer) and, most famously, Tom DeSimone's Chatterbox!(1977 / trailer). Michael Greer, one of the first openly gay actors in Hollywood, was also pretty much stereotyped to only gay parts after his film debut in The Gay Deceivers (1969 / trailer). He participated in two softcore sex films, The Curious Female (1970 / trailer below) and Diamond Stud(1970), as well as the oddly interesting, if aimless, The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart (1970 / trailer) — Don Johnson's feature film debut — and the cult fave, Messiah of Evil (1973 / trailer). 
Trailer to
The Curious Female:
 


Candy Stripe Nurses
(1974, writ & dir. Alan Holleb)
 

"Your mother blows goats!"
Obnoxious Spectator(Dick Miller)

  
Candy Stripe Nurses is the fifth and final nurse film of the Corman Factory nursesploitation series, and this time around Dick Miller has but a small part as an obnoxious spectator in a crowd scene (you see him for second at the end of the trailer). 
Candy Stripe Nurses:
The original artwork to the Candy Stripe Nurses film poster, like that of the TNT Jackson and Summer School Teachers posters, is by John Solie, whose website has gone dead — a bad sign, to say the least.
As the Chicago-raised director Alan Hollebexplains in Francesco Borseti's It Came from the 80s!: Interviews with 124 Cult Filmmakers: "Roger Corman and his wife Julie had seen a short film, a musical [entitled Heavenly Star], I had directed at UCLA, and so they contacted me about working on Candy Stripe Nurses." It took Holleb another eleven years to finally make his follow-up film, the far less entertaining comedy School Spirit(1985 / trailer, written by Geoffrey Baere), a film that probably would not be greenlighted nowadays.
In any event, at Inside Pulse, Joe Corey has the plot: "Candy Stripe Nurses wraps up the series by getting younger than the Young Nurses (1973, see Part III). Three high-schoolers find themselves volunteering at a local hospital for different reasons. Maria Rojo ("Marisa Valdez") is a troublemaker who gets in trouble. She has to either put on the candy stripe rope [sic] or face a harsher punishment. Her time on the ward involves a patient arrested for robbing a gas station (Roger Cruz). She wants to prove the guy is innocent. Candice Rialson ("Sandy") likes banging a doctor (Richard Gates, of The House of the Dead [1978 / full movie]). But she also flirts with other patients including rocker Owen Boles (Kendrew Lascelles). Robin Matson ("Dianne") gives her time to build up her chances to get into med school. She takes an interest in a basketball player (Rod Haase) that's doing drugs during games. Dick Miller is a spectator at a basketball game."
"Writer/director Alan Holleb benefits from having what's arguably the best-looking trio of stars in this set.  Plus, Rialson, Mattson, and Rojo all turn in credible and very appealing performances (Mattson went on to a long career in daytime soaps, but this was Rojo's only screen credit), miles ahead of the acting seen in Private Duty Nurses (1971, see Part III), to name just one.  While following the same formula, Holleb actually manages to establish some character development and succeeds in finding just the right balance between comedy, drama, action, and sex.  Also with Rick Gates, Bill Erwin, Tara Strohmeier, Monte Landis, and repeat appearances by Don Keefer, Sally Kirkland, and Dick Miller as a boorish basketball spectator, getting popcorn poured over his head by the impossibly cute Mattson. [Good Efficient Butchery]"
Though unknown in the US, candy stripe nurse Maria Rojo went on to a long and successful career in Mexico, while candy stripe nurse Robin Mattson had a long career in daytime soaps, usually as the scheming blonde. And although he hardly shared a scene with her, basketball player Rod Haase was in two Robert Levy films featuring the great Uschi, If You Don't Stop It... You'll Go Blind!!!(1975 / full film) and Can I Do It 'Till I Need Glasses?(1977 / trailer).
Though Corman never produced another nurse film, nurseploitation, as a genre, sputtered onwards for a few more years, reaching what could be its most memorable nadir in Al Adamson's incredible "horror" disasterpiece, Nurse Sherri aka Black Voodoo (1978 / trailer below), released the same year that the prolific porn director Bob Chinn — the inspiration for Burt Reynolds' character, "Jack Horner" in Boogie Nights (1997 / trailer) — released his porn comedy, Candy Stripers (1978 / credit sequence / review). 
Trailer to
NurseSherri a.k.a. Black Voodoo (1978):


Big Bad Mama
(1974, dir. Steve Carver)

In 1971, while studying at the American Film Institute, 26-year-old Steve Carver made a B&W short film version of Edgar Allan Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart. Roger Corman saw it and hired the director to cut trailers at New World Pictures, before finally giving him a directorial project, the Italian-shot The Arena (1974 / trailer),*the second Margaret Markov and Pam Grier exploiter after 1972's Black Mama, White Mama. Pleased with Carver's ability's Corman then gave him this movie, Big Bad Mama. Dick Miller is there as treasury agent Bonney; he also did the voiceover of the film's original trailer.
Also of note: William "The Ham" Shatner is there as the second male lead, William J. Baxter, and cult fave Royal Dano (16 Nov 1922 – 15 May 1994, of Killer Klowns from Outer Space [1988 / trailer])shows up as Rev Johnson. A hit, it took Corman over 13 years to make a sequel, the relatively abysmal Jim Wynorski-directed Big Bad Mama II (1987 / trailer further below).
*Spurred by the success of Gladiator (2000 / trailer), in 2001 Roger Corman produced a cheapo D2V remake in Russia, also entitled The Arena (trailer), by the then-unknown Russian director Timur Bekmambetov  (Wanted[2008 / trailer] and Nightwatch [2004 / trailer]), starring the (natural) breasts of Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal. 
Full short —
The Tell-Tale Heart:
The script to Big Bad Mama came from the pens of Frances Doel and the interesting personality known as William Wallace "Bill" Norton (24 Sept 1925 – 1 Oct 2010), the latter of whom also scripted the memorably titled Harry Novak-distributed I Dismember Mama (1972 / trailer) and William Girdler's trash classic, Day of the Animals (1977), with Leslie Nielsen. About writing Big Bad Mama, Norton once said (at the blogspot Stone Cold Crazy): "[…] Roger Corman was a nice guy to work with. His wife was a nice person. My wife and I had lunch with them here in Santa Barbara. There was a lady who worked for him, Frances Doel. I had a pleasant relationship with her. She was the office person. Frances gave me the copy of this story, which was, as she later used the terminology, on the road, on the run movie. The story was that, and I didn't know she had done it, but she had promoted the story with Roger, and so that became a project. So I turned that into a screenplay. When things were over, I talked with Frances and with Roger Corman, saying that the story for this, I didn't invent the story, and therefore, the credit should be a story by so-and-so, whoever he is, and then the screenplay by Bill Norton. Well, it turned out that Frances was the writer of it. I felt happy about that, that I had done, what would you say, is kind of a morally correct thing, which is to credit another writer for what they have done. We became kind of mildly friendly off and on. She felt grateful for it because she'd never had a screen credit of any kind, and she liked that. So she was the writer of the story and I wrote the screenplay and Steve Carver directed it. He seemed like a nice, talented, good guy. I don't recall being involved with rewrites on the set, or any of that kind of stuff." 

Trailer to
Big Bad Mama:
Through a Shattered Lens, which says "Big Bad Mama is a typical Corman gangster film, with fast cars, blazing tommy guns, Dick Miller, and plenty of nudity", has the plot: "The year is 1932 and the setting is Texas.  Wilma McClatchie (Angie Dickinson) is a poor single mother with two teenage daughters (Susan Sennett and Robbie Lee) to support.  When Wilma's bootlegger lover, Barney (Noble Willingham [31 Aug 1931 – 17 Jan 2004]), is killed by the FBI, Wilma takes over his route.  Wilma wants her daughters to be rich like 'Rockefeller and Capone' and soon, they graduate from bootlegging to bank robbery.  During one robbery, they meet and team up with Fred (Tom Skerritt).  Wilma and Fred are lovers until Wilma meets alcoholic con man, Baxter (William Shatner).  With Fred and Baxter competing for her affections and her youngest daughter pregnant, Wilma plans one final job, the kidnapping of a spoiled heiress (Joan Prather)."
"If you ever wanted to see Angie Dickinson have explicit sex with Captain Kirk, then this classic trash is for you. […] Even though there are a few appreciated barbs at capitalism, the script is generally pure junk food. This is trash par excellence, moving from between sex and violence with a lightning pace. While the supporting cast includes Tom Skerritt, William Shatner, and cult favorites Susan Sennett (The Candy Snatchers [1973 / trailer]), Robbie Lee (Switchblade Sisters [1975 / trailer]) and Dick Miller, this is Dickinson's show all the way. She brings gusto to her strong-willed and independent matriarch role, handling a tommy gun with ease and also giving some choice nude scenes showing off her amazing forty-something body. [Teenage Frankenstein]"
As seen by the advert above, found at Scenes from the Morgue, at least at the Grand Island I Drive In, Big Bad Mama was at one point screened on a double bill with the far more obscure Andy Sidaris (20 Feb 1931 – 7 March 2007) flick, Stacey aka Stacey and Her Gangbusters (1973 / trailer), starring Playboy Playmate of the Month (May 1967), Anne Randall (original centerfold below).
Despite the fact that Big Bad Mama was a hit, it took Corman over 13 years to make a sequel, the relatively abysmal Jim Wynorski-directed Big Bad Mama II(1987 / trailer below), in which only Angie Dickinson returned. 
Trailer to
Big Bad Mama II (1987):


Truck Turner
(1974, dir. Jonathan Kaplan)

Aka Black Bullet. Director Jonathan Kaplan followed up his 1973 blaxploiter The Slams (see Part III) with yet another blaxploiter, one which has since become to be seen by some as a minor classic of the genre. To quote what is written at YouTube: "Jonathan Kaplan's badass starring vehicle for musician Isaac Hayes is simply one of the all-time greatest blaxploitation movies, which came out near the end of the cycle and never garnered the reputation it deserves. Don't tell us John Woo never saw the crazy hospital shoot-out at the end!"

The soundtrack, by the film's titular good guy star, the great Issac Hayes (20 Aug 1942 – 10 Aug 2008), is definitely an underappreciated classic of the genre. (Hayes, by the way, made his feature film acting debut in this movie.) Here at a wasted life, we have to admit that when we first saw this flick, we were shocked to see Star Trek's undeniably hot Lt Uhuru (Nichelle Nichols), in her only blaxploitation film credit, playing one bad-ass evil bitch of a whorehouse mother named Dorinda. She totally rocks! A remake of Truck Turner has been in development hell for years now…

Trailers from Hell on
Truck Turner:
The first version of the screenplay, written by Leigh Chapman (29 Mar 1939 – 4 Nov 2014), the woman who wrote the fun action flick Dirty Harry Crazy Mary (1974 / trailer), was meant to feature some big name white guy, but when none could be had, the script got retooled as a blaxploitation flick. About her original script, she once said in an interview, "It became a blaxloitation film … about pimps and whores, right? I don't think any of that was in my script and I'm not sure why I even received a story credit. I used Jerry Wilkes [as a pseudonym].  That's part of my ex-husband's name, but not the entire name. I was invited to the screening and recall telling Freddie [Weintraub] that there was so little left of what I wrote that they could still do my script and no one would recognize it." Of the two guys who rewrote her script, Michael Allin and Oscar Williams, the latter wrote and directed two Jim Kelly vehicles, Hot Potato (1976 / trailer) and Black Belt Jones (1974 / trailer), and the infamously hilarious anti-drug blaxploiter Death Drug (1978 / freakout).
Dick Miller shows up to play bails bondsman Fogarty, who hires Truck (Hayes) to track down a bail-skipping pimp named Gator (Paul Harris [15 Sept 1917 – 25 Aug 1985], an event that acts as a catalyst for the rest of the plot...
A description of which One Sheet Index has in full: "Two tough, modern-day bounty hunters, known in contemporary language as skip-tracers, Truck Turner (Hayes, of Uncle Sam [1996]) and his partner Jerry (Alan Weeks [1948 – 10 Oct 2015]), wind up a rough assignment capturing a child-molester for their employer Nate (Sam Laws [26 Jan 1924 – 16 March 1990] of Sweet Jesus Preacherman [1973 / trailer] and Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde [1976 / trailer]), the bail-bondsman. Their plans for a well-earned rest are interrupted by Fogarty (Miller), another bondsman whose erstwhile client Gator (Harris), pimp, strong-arm man and a three-time loser, has skipped leaving Fogarty bankrupt if he's not apprehended. Accepting the assignment reluctantly, but at a much higher-than-normal fee, Truck and Jerry set out to comb the underworld jungles for their prey. They encounter immediate resistance and active opposition from Gator's top girl, Dorinda (Nichols). To get a line on the elusive Gator, Truck turns for help to an old friend, retired pimp Duke (Scatman Crothers [23 May 1910 – 22 Nov 1986] of The Shining[1980 / trailer]), who informs him of antagonism between Gator and Harvard Blue (Yaphet Kotto of Friday Foster [1975 / trailer]), suave head of organized crime in the city. [...]"
"[...] In the ensuing hunt and exciting chase Gator is killed and, in revenge, Dorinda takes a contract on Truck's life with Harvard Blue, offering herself and her stable of girls as a reward. Truck manages to elude or overcome every local killer sent after him and is in seclusion, enjoying life with his girl Annie (Annazette Chase of Chamber of Horrors [1966 / trailer] and Black Fist [1974 / trailer]), an habitual shoplifter whom he is trying to rehabilitate. In desperation, Blue sends for some highly professional killers from out of town. They manage, through dint of torture, to arrange an ambush for Truck in Nate's office. Intoxicated and temporarily unable to respond, Truck, recognizing the urgency in Nate's voice, gets Jerry to answer the call and to hold the fort till he can get there. When Truck does arrive on the scene he finds the lifeless body of his partner, and Nate nearly dead from the beating he has sustained. Truck Turner then becomes a cold, deadly machine, bent on vengeance. He causes Annie to be framed on a shoplifting charge, feeling that she will be safer in jail. Then he ruthlessly sets out on a trail of elimination which eventually leads him to Harvard Blue and Dorinda."
"Easily one of the most violent and politically incorrect movies ever made, it is also one of the best of the blaxploitation genre. Truck Turner brazenly defines everything that makes the genre immensely fun to watch. There's lots of 70's swagger, oodles of violence, over the top fashion designs, outrageous dialog and endless charisma from lead Isaac Hayes. […] Quite possibly the most amazing and shocking thing about Truck Turner is the inflammatory performance by Nichelle Nichols […]. Nichols performance quickly spirals out of control plummeting further into the depths of bellicosity nearly stealing the movie away from Hayes in the process. She is so vulgar, so tasteless in her line delivery that the character of Dorinda deserves a spin off series of her own for her effrontery. Nichols creates one of the most belligerent, aggressive and malicious persona's in all of screen villainy. You'll never look at Lt. Uhura the same way again...guaranteed. [Cool Ass Cinema]"
"Eurotrash connection: The part of Stalingrad, the blond hooker with Gator just before he dies, is played by Werewolf Woman's (1976 / trailer) Annik Borel. [Vanity Fear]" She's also found in Tom Simone's Prison Girls (1972 / final scene) alongside the great Uschi.
The film was originally released by AIP as part of a double feature with the Pam Greir vehicle, Foxy Brown (1974) — a lesser classic of the blaxploitation genre that is nevertheless eminently watchable.
Trailer to
Foxy Brown:


Hustle
(1975, dir. Robert Aldrich)

More than one movie site out there on the internet lists this flick as having Dick Miller in it, somewhere, but none list a specific role or manner. Thus, if he was indeed in it, the either he got cut out or was a simple face in the background. But for the benefit of a doubt, we list this Robert Aldrich-directed Burt Reynolds flick here as a "maybe". After all, Miller did work with Aldrich in the past — see The Dirty Dozen (1967) in Part II, and The Legend of Lylah Clare (1968), The Grissom Gang (1971) and Ulzana's Raid (1972) in Part III— and directors do have a penchant for reusing actors they find reliable and/or effective.
Trailer to
Hustle:
At All Movie, Paul Brenner has the plot: "Lieutenant Phil Gaines (Reynolds [11 Feb 1936 – 6 Sept 2018], below not from the film) is a cynical Los Angeles police detective amorously involved with an icewater-veined Parisian call girl, Nicole Britton (Catherine Deneuve, of Anima persa [1977 / fan trailer]). On the job, he begins to investigate the shady death of a teenage girl that appears to lead straight to Leo Sellers (Eddie Albert [22 April 1906 – 26 May 2005], of The Devil's Rain [1975 /trailer]), an attorney with a frightening number of connections. The problem is, Nicole herself has a direct connection to the case — Leo is one of her clients. Meanwhile, Marty Hollinger (Ben Johnson [13 June 1918 – 8 April 1996], of Terror Train [1980 / trailer]), the victim's father, decides to undertake a grassroots investigation of his own — little realizing that his seemingly murdered daughter (Colleen Brenner of Supervixens [1975 / trailer], with Haji and the great Uschi) was in up to her neck with prostitution, porno movie acting, and dancing as a stripper, facts which suggest that she may have offed herself."
"Considered an auteur in France, Aldrich used his clout to make this European-edged film, a grim, yet fascinatingly sleazy look at corruption in the justice system, and even cast Catherine Deneuve in the bargain. The gamble did not pay off; everyone hated Hustle and it failed. Thirty years on, however, its integrity and patience look positively masterful. [combustible celluloid]"
"The idea of a cop living on both sides of the law is always provocative, but in this case, Phil's relationship with Nicole makes him unsympathetic. Tolerating her demeaning career paints him as a user, while pushing her to abandon her work suggests he's a chauvinist; there's no way for Reynolds to win. Nonetheless, the actor gives a valiant effort, while Deneuve struggles to elevate her clichéd role despite obvious difficulty with English-language dialogue. Inhibited by iffy writing and overreaching direction, the stars end up letting their physicality do most of the acting — Deneuve looks ravishing and Reynolds looks tough. But that's not enough. Excepting Johnson, whose obsessive bloodlust resonates, most of the skilled supporting cast gets lost in the cinematic muddiness, and Aldrich does no one any favors by shooting interiors with ugly, high-contrast lighting. Still, Hustlegets points for seediness and for the nihilism of its ending. [Every '70s Movie]" 
For some odd reason, Hustle is commonly referred to as a flop, but it wasn't: it was the 17th highest grossing film of the year, which meant in raked in enough bucks to not sneeze at it.
And just for your fun: can you spot the differences between the above and below demurely photographed Burt Reynolds? Both images were found online, so someone actually went through the trouble to...



Crazy Mama
(1975, dir. Jonathan Demme)

One can't really claim that there was ever a real or lasting "mama-sploitation" genre, but for a while in the 1970s, the term "mama" did pop up relatively regularly in exploitation film titles. Among the more sleazy are, of course, the great title from 1972, I Dismember Mama (trailer), and 1974's Mama's Dirty Girls (trailer). And Corman, for example, directed the great Bloody Mama (trailer) in 1970, and produced Black Mama, White Mama (1973) and Big Bad Mama(1974, see above) and this flick here, Crazy Mama. (The earliest "mama" title we could find, by the way, is Harold Young's 1944 comedy, Machine Gun Mama [full film]. Do you know of any others?) According to Trailers from Hell, "Believe it or not, this was originally conceived as a time-travel sequel to Big Bad Mama with [arthouse auteur] Shirley Clarke (2 Oct 1919 – 23 Sept 1997, The Cool World [1963 / scene]) directing!"
Crazy Mama:
Crazy Mama is the second directorial project of Jonathan Demme (22 Feb 1944 – 26 April 2017), who the year previously proved his directorial mettle to Corman with the fabulous and classic WIP flick, Caged Heat (1974 / trailer). Today, of course, he better known by most people for his more respectable modern classics like Philadelphia (1993 / trailer) and Silence of the Lambs (1991 / trailer). Shot in fifteen days, Crazy Mama is the feature-film debut of both Dennis Quaid and Bill Paxton (17 May 1955– 25 Feb 2017), the last in a blink-and-you-miss-him role as a cop in a car. Dick Miller plays the character Wilbur Janeway, also a cop; you see him shooting all of a half-second in the trailer above. 
Bill Paxton's earliest directorial project (and he's in it, too) —
 Barnes & Barnes: Fish Heads (1980):
Though one wouldn't expect it from the trailer, Crazy Mama is a slightly schizo film; it is highly reminiscent to Demme's later Something Wild (1986 / trailer), despite the different generations in which the respective films play, in that the wild and crazy first half segues into a somewhat downer second half. "Crazy Mama opens during the depression when a landholder uses goons to evict a sharecropper in Arkansas. Instead of moving on, the poor guy gets ventilated. Witnessing his death is his wife and daughter. The film flashes forward to the 1958. The daughter (Cloris Leachman) and mother (Ann Sothern [22 Jan 1909 – 15 March 2001]) have moved to Long Beach, California, but still have issues with landlords. Jim Backus (25 Feb 1913 – 3 July 1989) evicts them from their beauty shop. Instead of merely moving on, Cloris snaps. She chases down Backus and steals his car. She loads up mom, her pregnant daughter (Linda Purl of Fear of the Dark [2003]) and the future-baby daddy (Donny Most) and heads to Las Vegas for excitement. While in Sin City, she puts together Mama's Gang with the intent of a cross country crime spree so she can buy the Arkansas farm. She hooks up with a small town mayor (Stuart Whitman of The Girl in Black Stockings [1957]) who wants to marry her. Instead of him getting a divorce, they fake his kidnapping so the guy's rich wife will cough up millions. This is the plan that really backfires and brings down the law. [Inside Pulse]"
"Cloris Leachman (of Young Frankenstein [1974 / trailer]) relishes Melba's every come-on and helpless shriek, crafting a believably conflicted woman in the process. She's the victim of a tragically naive upbringing. Brainwashed by her mother — Ann Sothern's brazen Sheba — Melba passes on the 'get rich or die trying' message to Cheryl. As the gang sets out on its adventure, Melba learns Cheryl is pregnant by local surfer Shawn (Donn Most). 'You ruined my baby's life,' Melba screams. The irony of this woman then taking said daughter along on a hopeless crime-spree and turning the father of her underage daughter's baby into a patsy is so grand it must be visible from space. Fortunately Demme doesn't beat us around the head with the gang's (im)morality, instead allowing the sugar rush of their adventure to cool off like the onset of guilt after an eating binge. The Stokes' carousel of crime and carnality, like all rides, can only go so far. Half the joy of Crazy Mama, like the build up to a first horror movie kill, is wondering when the inevitable payoff will come. And how much collateral damage there'll be. [CHUD]"
"The film […] wonderfully tears down the conventions of '50s womanhood, while providing loads of quirky fun along the way. The film is a bit of an acquired taste, often playing a little like a [latter-day] John Waters movie, but the trip is worth your time. [ign]"
"Crazy Mama is […] an absolute waste of considerable talent and warrants no further attention. Skip it. [10K Bullets]"
"Crazy Mama is a Roger Corman-produced, Jonathan Demme-directed […] nostalgia-crime flick that feels like a less-competent John Waters version of Grease (1978 / trailer) fused with Bonnie and Clyde (1967 / trailer). [Junta Juleil's Culture Shock]"


Darktown Strutters
(1975, dir. William Witney)


"Any similarity between this true life adventure and the story Cinderella ... is bullshit." 

A.k.a. Get Down and Boogie. The second and last blaxploitation film scriptwriter George Armitage ever wrote after 1972's Hit Man (trailer), Armitage was also set to direct Darktown Strutters(as he did Hit Man) but bowed out for another project that eventually fell through. He was replaced by William Witney (5 May 1915 – 17 March 2002), who had previously also directed the Gene Corman produced The Girls on the Beach (1965, see Part II). Darktown Strutters was his second to last directorial project, his final, the semi-Eurowestern Showdown at Eagle Gap aka Quell and Co. (scene), followed seven years later in 1982.
"Veteran western and serial director William Witney, a Tarantino favorite who began his career as a bit player in 1934, cashed in his Hollywood chips with this penultimate, extremely cartoony and uncharacteristic effort. New World picked it up from Roger Corman's brother Gene who produced it with Tennessee financing but was unable to find a distributor. When it proved a bit too bizarre for the general blaxploitation market, NW reissued it two years later as Get Down and Boogie, to similarly meager boxoffice returns. [Trailers from Hell]"
 Darktown Strutters:
According to Armitage, "The script, by the way, was one uninterrupted full sentence with no punctuation. I think I wrote it in three days. I was going to direct it, but Warners wanted to make a script I had written called Trophy, which was about two police departments getting into a shooting war. Unfortunately I still haven't been able to get it made. I thought the Darktown Strutters script was good. Roger Moseley, who was in Hit Man, was in the film. Joe Viola [director of The Hot Box (1972 / trailer) and Angels Hard as They Come (1971 / trailer)] started as the director, but he felt the production was too loose and there was almost a terrible accident. He left, and they brought in a famous Western director named William Whitney, and he finished the picture. I thought it was a fun film. I remember we had a screening and we invited Richard Pryor because we thought we might be able to get him to punch up some of the dialogue. I looked over at the aisle and Richard was crawling out of the theater! I took it that he was not totally crazy about the movie. After the movie was over we went outside and he was driving away in some sort of Ford Land Rover thing, wild eyed because he thought we were going to try and stop him. [Money into Light]"
A version, by Ella Fitzgerald, of the song that gave the movie its title,Darktown Strutters' Ball (Shelton Brooks, 1915):
On its "Counter Culture" list, the generally hard to please Worldwide Celluloid Massacre rates the film "Of Some Interest" and says: "Truly wacky blaxploitation musical slapstick that has women with attitude on three-wheeled choppers looking for their momma (Frances E. Nealy [14 Oct 1918 – 23 May 1997]) and missing black people while fighting the KKK and cops with a single-digit IQ. The evil is personified by a Colonel Sanders lookalike (Norman Bartold [6 Aug 1928 – 28 May 1994]) who has built a cloning machine which produces pig-people and full-grown men in diapers. The cops have a siren the size of the car, there's VD (Otis Day), who carries a huge syringe in case somebody touches him and gets infected, a drug-dealer ice-cream man selling pot-sicle and other colorful clownish characters. Messy and wacky but not very funny."
The usually not easy to shock Temple of Shock, however, seems to have been shocked by the film, saying "It's a (great white) wonder the video box doesn't say 'Dey doan shake 'em like dese anymo'!'" Indeed, one is never sure whether the film is laughing with or at the Afro-Americans in the movie and watching the movie — but, damn! It be funny."
"Of course one could think to oneself — in today's enlightened times — that hey, it's written by a white dude, produced by a white dude and directed by a white dude, with a big dash of Green Pastures-style hokus in its cardboard iconography, how can it really lampoon racist tropes without being racist? (Armitage notes Richard Pryor crawled out of the test screening.) Maybe it can't, but that's no reason not to enjoy it. If you can't laugh in horror as the local police chief — dressed up in drag and blackface to catch a white female rapist who targets only "black male queers"— is shot trying to leave the precinct by his skittish officers (who don't recognize him), then man, you'll never survive the decade to come. [Acidemic]"
Full film at YouTube:
Over at the website of the best film magazine in the world, Shock Cinema, the blurb found on the "Shock Cinema Favorites" list says, "A beloved, brain-damaged, grindhouse all-time favorite! This blaxploitation/musical/comedy/biker movie is unapologetically surreal and stooopid, featuring a female motorcycle gang led by Trina Parks and decked out in threads that would've given Liberace wet dreams. Searching for the leader's missing mom (who ran the local Watts abortion clinic!), these funky femmes encounter a cocaine dealer in a white cowboy suit pedalling a 'Pot-sicle' cart; a karate choppin' Brother who breaks through doors (even at his own house); cycle-straddling KKK'ers in red leather hip boots, with crosses strapped to their cissy bars; a sexually-kinky Colonel Sanders look-a-like who's into cloning experiments and keeps kidnapped blacks caged in the cellar; outlandish song-'n'-dance numbers; plus more watermelon and ribs jokes than you'll believe. It's all jawdroppingly demented, with kudos going to whacked scripter George Armitage, director William Witney (who made about a billion B-westerns back in the '30s and '40s) and set designer Jack Fisk, who mixes Willy Wonka with Ken Russell for cornea-singing results. Look for Roger Mosley (MAGNUM P.I.), Stan Shaw, DeWayne Jessie, plus Dick Miller as a local Pig [named Office Hugo]."
 
The original artwork to the Darktown Struttersfilm poster is by John Solie, whose website has gone dead — a bad sign, to say the least. Obviously enough, he also did the original artwork to the TNT Jackson (1974) poster featuring the same gun-toting babe that was later recycled for some of the Darktown Strutters' advertisements. The clipping above is for a screening at the former Loews and current Landmark Theatre, where it screened with the Shaw Brothers'Seven Blows of the Dragon (1972), a.k.a. The Water Marginand Outlaws of the Marsh. 
Trailer to
Seven Blows of the Dragon:


White Line Fever
(1975, dir. Jonathan Kaplan)

Another Jonathan Kaplan film, his follow up to the previous year's Truck Turner, one which a wasted lifealready took a quick look at way back in 2012, when we reviewed the career of another departed fave character actor, R.G. Armstrong(7 April 1917 – 27 July 2012), who likewise appeared in a small part in this movie. (Back then, we wrongly credited this movie to the Corman house — it sure looks and feels like one — but it is actually a "major" release, from Columbia Pictures.)
There we sort of wrote: Dick Miller "has a super-tiny part in this […] flick aimed at the USA's pop culture fascination for the trucker culture of the states (think Convoy [1978 / theme song] or Smokey & the Bandit [1977 / trailer]), which saw/sees the trucker as a sort of modern-day cowboy. White Line Fever is but one of a whole slew of more than entertaining […] drive-in flotsam that Jonathan Kaplan did in the early seventies, including 1973 The Student Teachers (1973 / trailer[See Part III]), Night Call Nurses (1972 / trailer [See Part III]) and the semi-classic Blaxploitation flick Truck Turner(1974 / trailer [see further above]). In regards to this pre-alcohol-bloat Jan-Michael Vincent flick, Don Druker of The Chicago Reader says: 'The blue-collar revenge tragedy lives on in Jonathan Kaplan's surprisingly effective tale of a young independent trucker (Jan-Michael Vincent) up against the petty graft and entrenched hoodlumism of the industry. Strongly reminiscent of Walking Tall (1973 / trailer) [...], Kaplan's film breaks no new ground. But Vincent is stronger than usual, and Kaplan is clearly in control of his pacing and editing. With Kay Lenz, Slim Pickens, and L.Q. Jones.'" 
White Line Fever:
Broke Horroris of the opinion that "Despite being an influence on Quentin Tarantino, the film is quite slow by today's standards. […] Rather than a revenge film, it plays out like a response to the vigilantism popularized by Death Wish (1974 / trailer), which was a huge success the prior year; the whistle blower is championed for his good behavior. White Line Fever is southern-fried, from the accents to the music to the Arizona scenery. There's plenty of truck driving, fist fighting, gun shooting, beer drinking, and casual racism. But all the violence is quickly swept under the rug with little consequence. Because everything — both good and bad — seemingly happens at random, it's difficult to get invested in the stakes. There are some good action scenes — most notably, a stuntman risking his life to run atop a speeding truck — but Kaplan can't seem to decide if he wants to make a tough-guy action movie or a blue collar drama."
As evidenced by Armstrong and the other names on the cast list, White Line Fever is a film full of other familiar faces (i.e., "character actors") aside from that of Dick Miller, who shows up to play "a friendly, good-hearted, squirrel hunting jacket-wearing trucker named" R. Birdie Corman — a nod to Roger Corman, of course.The film was meant as a star vehicle for the then up-and-coming (and then still hot-looking) Jan-Michael Vincent (15 July 1945 – 10 Feb 2019), whose full frontal in the previous year's depressing Buster and Billie (1974 / scenes) remains a fond childhood memory. If one is to believe what the thyroid-handicapped Kaplan says at Trailers from Hell, the shoot of White Line Fever is the possible beginning of Vincent's eventual white line fever and other substance-abuse problems. 
Credit sequence with the theme song
Drifting & Dreaming by Valerie Carter:
Kaplan cowrote White Line Fever with Ken Freidman, who some four years earlier wrote and directed the unpopular but odd horror flick, Death by Invitation (1971 / trailer).


Deathrace 2000
(1975, dir. Paul Bartel)


"As the cars roar into Pennsylvania, the cradle of liberty, it seems apparent that our citizens are staying off the streets, which may make scoring particularly difficult, even with this year's rule changes. To recap those revisions: women are still worth 10 points more than men in all age brackets, but teenagers now rack up 40 points, and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points. The big score: anyone, any sex, over 75 years old has been upped to 100 points." 
Harold (Carle Bensen [8 Dec 1916 – 21 Nov 2001])

Dick Miller is basically an uncredited extra as one of the Chicken Gang in this exercise in violent black comedy from the sadly departed Paul Bartel (6 Aug 1938– 13 May 2000). The real name that is fun to see in this movie, however, is a young and unknown Sylvester Stallone, seen below (in his DILF age) not from this film but from the film set of the fun flick Demolition Man [1993 / trailer], as one of the main other racers.
Deathrace 2000 is the second feature film directed by Bartel, whose first feature film project, Private Parts (1972 / trailer), remains a blackly funny shocker that must be seen to be believed. Which isn't to say thatDeathrace 2000 isn't good, for it is actually truly entertaining, but there is a reason why this exploitation semi-classic got remade and recycled multiple times* while Private Parts remains an obscure cult film: Bartel's earlier film is simply much, much more perverse. (Check it out if you haven't seen it yet.)
*In 2007/8, it was remade as a Jason Stratham vehicle, Death Race [trailer], which was followed by two D2DVD prequels, Death Race 2 (2011 / trailer) and Death Race 3: Inferno(2013 / trailer) and a sequel, Death Race: Beyond Anarchy (2018 / trailer) were also produced. An "official" Roger Corman produced sequel, Death Race 2050 (trailer), went straight to the DVD cutout bins in 2017. (The last, oddly enough, is the campiest and most fun.)
 
Trailer to
Deathrace 2000:
In regard to the original film, which is nominally based on the short story The Racer by "Danish-American novelist, short-story writer, film producer, film director, and screenwriter"Ib Melchior (17 Sept 1917 – 14 March 2015), Corman now claims that the satire of Bartel's original was his aim all along. Everyone else who worked on the original production, however, never fails to mention that Corman wanted a serious action flick and cut out as much humor as he could.
For example, according to Charles Griffith, who rewrote the original script submitted by Robert Thom (3 July 1929– 8 May 1979): "[Roger Corman] tried to make it serious. He was enraged with me for trying to make it funny, but he took me to see the cars and they were all goofy looking with decal eyes and rubber teeth. I said, 'You can't be serious', and he tells me, 'Chuck, this is a hard-hitting serious picture!' Obviously, Bartel didn't think so either. […] When Paul went to shoot it, I didn't envy him; all the gags were cut. But he did make some gags up on the spot, a hand grenade, you know — all that stuff. So when I went out to do the second unit […], I first had everybody getting it into the ass but Roger vetoed that. [Laughs.] So then I had other ways of killing them all and we put it together as the picture. I told him to take my name off of it, but he wouldn't do that. He had already made the titles again! [Senses of Cinema]"
As seen by the newspaper clipping found at Scenes from the Morgue, at least at the Grand Island Drive In, Deathrace 2000 was screened with the not-so-funny Angels Die Hard (1970 / trailer).
Varied Celluloid has the plot: "In the year 2000 the world has made a turn for the more violent side. The [Republican] president (Sandy McCallum [17 Dec 1926 – 24 Oct 2008]) no longer lives within the country and instead rules from afar. The worldwide media has taken on a fanatical obsession with the Transcontinental Road Race that leads contestants across America in a homicidal race for worldwide recognition and fame. While making this trip, contestants are encouraged to score points by running down any bystandards [sic] who stand in their way. Along for the ride is 'Machine Gun' Joe Viterbo (Sylvester Stallone), 'Calamity' Jane Kelly (Mary Woronov of Night of the Comet [1984]), Nero 'The Hero' (Martin Kove of Soft Target [2006] and Seven Mummies [2006]), Matilda 'The Hun' (Roberta Collins [17 Nov 1944 – 16 Aug 2008]) and the returning champion: Frankenstein (David Carradine [8 Dec 1936 – 3 June 2009] of Q [1982] and Dead and Breakfast [2004]). Frankenstein is said to have lost the majority of his body parts during previous races and is now more machine than man. Placed with a new navigator named Annie Smith (Simone Griffeth, of Swamp Girl [1971 / trailer]), Frankenstein will have to deal with both his opponents in the race as well as Annie who is an undercover agent for the rebel movement against Mr. President."
"Death Race 2000 is what happens when very smart, talented people set out to make a ridiculous movie.  It's got a hammy Sylvester Stallone as Frankenstein's arch-nemesis, Machine Gun Joe, but it also has expansive vistas shot by Badlands (1973 / trailer) cinematographer Tak Fujimoto.  It has plenty of bad puns and topless women, but it also comments on the role of violence American society.  Complete with hand-illustrated backdrops and opening credits, this is 1970s cult cinema at its trashy, funny best. [366 Weird Movies]" 
Paul Bartel's second directorial project,
the short Naughty Nurse (1969):


Capone
(1975, dir. Steve Carver)

Steve Carver,director ofBig Bad Mama (1974), partakes in another Roger Corman production, this one scripted by Howard Browne (15 April 1908 – 28 Oct 1999), who way back in 1967 had scripted another Roger Corman-directed Al Capone movie, The St. Valentine's Day Massacre (see Part II). Capone was to be Browne's third and final feature-film screenplay credit. Carver (or, more likely, Corman) reused footage from the earlier movie in Capone, including the massacre scene — which is why Dick Miller is found in this movie: he is a gunman in the reused footage.
 
Of thespian note: Sylvester Stallone, in his second and last appearance in a Corman production, has the meaty role of Frank Nitti. Of his part in Capone, Stallone later said, "I particularly enjoyed working on Capone, because it was like the cheesy, mentally challenged inbred cousin of The Godfather (1972 / trailer). [ain't it cool]"
In real life, Frank "The Enforcer" Nitti (27 Jan 1886 – 19 March 1943) killed himself long before Capone lost his grasp on reality in prison; in the movie, he survives till the end and delivers a eulogy at Capone's funeral. Of Stallone's performance, the Video Vacuum says, "It's not a flashy role like Machine Gun Joe in Death Race but he has some good moments. He and Gazzara have an easy chemistry together and it's sort of a shame that their relationship wasn't the main focus of the movie."
Trailer to
Capone: 
"Over the course of his legendary career, filmmaker Roger Corman produced two films about the life of Al Capone.  The St. Valentine's Day Massacre, which starred Jason Robards as the famous Chicago mobster and featured Jack Nicholson in a two-line role, is the one that everyone remembers.  The other one was simply titled Capone and starred Ben Gazzara.[…] Despite being one of the few movies to depict Al's final days, Capone makes little effort to be historically accurate.  Instead, it's a gangster film in the tradition of Little Caesar (1931 / trailer), The Public Enemy* (1931 / trailer), and both versions of Scarface (1932 / trailer and 1983 / trailer), complete with nudity, tough talk, and plenty of tommy gun action.  […]  There is nothing surprising about Capone but it's still entertaining. [Through a Shattered Lens]" 
*As mentioned in Dick Miller Part II, The Public Enemy has one of the hardest endings ever filmed.
The plot: "Capone stars Ben Gazzara (28 Aug 1930 – 3 Feb 2012) as the titular mobster. We meet him as a young man on the mean streets of Brooklyn where he catches the attention of a local mob boss named Johnny Torrio (Harry Guardino [23 Dec 1925 – 17 July 1995]). Impressed by his drive, Torrio ships Capone off to Chicago where he gives him a job and soon enough, he's working his way up the ranks and walking over a pile of bodies of rival gangs lead by Hymie Weiss' (John Davis Chandler [28 Jan 1935 – 16 Feb 2010]) and Bugs Moran (Robert Phillips [10 Apr 1925 – 5 Nov 2018]) along the way. After amassing a pretty good business in the bootlegging market and branching out into selling girls, gambling operations and the protection racket, he winds up romancing a pretty blonde named Iris Crawford (Susan Blakely). As business gets bigger, Capone starts handing off more and more to his second in command, Frank Nitti (Stallone), but the cops are closing in on Capone and his stay at the top isn't going to last forever… [Rock! Shock! Pop!]"
"'After 45 years, the true story will be told!' promises the tagline. Hmm, I don't know which story they were talking about, but Al Capone's it ain't. The film is so historically inaccurate that it makes De Palma's The Untouchables (1987 / trailer) look like an academic thesis in American Studies. To make things worse, Carver is completely ignorant of the rise-and-fall narrative convention that is the backbone of any gangster epic worth its salt. Where does Alphonso come from? How did he rise so fast? What caused the scars? Nobody seems to give a shit. In the first scene, the mafia top honchos call a greying Gazzara, easily in his forties, 'kid'— that'll suffice as an origin story, and if you're not happy, here's some boobs! Look out, a machine gun! [Permanent Plastic Helmet]"
Over at Uncle Scoopy's Movie House, Uncle Scoopy has obvious priorities: "I found it a quick watch, and thought some of the cinematography was outstanding, but none of that is important. What is important here is the nudity. Susan Blakely does an open crotch shot in clear light. This is believed to be the first such shot in an American mainstream film, and the only one until Sharon Stone's famous interrogation scene in Basic Instinct (1992 / trailer). Unlike Stone, Blakely never claimed she didn't know what would be shown. Problem is, it wasn't shown in most versions of the film. Unfortunately, the DVD version, while uncut, is in a theatrical aspect ratio, so there are some frames in which Blakely's genitalia are below the limits of the widescreen cropping."


Vigilante Force
(1976, writ. & dir. George Armitage)

The third feature film of low-output action film auteur George Armitage, Vigilante Force a violently entertaining and mildly unsubtle swipe at the American way — which probably explains why it flopped and has been pretty much forgotten. One of those great movies in which everyone shoots hundreds of rounds without ever reloading their weapons, Vigilante Force is simply superlative red neck exploitation, "If you're a fan of Death Wish III(1985 / trailer) or William Lustig's Vigilante(1982 / trailer), I would definitely expect you to enjoy Vigilante Force. [Bloody Disgusting]"
Trailer to
 Vigilante Force:
Bulletproof Action, which says "there are massive amounts of explosions, action scenes, shootouts and senseless violence to round out exactly what you would expect from a classic 70s film", has the plot: "A nearby oil reserve brings a lot of wealth to a small California town. Unfortunately, it also brings a lot of riff raff that start killing everyone in their way including the local cops. While running out of options the police chief takes the advice of a local business owner named Ben Arnold (Jan-Michael Vincent) and hires his ex- veteran brother Aaron (Kris Kristofferson of Blade [1998]) to clean shit up. Within a few days Aaron and his four newly deputized buddies do what they promised and they run all the hoods out of town.[…] The story line takes a surprising twist when Aaron and his friends start shaking down the local business owners for protection money, kill anyone that opposes them and open their own gambling establishment. Not to mention, they use their new legal clout to order a ton of military weapons with enough firepower to take control of an entire state. […] Ben is now responsible for the monster he created and without giving too much away, Aaron crosses the line leaving Ben no choice but to go to war with his own kin. With the help of the community an all-out war breaks out with a climactic and energized ending."
"Vigilante Force is the 70s equivalent of Road House (1989 / trailer). It's a rough n' rowdy cinematic southern rock song and like those anthemic, loud guitar licks, it's the type of movie you don't see any more. The ultimate testosterone-fueled man's movie, this remake of Bucktown (1975 / trailer) amounts to a modern day western filled with bar brawls, street fights, shootouts and massive explosions. Filled with mindless violence and plenty of tough guy dialogue and posing, both male and female viewers get lots of eye candy in this lovingly braindead 70s obscurity that champions its drive-in heritage by shoving it in your face with one hand and brandishing a rifle in the other. [Cool Ass Cinema]
"Writer/director Armitage, who cut his teeth on Private Duty Nurses (1971, see Part III) […], fills the screen with eye candy and other dirt-cheap visual effects. A drop-dead gorgeous Victoria Principal (Earthquake [1974 / trailer], seen above not from the film) plays the girlfriend of Ben, whose idea of romance is greeting her with a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon — a gesture that may make viewers cringe, knowing how Vincent torpedoed his career. There's also a pre-WKRP (1978-82) Loni Anderson,*uncredited as a buxom, brunette casino hussy named, naturally, Peaches. One of the great unheralded pics in hicksploitation history, Vigilante Force comes packed with an uncredited Dick Miller as a piano player, a lot of whores, a guy named Shakey (John Steadman [20 Jul 1909 – 28 Jan 1993] of Fade to Black [1980 / trailer]), a girl named Boots (Lilyan McBride [3 Aug 1919 – 11 March 2001] of Blood Orgy of the She Devils [1973 / trailer]), several grown men in coonskin caps, a fake Cloris Leachman and the real Andrew Stevens. Plus, David Doyle (aka Bosley from TV's Charlie's Angels [1976-81]) gets run over by a car […]. [Rod Lott at Flick Attack]"
*Regarding the above painting of Ms. Anderson (framed, 54 1/2 by 42 1/2 inches): "A framed acrylic on canvas painting of Loni Anderson wearing a light sheath, signed 'Elfred Lee '91.' Lee, a religious painter, was commissioned by Burt Reynolds to do a nude of Loni Anderson. Reynolds wanted a full-nude painting, but Anderson balked at the idea, and the sheath was a compromise. The painting once hung in their living room, but it was too public for Anderson, who moved it to the bedroom. Accompanied by a photograph of the artist with the painting. PROVENANCE: From the Collection of Loni Anderson. [Julien's Auctions]" Sold (2014) for $4,480.
Almost Fabulousdidn't notice Loni, but did notice the young men: "Jan-Michael Vincent! Andrew Stevens! Shirtless! Wow. If I was still a teenager, I'd be in heaven. Unfortunately, I'm not a teenager anymore and, while the boys might look good in this movie, their acting leaves something to be desired. The basic story is ok though and there are lots of fistfights and, at the end, many explosions, some decent stunts, and a bazooka."
Like Jan-Michael (and Bernadette Peters, for that matter), Andrew Stevens (of Venomous [2001], The Terror Within II [1991] and The Day of the Animals [1977]), who plays Paul, the friend of Jan Michael-Vincent's character, was in his heart-throb, clean-shaven-chest-and-six-pack prime in Vigilante Force. The same year that he appeared in Vigilante Force, Stevens was in a similarly plotted film that probably could not, would not, be made today: Rene Daalder's Massacre at Central High. 
Trailer to
 Massacre at Central High:


Moving Violation
(1976, dir. Charles S. Dubin [1 Feb 1919 – 5 Sept 2011])

One of the occasional Roger (& Julia) Corman productions which, uncharacteristically, doesn't have an unknown youngster at the megaphone but, instead, a forgotten geezer with years of experience — TV experience, in this case. Moving Violation is the second of only two feature films life-long TV director Dubin ever directed, the first being 1957's Mister Rock and Roll (trailer). Considering that he had been blacklisted twice in the 1950s by the House Committee on Un-American Activities, it's surprising he ever directed anything at all. The poster above is yet another John Solieposter, while the German poster below was done by Hans Braun(1925-2011).
Moving Violation is pretty typical product of its time, when for way too long films had to include multiple car crashes; this one has 26 crashed cars. As Mystery File says, "If you're looking for the type of movie that they simply don't make anymore, look no further than Moving Violation, a car-chase exploitation filmed produced by Roger and Julie Corman. Directed by Charles S. Dubin, who is mainly known for his work in television, the alternatingly thrilling, humorous, and sad film doesn't have the most complex of plots. But it makes up for it in (no spoilers here) some great car-chase sequences."
Trailer to
Moving Violation:
Scopophilia, which addendums its article with "if you can get past the highly uninspired opening bit then the film improves from there", has the plot: "Eddie Moore (Stephen McHattie of Pontypool [2008]) is a drifter hitch-hiking his way through a small Texas town (at least it's supposed to be Texas even though it becomes abundantly clear that it was filmed in southern California instead.) While in town he meets up with the attractive Camilla 'Cam' Johnson (Kay Lenz of Prisoners of the Lost Universe [1983 / trailer]). They quickly fall for each other and decide to go make-out on the lawn of one of the town's richest citizens, Mr. Rockfield (Will Geer [9 March 1902 – 22 April 1978] of Dear Dead Delilah [1972 / trailer]). It is there that they witness a murder when the town's corrupt sheriff (Lonny Chapman [1 Oct 1920-12 Oct 2007]) kills his deputy (Paul Linke of Motel Hell [1980]) after the deputy confronts Rockfield on his unscrupulous business practices. Now Cam and Eddie must go on the run as the sheriff tries to frame them for the murder."
"McHattie (Eddie) and Lenz (Cam) are not given much time to establish their characters beyond drifter and bored local girl before they are thrown into the action. We root for them because Chapman (Sherriff Rankin) is better as the villain. Geer is great in his supporting role, reacting to Tylor's attempt at blackmail with: 'Here I invite you to dinner, and you start off by stealing the silverware.' […] Don Peake's score hits all of the common country car chase notes (heavy on the banjo and fiddle), but the […] Everly theme song [Detroit Man] is the more notable aspect of the soundtrack. Humanoids from the Deep (1980 / trailer) director Barbara Peeters served as second unit director, shooting some of the car stunts and explosions not involving the main cast. […] Moving Violation was rated PG despite Lenz's topless scenes and some bloody bullet-hits. [DVD Drive-In]" 
Credit sequence with
Phil Everly's Detroit Man:
"For an hour and fifteen minutes, Moving Violation features a whole bunch of shitty cops wrecking cars, and that's pretty fun. Then it has one of the lamest, most awkward endings you could imagine. I still recommend it for the many, many car chases, but be prepared for disappointment. [Movies or Minutes]"
Dick Miller shows up to play a guy named Mack, who ends up crashing his car. Keep your eyes open when he crashes into the water and pounds the top of his car: you can see it's not Miller, but his stunt double. Also making a quick appearance in the flick, co-scripter David R. Osterhout as a gas station attendant.


Cannonball
(1976, dir. Paul Bartel)

(In the UK, a.k.a. Carquake.) Death Race 2000 was a hit, and Corman wanted another car-centric action flick. So he basically had Death Race 2000 remade, but in a contemporary setting and without the kill points: in Cannonball, the object is simply to the first in a race across the USA. And who else should better do it again than the same director as well, and so, despite his own personal misgivings about not being an action film director, Bartel took on the job. Cannonball came out around the same time as another illegal cross country race comedy, The Gumball Rally (1976 / trailer), and the success of the two begat, among many other movies, The Cannonball Rally (1981 / trailer) and its sequels, the "official" one, Cannonball Run II (1984 / trailer),and the "unofficial", Speed Zoneaka Cannonball Fever (1989 / trailer). 
Trailer to
Cannonball: 

Although inspired by the success of Deathrace 2000 and other car chase & crash films, Cannonball! is actually (faintly) based on an actual, "unofficial, unsanctioned [cross-country] automobile race run five times in the 1970s from New York City and Darien, Connecticut, on the East Coast of the United States to the Portofino Inn in Redondo Beach, California […] Conceived by car magazine writer and auto racer Brock Yates (21 Oct 1933 – 5 Oct 2016) and fellow Car and Driver editor Steve Smith. [Wikipedia]"

Over at Discland, they say: "Truth be told, there wasn't much to this genre [the "cross-country race movie" / car crash movie"]: it was really just an excuse to crash a bunch of cool cars and blow things up. In that regard, Cannonball is a smashing success, featuring some of the most jaw-droppingly excessive movie explosions […] ever seen. David Carradine [as Coy 'Cannonball' Buckman] is fine, giving roughly the same performance he gave in Death Race 2000, but the endless parade of cameos offer the film its true highlights. Where else can you see Paul Bartel, Martin Scorsese, and Sylvester Stallone share a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken? In addition, the film features Gerrit Graham, Mary Woronov, Dick Miller, Joe Dante, Roger Corman, and future Jerry Bruckheimer sidekick, Don Simpson (who also co-wrote the script)."
Don Simpson (29 Oct 1943 – 19 Jan 1996) went on to become one of the most powerful producers in Hollywood, the man behind dozens of idiocy-inducing blockbusters of the kind we hate. "He was portrayed as a sinister frequent call-girl abuser in the book You'll Never Make Love in This Town Againby four ex-call girls (Liza, Robin, Tiffany and Linda)." One assumes that he wrote the serious stuff, and Bartel added all the fun quirkiness — like the scene in which Bartel plays the piano singing faux-Gershwin while Thug 1 (Scorsese) and Thug 2 (Stallone) beat the shit out of Cannonball's brother, Bennie Buckman (Dick Miller).
The plot: "The annual Trans-America road race is so secret it doesn't even have an official name. Announced via a single, unadorned want ad, it's open to anyone with a valid license and four wheels. The goal is simple, start in California, finish in New York. The person who punches in with the quickest time wins the prize — $100,000. This year's contestants are a motley group including: an arrogant German champion, two lovesick teens in a 'borrowed' Corvette, three carhops in a rented van, a psychotic hothead sponsored by his traveling companions, a country-western singer and his manager mother, a family man with a cunning plan and a jiggly blonde waiting for him on the east coast, a jive hipster in a swank suit driving another 'borrowed' car, and—most significantly—Coy 'Cannonball' Buckman, who's on probation after taking the fall for his best friend for the death of a passenger during a past race. Luckily for Coy, his probation officer (Veronica Hamel) is also his girlfriend and she's joining him for the ride; unluckily for him, his brother (Miller) has bet more than he can afford on Coy's winning and his interference will end up having tragic consequences for almost all involved. [Vanity Fear]"
Someone who likes the movie says: "I put off watching Cannonball! for years, having heard mostly bad things […].  However, having just seen it, I am happy to report that Cannonball is great.  The material has been adequately Bartel-ized; it's dark, hilarious, insane, and it ends with a senseless pileup of cascading explosions that truly must be seen to be believed. [...] Fulfilling the 'it's technically not a movie from 70s if Dick Miller's not in it' rule, Dick Miller appears as Carradine's desperate gambler brother.  He gives a solid, typically Miller-ish performance, and I especially applaud the balls of casting him as Carradine's brother in a movie that already features Carradine's real-life half-brother. [Junta Juleil's Culture Shock]"
Someone who dislikes the movie says: "David Carradine is Coy "Cannonball" Buckman, an ex-con and ex-professional race car driver, who wants to race his flame orange Firebird in the illegal Cannonball Run across the country. Unwillingly along for the ride is his parole officer and girlfriend, one in the same. Since he's the favorite to win, he's got everybody gunning for him, including a gangster who's laid a big bet on another driver. It's a pretty basic set-up that should provide for some fun, mindless entertainment. There's a couple of good scenes, […] but that's about it. The rest of the film is incredibly dull, the racing scenes are mostly uninspired, the acting hovers between good and bad, so you can't get into the characters, but you can't laugh at the actors ineptitude. The score is an earful of awful, it sounds like it was ripped straight from a 70's porn movie that the composer was working on at the same time. [What I Watched Last Night]"
Elsewhere, someone seems conflicted: "Due to the large cast, none of the characters are really developed beyond quirks and gimmicks. So it's really up to the cast to imbue the thin sketches with enough personality to make them worth watching, or at least take the one-note joke and run with it. […] The film seems to be of two minds. The main storyline is a pretty typical seventies car flick, with all the crashes, explosions, and gap-jumping you expect of the genre and time period. None of this is surprising, since Simpson later found much more success as the producer of such big-budget crap as Beverly Hills Cop (1984 / trailer), Days of Thunder (1990 / trailer), and Bad Boys (1995 / trailer). However, Bartel's influence is still present. All the funny and wacky stuff, like the singing cowboy or naughty girls, were pretty obviously his work. I suspect a lot of the amusing one-liners probably came from his typewriter as well. […] The two tones end up conflicting with each other, especially come the last act. Towards the end of the movie, a character is shot and killed, someone is crushed when the car they are hiding under is knocked off the jacks, a car explodes in an enormous fireball, and a huge pile-up results. […] Some of it is cool, of course, like a flaming tire shooting high into the sky, but overall the graphic violence definitely sticks out and clashes with the film's overall breezy, goofy tone. [Zack's Film Thoughts]"
Often overlooked trivia: Cannonball was a co-production of the Shaw Brothers Studios, the Hong Kong powerhouse. (Other co-productions of the time include the far more obvious Hammer-Shaw film Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires[1974] and the flop that is the sequel to Cleopatra Jones [1973], Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold[1975 / trailer].) Interestingly enough, Shaw's Hong Kong competitor Golden Harvest later co-produced the mainstream studio Cannonball film, The Cannonball Rally (1981).


Hollywood Boulevard
(1976, dir. Allan Arkush & Joe Dante)

"If it's a good picture, it's a Miracle."

Not a remake of Robert Florey's (14 Sept 1900 – 16 May 1979) justly forgotten "satire", Hollywood Boulevard(1936 / Gary Cooper). Florey, mostly forgotten today by everyone but total film nerds, did head a few noteworthy projects: The Marx Bros flick The Cocoanuts (1929 / cropped film), the much too underappreciated Universal horror Murders in the Rue Morgue (1932 / trailer), the intriguing The Face Behind the Mask (1941), the well shot The Crooked Way (1949 / scene), the disappointing The Beast with Five Fingers (1946) and, of course, the early and entertaining experimental short, The Life and Death of 9413, a Hollywood Extra (1928), which a wasted life presented in April of this year as our Short Film of the Month. Many sources claim that Florey remade his short as a feature film with Hollywood Boulevard (1936), but that's not quite right: actually, Florey merely added the actor-seeking-career plot of 9413 as one of the many subplots to the far more mainstream feature film 8 years later.
Despite the fact that the Corman-produced exploitation comedy Hollywood Blvd also revolves around a thespian (this time female) who comes to Hollywood in search of a film career, the film that inspired it is actually Edwin L. Marin's (21 Feb 1899 – 2 May 1951) 1932 comic mystery thriller, The Death Kiss (a trailer), which is now in the public domain. More than anything else, this Hollywood Blvd is simply "[…] the hurry-up production of one of the last of Roger Corman's 'three girls' drive-in exploitation pictures in which nubile nurses, teachers or in this case starlets have semi-clothed adventures around LA for 80 minutes or so. Enthusiastically narrated, to say the least, by The Real Don Steele (1 April 1936 – 5 Aug 1997). [Trailers from Hell]" It is also the feature-film directorial debut of Joe Dante and Allan Arkush. 
Hollywood Boulevard:
"The movie came out of a bet made between producer Jon Davison and Roger Corman that Davison could make a film cheaper than any other that had been made at New World Pictures. Corman granted him a budget of $60,000 and only allowed ten days of shooting instead of the usual 15. The filmmakers achieved this by coming up with a story about a B-movie studio which could incorporate footage from other movies that Corman owned. The film was shot in October 1975 on short ends of raw stock left over from other movies. [Wikipedia]"
The most meta moment of the movie is probably when Dick Miller, as the hustling agent Walter Paisley (name taken from the character he plays in Bucket of Blood [1959 / see Part I]) watches himself in a scene from The Terror (1963 / see Part II) at a drive-in. (Less meta: Paul Bartel's character, the director Erich Von Leppe, is named after the part Boris Karloff played in The Terror.)
"Steve Miller has the plot: "When Candy (Candice  Rialson) arrives in Hollywood with dreams of being an actress, she falls in with the crazy low-budget filmmakers at Miracle Studios. It soon turns out that one is more crazy than the rest, and Miracle Pictures' starlets keep getting murdered. Will Candy die before she achieves stardom?"
"Well, [that's] something like a plot. You can hardly tag it as an example of Shakespearean narrative structure. It is more like you could enter or leave the theater at a random moment without having the feeling you missed something. This was an artistic component of the concept David Lynch had in mind for his film Mulholland Dr. (2001 / trailer), so there must be a disposition on this type of itineraries. For Hollywood Boulevardthe creators had been taking advantage of being involved into the making of exploitation features and they did not hesitate to profit from gossip and rumours surrounding the industry as well. Of course there is no way to do this in a serious way, so it became a giddy movie within a movie comedy. [Amazing Slackery]"
"Arkush and Dante's film cleverly and affectionately spoofs exploitation movies, but it's also an exploitation movie itself, and it sometimes crosses the line separating satire of exploitation-movie tropes and crass exploitation of them, particularly during a comically gratuitous rape scene that somehow leads to a second, separate rape scene. The directors' ability to inject innocence into a film crawling with gratuitous sex, nudity, violence, and sexual abuse says much about the Corman contingent's unique ability to be creepy and strangely endearing at the same time. For those willing to overlook periodic missteps into the nether regions of bad taste, Hollywood Boulevardis the sort of scrappy, resourceful, smart B-movie that threatens to give shameless opportunism a good name. [AV Film]"
 
Teenage Frankenstein, which likes the movie but thinks that "some gross rape jokes and an oddly extended stalk and slash sequence leave a bad aftertaste", says that "the debut film from Joe Dante and Allan Arkush is a both a loving tribute to grade-b filmmaking made by movie buffs and a shameless piece of schlock itself. It's rough around the edges, but few parodies can pull off this balancing act. […]. The film is unsurprisingly stolen by Dick Miller as her agent Walter Paisley and Mary Woronov and Paul Bartel in their first onscreen pairing. The film […] is an enjoyable slapdash exploitation riffing on a beloved formula. It's essentially New World's version of King Vidor's (8 Feb 1894 – 1 Nov 1982) Show People (1928 / scene)."

Coming eventually:
R.I.P. Dick Miller, Part V: 1977-80


Short Film: Cargo (Australia, 2013)

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As most of the world seems to have Netfux by now, you have probably already heard of the 2017 feature-length Netfux production entitled Cargo (trailer), a well-made zombie flick starring Martin Freeman (of Ghost Stories [2017 / trailer] and more). Basic plot: Urban Aussie citizens Jane and Joe Schmoe houseboat away from a viral apocalypse with their baby in tow, but some careless behavior ends up seeing the now widowed and infected daddy running against time as he searches the outback for a safe haven for his uninfected daughter. To be blatantly and — amongst our circle of friends — realistically sexist: Cargo is the kind of zombie movie that fans of the undead (as in: most men) can watch with non-fans of the undead (as in: most significant others) 'cause it's not just about carnage. And there's a baby involved. (Goochy-goochy-goo.)
But although you may know of the movie, unless you happen to be from The Land Down Under, you probably don't know that the Netfux production is a fleshed out version of an Australian short film of the same name made in 2013 by Ben Howling and Yolanda Ramke, the very same duo behind the new feature-film version. The full-length 2017 version is definitely of broader vision, trying as it does to flesh out the narrative even as it tweaks the conventions of slow-moving zombiedom, involves the indigenous people, and critiques Colonial thought processes. For that, however, the original short film, which consists primarily of key scenes later integrated into the feature film, is a lean but emotionally powerful ode to familial love and responsibility. It was shot over two days with a budget of around $4000. 
The feature-length movie is well worth watching. (The only reason we didn't praise it here at a wasted life is because, much like two other recent films we watched, Bird Box [2018 / trailer] and Hush [2016/ trailer], so many other people have written about Cargo that another review would be superfluous.) But if you just want to know the meat of the story of Cargo, then give this month's Short Film of the Month a go. Needless to say, if you have not yet seen the new full-length version, the following short film contains major SPOILERS. And feel free to shed a tear or two, we did.
Cargo (Australia, 2013):
PS: The woman with maternal instincts seen at the end of the movie is played by no one less than main scriptwriter and co-director Yolanda Ramke. And the Daddy of the short film is seen in the feature film as "the River Daddy" (a name that makes sense if you watch the movie).

The Snake King (2005, USA)

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Aka Snakeman, this SyFy (nee, SciFi) Channel TV movie got released in Europe as a direct-to-DVD "movie", and somewhere, somehow, a copy of that DVD release appeared in our to-watch pile. And watch it we finally did do…
German Trailer:
An invertebrate liar — let's say, someone with the honesty and grasp of reality as the National Embarrassment busy destroying the USA's future when he isn't watching TV or tweeting idiocies — might say that The Snake King is a good film. But, as we do like to at least tell an approximation of the truth, we won't say that. Instead, we'll admit: The Snake King is one shitty film. It is cheap and by the numbers and full of stock characters (if any of the figures can even be said of being a "character"), it is predictable and badly made, and there is ALMOST nothing about the movie that in any way could qualify as good.
To clarify that "almost": the stock footage of the Rain Forest is actually rather top notch.
But as crappy as the movie is, it is also rather fun in its own idiotic way, and with a six-pack and a joint and the right company, The Snake King becomes a rather enjoyable viewing experience. Its very cheapness is part of its appeal, and as whole the movie comes across less like an insult to one's intelligent than a full-color, semi-state-of-the-cheap-arts, contemporary recreation of the disposable Poverty Row second features that padded the screening hours of American cinemas for much of the prior mid-century. And as poorly made as it is, the technical and thespian aspects of The Snake King nevertheless truly slut-shame other bottom-of-the-barrel, Z-grade SyFy Channel turds like Christopher Ray's Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus (USA, 2010) and/or Shark Week (USA, 2012).
It is easy to imagine the genesis of the movie. Someone decided it was time to do an Anaconda-style snake movie, but with an even lower budget. Then someone probably said, "Wouldn't it be cool if the snake had three heads?" (Even later, after the filming was already underway, someone then said, "Wouldn't it be cooler if the snake had five heads?"— which explains why the number of heads on the snake keeps changing.) Then a list of stock characters was put together (roles later filled with a bunch of cost-effective semi-actors), an [faked] exotic location chosen, a typically inane MacGuffin thought out, and a death scene or two timed in at every 10 to 15 pages. (And then when they realized that they didn't have enough characters to keep killing until the end, a whole new airplane full of snake fodder was written into the script.) The sheer mundanity of the by-the-numbers script reveals a deep familiarity with the clichés of low culture, trashy family cinema, and way too many years spent in front of the TV watching after-school Creature Features.
There is little about The Snake King that in any way speaks of quality, but at least one gets the feeling that everyone involved knew what they were doing and, instead of using the film as an opportunity to flip the bird at the audience, decided to have a good time and do their best. True, considering its Rain Forest jungle setting and the involvement of indigenous tribes, the film misses the chance of displaying a parade of naked "native" breasts and/or dangling weenies, but then it is an American TV monster flick and not some Italo cannibal gut-muncher. (Go here for a masterpiece of that.)
And the plot? OK, some evil mega-concern discovers that the secret to longevity lies with some isolated tribe and sends down two scientists, Dr Susan Elters (Jayne Heitmeyer) and Dr. Rick Gordon (Larry Day of Night of the Demons III [1997 / trailer]), to make contact with the tribe. They hire the helicopter-flying guide Matt Ford (Stephen "I Have Seen the Way" Baldwin of Posse*[1993 / trailer]), but due to Gordon's alpha-man idiocy**the helicopter crashes with the entire team in the jungle. Of course Matt is friends with the local natives of the Jaguar tribe (who wear fake cat whiskers!), so in no time flat a couple of inordinately loyal indigenous, acting as human pack horses on the trek to the "near-by" camp, are added to the fodder list. But before they can get to the camp, all those who don't fall victim to the three-to-five-headed snake end up prisoners of the Snake Tribe, who are pissed that the mega-concern has stolen a stone sarcophagus of great religious significance…
*A film much better than its general obscurity would lead one to believe.
**OK, the do-we-or-don't-we-fly scene, while neither the first nor the last scene to show Rick as a privileged macho asshole, definitely underscores the fact that he is… But: in all truth, if Matt truly thought it unsafe to fly, it was his responsibility as the experienced pilot to say "No." Still, Rick is a total dick, so one keeps waiting for him to die… And waiting, and waiting, and waiting… Kudos to the movie for keeping such an asshole around for such a long time.
Again: The Snake King is a bad movie. But bad can be fun, and this movie is fun — it kept us entertained and laughing up until it final, moralistic ending portending a happy (and probably long) future for Susan and Matt within the Snake Tribe. But any movie that begins with a cheesy double death and ends with a cheesy massacre and makes use of every cliché available in-between is simply hard to hate.
Director Allan A. Goldstein, in what appears to be his last directorial effort to date — his not overly short list of C-film credits includes movies produced by Maria Rohm— keeps the action going quickly enough and keeps his shots easy and clear. The CGI is pretty cheap, but its ridiculousness adds to the film's enjoyment factor. The acting is across-the-board serviceable, although it is bad enough that Stephan "Am I Dry?" Baldwin almost comes across as if he were acting, too, instead of just going through the motions. It is Larry Day's turn as alpha asshole Rick that is the most fun, though: verging on camp, one has a strong desire to hiss and throw popcorn whenever he appears (in part, probably, because he is as a character so reminiscent of so many privileged white assholes of the type everyone has had to deal with somewhere along the way). He is only outshone when the hands-on, white, privileged, mega-asshole boss of the concern, Dr John Simon (Gary Hudson), shows up with his team of muscle-bound mercenaries — fodder, one and all, as they deserve to become for not showing, via full frontals, whether every body part is proportional in size.
The Snake King, good for laughs, but awful in every way — and one you can watch with the kids, if needed. They might even take it seriously.

R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part V (1977-80)

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25 Dec 1928 – 30 Jan 2019

The American thespian treasure known as Dick Miller, one of our all-time favorite character actors, entered the Great Nothingness on January 30th, 2019.
A Bronx-born Christmas Day present to the world, Miller entered the film biz doing redface back in 1956 in the Roger Corman western Apache Woman (trailer). He quickly became a Corman regular and, as a result, became a favorite face for an inordinate amount of modern and contemporary movie directors, particularly those weaned and teethed in Corman productions. (Miller, for example, appears in every movie Joe Dante has made to date.)
A working thespian to the end, Miller's last film, the independent horror movie Hanukkah (trailer), starring fellow low culture thespian treasure Sid Haig, just finished production. In it, as in many of Miller's films, his character is named Walter Paisley in homage to his first truly great lead role, that of the loser killer artist/busboy Walter Paisley in Roger Corman's classic black comedy, A Bucket of Blood (1959).
What follows is a multi-part career review in which we undertake a highly meandering, extremely unfocused look at the films of Dick Miller. The films are not necessarily looked at in the order of their release... and if we missed one, let us know. 

Go here for
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part I (1955-60)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part II (1961-67)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part III (1968-73)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part IV (1974-76)


Game Show Models
(1977, writ. & dir. David N. Gottlieb)

Aka Teenage Models, Gameshow Models, and The Hollywood Dream; the original version is called The Seventh Dwarf. "Although conceived as an art film [entitled The Seventh Dwarf], Game Show Modelswas transformed into a nudity-driven exploitation gem by distributor Sam Sherman. [Vinegar Syndrome]"
Sherman, some might remember, was the cofounder of the production and distribution firm, Independent-International Pictures, with the infamous Z-filmmaker Al Adamson (25 July 1929 – 21 June 1995), a fairly typical film of whom is, naturally, the disasterpiece that is Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971). Sherman supposedly came up with the game-show angle as a way to spice up the film, with Gottlieb doing the reshoots, including the pre-credit sex scene featuring the marvelous mammeries of Rae Sperling. (Their, and her, last known appearance in a movie.) The evolution of the original movie to that which was released explains why a film marketed as if it were a knock-off of Corman's three-babes-three-stories formula is, in the end, focused on the life and events surrounding the male lead.
The plot, as given at DVD Drive-In: "Feeling unfulfilled in his escapist existence as a writer of pornographic novels and reaching the end of his 'five-year plan' to make something of himself in Hollywood, idealistic Stuart Guber (John Vickery) decides to embark on a to 'go mainstream' by walking out on his hippie dancer girlfriend Josey (screenwriter Diane Thomas [7 Jan 1946 – 21 Oct 1985]), getting a respectable haircut (well, for the seventies), and taking a trainee position at the public relations firm of megalomaniacal Roger Feinstein (Gilbert DeRush) through a connection with press liaison Marvin Schmitt (Sid Melton [22 May 1917 – 3 Nov 2011]). He finds some succor from the monotony of his work in an affair with the 'protected' younger sister CiCi (Diane Sommerfield [24 Oct 1949 – 9 Mar 2001]) of black singer Dana Sheridan (singer Thelma Houston) as well as a friendship with co-worker Arnold (Nick Pellegrino) who has already had to lie about his age (among other things) to keep his precarious position with the company. Stuart becomes witness to the ugly side of show business with Roger's scheme to garner some publicity for a game show — hosted by sleazy Joe Tanner (Dick Miller) — by 'auditioning' beautiful game show models at a private press party, and pines for more innocent times with Josey who has moved on with pianist Joel (Mike McNeilly) with whom she does street performances." 
Thelma Houston
on Soul Train:
"What [Game Show Models] boils down to is a fairly dull drama with some T&A thrown in now and again for good measure. The film does contain a few good scenes including the last one before the credits role and a memorable performance from Dick Miller as the host of the game show. That said, I would suggest the original cut of the film over the re-cut as it is an all around more interesting movie to watch. [Celluloid Terror]"
"Essentially, it's the early Saturday Night Live all over again: insider hipster humor with strong ties to some long-lost subculture — the New York underground of Warhol and company, the 70s drug scene, etc. etc.  It's really got no relevance to the world today, and if you weren't stoned out of your mind at the time, probably wasn't all that hilarious or wonderful at the time of release either. [Third Eye Cinema]"
To fit all the sex into the final cut of Game Show Models, the storyline of what Stuart's hippie girlfriend Josie does after Stuart drops her got dumped — what women do is unimportant, after all. Director David N. Gottliebisstill a filmmaker today, but now concentrates on documentaries.
Trailer to David N. Gottlieb's
It's Not the Sex . . . It's the Gender:


New York, New York
(1977, dir. Martin Scorsese)

Originally released at 136 minutes in length (down from the initial 155 minute cut), the 1981 re-issue saw the movie bloat to 163 minutes … lean or small films are not exactly a talent of Scorsese. And New York, New York is hardly the best of Scorsese's movies. It wasn't exactly a hit when it came out, but like all his films it is still better than most major releases. Still, we here at a wasted life tend to lump it together with Spielberg's 1941(1979 / trailer), Michael Cimino's Heaven's Gate (1980 / trailer) and possibly Coppola's One from the Heart (1981 / trailer) as an example of Hollywood wunderkindexcess in the pursuit of a dream project — though, of all four just-named box office flops, only 1941 has proven immune to improvement with age. And while New York, New York may not be our cup of tea — it's a trite spin of A Star Is Born (1937 / trailer, 1954 / trailer; 1976 / trailer; 2018 / trailer) with two successes and no suicide and populated by assholes — it is the source of one of the greatest of modern song standards, so we're glad the film was made. The great Polish poster to the movie seen above was done by the Polish poster artist, Jan Mlodozeniec  (1929 - 2000).
Trailer to
New York New York:
At All Movie, Lucia Bozzola has the plot: "Martin Scorsese combined the splashy atmosphere of the old studio musical with an unromanticized marriage story in his valentine to Hollywood and the Big Band era. On V-J Day 1945, newly minted civilian saxophonist Jimmy Doyle (Robert De Niro of Angel Heart [1987 / trailer]) meets USO singer Francine Evans (Liza Minnelli) at a dance, but she rebuffs every advance that he makes. A day and a hotel lobby meeting later, Jimmy finally wins Francine over after she uses her pop instincts to save his too-jazzy audition at a nightclub. When she goes on tour with Frankie Harte (Georgie Auld [19 May 1919 – 8 Jan 1990]) and his Orchestra, Jimmy tracks her down, taking a job with the orchestra to be with her. Together on stage, they make beautiful music; off stage they marry, but the struggle between two artists begins to take its toll. Unable to understand that Francine's needs and talents are just as important as his, and unwilling to compromise his music for security, Jimmy abandons Francine after their baby is born. Separately, the two succeed even more, as Francine becomes a music and movie star, while Jimmy has a top hit and opens a jazz club. […]"
"Scorsese hopes to show the realistic, dreary downtime between the genre's happy musical numbers, but he winds up with an uneven and slightly repellent mix. De Niro plays his role very close to Taxi Driver's Travis Bickle, and it's hard to see him as a groundbreaking, talented musician when he acts like a psychotic loser. Liza Minnelli is terribly miscast here; she has her mother's caterwauling singing voice and a kind of abrasive character quality. It doesn't help that Scorsese focuses on the tragedy of the couple's relationship, emphasizing an unwanted child and a completely baffling ending. New York, New York has some delightful musical moments, however, especially one in which De Niro, standing on an elevated subway platform, silently watches a sailor and a girl dancing, Fred and Ginger-like, below. [Combustible Celluloid]"
Surrender to the Void, which thinks "New York, New York is a good but messy film", has the same opinion that we have: "Robert de Niro's performance as Jimmy Doyle has its moments where he displays a lot of charm and energy into the role as well as showing he can play saxophone. Yet, his character is unfortunately one of the vilest individuals on film as he doesn't have many redeeming qualities often thinking more about himself where he can be possessive and selfish. He also tries to maintain his sense of pride and thinking he knows what Evans wants as it's a performance that doesn't give de Niro enough to show the good qualities in his character. Finally, there's Liza Minnelli in a phenomenal performance as Francine Evans as a USO singer who falls for Doyle and sings for a band with Doyle as it's a performance that is filled with a lot of comic timing and charisma. Although there's [sic] moments that will make anyone wonder why she is still with Doyle as there's [sic] moments where de Niro and Minnelli don't really click. Minnelli still gives it her all when she sings and dances as she is the best thing in this film."
Dick Miller is there in a flashy Hawaiian shirt as the Palm Club Owner acting alongside de Niro, who doesn't out act him in any way.
Tiny Tim (12 Apr 1932 – 30 Nov 1996)
slaughters New York New York:


Mr. Billion
(1977, dir. Jonathan Kaplan)

In Mister Billion, Dick Miller shows up to play a character named Bernie. It just so happens, another fave character actor of ours, R.G. Armstrong, also shows up in the movie ... which is why we already looked at this flick in R.I.P. R.G. Armstrong Part II way back in 2012.
And there we wrote: "Terrence Hill tried to take his indomitable sunny boy image to the US with this fiasco of a film, Jonathan Kaplan's follow up project to White Line Fever and one of his (and Hill's) least known projects. The Unknown Movies Page  explains the plot: 'In San Francisco, the billion-dollar Falcone Corporation is shaken when its elderly Italian born founder Anthony Falcone (Ralph Chesse) is killed in a freak accident. (Meant to be funny, but isn't.) John Cutler (Jackie Gleason [26 Feb 1916 – 24 June 1987]) had previously had power of attorney over Falcone, so he is of course shocked to find out that Mr. Falcone not only had a nephew (guess who?) named Guido, but that the entire corporation has been willed to this previously unmentioned nephew. When Guido arrives in New York, he has just a few days to make it to San Francisco, but decides to travel cross country like his immigrant uncle did and see the sites along the way. This gives time for Cutler to hire a female detective (Valerie Perrine of Mask of Murder[1988 / German trailer])to try and get Guido to sign over the corporation, for kidnappers to grab and hold him for ransom, and for Guido to meet various oddball characters along the way as he gets repeatedly delayed and in danger of losing his inheritance to the dastardly Cutler.' R.G. Armstrong shows up in this mess as Sheriff T.C. Bishop."
Shattered Lens is quick to point out one of the things that failed with Mr. Billion: "At the time that Mr. Billion was made, Terence Hill was a huge star in Europe but was barely known in the United States. He was best known for appearing in a series of comedic Spaghetti Westerns with Bud Spencer, the majority of which featured Hill as a lazy but likable ne'er do well.  In Mr. Billion, Hill is cast as the exact opposite, as an earnest man-of-the-people who is so nice that it's almost painful. Add to that some major tone problems (the film cannot make up its mind if it wants to be a comedy, an action film, or a romance) and you have a pretty forgettable movie."
Trailer to
Mr. Billion:
Added to that problem: "Rosie Jones (Perrine) [is hired] to stop him (Hill) anyway she can. But she falls for the nice guy and switches sides. Their romance never materialized on the screen, as the pair had zero chemistry together. [Ozus' World]"
For a while Mr. Billion was released on a double bill with the equally idiotic but far cheesier and far more fun Italo Jaws (1975 / trailer) rip-off, Tentacles (1977). A fact we mention as an excuse to show that bad film's trailer.
Trailer to
Tentacles:
 

Grand Theft Auto
(1977, dir. Ron Howard)

Once again Roger Corman gives a future name director the chance to direct his first feature film… in this case, Richie Cunningham nee Opie Taylor nee Ron Howard not only directed, but he also co-wrote the script with his character-actor dad Rance Howard ([17 Nov 1928 – 25 Nov 2017] of A Crack in the Floor [2001]) and plays the lead, complete with a full head of hair.
Grand Theft Auto:

Multiple websites list this Corman movie as a project involving Dick Miller, but none say in what manner — and we don't remember seeing him anywhere on screen when saw the movie. (But then, that was over 35 years ago around 2 am on a school night and we were very, very stoned.) But for the benefit of a doubt, we list Grand Theft Auto here as a "maybe"— and maybe someone out there can tell us the where and when he shows up in the film.
Grand Theft Auto can be seen as a sequel of sorts (at least in spirit) to the previous year's Corman-produced car-chase-and-crash movie Eat My Dust! (1976 / trailer), which likewise starred Ritchie/Opie/Ron. Of Grand TheftAuto, Charles B Griffith, the director of Eat My Dust! explains, "A friend called Max Mendes, who was a schoolteacher in New York but had originally helped us in Europe as a helper/schlep, said to me one time that one of his kids took him to the window of the classroom and pointed to a big car in the parking lot, telling him, 'That's GTA, man. Grand Theft Auto!' So I put that into [Eat My Dust!] and, of course, Ronny Howard used it as the title of the next one. Ron made a deal to do two pictures. Act in both and direct one, but they had to be the same kind of picture. And I believe they had more money for Grand Theft Autoas they wrecked a Rolls Royce in it. [Senses of Cinema]"
Varied Celluloid has the plot: "Paula Powers (Nancy Morgan of The Nest[1980 / trailer]) is a beautiful young woman from a very accomplished family. When she brings home Sam Freeman (Ron Howard of Village of the Giants[1965 / trailer]) and tells her family that the young couple will be married shortly, they do not react in the most sympathetic of manner. In fact, it's quite the opposite, as we see her family orders her to break it off with Sam and instead marry the very rich Collins Hedgeworth (Paul Linke of Motel Hell [1980]). Paula breaks away from her family and steals her father's Rolls Royce and both she and Sam are then out on the run to Las Vegas in order for the two of them to be married. Unfortunately, Paula's parents are just rich and psychotic enough to give chase all the way to Las Vegas and now the two are going to have to really jet down the highway in order to beat their pursuers. Making matters worse, Paula's parents call up Collins Hedgeworth who offers a $25,000 reward in order to bring 'his girl' back. Now everyone between Los Angeles and Las Vegas are looking for this couple. Along for the chase we have Collins, his parents, Paula's parents, a street preacher, a gas station attendant, two mechanics and a radio announcer who simply wants the scoop! Prepare for auto-insanity!"
Peter Ivers' main theme to
Grand Theft Auto:
Somewhere along the way, Grand Theft Auto got stuck onto a double bill with Roger Corman's attempt at an Irwin Allan-like disaster flick, the idiotically fun turkey that is Avalanche (1978). Unlike Irwin Allan, however, Corman couldn't afford some dozen ten-second appearances by name stars, so viewers had to make do with Rock Hudson (17 Nov 1925 – 2 Oct 1985) and Mia Farrow and cult-fav Roger Forster (see: Uncle Sam [1996] and Alligator[1980]). At the time of the filming, Farrow's marriage with André Previn, whom she stole away from his wife Dory Previn in 1968 (when she was 23 and he 39) after she divorced Frank Sinatra, her 30-year-older first husband, was on the rocks. By 1980, she was together with Woody Allen, but lost him by 1992 to her adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn (who was 22 to Allen's 57).
Trailer to
Avalanche:
 

Piranha
 (1978, dir. Joe Dante)
Dick Miller plays Buck Gardner. At some dozen websites online, they all offer the same plot description: "The sophomore effort for director Joe Dante […], this low-budget, high-camp horror spoof of Jaws (1977 / trailer) features several chiller stars of yesteryear. Insurance investigator Maggie McKeown (Heather Menzies [3 Dec 1949 – 24 Dec 2017], seen below not from the movie) is dispatched to find two missing teenage hikers near Lost River Lake. She hires surly backwoods drunkard Paul Grogan (Bradford Dillman [14 Apr 1930 – 16 Jan 2018] of Moon of the Wolf [1972]) to serve as her guide. Searching the area, they find an abandoned military facility. The only resident is Dr. Robert Hoak (Kevin McCarthy [15 Feb 1914 – 11 Sept 2010]), former head of a top-secret project to breed piranha for use in the Vietnam War. The project was closed down years ago, but Hoak has continued raising a deadly strain of the flesh-eating fish. When Hoak is knocked unconscious, Maggie and Paul accidentally release the piranha into a local river, which leads to the lake where a children's summer camp and a newly opened tourist resort will provide plenty of fish food for the hungry predators. Maggie and Paul race to warn the locals, but their pleas fall on skeptical ears, such as those of resort owner Buck Gardner (Dick Miller) — until the piranha reach the swimmers. Piranha (1978) was co-written by John Sayles, making his motion picture debut."
A financial success, four years later it was followed by a sequel, Piranha II: The Spawning (1982 / trailer), an absolutely terrible film in a non-fun way, supposedly directed by blockbuster auteur James Cameron. He, however, washes his hand of the filmic fiasco: "Technically, I have a credit as the director on that film. However, I was replaced after two-and-a-half weeks by the Italian producer. He just fired me and took over […]. And then the producer wouldn't take my name off the picture because [contractually] they couldn't deliver it with an Italian name. So they left me on, no matter what I did. I had no legal power to influence him from Pomona, California, where I was sleeping on a friend's couch. I didn't even know an attorney. In actual fact, I did some directing on the film, but I don't feel it was my first movie. […] I used it as a credit when it did me some good, which was to get Terminator (1984 / trailer). [Terminator Files]"
Trailer to
Over at All Movie, Donald Guarisco says, "This Roger Corman-produced cult favorite towers over its competition in the arena of Jawsimitators because it manages to deliver the goods that horror fans expect in effective style while also subtly spoofing the genre. The film benefits from a smart John Sayles script that is populated with appealing, believably quirky characters and overflows with quotable dialogue […]. Director Joe Dante keeps the action moving at a rapid pace and knocks out a string of impressive set pieces in the process, including a nerve-jangling scene where a group of campers are attacked by the piranha and a suspenseful finale where the hero tries to open an underwater tank of poisonous waste to kill the piranhas before they get to him. Dante also works in plenty of subtle visual humor (for example, a beachgoer reading a copy of Moby Dick) and gets strong performances from his cast, including Bradford Dillman's stoic turn as reluctant hero Grogan and horror film icon Barbara Steele's icy performance as a quietly menacing scientist. All in all, Piranha is an intelligent blend of scares and wit […]."
We here at a wasted life rather like the movie, as can be surmised by our review of the movie found here. We didn't really like the first superfluous remake, the Corman-produced TV film from 1995 (trailer), a redundancy that offers nothing new other than the faces, but Alexandre Aja's revisionist update of the tale, Piranha 3D (2010), kept us immensely entertained. As did that film's juvenilely humorous and breast-heavy sequel, John Gulager's Piranha 3DD (2012). 


Corvette Summer
(1978, dir. Matthew Robins)
 
The directorial debut of Matthew Robins, whose directorial projects have definitely been less notable than his screenplay credits. (As a director, he possibly killed Helen Slater's career with The Legend of Billie Jean [1985 / trailer], made a cult fav with Dragonslayer [1981 / trailer], and even achieved a pop hit with *batteries not included [1987 / trailer], while as a screenwriter he's advanced to being a regular collaborator with Guillermo del Toro — though notably not on the latter's best films.)
Trailer to
Corvette Summer:
Over at his website, Mark Hamill offers the following synopsis: "High School student Ken Dantley (Hamill) labors, with his class, to restore a beautiful Corvette, only to have it stolen from him almost the moment he finishes work on it. After receiving a tip that the car is in Las Vegas, Kenny decides to hitchhike there. He is picked up by Vanessa (Annie Potts), who has decided to get rich quick by getting into the world's oldest profession. Although Kenny likes Vanessa, he decides to concentrate on finding his Corvette, so when they reach Las Vegas, Kenny and Vanessa go their separate ways (for the time being). Kenny finds work in a gas station, and one day spots his car. He follows it to a local garage, where he has a run-in with the garage owner, Wayne Lowry (Kim Milford [7 Feb 1951 – 16 June 1988] of Laserblast [1978 / trailer below]), before being rescued by Vanessa. Lowry contacts Kenny's high school teacher, Ed McGrath (Eugene Roche [22 Sept 1928 – 28 July 2004]), and McGrath then comes to Las Vegas. During a conversation with McGrath, Kenny is crushed to learn that this admired teacher of his had arranged for the theft of the Corvette to help himself out of financial trouble. When McGrath suggests Kenny go to work for Lowry, Kenny agrees to it. He will make good money, but in the back of his mind he is planning to steal the Corvette back from Lowry. Eventually, Kenny completes his plans, steals the car back, saves the woman he loves from her life of prostitution, wins a wild car chase, and returns in triumph with the Corvette — and Vanessa — to his old high school. (After going through all that, they auto live real happily ever after.)"
Trailer to
Laserblast:
According to Stinker Madness, "It's the story of a virgin teaming up with a very loose woman on the hunt of an ugly car. […] It's possibly the greatest love story told in a bad movie and is one step away from actually being a good movie. But an ugly car, poor production values, and plot holes keep it from getting there. […] The primary problem with the film is that it really doesn't know what it is. It has the adult thematic elements of a Woody Allen movie or Midnight Cowboy (1969 / trailer), but the production values and hi-jinks of a teen movie. The music is terrible and comes in at very inappropriate times. There's sophomoric jokes and goofy action in scenarios that are very serious (like getting killed by car thieves). It also suffers from some slap your forehead moments of stupidity from the characters."
"To enjoy Corvette Summerit helps to abandon common sense. In this film there is not a single credible plot development or convincing character. What the movie offers instead is a few benign laughs, some neatly staged action sequences and a bit of appealing moralizing about the evils of materialism. As long as one doesn't demand too much of it, Corvette Summer delivers a very pleasant two hours of escape. [Time]"
"Look, Corvette Summeris not a great movie, but it's not a bad movie either, especially not with appropriate expectations. […] It's a modestly-budgeted little exploitation movie that Hamill chose because it was a big departure from what he'd just done. In an interview during the time of the film's release, he talks about how he wanted to do something where he didn't look, act, or talk like Luke Skywalker. Well, he succeeded. It's a really good performance that feels natural and slightly intense (not necessarily in a good way), but it's nice to see him doing something outside the Lucasian acting style of 'faster and more intense.' […] And there's a lot of charm to be had. Truly interesting situations and funny interactions are here, as well as some boring stretches that don't really do anything to advance the story or the characters, but hey, that's b-movie filmmaking for you. And let's not forget that this was the 1970s, the decade of filmmakers who were less interested in where they took you than in how they got you there. [F This Movie]"
Dick Miller shows up for brief cameo as Mr. Lucky. 
Theme to Corvette Summer
Dusty Springfield's Give Me the Night:

 

  I Wanna Hold Your Hand

(1978, dir. Robert Zemeckis)

   

The directorial debut of Hollywood A-project director Robert Zemeckis, produced by Steven Spielberg, a man in whose shadow some might say Zemeckis still stands. But even if you probably haven't seen this picture, you've surely seen some of his later big budget productions, which generally fall into two camps: flops or mega-successful. He's also acted as producer on many a good or guilty pleasure of ours: Monster House(2002 / trailer) and House of Wax(2005 / trailer), for example.
Despite generally pleasant reviews, I Wanna Hold Your Hand was a flop when released and didn't even make back its low $2.8 million budget. Interestingly enough, it was released byUniversal Pictures, which also released another Beatles-related movie flop that same year, the disasterpiece that isSgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978 / trailer). Unlike the latter movie, however, people who watch I Wanna Hold Your Handgenerally seem to it.
Over at Top 10 Films, where they place this movie in 8th place, they have the full plot: "It's 1964 and the Beatles are about to play the Ed Sullivan show. Fans are flocking to the band's hotel to get a glimpse of their idols and six friends from New Jersey are following suit. But they have grander plans. Rosie (Wendie Jo Sperber [15 Sept 1958 – 29 Nov 2005]) is a Beatles fanatic desperate to get into their hotel just to see Paul McCartney up close and personal, while aspiring journalist Grace (Theresa Saldana [20 Aug 1954 – 6 June 2016]) wants to do the same thing knowing if she can get a picture of Britain's finest, she's got a shot at the big time. Friend Pam (Nancy Allen) is dragged along too but after hiding in a food cart to avoid the band's security officers she finds herself in the Beatles room with free reign to Paul's bass guitar and John's…er…comb. Tony (Bobby Di Cicco of The Supernaturals [1986 / German trailer]), a Beatles-hater, and Janis (Susan Kendall Newman), a protester, come along just to cause trouble, while Larry (Marc McClure of Strange Behavior[1981 / trailer]) is only there because of his obsessive love for Grace. The whole gang soon finds themselves having one mishap after another, as the clock quickly ticks down to the Beatles first ever U.S. television performance." Dick Miller shows up to play Sgt. Bresner, a speaking part. 
Trailer to
I Wanna Hold Your Hand:


Starhops
(1978, dir. Barbara Peeters)
 
Despite appearances, not a Roger Corman production. Starhops is "a blatant ripoff of New World's 'Three Girls' series, such as [Barbara] Peeters'Summer School Teachers (1974, see Part IV), Starhops not only lacks the action and social commentary of those films, but also their more prurient elements. Starhops contains very mild sex and nudity and a post-synced profanity dubbed in by producers to jack up the MPAA's original PG rating to a tame R. [Johnny LaRue's Craneshot]" 
Trailer to
Starhops:
A.k.a. Carhops — but not to be confused with the earlier, somewhat similar and far more exploitive movie, Kitty Can't Help It aka The Carhops (1975 / trailer), which features the great Uschias the "Lady in Hotel Room" (seen below, ovioulsy not from the film).
The title Starhops, as the introductory scroll indicates, was a desperate attempt on part of the producers to ride on the popularity of the far more popular movie Star Wars (1977 / trailer). The screenplay, which tells of "three mammarous carhops [who] team up to save their fast-food drive-in from financial ruin", was written by Stephanie Rothman, the lady behind Blood Bath (1966 / trailer, starring William Campbell) and The Velvet Vampire(1971 / trailer); she was so displeased with what was done to her script that she had herself credited as "Dallas Meredith".
Plot: "The movie itself opens as a Star Wars parody, from the title to the star field under the credits, to an attempt at mimicking the sci-fi hit's famous opening crawl! We're thrown into the saga of a failing drive-in restaurant owned by none other than the fantastic Dick Miller! Surrounded by bill collectors, mortgage officers, alimony-hungry ex-wives and psychotically truculent customers, Miller comes believably unravelled, screaming and tearing the place apart, then selling it lock, stock and grease-barrel to his carhops, Angel (Jillian Kesner) and Cupcake (Sterling Frazier)! These ladies then stumble upon Danielle (Dorothy Buhrman), a French 'kook' and graduate of the Cordon Bleu school of cheffery in Paris, and all together use their feminine wiles to cadge a bank loan and free carpentry from a succession of drooling males! Ha ha! [Ha, ha, it's Burl!]"
"A harmless exploitationer that's as lacking in sex, violence, and vulgarity as it is in creativity. Frazier and Kesner, tagged Cupcake and Angel, take over an unprofitable drive-in, and with the addition of short-skirted, chesty carhops on roller skates, business begins to boom. Al Hobson [playing bad guy Carter Axe] causes trouble when his oil company plans to buy the property and turn it into a prototype for a line of futuristic gas stations. [TV Guide]."
Sterling Frazier, otherwise known as "Cupcake", never made another movie after this one. Dorothy Buhrman, or "Danielle", was visible for a few seconds in the cheapy Crazed (1978 / full film), but she also never made another movie after this one. Bad guy Al Hobson [20 Mar 1920 – 16 Oct 1998] started his career playing the lead male in the nudie-cutie, Mr. Peter's Pets (1963 / NSFW website). But the underappreciated name of the cast is Jillian Kesner [9 Aug 1949 – 5 Dec 2007], who plays Angel: wife of the ubiquitous Gary Graver [20 July 1938 – 16 Nov 2006], aka Robert McCallum, Kesner appeared in some of his low-brow efforts as well as some memorable trash, like Evil Town(1977 / trailer) and Raw Force (1982 / trailer) and Firecracker (1981), the last of which we look at in Dick Miller Part VI.
At least at the two North Carolinian drive-ins above, Starhops was paired with the disco flick Thank God It's Friday (1978), "90 aimless, alienating minutes" featuring some still-unknowns (most notably Jeff Goldblum and Debra Winger) which, as Leonard Maltin put, is "perhaps the worst film ever to have won some kind of Academy Award." Here's Donna Summer (31 Dec 1948 – 17 May 2012) singing that song, from the film.
Donna Summer —
Last Dance:


1941
(1979, dir. Steven Spielberg)

Dick "Richard" Miller shows up alongside masses of other familiar faces to make the mandatory guest appearance not as Walter Paisley, but as "Officer Miller".
The famous flop that wasn't really as big of a financial flop as legend has it, even it is one artistically. It never earned back its bloated budget of $35 million domestically, but thanks to international takings it was a minor moneymaker. 1941 might not really be a snoozer, it's much to all over the place to act as visual Nyquil, but it does bludgeon the viewer with a lot of unfunny stuff obviously meant to be funny. Comedy has never been Steven Spielberg's forte. Some people like to claim that since its initial release, 1941has become a cult film – following the logic, one supposes, that everything becomes cult eventually. For those who don't already find the original cut too long and too boring, a director cut is now available that is about 27 excruciating minutes longer.
"The director's cut is admittedly the slightly superior version, if only because the added expository material makes the chaotic plot easier to follow. However, both versions suffer from the same basic issue: 1941 just isn't very funny. [Thoughts from the Cinema's Fringes]" 
Over at All Movie, Bruce Eder put together an understandable synopsis of the mess: "It's December of 1941, and the people of California are in varying states of unease, ranging from a sincere desire to defend the country to virtual blind panic in the wake of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Thus begin several story threads that comprise the 'plot' of this strange period comedy, a sort of satirical disaster movie, from Steven Spielberg. The stories and story threads involve lusty young men, officers (Tim Matheson) and civilians (Bobby Di Cicco) alike, eager to bed the young ladies of their dreams; Wild Bill Kelso, a nutty fighter pilot (John Belushi [24 Jan 1949 – 5 March 1982]) following what he thinks is a squadron of Japanese fighters along the California coast; a well-meaning but clumsy tank crew (including John Candy [31 Oct 1950 – 4 March 1994]) led by straight-arrow, by-the-book Sgt. Tree (Dan Aykroyd), who doesn't recognize the thug (Treat Williams of Venomous[2001] and The Phantom [1996]) in his command; and homeowner Ward Douglas (Ned Beatty), who is eager to do his part for the nation's defense and, despite the misgivings of his wife (Lorraine Gary), doesn't mind his front yard overlooking the ocean being chosen to house a 40 mm anti-aircraft gun. There is also a pair of grotesquely inept airplane spotters (Murray Hamilton [24 March 1923 – 1 Sept 1986] & Eddie Deezen) who are doing their job from atop a Ferris wheel at a beachfront amusement park; a paranoid army colonel (Warren Oates [5 July 1928 – 3 April 1982]) positive that the Japanese are infiltrating from the hills; a big dance being held on behalf of servicemen, being attended by a lusty young woman of size (Wendie Jo Sperber [15 Sept 1958 – 29 Nov 2005]) eager to land a man in uniform; and General Joseph 'Vinegar Joe' Stillwell (Robert Stack [13 Jan 1919 - 14 May 2003]), in charge of the defense of the West Coast, who can't seem to get anyone to listen to him when he says to keep calm. And, oh yes, there's also a real Japanese submarine that has gotten all the way to the California coast under the command of its captain (Toshiro Mifune [1 Apr 1920 – 24 Dec 1997]) and a German officer observer (Christopher Lee [27 May 1922 – 7 June 2015] of The Curse of Frankenstein[1957], The Mummy [1959],The Devil's Daffodil[1961], Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace[1962],And then There Were None[1965, voice only],The Devil Rides Out [1968] and Raw Meat [1972]), only to find itself without a working compass or usable maps. Its captain won't leave until the sub has attacked a militarily significant, honorable target, and the only one that anyone aboard ship knows of in California is Hollywood. By New Year's Eve, all of these characters are going to cross paths, directly or once-removed, in a comedy of errors and destruction strongly reminiscent of the finale to National Lampoon's Animal House (as well as several disaster movies from the same studio), but on a much larger and more impressive scale."
Nancy Allen, who to our regret hasn't been in a movie since 2008, once said, regarding 1941: "I was very excited and thrilled to be working with Steven and all the other people I was going to be working with. [...] And then I was on the film for six months. [Laughs.] I was hired for 14 weeks, and I was on the film for six months. And so was everybody else. It was a very long shoot, needless to say. It actually got to a point where the script kept changing and pretty much everybody stopped reading it. We were just, 'Whatever.' You had to wake up, say, 'What are we doing today?' and then go for it. I am very happy that Tim Matheson and I, our storyline was very simple and very clear, and it didn't get messed up at all. Most people, even if they didn't like the film, they at least liked what wedid. [...] There were a lot of great times, because this was a tremendous cast of talented people, and we had a ball just hanging out. But the movie was, I think, lacking a strong producer's hand. And it was very disappointing when it opened. [...] I think it was a funny script. It just got unfunny as it went along. [AV Club]"
A few years earlier, elsewhere at AV Club, Tim Matheson said, "It had a lot of us Animal House (1978 / trailer) guys in it. And working with Spielberg, how bad could it be? [Laughs.] But it was one of those excessively big movies where every action scene was done and re-done and re-done again. It was so overproduced and overly expensive. And it wasn't terribly funny. [...] When we started shooting and I read the script, I realized 'They could cut [my] part out in a second.' [...] I read Animal House and I said, 'I will burn down a house to be in this. I have to be in this movie.' I read 1941 and I went, 'Well, if Steven likes it…' [Laughs.] [...] It was a very big, unwieldy thing, and there were so many characters. It was fun to shoot, but I didn't know what the core of it was. The core of Animal House was about prejudice, about equality, and about inclusion/exclusion. [...] But I never knew what 1941 was about."
"You would think that a movie combining the talents of Spielberg, [John] Milius, Zemeckis, and Gale would be epic, and it is.....for all the wrong reasons. 1941 is the biggest, loudest, longest, and most expensive Three Stooges tribute ever made. If the Stooges had made their own version of 1941, say in....1941, it would have been about 17 minutes long and it would have worked perfectly. The real 1941 is so overblown and filled with excess that the viewer spends more time trying to take it all in instead of sitting back and getting any enjoyment out of it. [The Hitless Wonder]"
For all those who dislike 1941, Every 70s Moviedoes not: "From start to finish, 1941 is unapologetically excessive, throwing explosions or hundreds of extras at the audience when simpler visuals would have sufficed, and things like narrative momentum and nuance get bludgeoned to death by the opulent production values. Still, the cast is filled with so many gifted actors [...] that even uninspired scenes are performed with consummate skill. The movie also looks amazing: Spielberg's camerawork is intoxicatingly self-indulgent, since it feels like entire scenes were filmed simply to justify cool visuals, and peerless cinematographer William A. Fraker gives the whole thing a glamorous look. There's even room for an energetic score by regular Spielberg collaborator John Williams.1941 is a mess, but it's also a true spectacle."
Keep your eyes peeled for the short, silver-screen debut of Mickey Rourke as "Private First Class Reese of Sgt. Tree's tank group". Among the many homages to past films found in 1941, two to Spielberg's own films caught our eye: Susan Backlinie (of Day of the Animals [1977]), who played the first (nude) victim in Spielberg's Jaws (1977 / trailer) is the swimmer on the submarine, while the gas station that Wild Bill Kelso blows up is the same one found in Spielberg's great TV film, Duel(1971), complete with the same Ol' Lady proprietor (Lucille Benson [17 July 1914 – 17 Feb 1984], of Private Parts [1972], trailer below). 
Trailer to 
Private Parts:


The 11th Victim
(1979, dir. Jonathan Kaplan)

(While it lasts: the full film at YouTube.) "The film was based partially on the activities of the Los Angeles Hillside Strangler and was subsequently released on home video under the title The Lakeside Killer. [...] The film was broadcast as a November Sweeps CBS Tuesday Night Movie. [Wikipedia]" 
TV Promo to
The 11thVictim:
The 11th Victim is Kaplan's first directorial project after the bomb Mr. Billion (1977) two years earlier, which was also written by Ken Friedman, the scribe of this TV movie. Ken Friedman made his screenwriting debut and directorial debut with the not generally liked horror movie, Death by Invitation (1971 / trailer below). In this seldom seen CBS Tuesday Night Movie, Dick Miller plays Investigator Ned. Another interesting member of the cast, Eric Burdon of The Animals, plays Spider, the sleazy proprietor of the escort service who hired out a few of the girls. 
Trailer to 
Death by Invitation:
Plot: "In Hollywood, a long series of joy girls are murdered in bizarre ways. The sister of journalist Jill from Ohio is the 11th victim. Jill wants to get to the facts. In doing so, she makes a decision that could have a deadly effect on her life. She decides to take on the role of lure. [The-Fan.net]"
Awcgraham, which mentions the movie's "rote cop drama or predictable serial killer main plot", also explains that "The 11th Victim is the first of four tele-pictures Kaplan directed between 1979 and the end of the eighties, when the filmmaker's stock rose due to directing Jodie Foster to a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for The Accused (1988 / trailer). (Kaplan has always been decisively stronger with the women in his films than the men, as The 11th Victim even proves.) Bess Armstrong is Jill Kelso, a news reporter in Iowa who gets the call that her sister — a suspected prostitute — has been murdered in Hollywood. There's some tedious cop stuff with Max Gail, but even his performance is overshadowed by brief, peculiar character turns by Dick Miller and Harry Northup. More to the point, Kaplan and writer Ken Friedman invest more time to the friendship that develops between Kelso and her sister's former roommate (Pamela Ludwig), another lady of the night." 


Rock 'n' Roll High School
(1979, dir. Allan Arkush)


"Do your parents *know* that you're Ramones?" 
Miss Togar(Mary Woronov)

Poster above by William Stout. Allan Arkush's third film for Roger Corman, coming on the heels the disaster that is Deathsport (1978 / trailer), a film he took over after the scriptwriter/director Nicholas Niciphor got booted... or, in the lesser drastic version of the tale, he simply came in to shoot some additional scenes to a completed movie: "Mostly we just blew up motorcycles. Lots of them. We also set some mutants on fire. And the stunning Claudia Jennings (20 Dec 1949 – 3 Oct 1979) got naked. David Carradine (8 Dec 1936 – 3 June 2009) ... smoked a lot of high-grade weed and helped us to blow stuff up.... Sad to say, I couldn't save the picture."Richard Lynch played the bad guy.
But back to Rock 'n' Roll High School, which turned 40 this year, making it to old to rock n roll. Much like Arkush is seen as an uncredited director to Deathsport for shooting a few scenes, Joe Dante is seen as an uncredited director because, in his own words, "I was shooting second unit on that picture. And then Alan Arkush became ill for the last couple of days and he couldn't come to the set, so I filled in and shot the end of the picture, the remaining pieces of the picture, and then went in and sort of helped cut it together, and then Alan came back and finished it. But it's a movie that I'm only tangentially involved in. [Psychotronic Cinema]" 
Rock 'n' Roll High School:
Acidemic has a plot: "Vince Lombardi High School's fate is sealed with the arrival of a new principal (Mary Woronov, drawing on her experience playing cruel prison wardens in other New World films) who is determined to weed out the bad kids and their devil music. Ramones devotee Riff Randell (PJ Soles of Butterfly Room [2012] and Uncle Sam [1997]) meanwhile, is oblivious to this looming threat, Riff just knows if she can get her songs to Joey Ramone he'd sing them; she thinks he's dreamy (and if PJ Soles can think a hunched beanpole doofus like Joey Ramone is dreamy then there is surely hope for us all). Meanwhile an insecure jock (Vince Van Patten of Hell Night [1981]) pays for make-out lessons from the school's drug dealer, and Woronov's frequent co-star Paul Bartel is the cool music teacher who ends up joining the revolution, declaring that "if Beethoven were a student at Vince Lombardi, he'd be a Ramone!"

"Those Ramones are ugly, ugly people."
Police Chief (Dick Miller)


"The clear antagonist, Principal Togar, portrayed as a near unstoppable evil by the wonderful Mary Woronov, unites the audience immediately with her devilishly red lips, mistreatment of tiny mice, and hatred for all things Rock and Roll; we all want to see her demise. I wouldn't hate to own her 'rock-o-meter' though, that contraption is amazing. When she rips up Riff's Ramones tickets though, she's no longer mildly irritating, she's pure evil, and must be destroyed by any means necessary. Even though the tickets were only ten bucks (which made my jaw hit the floor the first time I watched the film), it's the principle of the matter. Then we have hall monitors. Evil, moronic, dweeby, minions from hell. The hall monitors and Principal Togar make a perfect trio of dastardly characters that make the audience cheer for our goofy-ass protagonists. [25YL]"
"Like the Ramones' appearance and musical attitude, the film is styled after the 'juvenile delinquent movies' of the 1950s (Rebel Set [1959 / trailer], Bloody Brood [1959 / trailer], and so forth). However, rather than commit heinous acts of violence in rejection of the rules of society, the teens in Rock 'n' Roll High School rebel through (silly as it sounds) fun. This, then, is the other side of the juvenile delinquency coin, because the kids don't want to destroy, they just want the freedom to do what they want to do, yet their rebellion is still overt. Similar to Footloose [1984 / trailer] a few years later and so many others, it's the uptight (nay, Nazi-esque) bureaucracy that needs to be overcome. And it's the power of music which will do it. Of course, once the revolution starts, there's no stopping it, and anarchy reigns in the hallowed halls of academia. Playing into the wish fulfillment every teenager secretly harbors, Arkush goes down a list of things we all wish we could have/should have done while we were in high school. I mean, who wouldn't want to take a chainsaw to the permanent records we were all threatened with constantly? Who wouldn't want to throw the crappy food served in the cafeteria back at the servers (granted, they were just working with what they were given, but here you get the sense they enjoyed inflicting culinary crimes on students)? [The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnight Cinema]"
Over at Combustible Celluloid, Jeffrey M. Anderson says, "This is the second greatest rock and roll movie ever made. The Ramones are and always have been one of rock's great bands and this Roger Corman-produced classic is a perfect homage to them. When it was made, the Ramones were but five years old, with four superb super-speed albums released in less than three years. [...] Lots of that music is heard here." (Anyone know what the first greatest rock and roll movie ever made is?)
The "Vince Lombardi High School" of the movie was "portrayed" by the then-closed Mount Carmel High School in South Central Los Angeles. The school was "built in [1935 in] the Spanish Colonial Revival style, and was the first school in Los Angeles constructed subject to the new seismic building code which came about in the aftermath of the 1933 Long Beach earthquake". As an example to show how important the historical protection of architecture in Los Angeles is: The school closed 1976, was designated a Los Angeles Historic-Cultural Monument in 1979, and was demolished in 1983 — you see its end at the end of the movie.
A relative critical and commercial success and an instant cult film, it only took 12 years for the sequel to be made, Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever (1991 / trailer), yet another Corey Feldman film almost nobody has heard of. And no, the TV movie Glory Days (1994) is not a sequel. 


The Lady in Red
(1979, dir. Lewis Teague)

As so often with the low budget movies of the 1970s, this movie is a downer... a well-made downer, maybe, but a downer.
A take on the classic tale of John "Long John Silver" Dillenger's (22 June 1903 – 22 July 1934) betrayal by the mysterious Lady in Red (otherwise known as Ana Cumpănaș or Anna Sage [1889 – 25 April 1947]), this Julie Corman production was Lewis Teague's first solo feature-film directorial project (previously he had co-directed a low budget feature film, Dirty O'Neil [1974 / trailer]). The Lady in Red, which has nothing to do with the Warner Bros 1935 cartoon of the same name (see below), was scripted by John Sayles, who also wrote Teague's next project, the fun trash classic that is Alligator (1980). This period crime drama didn't do all that well, oddly enough, so Corman re-released it again later as Guns, Sin and Bathtub Gin to an equal lack of success.
Merrie Melodies —
The Lady in Red (1935):
The Lady in Red was a star vehicle for Pamela Sue Martin, then the heartthrob of millions of young pubescent boys for the role as Nancy Drew on TV. We were amongst the many that ran out to get the July 1978 Playboy she did a nude spread in (the photo below, however, is not from that pictorial). In The Lady in Red, which plays with the facts, her character, Polly Franklin, is modeled after Dillinger's last main squeeze, Polly Hamilton.
History on Film has the plot: "Polly (Pamela Sue Martin of The Poseidon Adventure [1972 / trailer], with Leslie Nielsen) is a farm girl who dreams of becoming a professional dancer. Taken hostage during a bank robbery, she is interviewed by reporter Jake Lingle (Robert Hogan), and then succumbs to his charms. Beaten by her fervently religious father, she moves to Chicago, and becomes a seamstress in a sweat shop. After her friend Rose Shimkus (Laurie Heineman) is taken away by the police for organizing a union, Polly starts working at a club where men pay 10 cents for a dance. Hoping to earn more money, she takes men in the back for handjobs, but she is arrested by a vice cop and ends up in prison, where she runs into Rose. After beating up the warden, Polly is given a longer sentence, until she agrees to accept a furlough, and work as a prostitute in a brothel run by Anna Sage (Louise Fletcher of Shadowzone[1990]), handing over a cut of her earnings to the warden, in order to ensure better treatment for Rose. When the brothel is closed down after a gangster blinds one of the prostitutes, Sage opens a restaurant and hires Polly as a waitress. Polly starts dating Jimmy (Robert Conrad, below not from the film), who is actually John Dillinger after plastic surgery. Facing a deportation hearing, Sage makes a deal with the FBI, and tells them that Dillinger will be at the Biograph Theater. Tired of being pushed around, Polly decides to rob the mob's bank, but the robbery ends in bloodshed." 
Trailer to
The Lady in Red:
Dick Miller, by the way, plays a dick named Patek, the foreman of the sweatshop where Polly briefly works. He likes getting his dick wet, and like most men is willing to use his position of power to get some warm tuna taco. The main male star of the movie, of course, was the delicious Robert Stack, seen below not from the movie. (To our regret, he never did a full frontal nude shot in any of his movies, including this one.)
At Film Fanatic, David Csontos once wrote: "This [movie] has held up remarkably well, and it's kind of weird that it's not now readily available. It's a top-drawer B-flick — meaning it's been served up with the care usually given to an A-pic. It's economic, it moves well, has a dandy script by Sayles, terrific attention to period detail, solid direction by Teague, and is uniformly well acted. (Martin is super and owns the film!) Of particular note is the editing (three editors are credited, including Teague) — the visual manipulation helps the storytelling immensely." 
Trailer to the last movie John Dillinger ever watched — 
Manhattan Melodrama:
Infini-tropolisfinds the movie good, too: "The Lady in Red [...] is easily among the most serious films to come out of Corman's studio not just in the 70s but of all time. Sure, there's a heavy dose of skin involved as we're dealing with whorehouses filled to the brim with scantily clad ladies of the night, and the women-in-prison scenes are certainly included to give the film an exploitation edge, but everything else is so well-written, well-acted, and genuinely sincere that there's nary any room for cheese or unintentional laughs. [...] While the direction and script [...] make up a large chunk of what makes the film work so well, being quite unique in focusing on a gangster's woman rather than the gangster himself, it wouldn't be nearly as good if not for the excellent cast. [...] Everyone is top-notch, and they're definitely just one more reason why the film entirely breaks free of the drive-in trash chains that are wrapped around it due to carrying Corman's name."
The great Temple of Shockoffers the newspaper cutting directly above, taking note of some name changes: "[...] The ad above is from its Tucson, AZ opening [at the De Anza Drive-In] on August 10th, 1979 [on a double bill with Nightwing (1979 / trailer)]. The film was not a success, so Roger Corman tried a different poster design and changed the title to Guns, Sin, and Bathtub Gin(the original tag line had been 'She's made of bullets, sin & bathtub gin'). [...] For some reason, when the film played Chicago — where Dillinger was set up by Sage and killed outside the Biograph Theater on July 22nd, 1934 — New World changed the title to Touch Me and Die and erased all references to Dillinger and the period setting. Even worse, the film was relegated to second-feature status under Escape from Death Row (a shady re-release of Mean Frank and Crazy Tony) during its week-long run beginning on July 24th, 1981." 
Trailer to
Mean Frank and Crazy Tony:
The painting below, entitled The Lady in Red a.k.a. The Death of Dillinger(circa 1939), is from the great Reginald Marsh (March 14, 1898 – July 3, 1954), a wealthy-by-birth American artist whose work is less American Regionalism than American Social Realism. "Reginald Marsh was […] renowned for his depictions of New York street life throughout the Roaring 20s and the Great Depression. His busy, muddy scenes of seedy nightlife and entertainment were often the focus of his canvases, painted with the gusto and urgency of Social Realism and rendered with egg tempera, oils, watercolors, and ink. He chronicled the bustling beach scenes of Coney Island, as well as the homeless sleeping on Bowery Street, imbuing his subjects with psychological depth. [artnet]"
About the painting: "Marsh has depicted the infamous Anna Sage, a Romanian-born madam, and to her right, prostitute Polly Hamilton, both of whom harbored Dillinger in the months leading up to his death. In the weeks following the shoot out, the press not only uncovered the identities of these two women but also discovered that Sage had conspired with the government to bring Dillinger in, hoping to receive immunity and the $25,000 bounty in exchange for her cooperation. Sage arranged with the government officers, commonly known as G-men, to accompany Dillinger to a showing at the Biograph Theater and to wear a bright orange dress[italics ours] in order to stand out in the crowd. […] Witnesses, misreading the orange dress under the brilliant lights of the theater marquee, later claimed Sage was wearing red. Sage, dubbed the 'Lady in Red,' soon became an integral part of the Dillinger legend. [mcny]"


Dr. Heckyl and Mr. Hype 
(1980, writ. & dir. Charles B. Griffith)

Charles B. Griffith's follow-up effort after the absolutely hilariously bad Up from the Deaths (1979 / trailer), which at least he did not also script. Twenty years earlier, this film's lead actor, Oliver Reed (13 Feb 1938 – 2 May 1999, of TheBrood [1979 / trailer]), had also appeared [somewhere] in a serious adaption of R.L. Stevenson's classic tail, the Hammer production The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll(1960 / trailer).Day and night, the two films are, needless to say…
About this film, however, Charles B. Griffith (23 Sept 1930 – 28 Sept 2007)once said a lot more than just "[Dr. Heckyl and Mr. Hype] could have been the best of the best. [...]: So I had these joke titles in my pocket and Menahem hired me, after I showed him Little Shop (1960, see Part I), to write The Happy Hooker Goes to Hollywood [1977 / see further below]. I didn't want to do that, so I put my agent on him and I said, 'I get $25,000 for writing and another $25,000 for directing', thinking that he'd turn it down. It took a long time but Menahem gave me that deal and said that he had to hand off Happy Hooker to somebody else [Alan Roberts], so we'd have to do another picture. He asked what I had in mind, and I told him that I sort of specialize in black comedies. And I remembered this list when I put on my shirt that day and so I handed it to him and he chuckled at the last one. 'You want to do a funny Jeckyll and Hyde?' I said, 'Sure', and he said, 'Okay, but the ugly guy is the good guy.' And that was it. [...] Sonny Johnson(21 Sept 1953 – 19 June 1984), the lead actress, was cast in the middle of the night before shooting started the next day, but she turned in a stellar performance. A few weeks later, she died of a brain haemorrhage. She was beautiful and a great actress. She would have went on to greater stuff. [...] I asked Dick Miller and Jonathan Haze, from the old gang, to be the garbage men, but Jonathan refused. I just gave all the lines to Dick, who did both sets. [Senses of Cinema]" (In other words, Miller plays a garbage man who talks with himself.)
The plot, as found at Video Vacuum: "Oliver Reed stars as the ugly Dr. Heckyl, a podiatrist who secretly pines for his beautiful patient (Sunny Johnson). He swipes a fat-burning formula from a colleague (Mel Welles, who also starred in Griffith's Little Shop of Horrors [1960]), and tries to overdose on it, hoping that the fat-burning compound will waste him away to nothing. Instead, it turns him into the handsome (or as handsome as Oliver Reed can get) and horny Mr. Hype. He tries to get it on with nearly every woman he sees, but when they say something about his looks, he flies off the handle and kills them. Eventually, he sets his sights on Johnson, who is predictably more smitten with the kind (but ugly) Heckyl."
Dr. Heckyl and Mr. Hype:
"The opening credits of Mr Heckyl and Mr Hypeoffer 'apologies to Robert Louis Stevenson'; it's fair to say that writer/director Charles B Griffith has some apologising to do. This [is] astonishing in all the wrong ways comedy sees a game Oliver Reed in a modern reworking on the old story [...]. Not a straight horror, Griffith's film has a wildly uncertain tone, aiming for some kind of Mel Brooks chaos but falling on the wrong side of Jerry Lewis's The Nutty Professor (1963 / trailer); in a career of butch, taciturn performances, Reed's comic turns are an unfortunate departure [...]. [The Film Authority]"
"Not that you can blame Ollie for all that follows. Yes, he had little talent with light comedy and plays Hype on familiar dead-eyed autopilot but he makes a real effort with the Heckyl character and actually achieves some audience sympathy. Which is actually a bit of a miracle, considering the film's real problem: the dreadful script. Mixing infantile gags and stupid sound effects with gory 'joke' murders is a mix that never gels and, although plot is never a prime requirement in such a film, it's so all over the place as to verge on the incomprehensible. To give you a sample of what's on offer, the chief investigating detective (Virgil Frye [21 Aug 1930 – 7 May 2012] of Nightmare in Wax [1969]) is already a patient of Dr. Heckyl's because — wait for it! — he has flat feet. Ta-Da! [Mark David Welsh]"
"On one end everything that transpires is kind of pathetic, but on the other end the jokes are taken to unseen degrees of absurdity. [Splatter Critic]"


Used Cars
(1980, dir. Robert Zemeckis)

Blink and you'll miss Dick Miller's appearance as "Man in Bed". "Used Cars is a second attempt in two years by writers Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale to scribe an outrageous comedy, the first being the Steven Spielberg-directed 1941. Thankfully, this one (this time directed by Zemeckis himself, with Spielberg limiting his involvement to an Executive Producer credit) is a lot better than that bloated debacle. It's a broad but very sharp and cynical satire on those who emphasise selling over scruples. Unlike 1941, the mayhem works because it is so cleverly focussed. [Thoughts from Cinema's Fringes]" 
Theme song —
Bobby Baresinging Used Cars:
"Used Carsis a lot of fun from start to finish. The script is full of great lines, the pacing is perfect and the finale is actually as wildly entertaining as it is pretty ridiculous. There are also some fantastic stunts in the mix as a huge number of cars are driven from a to b while Roy L. Fuchs tries to stop them reaching their destination. [For It Is A Man's Number]"
The plot, as given by Ed Sutton at Movie Screen Shots: "Used car salesman Rudy Russo (Kurt Russell of 3000 Miles to Graceland [2001]) needs money to run for State Senate, so he approaches his boss Luke (Jack Warden [18 Sept 1920 – 19 July 2006]). Luke agrees to front him the $10,000 he needs, but then encounters an 'accident' orchestrated by his [twin] brother, who runs the car lot across the street. Roy is hoping to claim title to his brother's property because Roy's paying off the mayor to put the new interstate through the area. After Luke disappears, it's all out war between the competing car shops, and no nasty trick is off limits as Rudy and his gang fight to keep Roy from taking Luke's property. Then Luke's daughter (Deborah Harmon) shows up."
Trailer to
Used Cars:
"Strangely, Hollywood sometimes inadvertently reveals more about politics when overtly avoiding the subject altogether. Robert Zemeckis' second feature [...] is a raucous, foul-mouthed comedy which revels in capitalism at a grass-roots level. This isn't the refined greed of unregulated bankers; it's the raw greed of ordinary people scrambling to make a buck any way they can — appropriately, as the title declares, in what is traditionally seen as the haven of unscrupulous liars, the used car business. What gives Used Cars its crude energy is its utter lack of any concern for ostensibly moral behaviour. Hollywood tradition had always required some kind of hero, someone driven by the urge to do right; here, however, the 'good guy', salesman Rudy Russo (Russell), is as immoral and crooked as his nemesis, Roy L. Fuchs (Warden), who runs the lot on the other side of the highway. [...] It's not just that crime is allowed to pay; it's that it's no longer even crime, but rather the essence of business. Beneath its casually entertaining surface, Used Cars celebrates the depressing essence of corporate capitalism and the immorality which now rules business and a politics whose only concern is supporting corporate interests. [Cagey Films]"
The movie was only a modest success, but that didn't stop it from being watered down and remade four years later in 1984 as a TV movie pilot for a series, also entitled Used Cars, which never happened.
 

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood
(1980, dir. Alan Roberts)
 
And what does Dick Miller play? Dunno if he says anything, but he appears somewhere as a "New York Cop".
In case you don't even know who Xaviera Hollander is: "Before Heidi Fleiss, there was Xaviera Hollander, the infamous 'Happy Hooker' who came to manage her own brothel after becoming the go-to prostitute of late 1960s New York. In the wake of her deportation to Toronto, Hollander released an autobiography which was voraciously frank about her many sexcapades. She then became an advice columnist for Penthouse ('Call Me Madam') for roughly three decades, before finally spending her golden years in Amsterdam running a bed-and-breakfast. [Mind of Frames]"
The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood is the third and last movie of the franchise based on Xaviera Hollander's famous best seller, The Happy Hooker: My Own Story, which was made into a movie in 1975 starring Lynn Redgrave (who?). (Interestingly enough, the same year that the Redgrave movie came out, Xaviera Hollander starred in "a low budget, Canadian-made sex farce" entitled My Pleasure Is My Business [trailer], poster below.) The Redgrave film gave birth to The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington (1977 / trailer), starring Joey Heatherton (who?). Three years later, for this, the third and final of the trilogy, the great Martine Beswick (of Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde[1971] and Seizure[1974 / trailer], the last with Jonathan Frid) plays a brunette Xaviera.
Editor, producer and director Alan Roberts (2 Nov 1946 – 3 July 2016) gained his experience in the world of softcore porn with such well-titled saggy-boob and hairy-butt wonders as The Zodiac Couples (1970), the "documentary"Censorship USA(1971), The Sexpert (1972), Panorama Blue (1974, with the Great Uschi), Sex Clinic Girls (1974) and more. He eventually graduated to more mainstream trash with third-rate or down-and-fading actors, of which this is one; he ended his days editing no-budget movies, few of which anyone has ever seen... except for one, which many a person watched on YouTube or elsewhere: "In 2011, Roberts was involved in production of the film Desert Warriors. The film was substantially altered by others, and released as the film that became Donald Trump's favorite, the anti-Islamic film Innocence of Muslims("trailer") in 2012. [Mostly Wikipedia]"
Mind of Frames is of the opinion that The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood is "85 minutes of dignity-damaging disappointments. And those three Ds are heavier than any of the breasts on show, including Martine Beswick's."
Aveleymandisagrees ever so slightly: "'Books are made for coffee tables or something to read while you're sitting on the toilet ... but movies ... movies are made for the World!' Thus says a movie mogul in this inept comedy that owes more to the British sex comedies of the 70s than anything Hollywood might have produced. Nevertheless, Martine Beswick and a number of other nubiles are restful on the eye."
"Even goofier than the first two films in the series, The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood throws sense out the window and is almost slapstick in spots. It's played completely for laughs with almost the entire cast hamming it up for the camera. The script provides ample opportunity for 'wink-wink-nudge-nudge' sex jokes and the pacing is handled in such a way that the gags, as corny as they are, come quickly. There's a fair bit of nudity in the film and Beswick's fan base will appreciate seeing her show off a bit in the picture. She's not bad at all in the role, clearly in on the joke like the rest of the cast. Adam West [19 Sept 1928 – 9 June 2017, seen above from the film] steals most of the scenes that he's involved with, melding suave and sleazy rather wonderfully in the film. Supporting work from Phil Silvers is notable, he's pretty funny here, while Chris Lemmon (of Just Before Dawn [1981 / trailer]) shows up here in a decent part. [Rock! Shock! Pop!]"
Trailer to
The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood:
"The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywoodfeatures a supporting cast skilled with cartoon reactions and comedic emphasis, and the screenplay (by Devin Goldenberg) goes very broad with conflicts, giving the feature a soap opera vibe at times. Still, merriment is there, especially when Xaviera decides to go indie with her movie, joining her Avengers-style squad of escorts (including Playboy Playmate and B-movie staple Susan Kiger*[seen below]) to acquire all the necessary funds for production, and, when cash fails, she trades sex for film and processing, finding men more than delighted to enjoy five minutes with these women in dark closets, eschewing a living to spend time with working girls. The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood seems delighted to explore the johns and their requests, with Roberts visiting themed fetish rooms to add some playful absurdity to the effort, with one customer getting off while dressed up as a sheep under Little Bo Peep, while another is turned into a human birthday cake eagerly anticipating the blowout of his candles. These kind of shenanigans have nothing to do with the plot, merely serving as a way for Cannon to fit in more nudity, taking the burden off Beswick, who offers plenty of exposure for the picture, playing Xaviera as a free spirit who often doesn't need clothes. [Blue Ray]"
*"Susan Lynn Kiger (born 1953 in Pasadena, California) is an American glamour model who was Playmate of the Month in January 1977. She was the first Playmate to perform in a hardcore porno feature Deadly Love (1976, a.k.a. Hot Nasties) before posing for the Playboy magazine. Her centerfold was photographed by Pompeo Posar and Ken Marcus. She appeared in the cover of Playboy three times: March 1977, November 1977, April 1978 (see below). [Boobpedia]"
Oh, wait! The plot! Spinning Image, which accuses the movie of "painting a fairy tale picture of prostitution as nothing but gaily coloured frolics"— What! It isn't? — has the plot, and it isn't a complicated one: "The Warkoff Film Studios of Hollywood, California are in a tizzy because the head, Mr Warkoff (Phil Silvers [11 May 1911 – 1 Nov 1985]) is visiting today. His right hand men, including grandson Robby (Chris Lemmon of Wishmaster[1997]) and top producer Lionel Lamely (Adam West of Batman: The Movie [1966 / trailer] and Robinson Crusoe on Mars [1964 / trailer]) are anxious to find out what he has on his mind, which turns out to be an adaptation of the memoirs of the so-called 'Happy Hooker', Xaviera Hollander (Martine Beswick). When she is contacted, she is flattered but sceptical about how well her life story will translate, so opts to travel to Hollywood to show them what's what..."
They go on to say, "All this is patently aimed at men who didn't have the courage to watch genuine porn, as Lemmon apart the male characters are plainly overage while most of the females are in their twenties. So it's really a fantasy, and an impoverished one at that — little wonder Beswick was so disdainful of working on it."

In the UK, The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood went from Rated R to Rated X, got retitled as Hollywood Blue, and was released on a double bill with the truly obscure and questionable softcore sexploitation flick directed by Robert Mitrotti, Little Girl, Big Tease, yet another sleazy movie about kidnapped virgins who discover their sexuality through rape. Perhaps one of the most notable things about that film is that it is one of the last films to feature the thespianly talented sex-film actress Rebecca Brooke aka Mary Mendum (21 Feb 1952 - 17 July 2012), seen below not from the movie. (For more about Little Girl, Big Tease, watch Cannon Film Countdown #10 at YouTube.)
Brooke plays one of the kidnappers.
 


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Short Film: Under Covers (2018)

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Long, long ago, there used to be something called zines. They were physically real, printed on paper and were meant to be read. You could hold them, and keep them. They were hard to discover, generally, and a labor of love often only available from the creative source. We here at a wasted life loved them, and even produced a couple by ourselves (Augen, Frank, Punk Ducky, Totally Racist Comics) and with others (Leche Libre).
Amongst our favorites zines were Murder Can Be Fun, which we still miss, and boingboing. We don't miss boingboingas much, mainly because although the last print issue was long ago, it lives on as one of the most popular blogs around. Check it out… as if you haven't already. 
This month's Short Film comes by way of boingboing, which presented it to their reading public on August 5th: Under Covers, by Michaela Olsen.
To proffer the plot description found at boingbloing: "On the night of a lunar eclipse, we uncover the sweet, salacious, and spooky secrets of a small town. From a pigtailed psychopath to naughty nuns and everything in between, this stop-motion animated film conjures a comforting thought: that weird is relative." 
For more information about the film, check out what the filmmaker has to say at vimeo.

The Bagman (USA, 2002)

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Long-time readers of a wasted life— Are there any aside from you, Mom? Oh, wait: you're dead, so there probably aren't any... — might possibly, doubtfully, remember an amazing flick that truly stunned us back in 2015, the "video nasty" (Not!) entitled Frozen Scream. Directed by a nobody named Frank Roach, the film was the first filmic baby of Renee Harmon (18 May 1927 – 26 Nov 2006), a spectacularly Teutonic-accented and untalented producer, scriptwriter, actor, whatever whose independent productions universally display a signature anti-style that reveals her to be a kind of cinema-obsessed Mrs. Miller. 
These Boots Are Made for Walking:
Back when we wrote about the memorable experience that is Frozen Scream, among other things we said that the movie "is one of those movies that is so bad, so incompetent, so unbelievably what-the-fuck that it makes most Ed Wood films look professional in comparison. One is tempted to simply write it off as 'what-were-they-thinking, oh-they-needed-a-tax-deduction' trash, but, in truth, although an unbelievably inept film, [Frozen Scream] displays an earnestness shared by all those involved that, regardless of the respective lack of talent, makes the viewer realize that the people involved in the project were probably truly serious about it." It is a sentiment we share with the shot-on-video bodycounter Bagman, a film that has a few similarities with the shot-on-film sci-fi horror, Frozen Scream.
Like Frozen Scream, Bagman is the product of a mover-and-shaker female filmmaker, in this case the lower-echelon "Scream Queen" Stephanie Beaton who, much like Harmon, decided to make star projects for herself instead of just waiting for any role at all whenever luck would have it. (Luck is rare, as we all know.) Beaton, like Harmon, is arguably "buxom and attractive",and like Harmon she has her finger in every slice of the pie (script, production, acting, whatever) of her first self-produced project. (Frozen Scream was likewise Harmon's first project, but its reported budget of $20,000probably exceeds The Bagman's by a ten or twenty thousand.) Like Harmon's, Beaton's home products did little to advance her movie career, which is perhaps why (like Harmon), Beaton's filmic presence pretty much ended after a few years.*
*Imdb rumor has it that Beaton might be returning to genre films soon with another shot-on-video, no-budget production entitled Beast(planned release date unknown).
But whereas Frozen Scream's script quickly beams into bonkersville, The Bagman's bodycount narrative is predictably and boringly by-the-number — so much so that, unlike any other movie we have viewed to date (including Shark Week [2012] and Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus [2010]), it literally put us to sleep. Indeed, we missed whole swathes of the movie; not only that, but discussions held after the four-person group screening where we watched The Bagman revealed that all four of us drifted off at one point or another, enough so that not one of the seven deaths was caught by all four of us at the same time.
So, one thing for sure: the screening experience of The Bagmanis memorable in a completely different way to that of Frozen Scream... regrettably, not in a way that would make it recommendable.
Like thousands of bodycounters before it, The Bagmanplot concerns a group of people that cause a death that they keep secret but then, ten years later, seems to be at the heart of the serial demise of the members of the said group. Here, a unisex bunch of dick-ass classmates (including the token Afro-American, who, naturally, turns out to be the first to go as an adult) chase, harass, and then kill fellow student Jack Marshall, a badly-scarred youth whose ugly disfigurement is the result of a house fire that killed his parents.* But, wait! After covering his face with a burlap bag and drowning him and swearing themselves into secrecy, the body disappears almost in front of their eyes! (Not that any of them seem to notice or care.)
*"To be clear about how unsympathetic these characters are, they are picking on a kid who survived a fire that burned his house to the ground and killed both his parents. Yes, they're tormenting an orphaned, homeless kid with skin grafts. [Haunted Monkey Paw Island]"
The whole introductory scene, an incompetently shot and acted reiteration of a generic, basic opening found in films, all undoubtedly better, ranging from before Homicidal (1961 / trailer) or [put title of your choice here] and up to well past Prom Night (1980 / trailer) or I Know What You Did Last Summer(1996 / trailer) or [put title of your choice here], is as "professional" and non-effective as the rest of the movie, which takes place ten years later. That part of the flick opens with an oddly laughable sex scene on a cooking stove during which final gal Sue Creswell (Stephanie Beaton) displays her bodaciously proportioned chesticles before turning harpy and breaking up with her loser artist boyfriend. This leads her to returning back to her hometown and reuniting with her frenemies and the sudden appearance of the Bagman (Ron Ford of Camp Blood [2000]), a fat guy wearing the same bag over his face that Marshall "died" wearing, and the ten-little-Indian progression of dead young adults plus doggy and white-trash lady that follows.
We awoke for a few deaths, including that of the doggy, but missed for example the double deed that followed the film's second sex scene (image of the bra-wearing female victim above), which we slept through. Nothing that we saw in The Bagman when awake was filmed in a way that evidenced directorial competence or creative aspirations, and the acting ranged from passable (the girl who bites the dust in the cemetery was OK) to jaw-droppingly horrible (some white guy who dies). Amidst it all, it must be said that Stephanie Beaton comes across the best: she never completely drops the thespian baton, even when she tips into camp, and at least for the scenes we caught between dozes she was as believable as a mildly talented local-TV actress, if somewhat fuller in figure. (Damn! What chesticles!)
Here at a wasted life, we generally admire people who have a dream and try to follow it in hope of achieving their own real-life Horatio Alger story or simply because they, like a true outsider artist, have an unquenchable need for artistic production. Beaton definitely falls more into the former than the latter, and possibly as a result the movie, an obvious attempt to sustain or advance her dream vocation (i.e., an extremely paltry cinematic career), displays little true creative talent or any sort of artistic goal. Thus, while she is to be lauded for at least trying to attempt something, she did anything but make even a half-way decent purse from a sow's ear. But then, she also didn't make a worthwhile mess, either. The real problem, to return to what we wrote about Frozen Scream (see the second paragraph above), is that unlike Renee Harmon's first foray into creating a non-existent career, as cringingly horrible as The Bagman is, it isn't as entertaining as a cringingly horrible film should be.
For us, it will remain in our memory as the film that put us asleep (something even Scent of a Woman [1992 / trailer] didn't do, but then we walked out on that one). That is not a memory that instigates a positive recommendation...
So, in other words: don't bother watching this mess… Hell, why even waste your time with the trailer (below)?
Interminably overlong trailer to The Bagman:

Babes of Yesteryear: Uschi Digard, Part VII: 1973-74

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Babes of Yesteryear: a wasted life's irregular and PI feature that takes a look at the filmographies of the underappreciated actresses cum sex bombs of low-culture cinema of the past. Some may still be alive, others not. Our choice of whom we look at is idiosyncratic and entirely our own — but the actors are/were babes, one and all. (Being who we are, we might also take a look at some actor cum beefcake, if we feel like it.)
As the photo and blog-entry title above reveal, we're currently looking at the films of one of the ultimate cult babes ever, a woman who needs no introduction to any and all red-blooded American hetero male whose hormonal memory goes further back than the start of the 80s: the great Uschi Digard.*
*A.k.a. Astrid | Debbie Bowman | Brigette | Briget | Britt | Marie Brown | Clarissa | Uschi Dansk | Debbie | Ushi Devon | Julia Digaid | Uschi Digaid | Ushi Digant | Ursula Digard | Ushie Digard | Ushi Digard | Alicia Digart | Uschi Digart | Ushi Digart | Ushi Digert | Uschi Digger | Beatrice Dunn | Fiona | Francine Franklin | Gina | Glenda | Sheila Gramer | Ilsa | Jobi | Cynthia Jones | Karin | Astrid Lillimor | Astrid Lillimore | Lola | Marie Marceau | Marni | Sally Martin | Mindy | Olga | Ves Pray | Barbara Que | Ronnie Roundheels | Sherrie | H. Sohl | Heide Sohl | Heidi Sohler | U. Heidi Sohler | Sonja | Susie | Euji Swenson | Pat Tarqui | Joanie Ulrich | Ursula | Uschi | Ushi | Mishka Valkaro | Elke Vann | Elke Von | Jobi Winston | Ingred Young… and probably more. 
As The Oak Drive-In puts it: "With her long hair, Amazonian build & beautiful natural looks (usually devoid of make-up), nobody seems to personify that 60's & early 70's sex appeal 'look' better than [Uschi Digard]. She had a presence that truly was bigger than life — a mind-bending combination of hippie Earth Mother looks and a sexual wildcat. […] She always seemed to have a smile on her face and almost seemed to be winking at the camera and saying 'Hey, it's all in fun.' Although she skirted around the edges at times, she never preformed hardcore…"  
Today, Uschi Digard is still alive, happily married (for over 50 years), and last we heard retired in Palm Springs, CA. To learn everything you ever wanted to know about her, we would suggest listening to the great interview she gave The Rialto Report in 2013.
Please note: we make no guarantee for the validity of the release dates given… or of the info supplied, for that matter.
 

Herewith we give a nudity warning: naked babes and beefcake are highly likely to be found in our Babes of Yesteryear entries. If such sights offend thee, well, either go to another blog or pluck thy eyes from thee...  

Go here for
Uschi Digard, Part I: 1968-69
Uschi Digard, Part II: 1970, Part I
Uschi Digard, Part III: 1970, Part II
Uschi Digard, Part IV: 1971, Part I
Uschi Digard, Part V: 1971, Part II
Uschi Digard, Part VI: 1972 


The Maids 
(1973, dir. "Jack Jackson")
Some sites list this movie as having been made in 1975, but we've seen newspaper adverts from 1973 for this movie. Wethinks people confuse it with the 1975 British art film of the same title (trailer and poster below) starring Glenda Jackson and Susannah York based (loosely) on the true-crime story of Christine and Léa Papin. 
Trailer to
The Maids:
No, The Maids in question, a stateside, non-arthouse movie that even puts Uschi on the poster, is the one directed by porn director "Jack Jackson" a.k.a. "Jourdan Alexander", the man behind Female Chauvinists (1975), which we write about in detail later (in Part VIII).
We would assume Jack Jackson's The Maids to be "lost", as little more than the poster can be found online. The Maids was produced by "Damon Christian", born Richard Aldrich, who has retired from sexploitation and porn to run the 1780 Farm and has since run into trouble by cowardly but sinless, stone-throwing prudes. (Trumpsters, we assume.)


Love & the Great Grunt
(1973, dir. sort-of unknown)

OK, we haven't watched this movie — "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!"— so our assumptions in the following are exactly that: guesswork based simply on available "facts".
A.k.a. known as Satisfaction Guaranteed and The Magic Mirror, the last because it seems to lift parts from the obscure, 1970 soft-core one-day wonder of the same name, The Magic Mirror (see Part III). As with The Magic Mirror, the "official" director of Satisfaction Guaranteed and/or Love & the Great Grunt is unknown and open to discussion, as different sources offer different names. 
The imdb claims Satisfaction Guaranteed was "invented and conceived by" the one-film-wonder "Melvin Kissem", and the iafdconfirms him as the director, even as they claim the film to be 1976 release. That date, of course, would explain the presence of fuck-film names that hadn't even been in the industry when the 1970 version of The Magic Mirror was floating around, but just because someone is credited doesn't mean they're in the film. (Laurien Dominique, for example, is credited but not there, according to the regular imdb contributor lor, whom we return to further below. Other credited names, like Jodi Thorpe or Toni Scott [the latter found also in Hardgore (1974)], may be there but weren't even in the business at the time the original version of The Magic Mirror and/or Love & the GreatGrunt was supposedly made.) The problem we have with the "Melvin Kissem" directorial credit, however, is that there seems to be a C. Davis Smith film out there thus entitled about "the amorous adventures of three secretaries willing to ante up for an evening of satisfying sport sex with a trio of male studs". A trashy film and trash director with the same name...?
The iafd, which doesn't bother with listing The Magic Mirror, lists Love & the Great Grunt as a totally different movie than Satisfaction Guaranteed, and as having been directed by Antony Weber — also, it appears, a one-film wonder. But the "stars" named are the same ones named at the imdb for The Magic Mirror.
Therefore it is probably safe to assume that all three films, if nothing else, use common material, and thus are cut and paste jobs re-edited to fit the time of their release, probably with newer and/or hardcore material added. Over at Cannibalized Cinema, they claim that the hardcore footage is taken from Devil's Due (1973) — who are we to say it isn't?
 
Over at the forum of Porncoven, gadgeteer posits that "going by Rene Bond having had a boob job and when Jane Tsentas quit working, [Love and the Great Grunt] dates to 1971 or 1972. Love and the Great Grunt is on the painting and in graffiti at the intro — so it's the original title and Magic Mirror some alternate. The director and producer was 'Antony Weber', from the graffiti." 
In the same forum zushiomaru says the movie is "hard to sit thru or describe, lots of short scenes, an orgy, several scenes in an office w/ a Groucho Marx lookalike." This actually makes the film sound like they also used clips from Marriage American Style (1970, dir. Unknown, see Part III) in which Uschi, as "Miss Grunt"— notice the last name? — works for a lawyer who looks just like Groucho Marx.
The last to comment on the movie at Porncoven is bigfatbob, who uploaded the Satisfaction Guaranteed poster and said, "This is an experimental/art film that is filled with lots and lots of group sex scenes, psychedelic imagery, and other weirdness. That's about the only description I can give you. I've had this movie for a while, but I've never watched it. I tried once or twice, but it's simply too weird." A description that corresponds, in a way, to the Alpha Blue plot description supplied on the back of their DVD Uschi Digard Triple Feature 3, which includes Love & the Great Grunt (1972): "Bafflingly odd XXX film is an overdose of weirdness. Nazis, fencing matches, Uschi, and very rare hardcore action with some very cute 70s' babes!"
In other words, a "sloppy mixture of porn & underground filmmaking", as lor called it on 22 January 2015 at the imdb, going on to say: "Occasionally filmmakers have crossed the line to match the original '60s impulse of underground/experimental filmmaking with pornography, and Satisfaction Guaranteed is an example of a failure in this genre. […] It was produced by untalented Frisco director Bob Kirk. [Italics, ours.] Result is what I refer to as the 'cinema of slop', a mish-mash of dumb ideas, attempts to shock (in the '60s/'70s Ken Russell manner) and what looks suspiciously like a ton of old XXX footage thrown in from other porn projects. Alternate title Love & the Great Grunt derives from principal character, a pseudo-Satanist called the Great Grunt who, conforming with this other porn sub-genre, has a half-painted face to make him appear demonic. [...] Dumb premise of the film is that there is a revolution against GG stirring, with one of his acolytes, named 218 (opposed by a more literally named 666), vying for power. Ultimately GG is overthrown [...]. Uschi [...] is clearly the only reason to watch it at all. Anonymous director 'Kissem' cast many big-breasted femmes opposite Uschi, of whom Sandi Carey has the largest role. Uschi [...] is strictly soft-core [...] but the other gals go full hardcore. [...] Key scene for present-day fans of psychotronic or bizarre cinema comes late in the film, when GG holds a typical Satanic ceremony with a girl laid out on display surrounded by the cast dressed up as if Ricky's costume shops had been invented a couple of decades earlier. She has an apple in her mouth, so it isn't surprising when the cast starts feeding on her body, a cannibalism scene that is merely silly since no budget for makeup EFX was provided. [...] It plays like a dumb backyard movie, of which amateur filmmaker Don Glut was a pioneer. [...]" 
One of Sandi Carey's last roles before disappearing was "Coed #2", not in a porn film but horror flick — of the fun, bad-film kind. Are you ready for....
Tom Kennedy's
Time Walker (1982):
But to return to the fact that the producer of Satisfaction Guaranteed was Bob Kirk, an unknown and untalented and forgotten and seemingly untraceable pornographer active in San Francisco circa 1972 to 1978. Seeing that all other films that he is known to have produced he also directed, it is feasible he also "directed" this one. (The flaw in this hypothesis is that he was not known to use pseudonyms.)
One last things: as of recent, Love and the Great Grunt is often listed as a.k.a. title for Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death (1973, see further below). This is wrong. Though the latter is also directed by Antony Weber and shares some of the same cast, they are nevertheless two distinct movies. Nevertheless, one cannot help but notice that the woman on the lower left of the Satisfaction Guarenteed poster above is modeled after a babe in Cries/Blows.


Sex, Love and Happiness
(1973, writ & dir. Frank Sürth)
Aufklärungsfilme ("educational films") were the German equivalent of white-coaters, and from the late sixties to the end of the 70s, there were hundreds of them. A good introduction to them, should you understand some German, is the entertaining 1988 German "documentary" film on the genre, Die Aufklärungsrolle - Als die Liebe laufen lernte  (1988), trailer below.
German trailer to
Aufklärungsrolle — Als die Liebe laufen lernte:
Frank Sürth, a German, had a very short career as an Aufklärungsfilm and sex-film director. As far as we can tell, this is his second directorial effort; he made his first one in 1971, Sex-Export aus Amsterdam, and his (possibly) last, Sex-Export aus Amsterdam, Teil 2, in 1976.
Along the way, he also "presented" foreign product on the German market (see the German poster of the Mexican horror flick Night of a Thousand Cats [1972 / trailer] below).
We could find little about any of his films, though the Amsterdam films — the VHS cover further above is to the first — seem to be typical soft-core sex comedies. But as we doubt Bambi Allen (2 May 1938 – 21 Jan 1973) ever went to Europe to make any movies, we assume the use of loops and other edited-in film material was involved in Teil 2— or that any and all of them are perhaps simply US product re-edited and re-dubbed for the German market.
The same could be for Sex-Love and Happiness, which doesn't seem to have Bambi but does have 20th-century American skin stars Rick Lutz, Uschi Digard and "René Lutz" (that's Rene Bond to most of us) and, going by the title, was marketed in Germany as another Aufklärungsfilm. Who knows whether it ever had a release in the US under any title, much less this one…
The German firm 2001does claim that the movie is a.k.a. Virgin Dreams, but the problem is that the onlyVirgin Dreams out there is the 1977 porn flick written and directed by Zebedy Colt (20 Dec 1929 – 29 May 2004), and that East Coast production not only features only East Coast porn stars but was made after this one.
Frank Sürth, assuming it is the same person, was born in Cologne on 18 April 1917 (or 1921), and died in Las Vegas on 30 November 1998.
 
The German Film Dienst has a rather vacuous film description, in German: "Deutscher Aufklärungsfilm, der einen ebenso reichen wie rücksichtslosen Jüngling vor den Schreibtisch eines Sexualberaters befördert, um die Lehrdarstellung der geschlechtlichen Vereinigung mit einem hochgestochenen Text zu begleiten." (In English, we would say that it more or less says: "A German educational film [Aufklärungsfilm] in which a young man, as rich as he is reckless, is brought to the desk of a sex ed instructor to assist in the educational visualization of sexual intercourse accompanied by a pompous text.")
Interestingly enough, the previous year (1972) saw another "documentary" sharing almost the same name,Sex, Love and Marriage, directed by "Terry Gould" aka David Grant. The adults-only short below is perhaps his most famous filmic production.
The full adults-only short film
 Snow White and the Seven Perverts (1972):
 

Superchick
(1973, dir. Ed Forsyth)

So, was Ed Forsyth (2 June 1920 – 29 August 2004) also the director Van Guylder or not? It is often claimed that the Van Guylder of The Ramrodder (1969 / trailer) is actually Forsyth, but then is Forsyth also the Van Guylder who made The Bang Bang Gang (1970 / scene) and Hollywood Babylon (1972, see Part VI)? Do you know? We don't.
Opening credits to
Superchick:
Superchick is a title many have heard and many remember, but few have seen. Quentin Tarantino obviously has seen it, however, for he pays slight homage to the movie with the opening credits sequence of Jackie Brown (1997 / trailer), which somewhat mirrors that of Superchick. Trivia of note: In the film, which was a theatrical release of the sorely missed Crown International Pictures (they no longer release new product), the main character, Tara B. True (Joyce Jillson [26 Dec 1945 – 1 Oct 2004), is a stewardess for Crown International Airlines.
Joyce Jillson, by the way, was more famous and successful as an astrologer than an actress; like so many astrologers, she failed to foresee her demise: "Joyce Jillson — celebrity astrologer. Joyce was an author of a nationally syndicated astrology column which appeared in nearly 200 newspapers including the LA Times and the NY Daily News! She also was Ronald Reagan's official psychic!!! Administration! She died in 2004. Wow...Who knew? [Dougsploitation]" She also wrote books, the cover of one of which is shown below.
TV Guide's plot description is as good as any: "While in the air, she's a brown-haired stewardess serving coffee to happy passengers, but, once she lands, Jillson doffs her wig, letting her natural blonde hair and unrestrainable erotic instincts take over. She is Superchick: stewardess, karate expert, crime fighter, and sex object. Her adventures take her around the country in an episodic romp that culminates when she foils a skyjacking. […]"
Cinebeatsadmits that the movie is "one of my favorite sexploitation films from the seventies", saying, "Superchick is not a great film, […] but it's one of the best 'so bad it's good' movies that I've ever seen. […] If you're looking for cheap thrills, Superchick has very few. The sexual content of Superchick is really tame by today's standards and far from gratuitous. The movie is much more playful and fun than sexy, and whenever possible director Ed Forsyth goes for laughs over titillation."
As for the film's star, Cinebeats says, "After watching Superchick it's easy to see why she had a hard time finding roles. Jillson is very cute and had a sort of naive appeal. But she lacked charisma and her acting is incredibly flat and impossible to take seriously. She also can't dance and seemed to have poor coordination, which often makes her performance in Superchick really funny to watch."
Trailer to 
Superchick:
Your Stupid Minds looks at the socio-cultural aspects of Superchick, stating: "Just after the 1960s militant feminist movement and before the AIDS epidemic of the 80s, Superchick exists in that awkward gap between free love and consequences known as the 1970s. Joyce Jillson is 'Superchick', mild-mannered stewardess (not flight attendant) Tara B. True during the day. In her ample downtime she is 'Superchick', a catsuit-wearing blonde-locked nymphomaniac with three different boyfriends across the country. […] Superchick is surprisingly progressive. It doesn't exactly shatter gender conventions, but it does tap on the glass a few times. The title shows how women can so easily use their own superpowers (sex, and sometimes karate) to overpower men and do their bidding. Tara uses men the same way a playboy uses women, and her blasé attitude counters the double standard women must endure when it comes to sex. […] Superchick simply treats sex the same way most men do, which makes it both frustrating and alluring to the gentlemen in her life. It's always nice to see female protagonists that aren't pining for some dingus boyfriend, seeking man-hating revenge, or getting slapped around. Tara makes her own decisions, and couldn't care less about what society thinks of her. […]"
On the other side of the street is Alex in Wonderland, who views Superchick as "an unwatchable sex romp about a promiscuous airline stewardess named Tara B. True (Joyce Jillson) and her various lovers. The only thing 'super' about her is her insatiable appetite for sex, and she gets it on with nearly everyone she meets. A self-proclaimed sex goddess, she actually has to dress herself down at work in order to deflect the constant attention of men, and states that 'with measurements like mine, even the auto-pilot makes passes at me'. Ironically, she's much more attractive as a timid and mousy stewardess than she is as a blonde bombshell in hotpants. […] While the production is barely competent, it's the tone and attitude of the free-loving 1970's hippie sensibilities that make the film so difficult to watch. While it may be considered progressive to feature such a strong, intelligent, independent, and sexually charged woman as the star of the show, the prevailing attitudes are still extremely sexist and distasteful. The dialog is atrocious and the 'action' scenes are laughably pathetic. The plot is complete nonsense, and simply an excuse for Superchick to sleep with as many men as possible. […] The film really has no redeeming qualities at all, unless you just want to see some au naturel 70's breasts." (Of course we do.)
 
Grindhousefilmsays it succinctly, "I encourage everyone to watch Superchick. If only to learn exactly how NOT to make a movie. It is truly a one-of-a-kind piece of garbage that is endlessly enjoyable. It's a real treat."
Uschi Digard shows up is a short appearance as the lesbian porn actress Mayday (above), while John Carradine (of, among many movies, Shock Waves [1977]) is there as an old, retired horror film actor named Igor Smith who's into S&M.


The Roommates
(1973, dir. Arthur Marks)

Not to be confused with the 1982's Roommates, one of the last gasp classics of the Golden Age of porn (poster below).
 
The Roommates at hand was directed by Arthur Marks, who began his directorial career in 1970 with the forgotten movie Togetherness, but it was in 1972 with both Class of 74 (trailer) and Bonnie's Kids (trailer) that he flowered artistically for a brief but rich period of well-made and enjoyable exploitation films that included this "sleazy serial killer opus" here and a subsequent five Blaxpoitation films, Detroit 9000 (1973 / trailer), Bucktown (1975 / trailer), Friday Foster (1975 / trailer), J.D.'s Revenge (1976 / trailer) and The Monkey Hu$tle (1976 / trailer), plus one all-white oddity in between entitled A Woman for All Men (1975 / full movie). He also had a hand in producing and distributing the fun mess that is Linda Lovelace for President (1975 / trailer), as well as William Girdler's The Zebra Killer a.k.a. The Get-Man a.k.a. Combat Cops (1974 / trailer) and John Peyser's effective but sordid The Centerfold Girls (1974 / trailer below).
Trailer to
The Centerfold Girls:
TV Guide has the plot to The Roommates, which is an early (very low) body-count film: "A fun-filled vacation of sun and sex ends up in tragedy for five voluptuous girls — [Heather (Pat Woodell [12 July 1944 – 29 Sept 2015]), Beth (Roberta Collins [17 Nov 1944 – 16 Aug 2008]), Carla (Marki Bey of Sugar Hill & Her Zombie Hitmen [1974 / trailer]), Brea (Laurie Rose), and Heather's cousin Paula (Christina Hart)] — when one of their lovers turns out to be a demented murderer. Woodell finds a personable camper; Collins falls for a divorced architect; Bey has a romance with a local black policeman, and Rose and Hart both become involved with the shy, virginal Arnie [Gary Mascaro (12 Sept 1949 – 2 Dec 1992)]. The vacation takes a sour twist when a female figure is seen stabbing someone to death. A second murder follows: a young girl is shot while water skiing. The girls attend a party, and someone starts shooting at the guests. Bey's policeman boy friend chases down the assailant and kills him. The dead killer is stripped of his wig and dress, and identified as…."
Uschi Digard shows up, uncredited, in the opening orgy scene — she's recognizable in the screenshots below — along with an equally uncredited Juanita Brown, whose subsequent brief carrier (most of it happened in 1974) included appearances in Caged Heat (1974 / trailer), Foxy Brown (1974 / opening credits), and the lead in one of the sleazier dramas from the heyday of Blaxploitation, Black Starlet (1974 / 10 minutes).
At Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot, Marty McKee says, "Sitcom dialogue by Marks and John Durren (Devil Times Five [1974 / trailer]) establishes the young women as vivacious, smart-mouthed, and ready for a good time. Collins, a terrific comedienne buried in exploitive sexpot roles, is really funny here and trades banter well with everyone […]. After a rambling first act that gets its locations and sprawling cast in a row, Act Two tips the so-far breezy narrative on its side with the bloody murder of blond Alice (Connie Strickland) by someone dressed as Father Guido Sarducci. […] The Roommates is never believable, but it's consistently interesting with the actors' strong personalities compensating for any plot and dialogue deficiencies. Yes, the film is overstuffed (Roger Corman did this type of film better with three women, rather than five), leading to some awkward story turns and transitions, but it's entertaining enough…."
Oh the Horror, which calls the movie "Psycho (1960 / trailer) by way of a 70s sitcom" and describes it as an "unwittingly fascinating as an odd 70s relic", says, "Business finally picks up with the first murder, but not for the reasons you might expect. No, the death itself is pretty standard fare, especially by early slashing standards. Instead, it's everyone's reaction to the horror surrounding them — or, rather, their complete non-reaction. No one is particularly shaken up, and everyone's routine continues as normal, from the awkward courtships to the constant partying. It's not just an isolated incident, either: as the body count mounts, so too does everyone's complete nonchalance. A girl gets shot to death while waterskiing? The cops can't help but give the killer credit for being a hell of a shot. Two of the main girls are terrorized in their own homes? Naturally, they throw a party the very next day. As this pattern recurs, it only becomes more outrageous: how is it that nobody seems to give a damn that a psychopath is on the loose? […] While it has its other eccentricities and curiosities […], its total refusal to deal in rational, human behavior is unreal. When you've managed to craft a film where a camp nurse tries to bed one of the campers and it's not the most outrageous event, you've succeeded on at least one level. As a slasher, it might not deliver the same gory goods as its descendants, but it does feature these sort of wacky flourishes expected of the genre, including a game cast of lovely ladies. Even when they're stuck in horrible, melodramatic subplots […], they're clearly having a blast and infuse the film with both sass and denseness. Never have you been more convinced by a group of girls writing off a slew of murders as 'one crazy summer'. You imagine they've probably encountered and survived weirder shit through the sheer power of partying. The Roommates […] might (faintly) anticipate Friday the 13th (1980 / trailer) and other hormonal slashers, but it's not the least bit concerned with blighting promiscuity. Instead, it chooses to laugh off that notion and drive off towards the next party."
Trailer to
The Roommates:


Welcome Home, Johnny
(1973, writ. & dir. "Jim Watkins")
 
Not to be confused with the "serious" TV movie, Welcome Home, Johnny Bristol, title card below, made the year earlier.
Director "Jim Watkins" is actually James Howard, seemingly another one-film wonder; Uschi is there, but credited as "U. Heidi Sohler". So little can be found online regarding this movie that we can't help but wonder whether it might not be a lost film, despite the fact that as late as 1987 in Australia"a 57-minute tape of Welcome Home Johnny was passed with an R-rating. It was awarded for sex, which was found to be [...] Frequent [and...] Gratuitous. [Refused Classification]"
The plot, as more or less found at One Sheet Index: "After four years in military prison, Johnny Russo (Johnny Blue) returns home to a wife, Susan (Tracy Handfuss), who tells him that it's all over between them: her love for Johnny is gone. Enraged, Johnny pins the objecting Susan to their bed, strips her and rapes her. Susan tells Johnny that if he is still there when she finishes her shower she will call the cops. In a run-down motel room Johnny is awakened from a screaming nightmare provoked by war memories, and learns of the murder of his wife while listening to the radio. Confused and disoriented, the ex-con runs from the police called by his suspicious landlady (Patty Beresford) and finds sanctuary in the apartment of his voluptuous neighbor, a topless dancer named Sharon (Rene Bond), who inspires Johnny to try to track down his wife's murderer. Johnny gains access to ex-wife's apartment in search of clues and is confronted by a gorgeous blond, Belinda (Jane DeSantis), who alleges to be his dead wife's girlfriend. Belinda knows that the way to a man's heart is through the zipper on his pant's fly. Belinda mounts Johnny for a long hard ride ... Belinda tells Johnny that a man named Kevin Thompson (Howard Ward) has been seeing his wife hot-and-heavy. With Belinda's help Johnny surprises Thompson with two voluptuous girls, and accuses him of his wife's murder, but police sirens scare Johnny off before Thompson confesses and he escapes to his topless dancer's apartment. Belinda equips Johnny with a loaded gun — and a chase ensues... In the violence that follows Belinda shoots Kevin..."
That's "Tracy Handfuss" above, not from the film; she's woman Johnny rapes and who is subsequently murdered. Ah, yeah: the days long ago when a man could rape a womanand still be the hero of the movie... Of course, nowadays a man can grab women by their pussies and be accused by multiple women of assault or rape and still become president — providing he's a Republican, of course. Yep, America is a great country.


Heads or Tails
(1973, writ. & dir. James Chiara)

Heads or Tails was a softcore sex film, seemingly lacking credits (or at least the original poster did). Later credits were added and thenthe movie was re-released with hardcore inserts and renamed Honey Buns, with the one-film wonder "James Chiara" was credited as writer, director and producer. Honey Buns appears to be the only surviving version of the movie.
Mondo Digitalhas the plot to the recent Honey Buns DVD release: "A silly comedy with a couple of big stars (neither of whom handle the most graphic scenes) and a really silly premise suitable for a Benny Hill skit. Schlubby Harry (Matt Hewitt) works at Internally Yours, a firm dedicated to developing cutting-edge feminine hygiene products; unfortunately, his overbearing boss (John Barnum) is also a douche. On top of that he gets chewed out by a new applicant (Uschi Digard in what amounts to a cameo), but he finds comfort in the form of his exhibitionist coworker (Rene Bond). Outside on the Miracle Mile he crosses paths with a weird magician (Harvey Whippsnake) who takes him on a walking tour (complete with awesome '70s L.A. footage) and offers him a magical red pill that can summon up the girl of his dreams. Unfortunately the vixens disappear at the worst possible moment, leaving him frustrated as he tries to keep happiness in his bed. Will he be able to come up with a plan that keeps everyone happy?"
Schlockmania, which mentions that "Rene Bond and Uschi Digart figure prominently in the credits but neither has a sex scene and Digart doesn't show any flesh", says, "The 1970s were truly the 'wild west' era of adult movies. Anyone with basic filmmaking equipment and a handful of exhibitionist performers could knock out a movie and get it into storefront theaters. The result was a lot of curious product that fulfills the genres demands in eccentric ways. […] Honey Buns will look as primitive as cave drawings to any modern connoisseur of adult fare: the filmmaking is functional at best, with lots of camera and boom shadows, and much of the sex was shot softcore with explicit inserts awkwardly added later. […] That said, Honey Buns is memorably loony. The early scenes are a weird combination of sub-sitcom comedic schtick, topped off by Hewitt's odd 'Latka Gravas' accent, plus some sleazy '70s skin-flick sex. It gets even weirder once Harry starts having his visions at home, including a standout sequence where Harry is disciplined by a cape-wearing dominatrix vision while music-library acid rock throbs on the soundtrack. In short, your interest level in Honey Buns will depend on your fondness for weird, rough-hewn early '70s adult filmmaking."
Has nothing to do with the movie, but in 1969 The Trogs released a single with a B-side song entitled Heads or Tails. That same year, an fun and sleazy Italo western was also released that is aka Heads or Tails (Italian trailer). Uschi had nothing to do with either.
The Troggs Heads or Tails:
 

Poor Cecily
(1973, dir. "F.C. Perl")
 
Aka Lady in Trouble. "Franklin G. Pearl" is far better known under the name Lee Frost (14 Aug 1935 – 25 May 2007), the legendary exploitation director of Love Camp 7 (1969 / trailer), The Thing with Two Heads (1972 / trailer), Chrome and Hot Leather (1971 / trailer, with a slumming Marvin Gaye [April 2, 1939 – April 1, 1984]), and so much more. It is entirely possible, if not highly likely, that this movie here is inspired by or based on the works of Marquis de Sade: the themes, narrative, time frame, etc. all call out his name. Indeed, one of de Sade's lost works, the playL'Egarement de l'infortune, features a female character named Cécile...
Uschi Digard appears all of about five seconds as one of the women in the torture dungeon — also on the racks, and likewise unbilled, German cult starlet Brigitte Maier, whose most obscure film is the legendary and insane (and depressing) Blaxploitation porn flick Tongue (1976), an "important of a piece of American black cinema as any [that] remains a poignant work sure to cause some thought and controversy", about a black mute with a nine-inch tongue. So, whatever happened to "Al Poe"?
Roger Hamilton Spotts' soundtrack to
Tongue:
But to get back to Poor Cecily, TCMhas the plot: "A poor little rich girl is sold into slavery to pay for her dead father's gambling debts in Renaissance France. The married couple, Lady Charlotte Hamilton (Cyndee Summers [27 Sept 1949 – 15 Nov 2009], of Devil's Ecstasy [1976 / exposition]) & Lord Hamilton (Cedric Kent), who buy Cecily (Angela Carnon) try to have their way with her, but she decides to have none of it, and runs away. The husband, in hot pursuit and with loaded pistol, dies in the chase. Poor Cecily, while on the run, unwittingly enters the land of a rich countess (Kathy Hilton), and witnesses sexual debauchery. With the excuse of a trespassing rap, the evil countess tries to use our hapless heroine for her own wicked ways. Cecily escapes, and hopes to purchase a boat ticket to America. Unfortunately for her, she is caught, arrested, and thrown into a dungeon where she is raped, whipped and tortured on the rack by fiendish witch-hunters! No longer able to stand it, she agrees to the corrupt prosecutor's condition to return to the countess, satisfying her every wish. On the carriage ride to the countess' grounds, it seems she has to satisfy at least one of his wishes as well. She has little choice but to accept her fate as a sex slave, used by the countess' aristocratic friends at midnight orgies. When her 'sentence' is up, she finds love in the arms of Anthony (I. William Quinn of Love Me Deadly [1972 / trailer below]), a fellow sex slave — one of the very few who showed kindness to her."
Trailer to the unjustly forgotten
Love Me Deadly:
According toFilm Bizarro, "Comedic undertones aside, Poor Cecily isn't a bad movie […], it is simply standard sexploitation fare. It never really goes beyond having the main character go from one sexual adventure to another, which allows her to open up sexually instead of having a prudish outlook on it. Though it does seem weird that it took rape and a torture dungeon to help her get to that point, but that's what happens when you have a movie made by men for men. That being said, the comedic nature did make the movie a bit more fun to watch as opposed to making me sit there and think, 'God, this movie is disgusting and perverted. I love it! But I shall only admit it to small circles of people who also enjoy such depravity so I feel less like a disgusting pig.'Poor Cecily is more of a kick back and have a few chuckles at the expense of ridiculous degradation. Even Cecily's narration of the events that are unfolding can bring a few giggles to a viewer."
At Letterboxd, Chris Underwoodwrites, "Directed by the legendary exploitation supreme, Lee Frost, this is much better than some have suggested. On the face of it, a rather slow soft core with a violent dungeon scene in the middle, this is so much more. Not only do we have a fabulous collection of oversized wigs, some really fruity, posh English voices, plus a varied musical score that even includes Mozart and what sounded like Scarlatti, but we have almost constant nudity, a storyline and that dungeon scene. The movie is well paced, though may seem slow for those with one hand on the remote, and has some marvellous scenes. Ladies full-length for '69' seems Frost's favourite here, but there is a great bath scene early on and some very impressive orgy scenes. Even apart from the aforementioned dungeon scene, there are plenty of Sadean references […]. The young innocent is taught the ways of love and then gradually introduced into more extreme variations culminating in the humiliation of performing for others, which, of course, she comes to enjoy. […] Incidentally, the lovely busty blonde whipped senseless by the crazy guy with an eye patch is none other than the delectable Uschi Digard. Well worth a watch, but be warned the torture scenes are pretty strong, if sexy at the same time!"


Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death
(1973, dir. Antony Weber)

Uschi Digard shows up in this dystopian sci-fi sex film as Reina, and even speaks a few lines of dialogue. The Italian releases, entitled Sesso Delirio and/or Grida di Estasi, uses footage from George A. Romero's Crazies (1973 / trailer) in the opening explanation of how things led up to the nuclear war.

Trailer to
Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death:
Video Junkie watched the film and says, "Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death might be one of the top 10 best sexploitation titles ever. And while the film definitely delivers what its title promises, it fails to live up to it at the same time. Like a lot of the T&A movies from back in the day, it gets monotonous in its presentation of nekkid flesh."
Something Weird, which carries the flick, has a plot description by Lisa Petrucci: "In the year 2062, it's a barren, post-apocalyptic hell on earth. […] Pollution and man's evilness have left the world an ugly inhabitable planet that looks like the desert with a big pipeline running through it. The remaining population lives in environmentally-controlled inflatable bio-domes. And they wear gas masks to protect themselves from the toxic atmosphere. All activities are controlled by the 'World State'. So living in 2062 pretty much sucks… except that everybody seems to be getting laid as much as humanly possible! After two nubile gals in golden caftans are attacked in the desert by a roving gang of military deserters on dirt bikes, some bad-ass guys in a tricked-out funny car chase them off, but unfortunately not before one of the hippie chick's throat is slashed. Back at the clear inflatable dome (minimally furnished with bean bag chairs, a chess set, and pop art), Dala (Sandi Carey) and her gal-pal Kima (Kim Lu) find solace in each other's arms and nether regions. They also partake in an enthusiastic tongue bath on what looks to be yellow bubble wrap to the tinkling sounds of classical piano accompaniment. Outside, the men, led by General Byron White (Michael Abbott) protect their clear plastic sanctuary from the marauding bikers with cross-bows. Once the enemy is eliminated, Byron goes to check on his sexy, sad and lonely neighbor Hera (Sherri Mason). He comforts her the best way he knows how, which of course is with his dick. The men return home to Dala and Kima. They've learned that it's only a matter of days before they all will die. Dala begs Byron to kill her before the end comes so that she won't have to suffer. But instead of fretting about impending doom, all engage in some passionate soft-x lovemaking (except for John, who's left staring at the chess set.) The inhumanity ensues. A new group of people emerge from yet another souped-up funny car, this time three young women (including Reina, played by the delectable Uschi Digard [and Nia, played by the likewise pulchritudinous Neola Graef]) and their leader, Able (Steve Bennett). They immediately prey upon Hera, ravage and then strangle her. However, deaf-mute kick-ass cutie Keisha (Dianne Bishop) runs away and gets into a kung-fu match with John, who she then befriends. In the desert, they watch a random black couple (who share a gas mask) get it on. Then eight more bad guys show up and it's martial arts mayhem. The domes start to deflate and all seems hopeless. Is this the end of mankind? More to the point, is this the end of sex? Post-apocalyptic sci-fi smut has never been so violent or entertaining!"
Angels in Distress thinks that "What makes Cries of Ecstasy … Blows of Death so remarkable is the amount of time spent on sets, props, costumes and makeup in order to depict the apocalyptic future world of 2062. Produced on a shoestring budget, great effort was made to make sure that every cent spent appeared on the screen. While the seams show through on numerous occasions, Cries of Ecstasy's production design is on par with many comparable sci-fi TV shows of the same period, such as The Starlost (1973 / opening), etc. The same amount of effort, alas didn't go into the film's storyline."
Divine Exploitation, which notes "Luckily the future seems to be clothing optional," says: "There is much overacting to be had with people who belong to the yell-your-lines school of acting. That makes it funny. The one vehicle they have is this cool custom job that must be seen to be believed. The denizens of the future wear gasmasks that seem to supply them with air even though the eye holes have no glass in them. […] Even the director and producer did nothing after this and it's kind of a shame. Mixing some intense soft core with a futuristic, bleak Armageddon story with kung fu and motorcycles is always a good time."


Vice Squad Women
(1973, writ. & dir. Al Fields)
 
Possibly a lost film for, like its filmmaker (who also produced the movie), Vice Squad Womenseems to have fallen off the face of the Earth after its initial run. The poster is easy enough to find, but finding someone who has actually seen it and written about it is not.
 
Luckily, there's good ol'One Sheet Index, which has the original one-sheet text:
"Graft and corruption runs rampant in ANY TOWN U.S.A. From the office of the Mayor (Charles Bauer) to the Vice Cop on the beat, from the Syndicate Boss to the lowly prostitute, EVERYONE IS ON THE TAKE! You will see Councilman Thomas (Barrett Cooper), an 'honest' politician framed and drugged into posing for lewd photographs, and Police Chief Wingate order a 'contract' on one of his own men. Bottomless bars and massage parlors are 'shaken down'. Criminals are turned loose and the innocent are made guilty!
YOU'LL MEET:
JOAN (Sonny Blaze): A BEAUTIFUL SENSITIVE YOUNG HOOKER trapped in a world of flesh, men's lust, and her own warped desires!
PHYLLIS (Jacqueline Giroux): THE TEENAGE WIFE OF A ROOKIE COP, hungry for a love she could not give!
HARRIET (Uschi Digard): THE MISTRESS OF THE SYNDICATE BOSS, who could turn on any man and any woman (and sometimes at the same time!)
HELEN (Charla Hall): THE 'SEXYTARY' TO THE MAYOR, a saucy kittenish female who could get any man with very little effort!
LUCI (Jackie English): AN 'UN-COVER' AGENT, WORKING IN A BOTTOMLESS BAR, she took more than she gave!
KATHY (Helena Davis) and JEAN (Vanette Dixon): THE MASSAGE PARLOR GIRLS, who were experts in easing aching tired 'muscles'!"


The Beauties and the Beast
(1974, dir. Ray Nadeau)


"The story you are about to see ... could be true!"

A.k.a. The Beast and the Vixens. Are we the only ones who see a direct inspirational connection between this movie and the similarly themed Barry Mahon (5 Feb 1921 – 4 Dec 1999) nudie horror from 1965 entitled The Beast that Killed Women?
A trailer to Mahon's
The Beast that Killed Women:
But here, instead of an ape killing nudists, we have bigfoot kidnapping women — and other surrealities tossed into a story that basically just peters out. Scritwriter Gayner MacLaren didn't as much write a script as he did toss together diverse ideas without following any of them through to anything mildly logical; Ray Nadeau's directional is about the same.
At Baker's Log, Rock Baker writes, "It starts off a monster movie, becomes a drama of sorts, then turns into a skin flick in earnest, then more boring drama, then threadbare crime film. Odd, dull, and goofy."
A trailer to
The Beauties and the Beast:
Unknown Movies is a bit more appreciative, saying, "To add to the ludicrous story, we're treated to a level of filmmaking that's seldom been this low. Most of the dialogue is spoken off-camera, or with the speakers' faces not visible or far away, so that the director could film most of the movie silently (to save money) and then sync in the dialogue lately. Maybe director Naneau took a cue from director Doris Wishman. But far from irritating to the viewer, it somehow seems right that such a silly story was made in such a silly fashion. The Beauties and the Beast is a neglected movie deserving notoriety as one of the best of the so-bad-they're-good. You should be warned that you'll have to look hard for this movie — it's long, long out of print, and was never plentiful even when it was first released. But this is one movie that's worth a journey around the video stores in your area to find it."
Bleeding Skull would probably agree: "Bigfoot gets a lot of action in this movie. If every movie had more Bigfoot action in it, there would be no need to complain about anything anymore. Speaking of action, everyone else in this movie gets a lot of that, too. Pubes, boobs, and penises are in no short supply in Bigfoot's general vicinity. So what the audience ends up getting out of all this action is a no-budget sex movie with a monster-on-the-loose foundation. It's like a 1970s version of The Astounding She-Monster (1957 / trailer below), but with the added bonus of a man having sex with his socks and loafers on. That's fun. But with sexploitation, fun can transform into boredom in five seconds. Beauties and the Beast doesn't have this problem. That's probably because it feels like it was pieced together with a glue stick and cat piss by a lunatic."
Trailer to
The Astounding She-Monster:


The Black Alley Cats
(1974, dir Henning Schellerup)


"Look how free my breasts are. Touch them."

Are we here at a wasted lifethe only ones that notice a substantial visual similarity between the kitty cat of the logo — see directly below — and the art of Rory Hayes (8 Aug 1949 – 29 Aug 1983)? Uschi appears in a sex scene in the movie — see further below — and is not listed in the credits.
The plot, as found on various websites inline: "Four young women who were raped by a street gang plan to get revenge. So forming a group called the Black Alley Cats, taking kung-fu lessons, and learning how to use guns, they go looking the gang."
Bargain Basement Thrills says the obvious: "Let's be honest; the film sucks. Really. Bad acting. Crap lighting. Over-the-top fake sex. Confused story. Characters who do not act like real people. Still, even for being rather distasteful in its subject matter, the film manages to move at a reasonable pace, and, casual raping aside, it is a serviceable exploitation film. If you are easily triggered, you might want to just avoid this movie."
NSFW Gang-rape Scene from 
The Black Alley Cats:
A wasted life took a deeper look at this film was back in 2014 in R.I.P.: Harry H. Novak, Part X: 1973, where we cobbled the following together:
The second Henning Schellerup "Blaxploitation" flick Novak had his fingers in; this time around there is some cream with the black coffee. Denmark-born director Henning Schellerup (3 Jan 1928 – 12 May 2000) came to the US in 1952, was naturalized in '57, and began working in film in '68 as an assistant cameraman on the David F. Friedman film Thar She Blows (1968 / tubepornclassics). He was primarily active as a cinematographer (of such classics as Black Samson [1974 / trailer], Chesty Anderson U.S. Navy [1976 / excerpt] and everyone's favorite, Planet of the Dinosaurs [1977 / a trailer]), but he also directed an occasional TV movie or super-cheap 42nd Street flotsam like the mostly forgotten Blaxploitation flicks The Black Bunch (1973 / trailer), Sweet Jesus, Preacherman (1973 / trailer) and this movie here, The Black Alley Cats. He ended his career doing religious documentaries and Christian films and eventually retired to die in Utah.
Schellerup's "Blaxploitation" movies tend to have an oddly homemade look to them [...]and have remained notably (some might say rightfully) obscure.
The Black Alley Cats was written by a possibly pseudonymous "Joseph Drury", whose only other known credits are the scripts to the X-rated neo-noir Night Pleasures (1976)* and Schellerup's directorial debut, the possibly lost movie Dr. Carstair's 1869 Love-Root Elixir (1972).** According to trashgang, over at imdb, The Black Alley Cats was once thought lost, "Until it came out on VHS in Greece. So I had to hunt down a copy and caught one, English spoken with Greece subtitles. But still it's a hard one to find. [...] The movie takes 81 minutes to watch and let's say 79 minutes of the movie a naked chick is walking around. It was advertised that it would be a revenge movie, but no, it isn't. It's all about having sex in all ways. Sometimes really getting funny. When the raped girls go for revenge they call themselves the Black Alley Cats, walking around in some leather jackets and one girl just have panties on, nothing else underneath. [...] There is no blood at all, even when one of the girls is hit by a bullet. [...] There has been said a lot about this flick, watch it if you can catch it, you really will have a laugh sometimes and you also will notice that it was made pre-AIDS. A typical flick of that era. And remember, be aware of the bushes..."
* Since the day we first wrote our Novak entry, Night Pleasures' director "Hans Christian" has been outed as a pseudonym of Schellerup.
** Since rediscovered and avilable in its full-bush glory at many an X-rated virus-loading site like this: NSFW film.

Trailer to
The Black Alley Cats:
Of the titular four [not all Afro American] Black Alley Cats, Pamela (Sunshine Woods), Vivian (Sandy Dempsey), Marsha (Charlene Miles) and Melissa (Johnnie Rhodes), Sandy Dempsey, seen below (not from the film) and who reportedly died in a boating accident in the Gulf of Mexico in 1975, was the only non-one-film-wonder.
The soundtrack was supplied by too-unknown-to-have-ever-been-forgotten Californian Jazz man Jack Millman, who among his copious activities in music also spent a brief period doing soundtracks for semi-porn, porn and bad films, including this one and Schellerup's Dr. Carstair's 1869 Love-Root Elixir and The Black Bunch. Ubiquitysays: "Jack Millman, aka Johnny Kitchen, had a hand in many interesting, obscure and highly collectible records from the 1960s and 1970s. Producing, composing, recording, editing, releasing, licensing — you name it, Millman did it. The records he touched had an eclectic range from psychedelic rock to Latin jazz, and several include editing techniques that can only be described as an early incarnation of sampling in music. The Victims of Chance, Blues Train, The Crazy People, The Trio of Tyme, The Pros, The Tarots, Jeremiah, and even (Frank Zappa protégé) Larry 'Wild Man' Fisher were some of the acts connected to Millman. Based in Los Angeles, he was called-upon by multiple people to make tax shelter records, and provided musical content for the Condor, Mira, Mirawood and Crestview labels amongst many others."
Jack Millman presents
The Afro-Soultet's Afrodesia:
But to get back to The Black Alley Cats, Bleeding Skull seems to have liked it, saying: "You can make a successful statement through research, planning, and communication. You can also make a successful statement through bottomless karate. [...] This movie is invincible trash. It is un-fuckable-with. It is vigilante costumes consisting of black leather jackets, no pants, and nylons without panties. It is a soundtrack that is mostly a drum solo. It is social reform in the guise of black boobs being pushed into white faces. It is the rare no-budget 1970s sexploitation movie that encourages expectation, surpasses it, and destroys the need for explanation. [...] The Black Alley Cats falls somewhere between the no-fi production values of Road of Death (1972 / trailer) and the over-the-top sexuality of Deadly Weapons (1974 / trailer). But it's spicier and grimier than both of those movies. And even less sensical. It's plotless, shapeless, and without structure, feeling like four reels of highlights without a through-line. [...] The Black Alley Cats is relentlessly entertaining. It's constant nudity, stupidity, and fun-loving pessimism. The dialogue is incredible ('A bunch of fucking gamblers are running number games and such — let's stop 'em!'). Plus, writer Joseph Drury and director Henning Schellerup [...] made an attempt to imbue their sleazy rape-revenge movie with a socially responsible core. They also imbued it with someone saying: 'Look how free my breasts are. Touch them.'"


The Dicktator
(1974, dir. Perry Dell)

A soft-core sci-fi sexploitation comedy written by Walt Davis (a.k.a. Mike T. Lawn and David Stefans and Walt Daviz and David Zhands and Garbis Torian and Long Hangey), a man remembered for a weird sense of humor. Assuming Perry Dell is a real person, and not just another name for Walt Davis, two years later the duet worked together again on another sex comedy (much less soft-core) entitled Deep Jaws (1974 / scene). Perry Dell, disappeared thereafter, Davis kicked around until around 1979 and then he, too, disappeared. We don't know if it's the same "Perry Dell", but in 1973 a man by that name acted in a fifth-rate Italo western entitled E il terzo giorno arrivò il corvo / On the Third Day Arrived the Crow.
Full film —
On the Third Day Arrived the Crow:
Over at All Movie, Mark Deming has the plot: "A population-control measure gone wrong leads to an international sexual campaign in this off-the-wall comedy for adults only. With the birthrate spinning out of control, a team of scientists from around the globe create a male birth control pill that will make its users sterile for two years. However, after all the major nations of the world have mandated its use, it's discovered that there is a flaw in the formula, and now the vast majority of the Earth's male population are permanently incapable of fathering children. The president of the United States hatches a plan to end the crisis by using intelligence agents to ferret out the few 'dicktators' around the world who failed to take the pill and pairing them up with beautiful women. A jailed Russian writer (Ron Carey) is released from prison to spend the night with a gorgeous blonde (Uschi Digard [credited as Elke Vann]), a shepherd from the Andes asks his assigned partner (Rene Bond) to get him in the mood by imitating a sheep, an Asian potentate (Jess Ramos) squares off with not one but two women (Joanne Stevens and Mara Sonara), and an American exchange student in Africa (Paul Daniels) has an unfortunate encounter with a lovely widow (Yolanda Beckham)."
"Elke Vann" swims in
The Dicktator:
DVD Talk, which points out that "Ms. U's Double Ds could save a snuff film" and that "[Walt] Davis's scripts are like political comedians on peyote, tossing in everything but the Cold War kitchen sink to make its overblown point about society's ills and individual hang-ups," says "The Dicktator [...] was a stab at topical humor, mixing a sci-fi like storyline with lots of vice-filled vignettes. The result was sleazy surreality, movies that played like ultra-lewd versions of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In [...]. The Dicktator tries to maintain its level of lunacy throughout the entire movie. The story here is even more surreal [...]. Part political satire with some strange racially insensitive shtick thrown in for good measure, this movie does a decent job of combining sex with silliness... that is, until the last 10 minutes. [...] Up until the flawed finish, The Dicktator is a horribly odd hoot, the kind of movie that inspires uncomfortable, freaked-out laughter. Not really a subtle film, this is the kind of non-PC product that has an African member of the Security Council scarfing down fried chicken, the President describing his allies with all manner of unrelenting epithets (lots of slurs and slang here), and makes women nothing more than specialized sperm receptacles. Still, it tries to be a Hellsapoppin' (1941 / faux trailer) humpfest with the impregnating scenes the highlight — and in some cases, lowlight — of the entire narrative. Granted, when your Japanese lover is a man of such massive girth that he can stand naked and still pass a PG rating, there's not a lot of arousal to be found. Even the filmmakers recognize this fact, and decide to grease down the obese ogre to make him even more repugnant. [...]"
Walt Davis's "most famous" films are probably his two sexploitation horrors, the popular and softcore Evil Come Evil Go (1972 / NSFW trailer), and the infamous and hardcore Widow Blue (1970 / NSFW film). He was indeed an auteur filmmaker with a twisted vision.
From the day when PI humor was a given:


Fringe Benefits
(1974, dir. "Mike Kutchakokof")

OK, Uschi Digard lists this movie on her filmography at her website, and you can even buy posters of the film autographed by Uschi online — like the one above — but: Surprise! She is nowhere to be found in this triple-X movie, which is also a New York-based production. (Who knows, maybe a loop of hers shows up somewhere, but she is not listed as part of the cast.)
Who exactly directed the movie, we do not know: Depending where you look online, the movie is credited to among others: Al Gordon (21 April 1923 – 23 May 2012), which we sincerely doubt even if he did once long ago appear in Herschell Gordon Lewis's nudie-cutie Bell, Bare and Beautiful (1963); Walter E. Sear(27 April 1930 – 29 April 2010), which we find more believable; Roberta Findlay, which we would also find believable; and even Gerard Damiano (4 Aug 1928 – 25 Oct 2008), which we also find believable. In The XXX Filmography, 1968-1988, Jason S. Martinko for one claims Findlay as the director, adding "This movie has excellent camerawork and a good soundtrack. It was distributed theatrically in the USA by Distribpix in 1974." (On their website, the only mention of the flick Distribpix makes is, "Lovely Michelle Magazine[…] was in Al Gordon's Fringe Benefits.")
Walter E. Sear and Roberta Findlay, by the way, often worked together: he did the music to a lot of her movies, including The Oracle(1985), and yes, they also collaborated on porno films... so this could well be a collaborative project of the two.
Cinema of the World has the "plot": "Tighttwat Institute for Sexual Research, aka 'Hard-on Heaven', is where Dr. Cherrypopper (Kevin Andre) gets sex readings from assistant Miss Motormouth (Michelle Magazine). Their new client is impotent Harry Flattout (Eric Edwards). As a workplace sex pacifier, Harry pacified Ginny Pullertit (Barbara Cole) and shy new worker Mary-Ann Lobglob (Susie Mathews), with assistance from Thunderfart (Cindy West), who moved on to passer-by Captain Sukatiddy (Jeffrey Hurst). Harry got fired ganging up on Mr. Cockpul's (Harding Harrison) private secretary and lover, Elaine Ziptitz (Darby Lloyd Rains). Dr. Tighttwat (Georgina Spelvin) takes her own advantage of Harry, supposedly ascertaining his case while really climaxing while remaining a virgin. Up next, Dr. Cherrypopper's machine overloads when his assistant seduces him, and the assistant test drives Harry's resulting permanent erection. Harry uses it to forcefully deflower Dr. Tighttwat, until she consents. So does Elaine Ziptitz, who reveals ending up enjoying their first encounter. Harry is re-hired as the boss realizes the importance of fringe benefits."

The movie is definitely not based on Rock Anthony's vintage "erotic" novel of the same name, one cover of which is presented above. "This cover for Rock Anthony's 1963 novel Fringe Benefits was painted by Paul Rader (5 Oct 1906 – June 1986) and ranks as one of his most famous pieces. You see it everywhere. But as far as we know, nobody posting the art has bothered to read the story, so we bought a copy of this Midwood Books classic and sat down with some cold white wine. It took just over three hours to read, which was perfect timing because we were out of wine by then. Basically, you have a corporate drone who has his pick of women but isn't inspired by any of them. There's Adele, the society woman who's the major shareholder of the company. There's the boss's smoldering cougar secretary Mildred. There's the drab but sweet office assistant Nina. There's Gladys, the always available member of the steno pool. And eventually there's the eighteen-year-old new girl Dolly. We have no idea which one is supposed to be depicted in Rader's cover art. Probably Mildred, though she's a redhead in the book. [Pulp International]"

In any event, Fringe Benefits the film is yet another movie, like so many back then, in which rape is presented as acceptable behavior, a laughing matter, or at worst, a cavalier's offence. Not like today, when it seems to be a stepping stone for Republican political career.
The Slim Pickens that did the soundtrack is NOT the Slim Pickens (29 June 1919 – 8 Dec 1983) actor and country singer. The Slim Pickins here "was a rock band out of Allentown, Pennsylvania". They later changed their name to Pickens.
Slim Pickens'Give Me Love,
from Fringe Benefits:


I Want You!
(1974, dir. Unknown)
 
(Full NSFW film.) Well, the movie does have a groovy poster — the poster artist of the one above is as unknown as the movie's "director". The imdb remains noncommittal in regards who told the actors what to do, but the iafdand many other websites of the kind that promptly load a virus on your computer credit a "M. Baudricot" as the filmmaker. If that is indeed the case, he was another one-film wonder. Uschi is named on the poster above — as "Ushi".
In The XXX Filmography, 1968-1988, Jason S. Martinko offers a typically terse plot description: "I Want You! 1971 Carroll Productions 63 min. P/D: Unknown. Cast: Uschi Digard, Jan Davis, Annette Michael, John Holmes, Pete Dawson. Jeanette Yates (Davis) is an unhappy housewife who seeks the help of Dr. H.K. Marcus (Dawson). He sets her straight with a little 'physical therapy.' Clips from this film of Jan Davis and Pete Dawson are featured in The Orgy Machine, which was released in 1972. Released on DVD by Caballero."
Uschi opens the film bouncing about in nude slow motion, proving once again that when it came to bouncing love pillows, hers were superlative — much like her smile, actually. "Mr. Yates", by the way, is played by a young but still butt-ugly John Holmes (18 Aug 1944 – 13 March 1988).
What came first, the chicken or the egg? The release date of this movie changes with the website you visit. Note the poster directly below, supposedly from 1969. [filmart gallery] No names, nothing. We venture to say that poster is the original one, and for a porn film populated by hairy unknowns … and maybe a future "star" (i.e., John Holmes). And perhaps even made in 1971, as Jason S. Martinko says I Want You! was. Look at the patriotic-looking "drawn" poster at the top: name star, John "Johnny Wadd" Holmes. Note that the first and eponymous Johnny Wadd film, Bob Chinn's Johnny Wadd, was released in 1971, more or less the time when I Want You! was first released. Thus, we would conjecture that the "art" poster way above is from a later re-release after Holmes and Johnny Wadd were a semi-household name. And thus we list the movie as a 1974 release, as do various other websites, including Uschi Digard's own website.
What came first, the chicken or the egg, Part II? The clips of Jan Davis and Pete Dawson were indeed either taken from or subsequently used in The Orgy Machine (1972, see Part VI). The two were a married couple, and they normally shared their sex scenes. Where they are today is unknown... or does someone out there know?
The advert above is from the day when 42nd Street was still fun. The Loveis long gone, as is the Avon 7. 


Panorama Blue
(1974, dir. Alan Roberts)

A.k.a. Pornorama Blue and Blue Visions and Sex Story. "Alan Roberts", born and died Robert Alan Brownell (2 Nov 1946 – 3 July 2016), was primarily active as an editor, but he was known for some pretty sorry-ass directorial projects. Up until 2012, his most famous films were probably the cinematic mistakes that are The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood(1980 / trailer— see: R.I.P. Dick Miller Part V) and Karate Cop (1991 / trailer), but then Roberts got hired to direct a little (and short) "movie" entitled Desert Warriors, which went on to scandal and infamy as the anti-Islamic Innocence of Muslims (2012 / "trailer"). In regard to what is now perhaps his most famous project, according to New York magazine, some people on the set later claimed that "[Roberts] was a directorial hack, he didn't know basic things" and that "It was very unprofessional."
Trailer to
Panorama Blue:
TCMhas a short description of the movie: "70mm film is utilized in this 'blue' movie. It begins with a sepia-toned history of onscreen pornography ['featuring such titles as Sailor Beware and The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman'*], then switches to full color and a panoramic view of a couple having sex on top of a mountain. This is followed by humorous sexual situations, including people having sex on a rollercoaster, a Hollywood orgy accompanied by a string quartet, the fantasies of a centerfold model, and various sight gags."
*Two titles we couldn't locate anywhere online, at least not as historical porn loops. That said, Jamie Gillis (20 Apr 1943 – 19 Feb 2010) did once do a loop with Helen Madigan entitled The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman, probably from around the time of this movie.
Uschi Digard is one of the many bodies at the Hollywood orgy (see below). At least on one poster — see directly above — has Uschi listed, directly behind: John Holmes, Rene Bond, Rick Cassidy,* and Sandy Dempsey.
Over at All Movie, Fred Beldin did not like the film: "Unfunny, barely erotic, and occasionally tedious, the ill-advised Panorama Blue delivers nothing beyond its promise to use a particular type of lens and camera. While the 70 mm cinematography adds a sheen of respectability to the sub-Benny Hill style farce on display, it can't disguise the fact that the jokes are obvious and the production is cheap. No one seems to have put any thought into Panorama Blue beyond its basic concept, as each segment beats one central joke or idea well beyond any usefulness. The film's absolute low point is a sequence where the cameraman simply strolls through an adult bookstore and holds up centerfolds from bondage magazines. Though staffed with some of the busiest porn stars of the time, the film shies away from hardcore sex footage, meaning that fans of John Holmes see a lot less of him than they were probably hoping for. There's plenty of full frontal nudity and simulated relations in Panorama Blue, though the lame gags and boring offhandedness makes it unlikely to excite anyone on any level."
Over at the Gay Erotic Video Index, they bitch "This is a straight film. No gay scene, though [Jim] Cassidy*(as Rick Cassidy*) does star in it. From Harold Fairbanks' review in The Advocate: 'Panorama Blue is a heterosexually oriented spoof of Cinerama extravaganzas of the 1950s… For gays, there are plenty of beautiful male faces and bodies, but no more than to be found in any general audience film… Except for one brief glimpse near the finale, no male frontal exposure is in evidence… The brief glimpse of meat is that belonging to Rick Cassidy, and is there anyone still alive who has not already seen it?'"
*For those who don't know, the muscular porn star Rick Cassidy (born Richard Edward Ciezniak, Jr. [22 July 1943 – 23 Dec 2013]) was one of the few and first porn stars to be a success in both gay and straight porn. In the former, he was "Jim Cassidy", and in the latter "Rick Cassidy". He retired soon after making New Wav Hookers(1985), some claim in response to the scandal caused by the revelation that his sperm receptacle of the movie, Traci Lords, was underage and therefore illegal to screw; others claim he got frightened off porn by the rise of AIDS. That's him below.
One of his more interesting movies of yesteryear is the gay, NSFW documentary from 1970 entitled…
It's A Gay World / Mondo Rocco
Full NSFW movie:


Truck Stop Women
(1974, dir. Mark L. Lester)
 
A.k.a. Road Angels. An early exploiter from director Mark L. Lester, an erratic filmmaker at best, but also one who has stayed true to his low culture, exploitation roots. At least up until the turn of the century, his movies still revealed a respect for the kind of films he specializes in — as of recent, however, his movies have begun to show the condescension and disinterest of, say, Daddy and Son Olan Ray or David DeCoteau movies. But this gun-heavy, T&A redneck tragedy is one of his best…
Trailer to
Truck Stop Women:
Lester co-scripted Truck Stop Woman with Paul Deason, who's since become successful producer and assistant director — he was a producer (of many), for example, on two of our favorite films: the underappreciated and highly campy Congo (1995 / trailer) and Mars Attacks! (1996 / trailer).
Klaus Dill  (6 Oct 1922 – 19 Feb 2000) did the artwork for the German poster below; Uschi plays one of the "truck stop girls"— she's a by-the-hour business lady, in other words.
At All Movie, Paul Brenner has the plot: "Mark L. Lester directed this exploitation feature that treats sex, violence, and sensationalism with love and affection. The story concerns a bloody turf battle between Smith (John Martino of The Corpse Grinders Part III [2012 / trailer]), a mob hit man, and independent gun moll Anna (Lieux Dressler of Grave of the Vampire [1972 / trailer]) over Anna's prostitution and theft operation, originating out of a highway truck stop. Helping Anna to fight for her right to promote thievery and debauchery is her well-endowed daughter Rose (Claudia Jennings). As the plot and plenty of flesh is revealed, Rose is coaxed to Smith's side of the field with the incitement of some long green, while the body count on both sides continues to rise."
Ms. Jennings, as we have mentioned before here on a wasted life, was born Mary Eileen Chesterton (in Saint Paul, Minnesota on 20 Dec 1949) and died in a car accident in Malibu on 3 October 1979. She was Playboy magazine's Playmate of the Month for November 1969 and Playmate of the Year for 1970.
Attack from Planet B points out that "by the time Claudia [Jennings] appeared in Truck Stop Women, she was the undisputed 'Queen of the Bs' and the Drive-In Diva. […] This film was typical of the drive-in features Claudia appeared in the early 1970s, with one notable exception. Although Truck Stop Women demonstrated what audiences would identify as the quintessential Claudia Jennings character, this was no working class, feminist hero [like] Karen Walker from Unholy Rollers (1972 / trailer) or the noble, avenging savage Desiree from Gator Bait (1974 / trailer). In this film, Claudia commits about every original sin and violates a few new ones. She could easily be considered one of the screen's best villains — a living nightmare, having no feelings for fellow human beings, and perhaps the sexiest sociopath of all time. Claudia's character Rose is a true sadist and a classic manipulator of Machiavellian proportions. […] All, in all, Truck Stop Womenis a well-crafted gem of exploitation. The actions flows well, the holes in the plot are small and the acting far above most efforts of the same genre. The only factoid left to make it better? Former United States Senator Phil Gramm, a very conservative man from Texas, donated at least $15,000 to the film's budget."
Ha Ha It's Burl might add, "Ha ha, Truck Stop Women is part of a great microgenre I call 'Cracker Shakespeare'! That refers to a movie with a deliberately down-market setting, a tawdry tone and a rough-hewn cast of characters which nevertheless trades in just the sorts of themes (family, loyalty, betrayal) and narrative progressions (everybody betrays everybody and then most of them die) which were the stock in trade of that famed playwright of yore, at least in his more over-baked tragedies! Lots of Russ Meyer movies fit into this category, and plenty of Roger Corman productions, too, and so, you can bet, does Truck Stop Women!"
In general, Truck Stop Women seems to enjoy the praise of almost everyone who has seen it, but to offer the viewpoint of one person who was not impressed, let's go to the Video Vacuum, which bemoans that "Truck Stop Women is a mostly dull melodrama parading as a drive-in exploitation picture. Most of the movie revolves around the dysfunctional relationship between Dressler and Jennings, and very little time is spent on the sleaze the audience came for. Sure, there's a smattering of nudity here and there, but not nearly as much as you'd expect from a movie called Truck Stop Women. And the unexpectedly downbeat ending just does not work at all. The thing that really stops the movie on a dime though is the annoyingly shrill performance by Dressler. Every time she opens her damn mouth, it's like nails on a chalkboard. Luckily, Jennings is around to get naked every so often, which is about the only redeeming feature of the entire film. Uschi Digart also pops up (or should I say, pops out) in a bit part, too, so that helps."

More Uschi will follow... eventually.

Short Film: Carrot Crazy (Florida, 2011)

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Men. In an odd way, this short little animated thesis film does well at reflecting what would happen if the capitalistic cosmetic surgery sphere were to invent a feasible and effective penis enlargement treatment. ("The bigger the better, the tighter the ... jockstrap"?) 
But before we take that any further, let's get to the film at hand: Carrot Crazy, the grad project of two students, Dylan Vanwormerand Logan Scelina, at Ringling College of Art and Design. T'is a tale of two men after something small, warm, and furry: a wabbit. And thus the size-war starts, and goes on until the lose sight of the little, warm, furry object of desire... 
Nothing deep here, but the tale is short and to the point and the film really doesn't overstay its welcome. And the animation is spot on: from the well-delineated "types" of the two males (twink and lumberjack-clone daddy) to the truly readable facial expressions of the rabbit. Enjoy.

Bullet Head (USA/Bulgaria, 2017)

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Long ago, in the day of the grindhouse, Bullet Head would probably have been one of those surprising little flicks that stand out amidst all the trash of the triple-feature of often unknown titles. (Yes, flicks with "name" actors were screened in skid-row theaters.) We caught the flick on Netfux, that contemporary interim storage facility for so many flicks that nobody has heard of — the grindhouse of today, but with less breast and blood and pushing of social norms. And as a feature-length film, Bullet Head is far more realistically reminiscent of, and true to, the low-budget genre flicks of yesteryear's flophouse theaters than, say, postmodern "grindhouse" fun ala Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) or Machete (2010 / trailer) or Planet Terror(2007), which are to a greater extent amusing, multi-violent persiflages than the real thing. But unlike, say, Tarantino's Death Proof (2007 / trailer), which very much copied the verbosity common to true grindhouse, for all the talking done in Bullet Head, the movie is never boring. It might be nothing new, but it is immensely watchable — like the best of the "real" product of yesterday's grindhouses.

Bullet Head is a low budget thriller with such a thin, run-of-a-mill plot that the movie should suck, but smart casting choices — namely, actors who can act well even in their sleep (and in obvious rent-paying jobs like this one)— decent direction, and an intelligently padded story make for a pleasantly quick-playing B-flick that isn't just fluff or action or stupidity or blood. The movie definitely won't win any awards, not even in Bulgaria, where it was shot, but it is nevertheless a watchable example of how sometimes an end product can be surprisingly better than it rightly should be… in this case, so much better that we here at a wasted life have added other flicks by director Paul Solet — for example, Grace (2009 / trailer), which he also wrote, and Dark Summer (2015 / trailer) — on our "Maybe Watch" list.
The core non-plot of Bullet Head sees three robbers on the run from a botched heist taking refuge in a (How creative!) deserted warehouse, a hiding place chosen by chance when the fourth robber, the escape car driver, dies bullet-riddled at the steering wheel. Of course, the building isn't as deserted as thought, but instead of ghosts (see Boo! [2005] or Death Tunnel[2005] for deserted buildings with ghosts) or zombies (see The Dead Hate the Living[2000]) or ghostly black magic (Dead Birds  [2004]), or even an unknown and seemingly unstoppable psycho (Botched[2007]), the three protagonists have to face off with a killer dog named not Cujo [1983 / trailer], but De Niro.*In between, everyone also talks a lot — a damn lot.
*Never once does the name "Bullet Head" appear anywhere in the movie, though one could well assume the title is a reference to the dog's name. But it isn't: one learns along the way, in a rather effective scene, that the dog's name is De Niro. We assume that the final title was chosen after the fact, when it was realized that a movie named "De Niro" might run into some legal issues…
The plot is one that fits on a napkin, basically, and is barely enough for an hour-long TV episode (with commercials). Screenwriter Solet stretches the narrative to a feature-film length by giving all four of the universally loquacious main characters — Stacey (Adrien Brody), junkie Gage (Rory Culkin), Walker (John Malikovich), and bad guy Blue (Antonio Banderas) — a flashback scene or two to tell a tale that fleshes them out as characters. The dog and its character, and most of the events that lead up to its blood thirst, penchant for violence, and absolute hate for humans, are shown less in flashback than in narrative times jumps, which also add a mildly intriguing structure to the main storyline.
The human flashbacks, on the other hand, are entertaining filler of varying believability and force, but in the case of junkie Gage, the running-time-padding flashback manages to make the viewer understand and feel compassion, or at least pity, for a junkie loser — a stock character that is seldom if ever explained with empathy. Stacey's flashback is the most funny, almost like a contemporary O. Henry story, whereas Walker's tale doesn't hold much water (freshwater fish simply die too quickly in saltwater for the tale to have transpired as it does).
A good example of having your cake and eating it too, Bullet Head wallows in (mostly off-screen) dog-fighting and canine cruelty while taking a definite anti-dog fighting stance. But then, the movie, despite being a bullet- and body-filled one about a killer dog, seems very much a movie by dog lovers and for dog lovers (unlike, say, Rottweiler [2004]). Thus, it is not all that surprising that in the end love conquers the dog… at least for one character, who has a happy end.
But then again, maybe not: we here at a wasted life would argue that the final feel-good scene of the flick is less a "real" happy end than a final fantasy of someone dying. (What say you?)

Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (USA, 2005)

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"Send more security guards!

Long ago, some dude directed a cheap little B&W independent movie entitled Night of the Living Dead (1968), which eventually (1999, to be exact) was deemed "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" by the Library of Congress and selected for preservation in the National Film Registry. Long before that day, however, the dude that directed, photographed, edited and co-wrote the "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" horror film, George A. Romero (4 Feb 1940 – 16 July 2017), and his co-scriptwriter John A Russo, had a minor creative issue regarding how and where the living dead concept should go, so they went their separate ways, Romero keeping the phrase "[...] of the Dead" and eventually making five further serious zombie films of variable quality between 1978 and 2009, and Russo finally returning to film zombies in 1985 when (after Tobe Hooper bowed out) he teamed up with Dan O'Bannon to tweak aspects of the zombie cannon ("Brains!"*) and make The Return of the Living Dead(trailer), possibly the first flesh-eating zombie black comedy ever made. Defying all expectations, the movie was not only good, but is even considered a minor classic of the zombie genre.
* Aside from brain-eating, they also introduced the running dead, but for some odd reason the latter new zombie quirk remained pretty much unnoticed till Zack Snyder's remake of Dawn of the Dead (2004 / trailer) re-introduced it, ramped up the speed, took all the credit for it, and added running zombies to the contemporary living dead cannon.
Neither O'Bannon nor Russo were involved in the resulting Living Dead franchise, with only the first one, The Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988 / trailer), placing any true value on comedy. It, like Brian Yuzna's interesting but ultimately less successful, more thematically serious follow-up, Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993 / trailer), are rainy day time-wasters at best. Inferior to the first or not, both are masterpieces when it comes to the directorial double-whammy Ellory Elkayem was to do 12 years later with the Sci-Fi Channel productions Return of the Living Dead: Necropolisand the anti-drug Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (trailer), which were shot back-to-back mostly in Romania. (Going by the steady decline in quality of the franchise, one would guess that should another entry ever be made, the director of choice will probably be Uwe Boll.)
It does seem a bit of a surprise that director Ellory Elkayem managed to serve up the cinematic pile of poo that is Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis. Long ago, he not only made the more than mildly entertaining killer cockroach film, They Nest (2000 / trailer), but went on to mainstream success with the stupid but funny giant-spider flick, Eight-Legged Freaks (2002 / trailer). The step down to Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis,to offer an analogy or two, is a bit like Maker's Mark to Econo Buy, "Honest" Abraham Lincoln to "Deranged" Donald Trump, ten inches to two, double Ds to double As,* a New Yorker film review to a wasted life review. A step down so deep that it is relatively easy to believe that the man hasn't directed another feature film since 2009 (when, in what can only be seen as an act of desperation for employment, he made the D2V comedy Without a Paddle: Nature's Calling[trailer]).
* Here, with the last, in all honesty and unlike with just two inches, personality can go a long way. Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis, however, doesn't have much personality.
Necropolis exists in two main versions, an R-rated version that got released on DVD and a heavily circumcised one that got aired on TV. One has more blood and one has less, but we assume that both suck equally as much. But for one thing, that the film is so bad has relatively little to do with where it sits or how it follows the cannons of zombiehood, both that of its franchise and the genre in general. The one thing, however, is major: these zombies still want brains, but are hardly unstoppable or nearly unstoppable. They can be killed easily, if not even easier than a human — a bullet or two anywhere in the body seems to send most of them home to the afterlife. Thus, as the protagonists of this movie are generally heavily armed, they never truly seem to be all that scary of a threat. Which doesn't mean they don't kill a person or two — to give the movie its only truly deserved kudos: the bratty little brother, a character too young to die, usually, gets his brains eaten — it is just that, considering all the build-up until the "zombies" get loose, they dispatch easily.
And there is a lot of build-up in Necropolis. After the initial scenes in Chernobyl (the location footage used is by far the most interesting thing in the whole movie), nothing actually happens for the longest of time and the time is padded with boring motor-cross riding or stretched-out scenes of teenage life as lived by people too old to be teens. Then, suddenly, once the dick-ass, too-old-to-be-a-teenager, teenager alpha-male Zeke (Elvin Dandel of Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud[2007 / trailer]) gets kidnapped, the movie turns into a sixth-rate version of Mission Impossible(the series, not the movies), but with "teenagers" instead of master spies. Once the impenetrable Hybra Tech lab has finally been penetrated, there's way too much exposition before, suddenly, the lead character Julian Garrison (John Keefe*) and friends illogically go searching for his known-to-be-dead parents. The parental units, in turn, get a build-up in the film as some sort of unstoppable, semi-Borg killing machines but prove to easier to stop than the Energizer Bunny. (Really: what good are zombie soldiers if they die as quickly and easily as normal people?)
*As of this writing (8 June 2019), Wikipediaclaims that John Keefe "is now a Latin teacher at Shrewsbury House School in Surbiton, United Kingdom." If true, the change of career was intelligent, for the guy can't act.
When watching Necropolis, one begins to feel sorry for not just the director, but for all those involved. The two lead girls, Becky (Aimee-Lynn Chadwick) and Katie (Jana Kramer), prove to be the best actors of the movie, if only because they seem so game. Ditto with Cory Hardrict (of The Day [2011 / trailer]), who plays Cody, the token Afro American who, for a change, is neither the source of laughter nor simple fodder. In all their defense, the "teenage" actors are all new at the game [acting], and half-baked & poorly written & totally uninteresting tax deductions like this turkey are all part of beginning a career. This is not the case of veteran actor Peter Coyote, however, who plays the bad guy cum mad scientist of the flick, Uncle Charles. True, Coyote is an extremely active actor with an extremely diverse repertoire of movies to his name, but here his performance is as embarrassing as the movie itself. More than once it seems as if he is attempting to add a level of campiness to the proceedings, but instead it comes across as simple overacting, or as if he's mugging for the camera. (Once or twice, he also looks seriously unwell, which causes one to suddenly think of Bela Lugosi in his Ed Wood years.) By the final scene, Coyote manages to come in second to his onscreen nephew Julian Garrison (John Keefe) as the worst actor in the movie — not something one expects from a man who, unlike all the non-teenagers of the movie, has a tested, viable career and is continually employed. (What the hell, maybe he wanted a new car...)
Necropolis fails as a zombie film, be one a fan of serious or funny undead. Directorially, it is hardly a visual feast and by and large looks like the television movie that it is — the occasional explosions of gore don't do all that much to change that. Thrills, like laughs and/or scares, are few to be found. In regard to its narrative, a believable temporality — Uncle Charles's trip to the Ukraine and back, the massive amount of "undead" at Hybra vs. when the vat of zombie-making chemicals was procured, the passage of time between any given scene of the movie — is not even attempted, and everything that transpires between the padding is way too inane, uninteresting, and unconvincing considering how seriously it is all presented.
On the whole, Return of the Living Dead: Necropolisis a tired and pale and uninvolving waste of time that in no way makes one hard for the sequel filmed at the same time. If you gotta watch it, then watch it with someone you hate.
Trailer to
Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis

R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part VI (1981-84)

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25 Dec 1928 – 30 Jan 2019

The American thespian treasure known as Dick Miller, one of our all-time favorite character actors, entered the Great Nothingness on January 30th, 2019.
A Bronx-born Christmas Day present to the world, Miller entered the film biz doing redface back in 1956 in the Roger Corman western Apache Woman (trailer). He quickly became a Corman regular and, as a result, became a favorite face for an inordinate amount of modern and contemporary movie directors, particularly those weaned and teethed in Corman productions. (Miller, for example, appears in every movie Joe Dante has made to date.) 
A working thespian to the end, Miller's last film, the independent horror movie Hanukkah (trailer), starring fellow low culture thespian treasure Sid Haig, just finished production. In it, as in many of Miller's films, his character is named Walter Paisley in homage to his first truly great lead role, that of the loser killer artist/busboy Walter Paisley in Roger Corman's classic black comedy, A Bucket of Blood (1959).
What follows is a multi-part career review in which we undertake a highly meandering, extremely unfocused look at the films of Dick Miller. The films are not necessarily looked at in the order of their release... and if we missed one, let us know. 

Go here for 
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part I (1955-60)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part II (1961-67)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part III (1968-73)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part IV (1974-76)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part V (1977-80)


Firecracker
(1981, dir. Cirio H. Santiago)

A.k.a. Naked Fist. Ah, the great Cirio H. Santiago (18 Jan 1936 – 26 Sept 2008), Filipino trash-film director extraordinary. Officially, Dick Miller has absolutely nothing to do with this project. But the fact of the matter is: Firecracker is basically a remake of the Blaxploitation trash anti-classic T.N.T. Jackson (1974, see Part IV), but with a white babe (Jillian Kesner [9 Aug 1949 – 5 Dec 2007]) as the avenging angel instead of the chocolate delight that is Jeanne Bell. Dick Miller, you might remember, is officially credited alongside Ken Metcalfe as having scripted T.N.T. Jackson. Ergo, although Miller isn't credited here (but Metcalfe is), we still see this as a movie involving Miller, if once or twice removed and un-credited. (Ditto with Angelfist [1989], which we'll look at in Part VII.)
Trailer to
Firecracker:
Kult Eye Bleeder, which rightly bemoans that "they don't make movies like this anymore", has the not-very-complicated plot: "Our heroine Susie Carter (Kesner) has a 6 dan black belt in karate and she has come to Philippines to find her sister (Carolyn Smith of H. G. Lewis'Something Weird [1967 / trailer]), who has gone missing. After numerous fights and some investigation work, she finds out that her sister is dead. Now it's revenge time."
"[...] An entertaining romp from the prolific director Cirio H. Santiago. It mixes unintentional laughs with quite a bit of natural beauty as it works in some great scenery and documents images of traditional native culture from stickfighting training to a parade with garish masks. Maybe they got more production value by skimping on the music budget. [...] Although the score is credited to Susan Justin and Paul Fox, it's mostly tracks lifted from Shogun Assassin (1980 / trailer). [Daily Grindhouse]"
Rubber Monster Fetishism offers "Five reasons why Firecracker probably is the best movie ever made", and we agree with all of them. In the end, however, they also admit that "No, Firecracker is not a good movie. Actually, it hasn't any qualities that would make it come even close to being a good movie. But all that cheezy acting, the nudity and the violence and the general throwing in the kitchen sink feeling of it all just makes it so damn fun to watch." So true, so true...
Firecracker aka Naked Fist should not be confused with the indi art film Firecracker (2005 / trailer below), from the underappreciated indi auteur Steve Balderson, the director of Pep Squad (1998).
Trailer to
Firecracker:


Heartbeeps
(1981, dir. Alan Arkush)

"In the late 70s, comedian Andy Kaufman (17 Jan 1949 – 16 May 1984) was at the top of his game [...]. But he'd yet to prove himself capable of carrying a feature film on his own, despite a blink and you'll miss him appearance as a gun-totin' cop in Larry Cohen's God Told Me To(1981 / trailer) and a larger role as the improbably named Armageddon T. Thunderbird in the Marty Feldman vehicle In God We Trust (1980 / trailer). Kaufman had wanted to build a film around his obnoxious alter ego, Tony Clifton which he pitched to Universal. The studio were unwilling to allow Kaufman to take a lead role until he'd had a hit but were willing to sign a blank cheque for this witless science fiction comedy, scripted by John Hill and directed by Allan Arkush, to capitalise on the success of Star Wars (1977) — the company's research had suggested that the kids loved the Star Wars robots so a film just about robots was bound to be a box office smash, surely? No. The film was a massive flop at the box office and pretty much killed Kaufman's ambitions for a big screen career — he only made one more film, turning up as himself in the barely seen experimental comedy My Breakfast with Blassie (1983 / film), a spoof of Louis Malle's [unbelievably boring] My Dinner with Andre (1981 / trailer). [the eofft review]"
Plot: Two robots, ValCom-17485 (Andy Kaufman) and AquaCom-89045 (Bernadette Peters), meet on a factory shelf, decide to explore the great wide world, and fall in love along the way.
Trailer to
Heartbeeps:
Though hated by most when released, some people now see the film with less critical eyes. Over at All Movie, for example, Donald Guarisco says, "[…] Time has been a little kinder to Heartbeepsthan one might expect. John Hill's script has some significant problems (the plotting is weak, the human characters are ciphers) that were exacerbated by studio tampering but there is a sweet, naive quality to the romance between the two robot heroes that is genuinely intriguing. Allan Arkush's direction brings a nice visual sweep to the film, a tactic that is aided nicely by lavish scope-format photography by Charles Rosher, Jr. Tina Hirsch's editing gives everything a punchy pace and John Williams contributes an unique orchestral/electronic musical score that does a lot to set the film's unusual mood. Most importantly, Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters manage to infuse their necessarily mannered performances with a level of heart that makes the proceedings more compelling than one might expect. The end result is definitely a specialty item but Heartbeeps can be an amusing if deeply twee diversion for those viewers in the right forgiving mood. One's reaction to it will depend a lot on nostalgia for this era, the performers involved and eccentric Hollywood misfires."
That's Bernadette Peters below, by the way, but from a Playboypictorial and not the movie.Dick Miller shows up as a factory watchman somewhere in this generally reviled kiddie film ritten by John Hill, who later wrote the not-too-bade Aussie western Quigley Down Under (1990 / trailer).


Smokey Bites the Dust
(1981, dir. Charles B. Griffith [23 Sept 1930 – 28 Sept 2007]) 
"Similar to the Porky's(1981 / trailer) sequels and early Troma efforts, the comedy is over the top to the point that it starts to become painful to watch. [Varied Celluloid]"
Dick Miller is in this car-crash time-waster playing "Glen Wilson", the guy whose car gets stolen. Despite the movie's title, director Griffith's second-to-last feature film has nothing to do with the once popular and now mostly forgotten Smokey and the Bandittrilogy, Part One (1977 / trailer), Part Two (1980 / trailer), and Part Three (1983 / trailer).
Trailer to
Smokey Bites the Dust:
"With Smokey and the Bandit and its sequel being huge hits […] it comes as no surprise that rip-off king producer Roger Corman would jump on the comical 'good 'ol boy' chase film bandwagon (like you couldn't tell what film it ripped off from the title). This alone doesn't mean it's going to be unwatchable, as Corman produced many loveable rip-offs in his heyday: Piranha (1978 / see Part V) was a loveable rip-off Jaws (1975 / trailer) and Big Bad Mama (1974 / see Part IV) was a loveable rip-off of Bonnie and Clyde(1967 / trailer). Well Smokey Bites the Dust is from the director of the mega-lame Jaws rip-off Up from the Depths (trailer below) and is a pieced-together project stitched around stock footage of previous, much better Corman productions. In other words this royally sucks. [...] Smokey Bites the Dust is bad, god-awful. It's so god-damn bad that it even makes Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 look like a respectable sequel. It's a cluster-fucked mess that insults redneck audiences that even like the southern good 'ol boy chase flicks. [Blood Brothers] 
Trailer to
Up from the Depths:
DVD Drive-In has the plot: "Set in the fictional Cyco County in the deep south (actually Southern California), mischievous teenager Roscoe Wilton (Jimmy McNichol of Night Warning [1980 / trailer], with Susan Tyrell) steals cars on a daily basis to make fools of the local Sheriff (Walter Barnes [26 Jan 1918 – 6 Jan 1998] of Day of the Animals [1977] and Daddy's Deadly Darling aka Pigs [1973 / trailer], seen below from his football days in he '50s) and his bumbling deputy Bentley (Kedrick Wolfe). He also has his eye on Peggy Sue Turner (Janet Julian of Humongous [1982 / trailer]) who happens to be the Sheriff's daughter. On the day of the homecoming parade at the high school, Roscoe steals the main car owned by Glen Wilson (Dick Miller) and with Peggy Sue in the passenger side, it's a wild, non-stop chase through five different counties and police cars careening in every direction."
Trash Film Guru didn't like the movie, but does find one positive thing to say about it: "If there's one thing — and I should stress here it's one thing — I found rather charming about this idiotic mess of a film, it's that director Charles B. Griffith takes the 'idiot cop' stereotype so popular at the time to absurd, self-parodying heights, and God help me if that doesn't fill this reviewer with a warm dose of nostalgia. Today, of course, the boys in blue are pretty much always portrayed as 'heroes' in the popular media, and even the most flagrant excesses and abominations these guys commit on screen are shown in a sympathetic light — after all, these are the good guys, and sometimes you gotta go to extremes to protect 'us' (meaning God-fearin' middle-class Christian white folks) from 'them' (everybody else). If they gotta cut a few corners, bust a few heads, and wipe their asses with the US Constitution along the way, well — it may not be pretty, but it's all in a day's work, and it's all for our own good."
He also goes on to point out what should be obvious about the movie's nominal hero: "While Smokey Bites the Dust does feature a relatively talented cast of actors, the characters simply don't inspire any kind of conviction or interest to endear them to the audience. In fact, outside of the confines of a comedic action movie the character of Roscoe really isn't much of a hero. Here we have a kid stealing car after car, damaging private property, buying ten packs of cigarettes for a seven year old (in possibly the funniest bit of the entire movie, and also the most morally questionable) and all of it for no real purpose whatsoever other than the fact that things are boring in small-town America. When you really start to look at motivations, this movie doesn't really hold up that well. Roscoe literally travels across the country in order to evade boredom and in the context of the movie he potentially ruins the lives of a handful of people and we ultimately have no idea why."


The Howling
(1981, dir. Joe Dante)

Based ever so slightly on the novel of the same name by Gary Brandner (31 May 1930 – 22 Sept 2013), The Howling is a modern werewolf classic. Numerous sources list this film as one of Dick Miller's favorite projects: he has a small but pivotal part in it as Walter Paisley, occult bookstore owner (and not a wanna-be beatnik artist), who both explains how werewolves can be killed and also happens to have some silver bullets lying about. (By the way: in The Howling, werewolves can change at will, not just when the moon is full.)
Back when we first saw The Howling, the year it was released, it bowled us over despite an ending we thought shit: the movie was both scary and funny, and but for the werewolf sex scene it had mind-blowing special effects. We recently re-watched it and found that the ending is still shit and the werewolf sex scene still embarrassing, but despite the movie's now creaky bones it still holds up pretty well in most places. True, now more than then we find that PTSD or not, the lead female character, Karen White (Dee Wallace of Popcorn [1991] and Boo [2005] and soooooo much more), is a whiney wet rag* and not the woman of the film that should have survived — that would be her friend Terry Fisher (Belinda Balaski) — but the movie still enthralls and is never boring (rather unlike the last werewolf movie we saw, The Wolfman [2010 / trailer], which both bores and seldom enthralls). 
*We admit, we seem to be almost the only person that finds her so. Further down, Zeta Minor also is one of the less enamoured.

"Silver bullets or fire, that's the only way to get rid of the damn things. They're worse than cockroaches."
Walter Paisley (Dick Miller)

on The Howling:
Keep your eyes open for Robert "Doc" Picardo (of Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus [2010]) in his feature-film debut: he's always in the shadows or transforming into a werewolf, but he plays a very important character, namely Eddie Quist, the "sex-murderer" werewolf whose early appearance drives the whole plot.
Supposedly the late Golden Age porn icon Annette Haven, above, was offered the role of Marsha Quist, Eddie Quist's hot and bloodthirsty sister, who isalso integral to the plot, but turned it down due to the violence. The part ended up going to the beautiful Elisabeth Brooks [2 July 1951 – 7 Sept 1997)], below from the movie, who died much too young of cancer and, likewise, whose captivating screen presence promised a possible future that never really materialized.
A financial and critical success, The Howling went on to spawn a franchise consisting of another six movies and a failed re-boot — The Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf(1985 / trailer), The Howling III: The Marsupials (1987 / trailer), The Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988 / trailer), The Howling V: The Rebirth (1989 / trailer), The Howling VI: The Freaks (1991 / trailer), The Howling: New Moon Rising (1995), and The Howling: Reborn (2011 / trailer) — all of which pale in comparison to the first film.
The plot, as found at the AV Club: "Played by Dee Wallace […] the film's Karen is vulnerable, but she's not a damsel in distress. Introduced taking part in a sting operation designed to lure serial killer Eddie Quist […] out into the open, Karen knowingly puts herself in harm's way for the police and her TV station, getting more than she bargained for when Eddie turns out to be more than your garden-variety lunatic. In fact, their encounter — during which Eddie is shot to death by the police — so traumatizes her that her therapist, Dr. George Waggner (Patrick Macnee [6 Feb 1922 – 25 June 2015], one of a number of actors playing a character named after the director of a werewolf movie), recommends a stay at the Colony, which he reserves for his 'special patients.' This turns out to be code for werewolves, and in short order her husband, Bill (Christopher Stone [4 Oct 1942 – 20 Oct 1995], Wallace's real-life husband), is bitten by one of the locals, the alluring Marsha (Elisabeth Brooks), and Karen appears to be next on the list — should she prove receptive to the idea."
Since almost everyone who has ever seen The Howling likes the movie, let's hear a voice of dissent. Despite the movie's "rather nifty cast", the easily distressed Zeta Minor hates the movie, arguing that: "Joe Dante is a director […] unable to stick to a single genre within one film. He always manages to mess it up — for instance Gremlins (1984) starts off as being quite a good horror/thriller… but slowly descends into black comedy, and then back to horror again. […] And then there's The Howling— at first seemingly a horror film but again it slowly lowers itself until by the end you're left with a film so very confused that it even goes against its own werewolf rules. […] I've not seen this film in almost fifteen years and it really hasn't aged well. I used to love it, but watching it fresh now has made me realise it's really not the film it's remembered for being. The effects and make up are laughable and while one could blame that on the era, Bottin's work in Carpenter's The Thing (1982 / trailer) still looks bloody good and there's only a year between the two. […] It's impossible to put the film of a woman being raped in a porno house at the beginning of the film, and the final minute of the film together. What the hell is that all about? I'm not sure these two plot devices belong in the same film. […]While none of the main characters have any real background or soul to them, the side characters, as is typical in a Dante film, are well developed. Dante stalwarts Dick Miller and Robert Picardo turn up and actually deliver the best performances in spite of very limited screen time. Patrick MacNee is also on hand to prove once again that he really is only good in The Avengers (1961-69, trailer). Add to that […] Kevin McCarthy, Slim Pickens and Robert Carradine and you're doing well — but alas Dee Wallace Stone was not a good choice to lead this film. […]"
"In the context of Dante's broader filmography, The Howlingdoes seem something of an anomaly given that, for the most part, it's outwardly played straight. The script from John Sayles and Terence Winkless […] seems to be aiming quite high for much of the time, taking stabs at the post-hippy trend for gurus, alternative therapy and pop occultism. Efforts are also made toward a realistic portrayal of a marriage in breakdown, via Karen and Bill's strained relationship. However, it seems clear that the director is far less interested in the psychodrama and any pretence of social commentary than he is in making a simple, fun B-movie; which, as we know, has always been Dante's strength. […] Better to focus on this and have fun than get too worried about a script which tends to get a little bogged down with dull subplots, the worst offender being the investigation thread back in the city, with Dennis Dugan and Belinda Balaski's characters. [Warped Perspectives]"
"[T]he opening scenes reflect a grimy, urban sensibility and sense of real-life monstrosity close to Taxi Driver (1976 / trailer) and The Driller Killer (1979 / trailer) — 'I don't know where they come from but they've got to where they're going,' [Kenneth] Tobey's veteran cop notes gruffly as he surveys the mean streets from his cruiser — as Karen ventures into Eddie's hunting ground. Karen, in turn, anticipating media philippics like Nightcrawler (2014 / trailer), is taking a chance in the name of netting a great story to prove herself more than a decoration for the news desk, entering into a foreboding pas-de-deux of sick obsession as the shadowy pervert (Picardo) has insisted on her because he loves watching her on the news. Dante and Sayles correlate their own on-the-make enthusiasm with Karen's careerist escapade, flirting with the seamy side of life to get their own, more specific ambitions off the ground. Eddie's calling card, a smiley face sticker beaming out with blank cheer in the midst of decadent surroundings, might well have inspired the same device in Watchmen(2009 / trailer). The core of Bradner's novel is still present in the depictions of Karen and Bill's crumbling marriage being subjected to a truly cruel and gruelling metaphorical amplification. [This Island Rod]" 
Seen in The Howling,
the public domain short Pigs in a Polka (1943):
"The Howling came out after a decade in which science-fiction and horror cinema started to loosen the shackles. […] Not only was it a second generation building on the backs of their predecessors and improving what inspired them but also filmmakers that started paying tribute to their inspirations, quoting from and spoofing the originals. […] Without the jokes, The Howling would otherwise be a competent B film — but for one scene. It was a scene that made audiences at the time sit up and pay attention and turned The Howling into a cult film — this being the scene in the middle of the film where Robert Picardo transforms into a werewolf. It is a show-stopping set-piece that for once and all put the old Lon Chaney-type lap dissolves into their grave. […] It is a dazzling showstopper of a set-piece.[Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review]"
"The Howling is an incredibly intelligent and entertaining werewolf movie. Scriptwriter John Sayles' clever skewering of pop psychology and the media aligned with Dante's considerable directorial talents and soft spot for sight gags and referencing, topped with the beauty that is anything Rob Bottincomes into contact with and the audio wonder that is Pino Donaggio makes this a must own (and must watch repeatedly) classic. [Kindertraume]"


The Aftermath
(1982, writ., dir., prod. & starring Steve Barkett)
 
A.k.a. Zombie Aftermath— and once banned in Great Britain as a video nasty. Death count: 32. Supposedly made in 1978, but (supposedly) massive reshoots resulted in a much later release date — assuming it was ever officially released as anything other than straight-to-VHS. One can only wonder what was re-shot, for it looks very much like a one-shot-only-per-scene movie…
OK, you ain't gonna see Dick Miller anywhere in The Aftermath, but you do hear him: he supplies the familiar Bronx-accented broadcaster voice. Some claim that Survivor (1987) is a loose remake of this film, as both feature astronauts returning to a post-apocalyptic earth… but if such similarities indicate a remake, then this thing here must be a loose remake of the original Planet of the Apes (1968 / trailer) — which it probably is, but without apes and/or any budget.
The plot: "Two astronauts crash land and find that civilization is gone. The Apocalypse happened while they were gone and no one told them. The cities are empty, there are hordes of hungry mutants wandering around, and the few normal people are at the mercy of the evil Cutter (Sid Haig [14 July 1939 – 21 Sept 2019] in yet another vicious role) and his gang. So naturally, there's murder, violence, lots of blood, major characters die left and right, and there are also two cute little kids who both happen to be Steve's real-life kids. [Rivets on the Poster]"
The Aftermath is one of those kinds of films that assumes that if nothing else is still around post-apocalypse, clothes washers will be: everyone in the movie wears totally spotless clothing."You really don't need to see the film after watching this trailer. [The Big Movie House]"
Trailer to
The Aftermath:
"A 1980s post-nuclear action flick as good, as bad, as macho and as pulpy as they come: Basically, the storyline is very thin and overly clichéd, and the more thoughtful sequences seem out of place — but the plot serves as a good hanger for action and violence, sprinkled with bits of nudity, and all of this is charmingly in your face, with blood squirting from every wound, fights not always following the laws of nature when pure brutality doesn't permit it, plenty of stuntwork and grappling, mean shootouts, and quite a number of killings. So no, it's not a very brain-heavy affair — but massive nostalgic fun!!! [(re)search my trash]"
The Big Movie House might add: "The Aftermath is a film that was made because the filmmakers have a love for the craft and the sci-fi genre. So it should be a good film […]. Yes, it should be a good film, but it isn't. The Aftermath is one of those rare films where love and respect don't mean a damn thing. The film wasn't made for the money, but the heart and respect that the filmmakers have doesn't really show up on camera. What we are left with is a film that has almost nothing going for it."


Vortex
(1982, writ. & dir. Beth B. & Scott B.)
OK, here's one that we find listed everywhere but for which cannot find any confirmation. Dick Miller supposedly has a "Bit Part" in this, "the last no wave film" and last film that the New York "transgressive" filmmakers Beth B and Scott B made together before they went their separate ways. His presence goes unnoticed in all online write-ups we found, so if he really does do a bit part in the flick, it must be really teenie weenie, sorta of like a yellow polka dot bikini. More likely, however, is that some other Joe Schmoe in the movie simply has the same name as our Dick Miller, thus the confusion. 
Trailer to
Vortex:

Plot: "[…] This fun and imaginative neo-noir offers one of the best illustrations of how to make an interesting genre picture for very little money. Private eye Angel Powers (punk musician Lydia Lunch, of Teenage Jesus and the Jerks) gets hired to investigate a case where two nefarious corporations are competing with one another for an elusive government defense contract. The head of one of the outfits is a physically impaired, Howard Hughes-like weirdo (William Rice [17 Oct 1931 – 23 Jan 2006]) who manipulates people and situations while sealed up in his private office; he orders the murder of a corrupt congressman (David Kennedy), and instructs his cronies to present plans for an interstellar weapon to a defense subcommittee ahead of his competitors. Meanwhile, his thuggish subordinate (James Russo of American Strays [1996] and Voodoo Dawn [1998]) recoils from the boss's attempts to dominate his life and behavior, and finds his way into Powers's bed…. [All Movie]"
"The very accomplished (and self-consciously wry) first 16mm feature by NY new wave underground film-makers Scott and Beth B […]. Made on a tiny budget, with striking chiaroscuro visual effects, the movie pulses with punk sensibility. It meanders and is sometimes chaotically makeshift, but it's all of a part: tough and buzzing with New York zip. [Time Out]"


White Dog
(1982, dir. Sam Fuller)

The last Hollywood film directed by Samuel Fuller (12 Aug 1912– 30 Oct 1997). Dick Miller appears as an animal trainer. This movie got critically vivisected with dull knives and unsharpened pencils before it was even released, which resulted in its blink-and-you-missed-it release and eventual shelving. Dick Miller appears briefly as a dog trainer.

"No movie is ahead of its time, just ahead of cultural gatekeepers. Sam Fuller knew this better than any other filmmaker after his 1982 White Dog waited almost ten years to get a theatrical release. Despite Fuller's career-long penchant for giving controversial subjects a punchy, exploitation-movie spin, White Dog(his twenty-first feature) was the first to suffer outright suppression. Due to the film's impudent premise, in which a Los Angeles actress, Julie Sawyer (Kristy McNichol, seen below with her brother, Jimmy, of Smokey Bites the Dust [1981]), innocently discovers a guard dog trained to attack African Americans — a metaphor for socially indoctrinated racism — Fuller met with extraordinary industry and public resistance. His deliberate provocation, indicting social naïveté as well as film industry routine, worked too well. The film couldn't slip under Paramount's radar like earlier Fuller outrages, since B-movie exhibition no longer existed by the 1980s. Instead, White Dog was [initially shelved and then] dumped in a television graveyard, before it was eventually released to theaters as a specialty art movie in 1991. [Criterion]"
Basically: knee-jerk reactions resulted in the profoundly anti-racist film being labeled racist. Today, however, White Dog is even held in relatively high critical regard as one of Fuller's better movies. How things change...
on White Dog:
White Dog is based on the 1970 novel of the same name by Romain Gary (21 May 1914 – 2 Dec 1980). According to imdb (Date: 26.08.19): "The film is based on a true story. While she was living in Hollywood with her husband, writer Romain Gary, actress Jean Seberg (13 Nov 1938 – 30 Aug 1979, of The Corruption of Chris Miller [1973 / trailer]) brought home a large white dog she had found on the street that seemed friendly and playful. However, when the animal saw her Black gardener, it attacked him viciously, injuring him. Afterward, the couple kept it in the backyard, but one day, it got out and attacked another Black man on the street but no one else. After this happened a third time, they realized that someone had trained the dog to attack and injure only Black people. Gary wrote a magazine piece about it for Life in 1970, which eventually became a fictionalized full-length book."
"White Dog begins as aspiring young California actress Julie Sawyer […] befriends an injured stray dog she finds abandoned on the highway. Soon she finds out that hers is no ordinary white dog, it's a white dog. This German shepherd has been trained by its previous owners to attack all black people. The discovery of this chilling truth is horrifying in its disturbing bluntness and its dog's-eye point of view. Julie takes her dog to Noah's Ark, a training center for movie animals run by the equable Caruthers (Burl Ives [14 June 1909 – 14 April 1995], of Zalman King's Two Moon Junction [1988]). There, animal trainer Keys (Paul Winfield [22 May 1939 – 7 March 2004] of Gordon's War [1973 / trailer]) […] takes on the task of retraining the white dog by exposing a tiny bit more of his own black skin to the animal on repeated encounters. It's tedious, treacherous, exasperating work that truly puts Key's body on the front lines of the race wars. He'd just as soon shoot the dog but knows that tactic would only shift the battle line to someone else's backyard. He believes in scientific reprogramming, in possibility, in the capacity for change. But by the end of the movie, we're forced to wonder if the basic emotions of love and hate can ever really be altered. Perhaps they can only be redirected. [Austin Chronicle]"
Dunno if the critic here is Afro-American or Lily White, but over at Black Horror Movies, they were not impressed by White Dog: "White Dog plays like a twisted after-school special, ripe with heavy-handed allegorical content, hate crimes and Burl Ives. If this movie had been more popular, it would've been the subject of countless high school English papers about how the dog symbolizes racism and how hard it is to control. The A-plus students might've brought up the fact that dogs are color-blind, and the uber-nerds may have even mentioned that Winfield ironically played Martin Luther King, Jr. in the miniseries King. Sure, the message of White Dogis nice and all, but watching a man 'break' a dog for 45 minutes could only be considered entertainment below the Mason-Dixon line."
"White Dog shines in its silence, breathes in Ennio Morricone's plaintive background score, all through mocking the hatred that only a human can harbor. It's tragic that perhaps the most poignant soul-searching motion picture against racism was deemed too dangerous for public viewing and shelved for a fair decade before it was re-released. [Dog with Blog]"


Movie Madness
(1982, dirs. Bob Giraldi & Henry Jaglom)

Original poster illustration (above) by Rick Meyerowitz. Dick shows up in the episode Success Wanters, playing Dr. Hans Kleiner.
We took a look at this flick way back in 2013, in R.I.P.: Harry Reems, Part V (1980–84), where we scrounged the following together:
Once upon a time there was a humor magazine called National Lampoon, and they made a flick called Animal House (1978 / trailer) and it was such a big hit that they thought they could shit gold. So they shat this film out and had, well, shit.
Originally a four-segment film meant to satirize popular film genres, the movie was trimmed down to three segments upon release. Music video and commercial director Bob Giraldi did the segments Growing Yourself and Success Wanters, while Henry Jaglom, who hasn't made an interesting film since his mildly interesting début hippy-film oddity A Safe Place (1971 / trailer), directed the other two, Municipalians and the cut segment The Bomb.
The praise for this film is fairly consistent, always of the same tone as over at Reel Film, which says "The folks at National Lampoonhave released some awful movies over the years (i.e. Van Wilder [2002 / trailer], Gold Diggers [2003 / trailer], etc), but this is surely the worst." Blogger Jerry Saravia, who admits not making it through to the third and final segment (the one with Reems), says: "[...] I cannot imagine a single soul finding anything of comedic value in National Lampoon Goes to the Movies, which is the worst comedy I've ever seen. Let me make that painstakingly clear once more: it is the WORST COMEDY I'VE EVER SEEN. EVER. In the history of the comedy genre, nothing is WORSE than this movie. NOT ONE!"
Bad Movie Planet, which says the movie us "is a poorly conceived anthology that falls flat on its face early on and stays there", is particularly put off by the episode in which Harry Reems flits by somewhere playing a Vice Squad Cop: "As bad as the previous segments are, nothing can prepare you for Municipalians. Not a moment goes by in which it this section doesn't make you feel like someone is shoving a dead possum in your face, and this is mostly director Henry Jaglom's fault. [...] Jaglom's whiny, navel-gazing autobiographical style doesn't lend itself to the silly excesses of a low brow comedy. Jaglom has no comic timing and keeps the film moving at a snail's pace. [...] Municipalians also boasts the film's worst performances." And, according to Uncle Scoopy, the final segment of this "totally unfunny movie performed with desperation by people begging the audience to laugh [...] doesn't even have the gratuitous nudity which spiced up the other two vignettes."
A crappy film, in other words, and not exactly a stepping stone to a career in films that doesn't focus on your meat lollipop. 
Trailer to
Movie Madness:


Lies
(1983, writ. & dir. Jim & Ken Wheat)

Directorial debut of the bros Jim and Ken Wheat, who went on to write Pitch Black(2000) and have a hand in its sequels. Dick Miller shows up to play the "Producer" (of the film the female character bales from at the beginning of the movie).
"[…] The brothers Jim and Ken Wheat, […] produced and jointly directed (and wrote) this intricately plotted story about a young actress (the very good Ann Dusenberry), struggling to make both a decent living and a living decently in Hollywood, who is unexpectedly hired by film-maker Gail Strickland. The actress is to play the life story of a young woman whose plight opens the film; a girl traumatized by witnessing the brutal killing of her mother and father. Her brother (Bruce Davison) burst onto the scene, killing the attackers and saving his sister, but not her sanity. Since this horrifying incident, (which earns the film its 'R' rating), the young woman had been in a mental institution and had only recently committed suicide. [LA Times]"
Trailer to
Lies:
"A little fun can be had with this mediocre horror. But ultimately it's too convoluted to be taken seriously. […] Similar to both 1976's Scalpel(a better version of this sort of thing) and Dead of Winter (trailer), this has a few good moments, but tries to be too clever for its own good; its twisty plotlines lose you in the end. Think of 16 different editings of the classic Vertigo (1958 / trailer) running all at the same time and you have an idea of how this one plays out. Actually, that might sound more complimentary than it's meant to be. […] [The Terror Trap]"
"The story follows a struggling young actress named Robyn, played by the talented Ann Dusenberry from Jaws 2 (1978 / trailer) and that fine picture Cutter's Way (1981 / trailer)! After walking off the set of a zombie movie being produced by none other than Dick 'Sorority Girl' Miller (see Part I), she gets what she imagines to be the role of a lifetime: playing a young heiress who had committed suicide after a violent break-in took the lives of her parents! A very stern lady is evidently the director of this heiress epic, and what do you know, Clu Gulager himself, the dad from A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (1985), shows up as the late heiress's psychiatrist! [Ha ha, it's Burl!]"


Get Crazy
(1983, dir. Allan Arkush)

Arkush's follow-up film to his flop, Heartbeeps. Dick Miller shows up as "Susie's Dad". (Susie, in turn, is played by Stacey Nelkin, who came fresh off the set of that misunderstood flop known as Halloween III: Season of the Witch[1982 / trailer].)
In a 2009 interview at the Hollywood Interview Blogspot, Arkush says "Everything in [Get Crazy] is based on real stuff, and I wish I could remake it as a realistic movie. But the only way I could get it made at the time was to do the Airplane! (1980 / trailer) version of it. […]There was this small company called Sherwood Productions that had some capital. We had meetings, and they liked my idea of a comedy set in a theater like the Fillmore. Airplane! was really big then, and what they wanted was that kind of whacky comedy. We started working on the script… and I realized during that process that the executive, Herb Solow, was pretty much of a jerk. […] Then the company was taken over by David Begelman,* who was already on his way down. In the end, they never really understood the movie, and the scam they came up with to release it was to sell the shares in it to some Wall Street tax shelter group, and then put it out so it would lose money… just like The Producers (1968 / trailer)! So nobody saw it—on purpose! It was so horrible to work so hard on something, and then see it just thrown away."
*"David Begelman (26 Aug 1921 – 7 Aug1995) was an American film producer, film executive and talent agent who was involved in a studio embezzlement scandal in the 1970s. [Wikipedia]"
Get Crazy:
Get Crazy had a limited theatrical run, was eventually released on VHS, and has yet to be released on DVD (a format itself which will soon become obsolete).
The plot: "Max Wolfe (Allen Garfield) is the owner of the Saturn Theater, and has been for a long time. On New Year's Eve, Max plans to throw a HUGE party, yet his plans are slightly dampened when he finds himself on his death bed, much to the delight of Colin Beverly (Ed Begley, Jr.) and his nephew Sammy (Miles Chapin of Tobe Hooper's The Funhouse [1981 / trailer]), who want the Saturn torn down and turned into a large office building. However, Max decides that the show must go on and puts Neil (Daniel Stern of Leviathan [1989]) and his newfound love interest Willy (Gail Edwards) in charge. The show does go on as planned, but little do they know that Colin has planted a bomb set to go off at the stroke of midnight! Can the two lovebirds stop Colin's evil plans? Will Max survive? Will British punk rocker Reggie Wanker (Malcolm McDowell of Tank Girl [1995] and so much more) get the emotion back into his music? And most importantly, will the show go on as planned? [Obscure Cinema 101]"
"Made during a time when superficial mayhem wasn't even close to being frowned upon, the little seen Get Crazy is a stark reminder of how playful music used to be. Of course, I'm not saying that music isn't fun anymore (Karen O. seems like a fun gal), but the music world presented in this film is not same as the one we live in — you know, the one where a teen pop star gets scolded for displaying her naked back, or touching a pole in an erotic fashion. For one thing, sex and drugs are openly pursued, and behaving irresponsibly in public is not only encouraged, it's mandatory. Hell, even the seemingly straight-laced Paul Bartel jumps willy-nilly from a lofty balcony at the behest of a screaming punk singer named Piggy (Lee Ving— the most Aussie-looking Minnesotan ever). Promoting the convergence of rock and roll, new wave, blues rock, glam rock and punk, director Allan Arkush presents a universe where these distinct styles can commingle and thrive all under the same roof. [House of Self-Indulgence]" 
Seen in the background of Get Crazy: The Sunshine Makers (1935), directed by Burt Gillett (15 Oct 1891 – 28 Dec 1971) and Ted Eshbaugh (5 Feb 1906 – 4 July 1969)*:
* Interestingly enough,Ted Eshbaughis credited in many places, like here at Frankensteinia, as having directed, in 1933, a fab short animated horror film entitled The Snow Man. Just as many websites, however, claim that Mannie Davis & John Foster made The Snow Man in 1940, as does the Internet Archives here. With the latter info, we presented The Snow Man as our Jan 2019 Short Film of the Month.
Over at All Movie, Donald Guarisco says, "Though it rarely gets mentioned in round ups of rock and roll movies, Get Crazy is one of that genre's best outings. The script offers a savvy satire of the rock business, put forth in an appealing lighthearted style that makes it accessible. Allan Arkush directs the proceedings with flair, keeping the multiple plotlines moving forward while still delivering plenty of music and laughs. Get Crazy further benefits from a fun cast: Daniel Stern makes an appealing average-Joe lead, Malcolm McDowell delivers a sly comedic turn as an egotistical Mick Jagger-styled rocker and Ed Begley Jr. is a deadpan delight as an evil mogul trying to steal the concert hall's real estate. Rock fans will also want to look out for punker Lee Ving and alternative-rock legend Lou Reed in fun cameo roles (Reed in particular has fun satirizing Bob Dylan). In short, Get Crazy is a funny and fast-paced rock and roll flick that deserves a bigger cult following."


(1983, writ. & dir. Howard R. Cohen)
We reviewed this film way back in 2010, and were not impressed. Click on the title above to go to our typically wordy, long-winded review. Oddly enough, we made no mention of Dick Miller, though he is credited as playing someone called Crazy Mel in the flick. We don't remember seeing him… but then, we hardly remember the movie anymore, either. 
Trailer to
Space Raiders:


Twilight Zone – The Movie
(1983, dir. Joe Dante, John Landis, George Miller and Steven Spielberg)

The once (in)famous and by now relatively overlooked big budget film version of the classic TV show with four different segments by four different directors. Dick Miller appears very briefly as Walter Paisley in the second-best segment of the film, Joe Dante's It's a Good Life (the arguably best segment is George Miller's take on Nightmare at 20,000 Feet).
"Twilight Zone: The Movie is in the upper tier of anthology films. It starts with science fiction and fantasy then slowly escalates into terror. It was written and directed by the best filmmakers around and is way ahead of its time. On a technical level, this production is nearly flawless. If the two first tales don't stick with you long after you've watched this, the last two will... [Tales of Terror]"
Original, boring trailer to
Twilight Zone – The Movie:
The plot of It's a Good Life: "Helen Foley (Kathleen Quinlan of Event Horizon [1997]) accidentally knocks young Anthony (Jeremy Licht) off his bicycle outside a diner. Concerned, she drives him home. She meets Anthony's family who seem to live in terror of him. She then learns that he keeps them prisoner, as he has the power to manifest anything he wishes. [The Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review]"
We spoke a bit about Twilight Zone – The Movie, and It's a Good Life, in our blurb to our October 2011 Short Film of the Month, Sally (née "Sarah") Cruikshank's Face Like a Frog (1987), where we wrote: "Remember that big budget remake of the Twilight Zone from 1983? The infamous one for which the actor Vic Morrow and two child extras lost their lives to a helicopter while filming the John Landis segment? Among the various segments is one directed by the ever-entertaining Joe Dante, a remake of the 1963 episode It's a Good Life about a mutant kid (Bill Mumy) with the powers of god. (The episode was also the subject of a sequel episode It's Still a Good Life in the 2002 revival of the TV show in 2002.) In the remake, at one point the little brat [now played by Jeremy Licht] sends one of his 'family', Ethel (Nancy Cartwright), to her demise by popping her into a cartoon hell on TV, where she ends up being eaten by demonic monster rabbit. The episode itself may not have been as good as the original TV version, but damn! That cartoon hell was great! And it was created by Sally (née 'Sarah') Cruikshank, the animator behind a wasted life's Short Film of the Month for October, 2011."
Over at Spirituality and Practice, they are less enamored by the segment: "Joe Dante directs the third segment which is centered around the demonic exploits of a young boy (Jeremy Licht) who has strange psychic powers. […] The surreal dimensions of this portrait warp the tale."
And warped it is: "One of the best episodes of the series is also one of the best segments in the movie, adapted here by director Joe Dante. […] Visual effects had grown by leaps and bounds in the 20 years since the original episode aired, and Dante uses puppetry, makeup, and special effects to achieve some memorably gruesome and shocking moments that weren't possible to depict on television in the early 1960s. With wacky sets and sound effects, the segment plays out like a live-action cartoon, populated by creatures that resemble a Looney Tunes version of hell. It's pure lunacy, but it's also fraught with a profound sense of dread for anyone in Anthony's life who unintentionally displeases him.* [The Horror Honeys]"
*Including Anthony's mouthless "sister" Sara, played by Cherie Currie, seen below not from the film.
Rio Ranchraises justifiable quibbles, however, regarding the segment's ending: "And while there are some pleasingly nasty shocks, the end is kind of ridiculous. The teacher decides to become a real mother to the boy and he promises to no longer use his powers for evil — she'll look after him and give him a proper life. […] Sounds okay, doesn't it? But then the teenage years will hit and bad things will happen. Just think about it. Say there's a girl in school that he likes but then she turns him down. Is he really going to accept that? I don't think so. He'll do something hideous to her. Or even if he has a girlfriend but she won't perform an act that he desperately wants. For example, say he wants her to perform oral sex on him but she doesn't like it. He'll probably go and have her mouth turned into a vagina and have her transported into a maximum security prison. […]"
BTW: The original story to It's a Good Lifewas written by Jerome Bixby (11 Jan 1923 – 28 Apr 1998), who among other things wrote the screenplay toIt! The Terror from Beyond Space (1958 / trailer), the movie that inspired Alien (1979 / trailer); the cheap but oddly depressing and underrated sci-fi flick The Lost Missile (1958 / trailer); and the guilty pleasure that is Curse of the Faceless Man (1958 / trailer below).
Trailer to
Curse of the Faceless Man:


Heart Like a Wheel
(1983, dir. Jonathan Kaplan)

The feature film biographical story of Shirley Muldowney: "Shirley Muldowney (born June 19, 1940), also known professionally as 'Cha Cha' and the 'First Lady of Drag Racing', is an American auto racer. She was the first woman to receive a license from the National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) to drive a Top Fuel dragster. She won the NHRA Top Fuel championship in 1977, 1980, and 1982, becoming the first person to win two and three Top Fuel titles. She won a total of 18 NHRA national events. [Wikipedia]" 
Trailer to
Heart Like A Wheel:
We caught this one at the movies years ago… don't remember a thing about it, 'cause it was/is a totally forgettable film. Dick Miller shows up to play someone called "Mickey White".
Fulview Drive-In has the plot: "Shirley (Bonnie Bedelia of Needful Things [1993 / trailer]) started drag racing as a young woman in the late 1950s to make a few extra bucks. Because she was a woman, she wasn't supposed to succeed, but she ended up winning a lot of amateur drag races, and decided to turn pro against the advice of practically every male she came across. Married to her high-school sweetheart, Jack Muldowney (Leo Rossi of Maniac Cop II [1990 / trailer]), Shirley started out racing just on weekends with Jack as her mechanic, but did well enough in competition that she eventually wanted to make it a full-time pursuit. Her determination to become not only the first woman racer in the National Hot Rod Association (NHRA), but a champion as well, eventually was too much for Jack to handle, leading to the dissolution of their marriage. With Jack out of the picture, Shirley, by this time nicknamed 'Cha Cha,' began a long relationship with fellow hot rodder, Connie Kalitta (Beau Bridges of Village of the Giants [1965 / trailer below]), who turned out to be an incorrigible, lying womanizer." 
Trailer to
Village of the Giants:
"Director Jonathan Kaplan wisely avoids trying to hit all the 'key points' in Shirley's life; instead, he takes the time to develop a three-dimensional character with real-life goals and heartaches. Shirley is portrayed as a strong, independent, driven woman who 'finds disappointment in her relationships with men' yet continues to strive 'for triumphs in her profession'. [Filmfanatic]"


Rod Stewart: Infatuation (1984)
Dick Miller shows up in the original music video to Rod "Gag" Stewart's generically 80s song, Infatuation. But then, the video was directed by Jonathan Kaplan.


The Terminator
(1984, writ. & dir. James Cameron)
The first of six films to date, it is easy to imagine that many of those who see the latest installment, Terminator: Dark Fate (2019 / trailer), have probably never seen the film that started it all; and if they did or do, they would also find the special effects extremely dated. But when this movie was first released, it pretty much blew everybody away — and that despite some effects that even looked laughable at that time, namely the segment in which the Terminator (Arnie) "fixes" his eye at a mirror. (OK, the stop motion effects at the end were sort of dodgy even then, but by then the adrenaline the film instigated saved everything.) Dodgy aspects or not, the original Terminator is probably James Cameron's first "masterpiece" and a fucking good film, regardless of its roots (it was, basically, a B-film… only the subsequent ones were A productions). Time Magazine, which was once considered a conservative news magazine,* even did the unbelievable and placed it on its "Ten Best Films" list of 1984. In 2008, the Library of Congress chose The Terminator for preservation in the National Film Registry as "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant".
 
The Terminator:
*Actually, it still is conservative. Unlike the average American conservative of today, however, Time has somehow managed to preserve its ability to think and is thus seen, like most the press, by the braindead masses of our doomed nation as a liberal enemy of America.
The Terminator:
"Cameron originally wanted Lance Henriksen to play the Terminator, reportedly enlisting the actor to dress the part as part of Cameron's pitch. The studio wanted O.J. Simpson, perhaps because they knew a killer when they saw one. The role eventually went to bodybuilder-turned-actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who had supporting roles in a few movies before breaking out in Conan the Barbarian (1982 / trailer) two years earlier. Schwarzenegger has stated he was reluctant to take the role, feeling that at this stage in his career he should only be playing the hero but eventually giving so much thought to how the Terminator should be played that he knew he had to do it. The rest is movie history, as it was really The Terminatorthat turned Arnold Schwarzenegger into a huge superstar and a household name. That's because he's fucking awesome in the movie: impossibly enormous, flat voice and cold, dead eyes. [F This Movie]"
Over at All Movie, Hal Erickson has the plot: "Endlessly imitated, The Terminator made the reputation of cowriter/director James Cameron […] and solidified the stardom of Arnold Schwarzenegger. [Seen below, not from the film.] The movie begins in a post-apocalyptic 2029, when Los Angeles has been largely reduced to rubble and is under the thumb of all-powerful ruling machines. Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn of Planet Terror [2007], Cherry Falls [2000], and so much more), a member of the human resistance movement, is teleported back to 1984. His purpose: to rescue Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton of The Children of the Corn [1984 / trailer]), the mother of the man who will lead the 21st-century rebels against the tyrannical machines, from being assassinated before she can give birth. Likewise thrust back to 1984 is The Terminator (Schwarzenegger), a grim, well-armed, virtually indestructible cyborg who has been programmed to eliminate Sarah Connor. After killing two 'Sarah Connors' who turn out to be the wrong women, he finally aims his gunsights at the genuine article. This is the film in which Schwarzenegger declared 'I'll be baaaack'— and back he was, in 'kinder and gentler' form, in the even more successful Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991 / trailer)."
"Schwarzenegger's Terminator is a cyborg of very few words, speaking only a handful of times throughout the film, and when it does, it's usually short and to the point […]. But then, this is a machine that doesn't need words; it may speak softly, but it carries a big arsenal. Upon its arrival in the past, the Terminator gets right down to business, murdering one punk rocker (a young Bill Paxton [17 May 1955 - 25 Feb 2017]) before stealing the clothes of another. From there, it's off to a small gun shop, where it has the proprietor (Dick Miller [!!!]) pull all his best weapons off the shelf, then shoots the man with his own merchandise. To ensure the success of his mission, the Terminator next turns his attention to killing every Sarah Conner in the phone book, taking out the first one (Marianne Muellerleile) by pumping six rounds into her as she stood defenseless in her living room. The Terminator is a killing machine, programmed with a single goal and a driving determination to see it through. Reese fills Sarah in on just what they're up against when he says, 'It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop… ever.' We've seen Schwarzenegger play tough before, but in The Terminator he's also damn scary. [2,500 Movies Challenge]"
"The time travel concept and the post-apocalyptic flash-forwards are all window-dressing that masks the fact that The Terminator is very much a slasher movie, just one with guns and explosives instead of hatchets and chainsaws. […] The Terminatoradheres to two of the main slasher conceits. First, and most obviously, it follows a single-minded killer who offs a series of victims. The Terminator even follows a specific pattern murdering Los Angeles-area Sarah Connors in the order in which they appear in the phone book. Second, The Terminatorclings almost religiously to the concept of the Final Girl. As Carol Clover, who coined the term, describes it, the Final Girl is a female who 'alone looks death in the face … she alone also finds the strength either to stay the killer long enough to be rescued (Ending A) or to kill him herself (Ending B).' Sarah Connor fits this mold perfectly, especially in regard to Clover's 'Ending B'. She comes into the film an innocent, and leaves it wiser and perhaps a little more dangerous, having destroyed the monster with his own weaponry a piece of machinery. [Classic Horror]"
But to end with a voice of contrariety: Derrick Carter of Are You Not Entertained? says, "I did not grow up with The Terminator and therefore, I don't have much nostalgia for it. As it stands, I only consider one film in the whole series to be great thus far and it's not this one. The Terminator holds up as a cheesy, very 80's sci-fi actioner that's entertaining, but has its share of flaws that stick out to me. […] Sarah's character is a hapless waitress who is timid, shy and feels like she belongs in a romantic comedy as opposed to an 80's sci-fi classic. […] She's a bit bland and Kyle Reese is even more of a dull character than her. He's the typical hero who's been sent to save the day. When romantic chemistry forms between them, it all feels forced and bland…just like both characters. […] The Terminator is very much an 80's movie, too. It's complete with a cool synthesizer score, an over-the-top cheesy sex scene, and silly dialogue (one character threatening to knock the Terminator's block off is kind of hilarious). Though a majority of the film plays out like an elongated chase scene between man and machine, director/writer James Cameron doesn't skimp out on the action scenes either. While one futuristic battle sequence drags for a bit too long […], the finale is truly something to behold. The special effects that constructed the Terminator hold up very well (save for one rubber Arnie head), especially what appears to be a blend of stop-motion and practical work during the final confrontation. […] As it stands for me, the first Terminator is cheesy 80's fun that went on to spawn a far superior sequel."
Followed by the excellent Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), the unnecessary and uninteresting Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003 / trailer), two we didn't bother with — Terminator: Salvation (2009 / trailer) and Terminator: Genisys (2015 / trailer) — and a new one, Terminator: Dark Fate (2019), due soon.


Gremlins
(1984, dir. Joe Dante)

BTW, the original poster design above is by John Alvin (24 Nov 1948 – 6 Feb 2008), who designed many a classic poster we can't stand.

"The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus." 
Kate Beringer (Phoebe Cates)

Complaints over the violence of this PG-rated movie and the similarly PG-rated Indiana Jones and theTemple of Doom (1984 / trailer) resulted in the creation of the PG-13 rating, which is currently worded: "Parents Strongly Cautioned — Some Material May Be Inappropriate for Children under 13." A financial success, Gremlinswas followed six years later by the Dante-directed Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) which also has Dick Miller pop up as Murray Futterman, the same role he plays in this movie. Chris Columbus is credited as the scriptwriter to this anti-Christmas classic, something we here at a wasted life find hard to believe because the movie is so typically Joe Dante. We assume Dante added a lot to the script along the way, uncredited… 
Trailer to
Gremlins:
Plot: "Inventor Randall Peltzer (Hoyt Axton [25 March 1938 – 26 Oct 1999]) is searching for a special Christmas present for his son, Billy (of Eaten Alive [2002]). When he stumbles across an underground store in Chinatown, it seems that he's found the perfect gift: a furry, adorable creature called a Mogwai. Billy begins to care for this Mogwai, named Gizmo, as an unusual pet. However, there are three rules that come with Mogwai. You can't expose them to bright light. You can't get them wet. Most importantly, you can't feed them after midnight. Billy accidentally breaks all three of these rules and soon after, reptilian-looking Gremlins are wreaking havoc in his small town on Christmas Eve. It's up to Billy and Gizmo to put a stop to this monstrous mess. [Are You Not Entertained?]" 
Written by Hoyt Axton,
a hit for SteppenwolfThe Pusher:
"PG exteriors harbor an R-rated dark side in this seminal '80s hit about a cute furry creature that births an army of sadistic gremlins that destroy a quaint American town. For all its special effects wizardry, the centerpiece of Joe Dante's Gremlins is the setting: Kingston Falls, the fictitious small town […]. There's a logical connection there, as Reagan's America had many '80s filmmakers looking back towards the country's last period of stifling conformity. But while Dante takes pains establishing Kingston Falls as an idyllic vision of a by-gone American way of life, there is a persistent undercurrent of something untoward even before the Gremlins arrive. Many townspeople are struggling to make ends meet, businesses are closing, and the picturesque town square is blighted by a jarring Burger King. […] Gremlins has been justifiably praised as a showcase for Dante's technical brilliance, as the mischievous monsters allow him to pack the screen with a frantic chaos inspired by the Golden Age of cartoons. But while Dante's tonal juxtapositions are ambitious, Gremlinsnever quite achieves the menace it aims for in scenes where the villainous creatures wield chainsaws and guns. It's also clear that a lot was left on the cutting room floor, as Corey Feldman and Judge Reinhold play characters that are built up in the first half of the film before completing disappearing in the second half. [Arthouse Grindhouse]"
"[Gremlins] has the awesome feel of the 80's; it has comedy, pure insanity in the form of marauding hell-bent creatures descending on suburbia, and even romance for the ladies! It has cute little Gizmo (to fill seats and sell a million dolls in stores by x-mas), the evil twisted Stripe and his army of pure clusterfudge, and you even get to see a mean old lady (this xmas story's Scrooge) get her well-deserved comeuppance. The action is cool, the story has a positive moral backdrop, and you get to see some badass little monsters raise hell and blow the hell out of everything! In my opinion the tavern scene as well as Billy's Mom (Frances Lee McCain) nuking one unfortunate defenseless gremlin in the microwave is worth the price of admission. [Buried.com]"
"The underlying message is spelled out for the viewer toward the conclusion, informing audiences that William and his family did with the Mogwai what society has done with all of nature's gifts. Failing to understand it, not retaining any accountability for mistreatment, and being wholly unready for such great responsibility can only lead to corruption and chaos. It's not terribly far removed from the standard examination of a superhero's super powers, aided by authority figures (primarily the sheriff's department) expectedly refusing to acknowledge the danger. Never has the annihilation of an entire town (dubbed the 'Christmas Eve Riots') come in such a darkly humorous form (except, perhaps, for the apocalyptic marshmallow juggernaut in Ghostbusters[trailer] from the same year). [Gone with the Twins]" 
One of the earliest appearances of a gremlin in film —
with Bugs Bunny in Falling Hare (1944):
As per the changing times Gremlins is now seen as "culturally insensitive" because "the gremlins 'reflect negative African-American stereotypes' in their dress and behavior. They are shown 'devouring fried chicken with their hands', listening to black music, breakdancing, and wearing sunglasses after dark and newsboy caps, a style common among African American males in the 1980s. [Wikipedia]"Gremlins went on to inspire an untold number of B-movie deadly little critter franchises, the most well known probably being Critters (four films from 1986-92 and a fifth on the way), Ghoulies(four films from 1985-94) and Munchies(three films between 1987-94).


Swing Shift
(1984, dir. Jonathan Demme)

Dick Miller has a super-tiny, uncredited part in this financial flop as a military man who asks the lead character, Kay Walsh (Goldie Hawn of Death Becomes Her[1992 / trailer]), to dance at a military dance but walks away when she can't stop talking about her absent husband Jack (Ed Harris of Appaloosa [2008 / trailer], Paris Trout [1991 / trailer] and more), who is In the Navy.
Swing Shift is considered a classic example of "star/producer/director conflict": Hawn, a huge star at the time, took control of the final product and redhot numerous scenes and re-editted the movie to put more focus on her character; result, the budget skyrocketed and the release was delayed, director Demme (22 Feb 1944 – 26 April 2017) removed his normal "A Jonathan Demme Film" credit, the screenwriters Bo Goldman, Nancy Dowd, Robert Towne and Ron Nyswaner took the pseudonym "Rob Morton", and the film flopped (it barely returned a third of its costs).
Speaking of Swing Shift and a then still young and buff Ed Harris, the movie has one of those kinds of towel slips that keep fans of celebrity penis happy — as the blogspot World of Male Embarrassment mentions in their article 10 Unfortunate Moments of Male Nudity, whence the image below is taken, "This is one of the most iconic nude accidents to ever happen. Ed Harris, still young and sexy, comes out of the shower shirtless wearing just a towel. The 'just' part becomes more apparent when he sits down with his legs widely open giving us a quick look of his reddish long dick flopping! If it wasn't for this cute accident we would have never seen Mr. Harris since it's his only nude scene." (They're actually wrong about the last, but in his other nude scenes, like that in China Moon [1994 / trailer] — or was it in Knightriders [1981 / trailer]? — the distance removes the details.) As Junta Juliel points out, however, "The DVD censors the notorious Ed Harris balls-flashing scene. I know everybody's really disappointed." 
Trailer to
Swing Shift:
The plot, as described by For It Is Man's Number, which says the film's "drama isn't all that dramatic, the light moments of comedy are few and far between and any air of romance that might seep from each frame is polluted by the fact that this is a story about a married woman": "Hawn plays Kay Walsh, a woman who ends up discovering a whole new world around her when her husband (Harris) heads off to war and she lands a job at an airport plant. She becomes friends with the neighbor (Hazel, played by Christine Lahti) that her husband had always looked down his nose at and, more importantly, she starts to hit it off with Mike 'Lucky' Lockhart (Kurt Russell)."
The normally laughable site Spirituality & Practice catches a few aspects about the "straight-laced and submissive wife" Kay's story that the Man's eyes missed, in part by asking some questions about the sudden influx of working women during the war effort: "How did these women handle responsibilities outside the home? What was the reaction of men who worked side by side with them in defense plants? And how did the experience of working alter the women's view of themselves and their future?"
And so they note: "Kay and her feisty next-door neighbor Hazel (Christine Lahti of Hideaway [1996 / trailer]) become friends at the plant. Ignoring sexism on the job, they enjoy their newfound independence. Hazel, a former dance hall singer, introduces Kay to a wider world than she had experienced as a housewife. Lucky (Kurt Russell of The Thing [1982 / trailer] and 3000 Miles to Graceland [2001]), a foreman at the plant exempt from the draft because of a bad heart, seduces Kay, and despite her loyalty to Jack, she begins an affair with him. [...] [Demme] convincingly captures the workers' pride in their labors, the suffering brought by death notices from overseas, and the escape from anxiety to be found doing the fox trot in dance halls. Swing Shift effectively clarifies how the war changed men, women, work, and family. When Jack learns of Kay's adultery during a leave of absence, she must choose between the two men she loves. [...] The film ends on an ironic note. Following the conclusion of the war, the working women are dismissed by MacBride Aircraft and told to go home where they belong. For Kay and Jack and for millions of others, the war made it impossible for them to resume the status quo; their lives would never be the same again."
Elsewhere, a man not disturbed by cheating housewives says, "Despite a screenplay that just cannot quite pull it all together and direction that just does not quite take a grip, the intriguing premise, ideal atmosphere, good period re-creation and sparky performances still keep it swinging along quite nicely. It remains pleasant and enjoyable. [Derek Winnert]"
BTW: For years there's been a bootleg of Demme's original director's cut going around, if only amongst the type of people most Jane and Joe Schmoes don't know. Over at Salon, they are of the opinion that: "[...] Hawn's public stance on her hand in the release cut of Swing Shifthas been that it was 'the best job well-meaning [people] could cobble together under impossible circumstances.' Releasing Demme's cut would show that stance to have been bullshit. It would also reveal a big star's fears about how her public might perceive her. But it could also win Hawn more acting praise than she's ever had, and might even make her seem like a big person for, at last, allowing the public to see an authentic American masterpiece that for 15 years has been hostage to her ego." 
The same year Demme directed Swing Shift, he also released one of the better concert films ever made, Stop Making Sense, with the Talking Heads.
Trailer to
Stop Making Sense:


More Dick coming soon....

Short Film: The Passenger (Australia, 2000-2006)

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Here's an award-winning little film from down under, a labor of love by Chris Jones, who took roughly six years to complete it. To simply quote what he himself writes at his website, "Chris Jones has been wasting time on this silly drawing, animating, [and] music-making nonsense virtually since the day he was born in Bendigo, Victoria, Australia. Whilst mucking around getting an Industrial Design degree at Swinburne University of Technology, he began working as a freelance children's book illustrator, and following graduation continued illustrating and animating before becoming a computer game artist at Beam Software (later to become Infogrames). He left Infogrames in May 2000 to work full-time on The Passenger, which he didn't complete until 2006. He is still recovering from the ordeal."
A little, funny tale of horror and revenge, The Passenger is both effective and entertaining, while the entire set up and editing of scenes reveals an eye that would probably serve a life-action horror movie well. It seems rather a shame that the filmmaker doesn't seem to have ever recovered from the ordeal to become a productive filmmaker, live action or animation. (Although he did complete the extremely short, one-punch "short" found here.)
Chris Jones only ever uploaded a low-res version of his film, so should you want to see it in finer quality, you should buy it from him. Info for doing that is found here.

The Most Assassinated Woman in the World (Belgium, 2018)

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Dunno, grammar fascists like us might indivertibly think that whoever translated the original title (La femme la plus assassinée du monde) was a bit too literal, as the French verb "assassiner" is not exactly the same as the English verb "assassinate". Indeed, the titular woman is hardly the most "assassinated" [Webster's: assassinate — "to murder (a usually prominent person) by sudden or secret attack often for political reasons"], although she might well be the most murdered [Webster's: murder — "the crime of unlawfully killing a person especially with malice aforethought"]. The title, however, is actually a direct reference to the inspiration behind the film and the film's lead character, the long forgotten French theatrical scream queen, Paula Maxa (7 Dec 1898 – 23 Sept 1970), known in her day as the world's most assassinated woman, so the title is more of a direct historical reference than another (if extremely minor) blemish to this narratively flawed French-language movie, a movie that is without doubt one of the most intriguing Netfux-financed movies we've caught on Netfux this year. Yes, the story is illogical and full of holes, but any contemporary film that attempts (and succeeds) at transposing the ennui and world-weary existentialism of classic French cinema (see: Port of Shadows [1938]) into a period-set gore movie is, in our book, a film worth watching. Especially when its entire mise-en-scene is so perfect.
The perfectly cast Anna Mouglalis (of Kiss of the Damned [2012 / trailer]) stars as Paula, and she does an excellent job. Paula, the name-draw actress of Paris's Grand Guignol Theaterroughly around the turn of the last century, is maimed and murdered on stage every night. But her weariness and all-encompassing sense of sadness is not just due to the emotionally draining career she has long tired of: in her youth she survived a trip to the beach with psycho killer, but her sister did not. And now, a sex killer — could it be the same one? — has her in his sights.
As does Jeans (Niels Schneider), actually, if but in a different way: a newspaper reporter depressed by an unattainable love (and hunted by that woman's murderously jealous husband), he has been assigned by his newspaper to write about Paula and the Grand Guignol. But soon his and her lips shall meet…
As much of an art film as a horror movie, The Most Assassinated Woman in the World does not spare the gore (both on and off the Grand Guignol stage), but the movie is definitely best enjoyed if one doesn't put the plot development and story under a magnifying glass and, instead, simply enjoys the set pieces and mood and overall nonconformity of an arty genre movie with high aesthetic aspirations.* (When was the last time you saw a horror movie in which a man drowning his broken heart at a smoky dive looks around and all the couples he sees there consist of himself making out with his lost love?)
Perfect for fans of movies like Harry Kümel's Daughters of Darkness (1971 / trailer) and arthouse horror.
*(Spoilers.) If one does look closely, however, one might be turned off at the end by the realization that Paula and her at-first-glance duplicitous pal at the theater, special effects director Paul (Jean-Michel Balthazar of Cub [2014 / trailer] and Vampire Party [2008 / German trailer]), obviously not only know who the killer is from the start, but are also willing to accept the murder of other women simply so that Paula, in the end, can disappear to a new life — leaving the killer alive and uncaught behind to continue killing further women. Ditto, the ease with which Paul reappears in the last scene is laughable, all the more so due to his tossed-off line explaining his presence. Yep, if you think too much about the plot development instead of going with the flow, you might not like this film at all. (So do yourself a favor: go into this movie like a Trump-supporting Republican and turn off your brain first.)

I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House (USA/Canada, 2016)

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If French-language horror movie, The Most Assassinated Woman in the World (2018) is a prime example of deliberately paced aesthetic horror, then this literary-minded flick directed by Oz Perkins is a prime example of a lethargically paced tease.
The director/scriptwriter's intention seems to have been to make horror movie that feels somewhat similar to reading a foreshadowing-heavy horror novel, the plot of which moves through diverse  temporal settings (18thcentury, the 50s/early 60s, and present day) and revolves around a live-in nurse with nerves of jello (Ruth Wilson of The Little Stranger [2018 / trailer]) who moves into the house of an invalid horror author (Paula Prentiss, below [not from the film, but from Mocho's Blog], of the original Stepford Wives [1975 / trailer]) and slowly comes to realize that there is more truth to the author's most contentious horror novel than anyone ever knew.
Though the movie is well shot, the excessive use of voice over and the literary device of foreshadowing in I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House ends up feeling like the excessive use of foreplay by someone who just doesn't know when or how to get to the point. Not good when the only thought one has is, "Get it over with, god-damn it." The film finally crawls to its "big" scene (Oh. How scary.*) and then peters onward and out for an additional five minutes, leaving the viewer totally dissatisfied and wondering why they bothered. Don't.

*Said with the same intonation as Brit snots when they say, "How interesting."

R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part VII (1985-89)

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25 Dec 1928 – 30 Jan 2019 

The American thespian treasure known as Dick Miller, one of our all-time favorite character actors, entered the Great Nothingness on January 30th, 2019. 
A Bronx-born Christmas Day present to the world, Miller entered the film biz doing redface back in 1956 in the Roger Corman western Apache Woman (trailer). He quickly became a Corman regular and, as a result, became a favorite face for an inordinate amount of modern and contemporary movie directors, particularly those weaned and teethed in Corman productions. (Miller, for example, appears in every movie Joe Dante has made to date.) 
A working thespian to the end, Miller's last film, the independent horror movie Hanukkah (trailer), starring fellow deceased low-culture thespian treasure Sid Haig (14 July 1939 – 21 Sept 2019), just finished production. In it, as in many of Miller's films, his character is named Walter Paisley in homage to his first truly great lead role, that of the loser killer artist/busboy Walter Paisley in Roger Corman's classic black comedy, A Bucket of Blood (1959). 
What follows is a multi-part career review in which we undertake an extremely meandering, highly unfocused look at the films of Dick Miller. The films are not necessarily looked at in the order of their release... and if we missed one, let us know.

  
Go here for 
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part I (1955-60) 
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part II (1961-67) 
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part III (1968-73) 
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part IV (1974-76) 
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part V (1977-80) 
R.I.P.: Dick Miller,Part VI (1981-84) 


After Hours
(1985, dir. Martin Scorsese)
 
After New York, New York (1977, see Part V), the second and last Scorsese film that Dick Miller appears in, this time in a small part as Peter the Waiter. (After Hours is also the second Scorsese fictional film after Alice Doesn't Live Here [1974 / trailer] in which Robert DeNiro doesn't appear.) After Hours, which was written by Joseph Minion, the same guy who scribed the bat-shit-crazy Nicholas Cage flick Vampire's Kiss (1989 / trailer). Unlike that film, however, people seem to like After Hours.

Originally intended as the feature film directorial debut for Tim Burton, Burton bowed out when Scorsese came slinking around, bruised and battered (after, once again, a major studio bailed on his Last Temptation of Christ project) and in search of a small project with which to heal. While not as lambasted as the flop that was Vampire's Kiss, After Hours wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms by the critics and was only a moderate success. More so than Vampire's Kiss, however, After Hours has since gone on to become a respected if mildly culty film as the "underrated" Scorsese film that you really should see: "The best of the urban nightmare movies. Surreal, frustrating and hilarious. [80s Movies Rewind]" And possibly easier to stomach now than when it came out, during the generation that first saw the Rise of the Undead Yuppie. 
After Hours:
The plot, from Combustible Celluloid: "[Griffin] Dunne plays Paul Hackett, a word-processor who ventures out into the night and meets a beautiful woman, Marcy (Rosanna Arquette, seen below not from the movie, of Voodoo Dawn[1998]). She invites him back to the flat she shares with her artist roommate, Kiki (Linda Fiorentino of Unforgetable [1996]). Their 'date' turns out awkward and Paul decides to go home. But he's lost all his money out a taxicab window* and subway fares have gone up — just this night — so he's shy the fare. A horrible comedy of errors follows, involving Paul's lost keys, a suicide, a papier-mâché sculpture, an angry mob, a couple of thieves, and a clingy waitress with a 60s-era beehive hairdo (Teri Garr). It ends, not with any kind of vindication or revelation, but with a perfectly placed 'Screw you, pal.' [...]."
*Even in 1985, the concept of anyone, much less a NYC Yuppie, going out for the night with only 20 bucks in their pocket required a greater suspension of belief than anything else that happens in the movie. Likewise, SoHo was hardly the artistic den of iniquity and craziness that Scorsese presents — indeed, compared to Lower East Side it was positively establishment, a place where any yuppie would feel at home.
As Cinema Clock puts it, "Scorsese's sweetly ominous screwball starring a-never-more-watchable Griffin Dunne as a fish-out-of-East Manhattan yuppie trailing bohemian bunny Patricia Arquette into the rabbit hole of a sinister, surreal SoHo where he is preyed upon by one arty inhabitant after another. Eventually pursued by locals roaming in packs, dream logic collides with foreboding and Hitchcockian-informed suspense in this Kafkaesque comedy exploring the premise that just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you."
As normal for a Scorsese film, the soundtrack employs a lot of great music, including Peggy Lee's classic version of Is That All There Is? But there is actually a better version of that song out there, one that the original songwriters initially tried to suppress when it was released in 1980.... 
Cristina sings
Is That All There Is?
"After Hours is a comedy [...] in the blackest sense of the word. Martin Scorsese's style and mood set this apart from the rather cosily predictable feel of most American comedies of this era. For one thing, there's an undeniable horror/nightmare atmosphere running through the film; it's visually dark and tightly wrapped up in Paul's farcically escalating predicament. It basically homages the whole 'survive the night' trope [...]. Further underneath the horror though is something equally dark but far closer to social satire than anything else. Paul is a bit of a neurotically clean-cut 'yuppie' type who thinks he can seduce a woman after finishing his day at the office and then walk away when he feels uneasy — an uneasiness that comes very naturally to him, as he is so straitjacketed in his yuppified world. While Dunne is a likeable enough actor to make the audience root for him, when watching the first half of After Hours carefully it's clear that he is more intolerant towards the motley collection of punks, bohemians and other oddballs than they are of him. While each has their individual quirks, many of the people he encounters are all well-rounded characters who put themselves out of the way to help Paul with his predicament only to be greeted with a frenetically rude response. It's unsurprising that the inhabitants ultimately turn against him en-masse. [Cinema's Fringes]"
Coincidentally enough, the bee-hived waitress character Teri Garr plays is a fan of the Monkees (we are too, actually). Long ago, one of her first [credited] feature film roles was a tiny one (as Testy True) in the Monkees' great movie, Head (1968 / trailer). In After Hours, she even plays one of their records, namely: 
The Last Train to Clarksville:


Explorers
(1985, dir. Joe Dante)
 
The feature film debut of both Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix (23 Aug 1970 – 31 Oct 1993), Explorers got rushed into the cinemas two months early, without reshoots or a director's final cut — and is all the weaker for it. Oddly enough, considering that this movie was less than a hit when it came out, a remake of Explorersis currently caught in development hell; a result, perhaps, of the movie's later mild success on cable TV and VHS.
Retrojunk has the plot: "Ben Crandall (Ethan Hawke of Daybreakers [2009]), an alien-obsessed kid, dreams one night of a circuit board. Drawing out the circuit, he and his friends Wolfgang (River Phoenix) and Darren (Jason Presson) set it up, and discover they have been given the basis for a starship. Setting off in the Thunder Road, as they name their ship, they find the aliens Ben hopes they would find... but are they what they seem?" 
Trailer to
Explorers:
"One of the many sci-fi adventures in the '80s to pop up after the success of E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982 / trailer), Explorers is a pretty standard genre effort. Director Joe Dante makes constant references to movies and TV shows with some comedic effectiveness. For all of his evident knowledge in pop culture, he misses an opportunity for a critique of it. The story remains a fun juvenile quest, while the kids find that the alien is as much a product of media-saturation as they are. [...] Explorers was quickly overshadowed by the superior fantasy-adventure film of the same year, Steven Spielberg's The Goonies. [All Movie]"
"Dante has always had a subversive streak as a filmmaker and it pops up in the last third of Explorers when our heroes finally make contact with aliens. Ben expects to meet some solemn being a la The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951 / trailer) and instead is confronted with two beings educated by American T.V., communicating mostly in famous soundbites. It has a bit of a jarring effect after the earnestness of the first two-thirds but one can see that Dante wasn't interested in repeating what Steven Spielberg did with E.T.[...]. [Radiator Heaven]"
"Though it sports the debuts of River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke, a quality performance from Dante regular Dick Miller [below, from the film], and some fun special makeup effects by Rob Bottin, the flick has one major problem: it's a Nothing Happens flick. Given its setup of aliens reaching out to contact small town kids — kids who build their own spaceship, no less — this film meanders for long stretches, and doesn't make the most of its premise. [...] At one point, Miller's helicopter pilot seems like he may be the enemy, but he's dropped just after he becomes interesting. [Death Ensemble]"
"The film is very much in keeping with the notion that our first contact will be with technologically advanced, benevolent beings who mean no harm, though Dante goes further by showing the protagonists that the threat of contact will not come from the aliens, but by humans who fear the things they do not understand, going through montages of films and television transmissions that explore those very issues in our science fiction. [...] Fans of Joe Dante will recognize many of his trademark elements, starting with the aforementioned alliance with the wide-eyed outlook commonly associated with Steven Spielberg's style of filmmaking. Dante also pays many homages to early animators and cinematic influences stemming from a lifelong love of B-Movies, cartoons, and 1950s and early 1960s television. He also continues to employ a plethora of in-jokes for the adults to wax nostalgic over, while still dishing up enough exciting visual elements to keep the kids entertained in the audience. [Qwipster]"
And before you corrupt your kids, Common Sense Media tells the world that "Parents need to know that, overall, Explorers depicts smart, curious junior-high kids who stumble upon a way to make their dreams of space flight a reality. But there's a scene in which they drink beer, and they work unsupervised with a welding torch and an electric saw as they construct their spaceship. One boy mentions his dead mother; another, preparing for a trip to outer space, writes his will as a precautionary measure. There's also some lower level cursing by kids ('ass,''hell,''pissed') and some sexuality. Younger kids may be scared by a suspenseful scene in which a giant mechanical 'spider' frisks the boys after they arrive on the alien spaceship." Where, by the way, one of the aliens, Wak (Robert Picardo), performs a Little Richard song for the kids...
All Around the World:


Armed Response 
(1986, dir. Fred Olan Ray)

A.k.a. Jade Jungle. A Fred Olan Ray movie from the days when one thought that he actually liked films and making films, with his usual eclectic cast of nobodies, familiar faces, and cult names. As the grammar-garbling Boba Fett says, "[Armed Response]makes you wonder if perhaps Ed Wood also wouldn't have been capable of making some decent movies if he was given some mony to work with."
Trailer to
Armed Response:
The plot, from Comeuppance Reviews: "Jim Roth (David Carradine [8 Dec 1936 – 3 June 2009] of Dead & Breakfast[2004] and Q [1982]) is a Vietnam veteran, family man, and owner of a bar. His father Burt (Lee Van Cleef [9 Jan 1925 – 16 Dec 1989] of Kansas City Confidential[1952]) hangs out there, as do other brothers Tommy (Brent Huff) and Clay (David Goss). It's a close family, as Jim's wife Sara (Lois Hamilton [14 Oct 1943 – 23 Dec 1999]) and young daughter Lauren (Dah-ve Chodan) also stop by on occasion. But the Roth family is about to encounter some trouble in the form of Yakuza boss Akira Tanaka (Mako [10 Dec 1933 – 21 July 2006]), who desperately wants a valuable statue and will stop at nothing to get it, mainly because he will use it as a bargaining chip to prevent a Chinatown mob war with the Tongs. When Clay stupidly gets involved with Tanaka and his evil bodyguard F.C. (Michael Berryman), it sets off a chain of events where various members of the Roth family get in trouble — and Jim, who suffers from Vietnam flashbacks and nightmares, must team up with his, and I quote, 'pappy', Burt, to go back into an American-Asian war by gearing up to blow away the Yakuza. Add into this mix the slimy Cory Thorton (Ross Hagen [21 May 1938 – 7 May 2011]), as well as other various and sundry unsavory characters, and there's going to have to be an ARMED RESPONSE!"
"Sometimes you come across a film that perfectly delivers exactly what the cover art promises, and what you are hoping for; nothing more, nothing less. This is that film. If you're looking for a solid little low-budget action flick that delivers just the right amount of awesome, action, and 80's vibe, then this is the film for you. [...] Aside from the fact that [Fred Olan] Ray actually turned out a solid film, the casting of this thing is just fantastic. First and foremost, you have the legends Lee Van Cleef and David Carradine. But it's really the little bit parts filled to the brim with genre icons that really stand out like Micheal Berryman, Brent Huff, Mako, Dick Miller (!!!), Laurene Landon, and David Goss [not to mention Ross Hagen]. [...] It's got a great cast, a fun vibe, and shockingly, it's made competently well. Too bad Ray couldn't keep up with this type of quality of work. If anything, Armed Response shows that the guy has the goods. [...]. [Robot Geek]"
Dick Miller in
Armed Response:
"The 80's-ness of Armed Response is spectacular. All the clichés you want to see are here. Carradine has a Nam flashback (I swear this footage is pulled from one of Carradine's numerous Nam films, too) when he pulls a shotgun on a guy in his bar. The ubiquitous scene at a titty club. Yakuza vs. Tongs. A car chase that involves a car smashing through a phone box and a trolley full of tin cans, and a cop car flying up the back of three other crashed cars, then exploding. Carradine quipping 'Go in pieces' after blowing up a guy. The electro-rock soundtrack with wailing guitar solos. Chicks with machine guns. Armed Response never bothers itself too much about a complicated plot or any subplots at all. It's a very simple revenge-vigilante flick and it works so well for that. It's all here, folks, and it's all amazing. And at 82 minutes long it never, ever gets boring. [Explosive Action]"
Spinning Imageoffers a different viewpoint: "When you see a film whose title is immediately preceded by a tiger claw slash on the screen, then the words come up, then they are broken by a bullet hole, you pretty much know what you're letting yourself in for [...], as if that action template title that tells you very little about what it was about was not enough. [...] Carradine's career was somewhat overshadowed by the fact he masturbated himself to death, but he was a tried and true action star. Probably prefer to be remembered for that too, rather than his exit from this life, but when you saw him in material like this which constituted too much of his later work, it's no surprise that he would be recalled in the public imagination for that rather than blasting bad guys with great big guns in such efforts. Undistinguished to a fault, this puttered along from scene to scene, occasionally offering as much bullets, fists and explosions as the low budget would allow, though to be fair Ray seemed to have a bit more at his disposal than was often the case, possibly down to the cast who included a handful of names who for his work were fairly starry — when Dick Miller and Laurene Landon team up, fans get interested."
The topless cheesecake dancing in the background at the Exotic Bar when Tanaka shows up with his men to talk with Jackie Hong (Sam Hiona) is no less than now mostly forgotten Scream Queen Michelle Bauer, aka as porn actress Pia Snow (Cafe Flesh [1982 / scene]). That's her above, not from the film and in her prime.

  
(1986, writ. & dir. Fred Dekker)

Dick Miller appears all of one scene as Walt — in other words, Walter Paisley — in this, one of the great cult horror movies of the mid-1980s, a movie that still holds up today.
Scene with Dick Miller:
Inspired to an extent by Cronenberg's Shivers (1975 / trailer), Night of the Creeps went on to inspire James Gunn's Slither (2006 / trailer), both classics in their own right. (It also inspired at least one fun non-classic zom com, Zombie Town [2007 / trailer] — which was even marketed in Germany as a sequel to Dekker's movie.)
Trailer to
As so often, Night of the Creeps didn't do so well when it was in the cinemas, and gained its later reputation via pay TV and VHS. Click on the linked title to go our review of the movie.



Chopping Mall
(1986, dir. Jim Wynorski)


"Thank you, have a nice day."

Amazing what used to get released as a PG movie. Also known as Killbots and R.O.B.O.T. andShopping.An early movie from present-day hack Jim Wynorski, co-scripted with Steve Mitchell, made in the day when some of Wynorski's movies at least indicated an appreciation of the medium — but then, the film was only his second directorial credit after The Lost Empire(1984 / cheese). By the time he regurgitated Vampirella (1996), total disrespect was already obvious.
Dick Miller dies in
Chopping Mall:

Chopping Mall was produced by Julie Corman, wife of King Roger, and since the flick is from the Corman factory (this time in its Concorde iteration) it is perhaps not all that surprising that Dick Miller shows up in a small part as Walter Paisley. In this iteration of the former killer bus boy, Walter is a janitor cleaning at the shopping mall who meets an electrifying end. While not much of a hit when it was released, like so many movies Chopping Mall has achieved a sizable cult following.
Trailer to
Chopping Mall:
World Film Geek, which calls the movie "an underrated cult classic" and says "this one to check out", has the plot: "Park Plaza Mall has taken the job of creating two forms of security by installing a new state-of-the-art security system in which the doors will shut the mall down from midnight to dawn. In addition, they have employed tech experts in the creation of three mall security robots who will use various methods of disarming and capturing robbers. The plan is set to go off without a hitch until a freak lightning storm causes the robots to malfunction. A group of teens who work at various places in the mall decide to spend the night there after their shifts end. Alison (Kelli Maroney of Night of the Comet[1984]) is set up with the nerdy Ferdy (Tony O'Dell of the psychotronic flick Evils of the Night [1985 / trailer]) by best friend Suzie (the great Barbara Crampton of Re-Animator [1985], Castle Freak[1995] and so much more) and her boyfriend Greg (Nick Segal of the psychotronic filmic mistake known as School Spirit[1985 / trailer]). Couples Mike (John Terlesky of Deathstalker II [1987 / trailer]) and Leslie (Suzee Slater) and Rick (Russell Todd, current-day DILF, seen shirtless below) and Linda (Karrie Emerson) join the group as well as they party in the furniture store where Mike, Greg, and Ferdy work. When Mike leaves the party to get cigarettes for Leslie, he is killed by one of the robots. When Leslie finds Mike, she is confronted by the same robot who kills Leslie in front of the others. The others soon find themselves trapped and fighting for survival when the doors shut the mall down for the night."
Made at a time when exploitation still had copious female nude scenes, many of the gals show boobage before dying: directly below is Suzee Slater, who has since retired from acting and literally disappeared, and further below is Barbara Crampton. Of course, for the safety of the world and society, no guy has a full frontal. In one of the gore highpoints of the movie, Slater's head is "blown up like an overripe melon".
Like so many horror movies of yesteryear, Chopping Mall is supposedly in redevelopment hell: a remake was announced around 2011, and nothing heard since.
Wynorski has said that his inspiration for the movie was the 1954 3-D sci-fi flick Gog (trailer) and not, as most people assume, the 1973 TV movie Trapped (a trailer). But then, he set the movie in a shopping mall specifically because that was the setting demanded by Julie Corman; the killer robots were his idea (and there are no killer robots in Trapped).
In regard to the appearance of Dick Miller — and Mary Woronov and Paul Bartel from Eating Raoul(1982 / trailer) — co-scriptwriter Steve Mitchel once told Mondo Digital, "We wrote the characters with those names, and then we went to get the actors. I don't think we had cast the actors first; we had the idea to maybe get them. I'm a huge Dick Miller fan and still believe that his scenes in the picture are hilarious. Sometimes I'm laughing louder than anyone else! And he's a very nice guy; I loved that one night we worked with him. Paul and Mary, well, slightly different experience. Dick was basically written as a cameo. I don't know what we paid him for the night, but there was never really any design to have him in more of the picture. If we'd wanted we probably could have had him in an earlier scene crowbarred in, but that was basically it." 
Trailer of the movie the Final Couple watch at one point —
Roger Corman's Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957):
"It probably goes without saying, but I [Misan[trope]y] highly recommend Chopping Mall for any bad movie fans. This is just about a must-see for hardcore aficionados of cinematic awfulness, and a good choice for introducing people to the style. The pacing is good, the deaths are memorable, and it infuses enough humor to be entertaining and plenty bearable for even casual audiences. If you are looking to show a bad movie to a mixed audience, this is a pretty good selection for you."

  
Amazon Women on the Moon
(1987, dir. by multiple directors)
"In some ways, Amazon Women on the Moon is a return to roots for John Landis. Landis […] got his entrée into mainstream filmmaking with the mid-1970s success of Kentucky Fried Movie (1977), a zingy low-budget collection of sketches and parodies. Amazon Women is in much the same vein, and Landis serves as the film's executive producer; he also directed some sequences, along with Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horton, and Robert K. Weiss. [What a Feeling]"
Indeed, it was originally conceived as a sequel of sorts to the earlier and much more popular portmanteau comedy The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977) and for a while even bore the working title The Kentucky Fried Sequel. Shot in 1985 and finished in 1986, Amazon Women on the Moon didn't get released until 1987 — and disappeared from the cinemas relatively quickly. 
Trailer to 
Amazon Women on the Moon:
Backseat Mafiahas the plot to this portmanteau film: "WIDB-TV (channel 8) is showing 1950s sci-fi 'B' movie Amazon Women on the Moon as its late-night film. Whilst Captain Nelson (Steve Forrest) and Queen Lara (Sybil Danning) battle space monsters, the TV studio is having trouble keeping the show on the air. During these breaks, an unseen viewer jumps between the offerings available on other channels. These range from banal commercials to niche shows and old films." The film-within-the-film of this multi-sketch comedy, Amazon Women on the Moon, is an obvious homage to classic trash films (and Creature Feature and late-night staples) like the Zsa Zsa Gabor vehicle Queen of Outer Space (1958 / trailer), Cat-Women of the Moon (1953 / trailer), and Fire Maidens from Outer Space(1955 / trailer).
"Ultimately, Amazon Women on the Moonis Saturday Night Live with slightly better production values: the jokes are hit and miss, and there's a lot of work to get to the end of each sketch. It's not the worst of its kind (that would be the execrable Movie 43 [2013 / trailer]*), but it's far from the finest. That honor probably belongs to Kentucky Fried Movie, and the filmmakers know it […]. But bad news, Sam: Amazon Women on the Moonis no Fistful of Yen.**[366 Weird Movies]"
*A portmanteau comedy favorite here at a wasted life. 
**A skit now pilloried by many as being culturally insensitive. (So Solly.)
But Last Movie Review on the Left, which notes that the movie has "a number of great big titties as well as a fantastic full nude while walking around in public", disagrees: "It's rare for comedies like this to stand the test of time, but Amazon Women on the Moon definitely does. It's very cynical, which probably helps. Also, it has naked chicks!"
Most of the nudity comes from Landis skit Video Date and two Carl Gottlieb skits, Pethouse Video and Son of the Invisible Man, but whereas the nude male of the last (Ed Begley Jr.) is kept discrete so as not to shock the masses by showing penis, in Pethouse Video Monique Gabrielle — the PenthousePet of the Month for December 1982, seen further below — shows enough boobs and pubic hair in the original cinema version to appeal to the teenager in every adult male.
Joe Dante directed the skit featuring Dick Miller, entitled The French Ventriloquist's Dummy. The segment was cut from the original cinema release, but later added for the TV broadcasts (for the last, and for the cuts added to the trailer above, the Pethouse Video sequence features Monique Gabrielle dressed in sexy white lingerie instead of being buck-naked). Miller's sequence is now found on the available DVD releases as well. Cinema Fringes has the plot to it: "The French Ventriloquist's Dummy, directed by Joe Dante, featuring Dick Miller as a ventriloquist [who] picks up the wrong suitcase at the airport. This results in him going on stage with the dummy belonging to his French counterpart. As a result, the dummy speaks French! There could conceivably have been a funny sketch made from this idea but sadly, in this case, it largely fumbles the ball."
Fun cast facts amidst a massive fun fact cast: Russ Meyer (21 Marc 1922 – 18 Sept 2004) plays a video salesman in Video Date segment, while future Phil Spector murder victim Lana Clarkson (5 Apr 1962 – 3 Feb 2003) as one of the slutty moon women.
In season three of the dearly departed TV series Futurama (1999-2003), Matt Groening and Co. pay homage to this film by having an episode entitled Amazon Women in the Mood in which "Gigantic feminist Amazons give Fry, Kif, and Zap a grueling workout." The episode is considered one of the best of the series...
Scene from
 Futurama — Amazon Women in the Mood:


Innerspace
(1987, dir. Joe Dante)

Dick Miller has a small appearance as a cab driver near the start of the movie. Also on hand in the movie, but in a much bigger part as Dr. Margaret Canker, the beautiful (if icy) Fiona Lewis, who made our heart go pitter-patter in such fun movies as Ken Russell's Lisztomania(1975), Robert Fuest's Dr Phibes Rises Again (1972), Michael Laughlin's Strange Behavior (1981 / trailer) and Strange Invaders (1983 / trailer), and The Fury (1978 / trailer). We always saw her as an actress who made too few movies, had too few nude scenes, and retired too early.
Innerspace:
Anyone remember the classic mid-60s science fiction movie Fantastic Voyage (1966 / trailer below)?* The film was the source inspiration for Innerspace, which was originally intended as a "serious" movie but slowly evolved into a comedy as it went through development hell. Retro Junk has the plot: "Lt. Tuck Pendleton (Dennis Quaid), a former Air Force pilot, volunteers to be miniaturized with the help of two experimental microchips. But as techno-thieves steal one of the chips, he is injected into supermarket clerk Jack Putter (Martin Short of Mars Attacks! [1996 / trailer]). Now they must find the missing chip with the help of Tuck's ex-girlfriend Lydia (Meg Ryan of In the Cut [2003]) before the air supply in the pod that Tuck is piloting around Jack's insides runs out."
 
*Trivia: Contrary to popular thought, Fantastic Voyageis not based on an Isaac Asimov (2 Jan 1920 – 6 Apr 1992) novel; Asimov was hired to write the novel version of the screenplay written by Harry Kleiner (10 Sept 1916 – 17 Oct 2007), which was based on a story by Otto Klement (7 Jun 1891 – 28 Oct 1983) and Jerome Bixby (11 Jan 1923 – 28 Apr 1998), but as Asimov's book came out before the film people came to assume he was the original creative source.
 
As the SciFi Movie Page puts it, "Fantastic Voyage gets the 1980s treatment: improved special effects, slapstick comedy, loud soundtrack and breakneck pacing. Loads of fun is to be had, but the movie is not too memorable in retrospect." 
Trailer to
Fantastic Voyage:
Like so many Dante films, Innerspace didn't do well at the cinemas but became a hit on video and DVD. Unlike any other Dante film, it won an Oscar — for Best Visual Effects.
Unlike the SFMP, however, some people find the movie memorable — indeed, Innerspace"is a hilarious film that never gets old" for Not This Time, Nayland Smith: "The movie is just plain rewatchable […]. The characters are so much fun, and the evolution of Jack Putter's character from a frail wimp to a self-assured in-control guy is a joy to watch! This is a really well-written film from beginning to end, and that includes the end credits! The movie ends on such a high, and plays such a good song over the credits that you'll be glued to your seat until the 'theatre's lit up'. The leads in Innerspace are perfect! […] While the three main actors all do great jobs here, the villains really shine! There are four unique and distinctive antagonists in this movie, from the silent heavy Mr. Igoe (Vernon Wells of), to the eccentric thief-for-hire the Cowboy (Robert Picardo of Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus [2010]), as well as the two baddies, played wonderfully by Kevin McCarthy, and Fiona Lewis."


Project X
(1987, dir. Jonathan Kaplan)
 
Kaplan's animal rights cum love story film that ended up getting accused of animal cruelty by Bob Barker (!), whose insurance ended up paying an out-of-court settlement. Dick Miller shows up briefly at the start of the film as Max King, the boss/owner/CEO of King Imports.
The plot, as found at What A Feeling: "We follow the story of […] a simian who goes by the name Virgil. Virgil is trained at a university program by a graduate student (Helen Hunt of Into the Badlands [1991 / trailer]) and reaches an advanced capability with sign language and conceptual thinking. But eventually that program ends, and Virgil is carted off to a military base in Florida. Seems he's been drafted to participate in a government test, along with a few dozen other apes. The test requires chimps to train on flight simulators, so they might, uh, ape the behavior of human pilots under severe conditions. The exact nature of those severe conditions is not revealed until late in the film. But it's something that gives pause to Virgil's trainer and pal (Matthew Broderick), a would-be Air Force pilot who's been busted down to monkey duty because of some lapses in military etiquette. (He got caught with a girl in a plane during an unauthorized night flight.) The swift-moving second half of the film has Broderick bucking his superiors and getting Virgil out of a very hairy situation." 
Trailer to
 Project X:
"Though nobody will ever accuse it of redefining the adventure genre, Project X is nevertheless an extremely enjoyable (albeit entirely unbelievable) romp involving chimps, over-the-top bad guys and Matthew Broderick. […] Project X is peppered with an extraordinary amount of implausible plot developments, yet it's easy enough to suspend one's disbelief thanks primarily to the film's brisk pace and Broderick's exceedingly ingratiating performance. [Reel Films]"

  
Angel 3: The Final Chapter 
(1988, writ. & dir. Tom DeSimone)
The third of four Angel films, an exploitation franchise that was originally about a "fifteen-year-old [italics ours] honor student Molly Stewart [who] attends private prep school in the Los Angeles area in the daytime, but transforms herself to 'Angel' at night: a leather mini-skirted, high-heeled street prostitute who works Hollywood Boulevard." (We sincerely doubt that plotline would make it far past the initial pitch nowadays.)  The poster below is to the first movie of the franchise.
By this movie here, Angel 3: The Final Chapter,which proved not to the final chapter (it was followed in 1993 by Angel 4: Undercover), Angel, now played by Mitzi Kapture, the third of four actresses to play Angel,* had long since left Los Angeles and given up her studies to become a lawyer. Instead, she is now a successful freelance photographer with absolutely amazing 1980s big hair in New York City. Dick Miller shows up briefly to play Molly/Angel's boss Nick Pellegrini, a part that isn't "much to brag about in terms of screen time".
*She was preceded by fellow brunettes Donna Wilkes (Angel [1984 / trailer]) and Betsy Russell (Avenging Angel [1985 / trailer], which we looked at in our Career Review of Susan Tyrrell), and followed by blonde Darlene Vogel (of Extracurricular Activities[2019 / trailer]).
The plot, as found at Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot: "After glimpsing a woman she believes to be her long-gone mother, Molly hops a flight to Los Angeles to discover that not only is her mom, Gloria (Anna Navarro [18 Aug 1933 – 27 Dec 2006]), a successful art dealer, but she also has a 14-year-old half-sister Michelle (Tawny Fere). Unfortunately, just a few hours after Molly's tearful reunion with the mother who left her alone to a life of child prostitution, Gloria is murdered by drug-smuggling white slaver Nadine (Maud Adams of Hell Hunters), who also holds Michelle in her mansion to 'entertain' wealthy criminals. Rounding up a new posse of colorful helpers, including gay hustler Spanky (Mark Blankfield) and bland film editor Neal (Kin Shriner), 'Angel' tarts up and becomes an actress in porn movies in an attempt to infiltrate Nadine's harem."
 Trailer to
 Angel 3: The Final Chapter:
While LaRue doesn't find Angel III"as gritty or sleazy as it should be", despite some quibbles of their own, the House of Self Indulgence might not agree: "The series has been completely overhauled and retains hardly any of the charm of the first two films. For starters, Angelcreator Frank Vincent O'Neill has been replaced by Tom DeSimone, a man who definitely knows his way around a bag of sleaze. Yet, this guy just doesn't have the same visual flair as O'Neill. I mean, Los Angeles looks so drab and boring in this chapter. And jettisoning all the colourful characters that made the first two films such a pleasure to wallow in was an unfortunate turn of events. I do, however, have to commend Mr. DeSimone for devising a plot that contains sexual slavery, cocaine distribution, x-rated cinema, and an ice cream truck. Oh, and not to mention, thank him for filling the screen with a cavalcade of naked breasts."
But not, oddly enough, those of Angel, as Dr Gore notices: "There were plenty of gratuitous naked breast shots as well. The only thing a little off about this one was Angel. Angel does not get naked. That seems odd as she is the star of this sleaze fest and she is playing either a hooker or a porn star throughout most of the movie. She also doesn't really blow anybody away. She wasn't the avenging Angel I thought she would be. But even though the Angel action was a little light, I still liked this one. The sleazy exploitation vibe coming off Angel III was strong. It's worth a look."
Director DeSimone seems to have retired by now (he would be around 80, after all), and even his website is no longer in existence. But in his day, he made some good clean fun, both under his real name and his porn director nom de plume Lancer Brooks… we took a quick look at his career in our review of his Linda Blair horror flick, Hell Night (1981), where we mentioned: "Hell Night was the third non-X-rated film of Tom DeSimone, who had honed his directorial skills the prior 13 years as a maker of gay pornography both under his own name and as Lancer Brooks. His earlier projects of note include his only non-gay and non-hardcore films, the extremely idiosyncratic comedy Chatterbox (1977 / trailer one and two), which could once be found in both an R and X-rated version, and a 3-D women's prison film with Uschi Digard entitled Prison Girls (1972 [see Uschi Part VI]), as well as a couple of gay porn "classics", The Idol (1979 / trailer) and Heavy Equipment (1977, in 3-D and featuring both Al Parker and Jack Wrangler, two icons of the Golden Age of gay porn, as well as the legendary Christy Twins). After Hell Night, DeSimone went on to add some life again to the flogged-to-death girls in prison genre with The Concrete Jungle (1982 / trailer) and Reform School Girls (1986 / trailer) as well as a few more porno films — such as Bi-Coastal (1985 / scenes) — before first disappearing into television direction and then from the face of the earth."
While DeSimone's earlier non-"classic" gay porn films are generally ignored, most are still available; all tend to have plots, of sorts, and can be entertaining in an oddly psychotronic fashion. His first "Lance Brooks" film, The Collection (1969) is even claimed by some to be "the first 'homosexual feature film' with sync dialogue, original soundtrack, and a plot that went beyond the basic collection of sex scenes. [Gay Erotic Video Index]"Wakefield Poole's more artistic Boys in the Sand (1971, film, poster below), which is generally honored as the first feature-length gay porn film, came out two full years later... but Poole's film, at 90 minutes in length, is arguably truly closer to being a feature film than DeSimone's.
In turn, Dust unto Dust (1971 / trailer) could well be the first semi-feature-length (i.e., 59 minutes) gay western. Confessions of a Male Groupie, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Electric Banana (1971 / 6 NSFW minutes), for a change actually credited to the director Tom DeSimone, is also of interest, and the truly wacko non-"classic" porn horror Sons of Satan (1973 / review), which even saw a re-release by Something Weird, is also worth a gander if male-2-male activity and lots of body hair doesn't offend thee.


Under the Boardwalk
(1988, dir. Fritz Kiersch)

A.k.a. Wipeout. The fifth feature film directed by the untalented Fritz Kiersch, who is perhaps best remembered (if at all) as the director of the visually static horror hit Children of the Corn (1984 / trailer). The same year that scriptwriter Robert King wrote this turkey, he also scribed the far more entertaining piece o' trash known as The Nest (1988 / trailer). A Roger Corman production, Under the Boardwalk features future Republican congressman Sonny Bono (16 Feb 1935 – 5 Jan 1998, of Good Times[1967]) once again trying to act. Dick Miller, whom you see in the trailer for all of a second, shows up to earn some rent money.
Although Under the Boardwalk features a cover version (by the Untouchables) of the Classic 1964 pop song of the same name by The Drifters — "#489 on Rolling Stone's list of The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time"— the real inspiration to the movie is Romeo and Juliet. 
Trailer to
 Under the Boardwalk:
The plot: "When two rival groups of surfers face off on a Southern California beach prior to a big surfing contest, things get a little tense. However, when surfer Nick Rainwood (Richard Joseph Paul of Vampirella [1996]) meets up with a pretty girl, Allie (Danielle Von Zerneck), the two start off a romance, in spite of the fact that they belong to opposing sides of the surfing feud. [Up! All Night Brasil]"
AFI has a full, detailed synopsis, but much as we imagine the movie to be, the synopsis is too long and too boring to bother with. 


Dead Heat
(1988, dir. Mark Goldblatt)

As Filmreference.com points out Dick Miller makes an uncredited appearance in this "horror" action comedy as a cemetery security guard. The screenshot below, taken from Moviecensorship.com (the movie seems to have had problems at getting an R-rating) even proves that his part, however small, is a speaking part.
Director Goldblatt, who went on to direct the wonderfully entertaining and sorely underappreciated first screen version of The Punisher (1989 / trailer) — starring Dolph Lundgren, and our personal favorite of all three Punisher films made to date — made his directorial debut with this movie; prior to and thereafter, he was and is active as an editor. 
Trailer to
Dead Heat:
"After the success of Lethal Weapon(1987), buddy cop films that became all the in thing. Over the next few years, there were several bizarre fantastical combinations: cop and alien — The Hidden (1987 / trailer) and Alien Nation(1988 / trailer); cop and vampire — TV's Forever Knight(1992-6 / fan trailer); and the utterly whacked notion[s] of cop and gnome in Upworld/A Gnome Named Gnorm(1990 / trailer) and cop and dinosaur in Theodore Rex (1995 / trailer). Dead Heat offers a unique slant on the spate of buddy cop films — it is construed as a Lethal Weapon in which one of the cops is a zombie. (Indeed, Dead Heatscriptwriter Terry Black is the brother of Lethal Weapon films' scripter Shane Black, who also makes a cameo appearance in the film as a cop). The concept is an amusing one — the entire film seems to have been constructed to lead up to an ending parodying Casablanca(1942 / trailer) with the two corpses walking off together, saying 'This could be the end of a beautiful relationship.' [Science Fiction, Horror & Fantasy Film Review]"

Pulsing Cinema has the plot: "Roger Mortis (Treat William of The Phantom [1996] and Venomous [2001]) and Doug Bigelow (Joe 'Unfunny' Piscopo) are two wisecracking detectives assigned to the case of a ring of jewel thieves who seem impervious to gunshots or any other kind of physical trauma. After the autopsy of one thief proves that the guy was already dead before the cops killed him, Mortis and Bigelow are led to a mysterious medical corporation and a special device which can bring the dead to life. After investigation of the company proves fatal for Mortis, he's brought back using the machine but with one catch; re-animation only lasts for 24 hours, after which the re-animated subject degenerates into a pile of goo. Mortis must race to find his killer, ultimately involving a suspicious doctor (Darren McGavin [7 May 1922 – 25 Feb 2006]) and a deceased billionaire (Vincent Price [27 May 1911 – 25 Oct 1993] of The Mask of the Red Death [1964], Witchfinder General [1968], The Last Man on Earth [1964] and so much more) who may have plans beyond the grave."
Dead Heat seems to be one of those films that disappoints many, as most reviews more or less echo what Cavett Binion says as All Movie: "Although many genre filmmakers have managed to blend horror and humor with great success, movies employing this formula often run the risk of both elements canceling each other out, resulting in a horror comedy that is neither scary nor funny. Alas, Dead Heat is a textbook example of this kind of failure. […] The potential for 'splatstick' comedy in the mode of Evil Dead 2 (1987 / trailer) or Peter Jackson's Bad Taste (1987 / trailer) is defeated by two major obstacles: first, the painfully unfunny mugging of Piscopo, who was unwisely allowed to ad-lib much of his performance; and second, the MPAA's trimming of several minutes from Steve Johnson's sensational makeup effects in order to avoid the dreaded X rating — including a clever scene involving a zombie go-go girl played by Linnea Quigley (of Creepozoids [1987])."
Others, like Eat Horror, sees something good in the bad: "This is one of those eighties cop buddy movies where everyone is trying to unleash lame wisecracks every couple of seconds. It would be indistinguishable from the action flick crowd except for the fact that the bad guys are zombies, there's a fair bit of gore and Vincent Price pops up. All of which drags it into the horror genre, somewhat reluctantly. If you like hammy acting and a cheesy script this is the kind of bad movie that should appeal. Your buddy duo is Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo and there's quite a large supporting cast, but thankfully no one is labouring under the apprehension that this is a serious film. […] Everyone in the film has an Uzi (obviously an essential accessory in the eighties) and the special effects and gore are pretty well handled. It doesn't really make sense and it's not funny in the way it intends to be, in fact it's pretty awful, and yet somehow it manages to be nostalgically entertaining."
The last sentiment is echoed by Horror Fanzine, which gushes: "When I was growing up, I was an avid collector of Fangoriamagazines, much to my mother's dismay. I remember many articles surrounding the Treat Williams/Joe Piscopo horror comedy Dead Heat and lots of groovy special effects photos. I was not disappointed by the film at the time — for a kid, it has almost everything one could ask for: one liners, gun battles, zombies, and decomposing bodies. (The only thing missing was the female nudity). Watching Dead Heat more than 20 years later, I find, surprisingly, that many elements still hold up. Some things — like Piscopo — do not. The movie, ultimately, is big dumb fun, but I see in it the occasional flashes of brilliance that manage to break through the clumsy 80s veneer. If Dead Heat is an immature teenager, I get the impression that part of it really does want to grow up."
The B&W movie on television in Dead Heat when Randi (Lindsay Frost) discovers Doug's dead body is the classic public domain film noir, D.O.A. (1949), a fact we mention only as an excuse to embed the full public domain film — a noir truly worth watching if you haven't yet — directly below. 
For your viewing pleasure,
D.O.A. (1949):
The concept of a zombie cop was regurgitated three years later in Akron, Ohio, in J.R. Bookwalter's no-budget fiasco, Zombie Cop (1991 / trailer).


Elvira, Mistress of the Dark 
(1988, dir. James Signorelli)

Back in the day when we lived in La La Land, which was probably before you were born, one of our favorite TV shows was Movie Macabre (1981-85), hosted by the hot tamale known as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (Cassandra Peterson). True, we did find that Elvira interjected too often into the films and that many of the movies weren't always as terrible as she made them out to be, but: What personality! And what chesticles! We even had a treasured copy of some men's magazine that reproduced one of Peterson's numerous earlier nude shoots (example below) — we got rid of it after our roommate "borrowed" it one night and returned it with all relevant pages stuck together.*
*Fans who enjoy both ways might want to search out Playgirl's Nov 1974 issue featuring a breif pictorial Peterson snuggling close to the family jewels of the bisexual beefcake Bill Cable (2 May 1946 – 7 Mar 1998), who began his career in Wakefield Poole's arty porno Bijou (1972 / arty penis) and ended his career as the guy who gets ice-picked at the beginning of Basic Instinct (1992) — you see him in the trailer. He shows up here in Elvira, Mistress of the Dark as a cop, a role he also played in Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985 / trailer). The hirsute hunk's untimely death in real life was due to complications resulting from a motorcycle accident.
Trailer to 
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark:
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark was her attempt to make it onto the big screen, much like her real-life pal Pee-wee Herman. Hardly a hit when it came out, it did go on to VHS success and an eventual sequel, the arguably better Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001 / trailer).

The plot, as found at: "Elvira (Cassandra Peterson of Working Girls [1974 / trailer below]) is down and out on her luck. Quitting her job due to her new sexist boss, Elvira learns her luck could be turning around when a long lost Aunt Morgana leaves Elvira her house and prized cookbook. Travelling to the small town in Massachusetts, Elvira becomes the target of the decency board led by Chastity Pariah (Edie McClurg of Breaking Dawn [2004 / trailer]). When Elvira and her new boyfriend Bob Redding (Daniel Greene of American Rickshaw [1989 / trailer]) discover the 'cookbook' desperately wanted by Elvira's great uncle Vincent Talbot (W. Morgan Sheppard [24 Aug 1932 – 6 Jan 2019] of The Keep [1983 / trailer]) is actually a spell book, trouble is coming! [Basement Rejects]" 
Trailer to
Working Girls:
In any event, Dick Miller doesn't really appear in the movie... but he does appear in a movie in the movie: "Elvira's first big-screen outing begins in full meta mode, with her filming one of her small-screen outings, as she presents — and affectionately ridicules — Roger Corman's cheapo sci-fi schlocker from 1956, It Conquered the World. [Featuring Dick Miller as Sergeant Neil!] Appearing in her trademark low-cut black dress, and in her black-dyed hairstyle that improbably merged a fifties beehive and an eighties mullet (bridging the decade of cinema that her show celebrated, and the decade in which it was broadcast), Elvira is all s[n]arky, smutty sex positivity, making a prominent display of her two best assets: her verbal wit, and her ability to laugh at everything and everyone including, first and foremost, herself. [Projected Figures]" We of course took a look at It Conquered the World in Dick Miller, Part I.
By the way, we really must agree with Cinema's Fringes when they say: "Cassandra Peterson's turn as Elvira here was nominated for a Razzie for Worst Actress in the 1989 Golden Raspberry Awards. One can't help but feel, however, that the board who was responsible for shortlisting her was entirely missing the point. While I certainly wouldn't argue the case for her being one of the world's best actresses by any stretch of the imagination, this film is clearly meant to be a spoof and, as such, her performance is deliberately campy and hammy. Moreover, she has enough in the way of personality to just about carry this otherwise very slender movie on her shoulders." (Or at least on her chest.)


Ghost Writer
(1989, writ. & dir. Kenneth J. Hall)
 
Dick Miller shows up here somewhere as a club manager, he's even seen in the trailer below. The director/writer of this obscure, low budget, "comedy" bimbo-bomb, Kenneth J. Hall, has pretty much disappeared as of late, but for a while he was active both in special effects (i.e., the snowman in Jack Frost[1997] and the monster suit for Biohazard [1985]) and as a scriptwriter (see Blonde Heaven[1995]). Ghost Writer is the second of four obscure feature-length film projects that he wrote and directed, but as obscure as it is, Ghost Writercan be found on online streaming services, where it generally gets positive feedback as fun fluff from the 80s. (Indeed: take a gander of the Big 80s hair of the Landers Sisters, seen below on the cover of the Jan 1983 Playboy, for which they did a  very discrete semi-nude pictorial.)
The Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review, which pretty much lacerates the movie in its review, has the plot: "Angela Reid (Audrey Landers), a journalist for Hollywood Beat magazine, goes to stay at her aunt's Malibu beach-house to work in peace and quiet. There, the ghost of Billie Blaine (Judy Landers), the previous owner, an actress who drowned after taking an overdose of barbiturates in 1962, appears to her and the two strike up a friendship. Angela decides to interview Billie and write up her memoirs for the magazine, pretending they are extracts from a diary that she found. However, this attracts the attention of Billie's murderer (Anthony Franciosa [25 Oct 1928 – 19 Jan 2006] of Web of the Spider [1971 / German trailer]), a former mobster who is now running for public office, and comes determined to silence Angela."
Trailer to
Ghost Writer:
"At what point does a movie go from being a collection of bad jokes to a thing of beauty? I can't say, but Ghost Writer crossed that line somewhere in the first act and didn't look back. Perhaps more importantly, this is a lightning-fast movie. While almost all of its middle act is a big, circuitous detour, it never slogs. It never thinks it's being more clever than it is. It sets things up, pays them off, and moves on. Angela is on that damn beach within ten minutes and she's living it up with her dead aunt within twenty. The cast is a lot of fun. They all know exactly what they're here to do and they do it well. Nobody has any depth, but that's okay, because that's not the kind of movie this is. The entire production is 100% committed, knowing full well that it's just some dumb sex comedy about a ghost with boobs. [Movies or Minutes]"
Ghost Writer also features a rare appearance of the Barbarian Brothers, who have always impressed us here at a wasted life by their incredible muscles and incredible lack of thespian talent. We've searched long and hard for a full frontal of either bro, but they always seem to keep at least a loincloth on, even in their tow-page spread in the July 1986 issue of Playgirl. That's them below, not from this movie here but probably one of their wonderfully terrible barbarian flicks.

  
Far from Home
(1989, dir. Meiert Avis)

The movie that features Drew Barrymore's first on-screen kiss. We took a quick look at Far from Home in our career review of Susan Tyrell, where we wrote: "A rare feature film from music video director Meiert Avis. [His feature-film directorial debut, actually.] Drew Barrymore, at the age of 13, had just bottomed out as a child drug and alcohol abuser — in fact, she was technically still in rehab when she made this film — and Far from Home was the first film of her brief B-film phase during her teens that included appearances in the surreal Motorama (1991 / trailer); the trashy Poison Ivy (1992 / trailer); Guncrazy (1992 / trailer); Doppelganger (1993 / trailer), the last of which had a, uh, 'nice' nude scene in which she premièred her surgically reduced boobs; the generally forgotten No Place to Hide(1993 / trailer); and the proto-feminist western Bad Girls (1994 / trailer), in which she also bared her boobs but basically made the full jump back to full Hollywood respectability. In Far from Home, Susan Tyrrell plays Agnes Reed, the owner of the trailer park where 14-year-old Joleen Cox (Drew) and her dad Charlie Cox (Matt Frewer) get stuck when they run out of gas. As the nymphet Joleen — cringe as she asks "Did you ever do it?"— attracts the attention of the two local youths, it becomes obvious that a serial killer is on the loose in the small Nevada town. (Agnes gets electrocuted to death when the killer pushes an electric fan into her bathwater.)" 
Trailer to
Far from Home:
Far from Home is based on a story by Mary Woronov's first husband, Theodore Gershuny (30 Oct 1933 – 16 May 2007), who directed Woronov in the public domain Christmas classic, Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972 / trailer), and the sexploiter Sugar Cookies (1973 / trailer).
Dick Miller, above, is on hand in Far from Home — in the end, much longer than Tyrell — as the two-bit town's upholder of the law, Sheriff Bill Childers. He dies when the killer gives him an ear-to-ear, under-the-chin smile. Another name of note who makes an early career appearance in Far from Home is Jennifer Tilly (of Bride of Chucky[1998] and American Strays[1996]), who meets her end in an exploding car.
"[Far from Home] was shown on the movie channels regularly around 1990 and I was always into watching it whenever possible. It's got a weird atmosphere and tone that has stuck with me over the years. Watching the film now, it comes off as even stranger, especially given how inappropriate some of the elements are. Joleen is played by Drew Barrymore, who was the same age as her character when this film was made, thirteen going on fourteen, and there are all sorts of moments dealing with burgeoning sexuality. When she first meets Jimmy, he immediately, wordlessly starts rubbing an ice cube on her arm. Soon after, she goes swimming and while wearing a bikini spies on a couple having sex (a cameo by porn star Teri Weigel [pre cheap boob-job]) and gets cornered by a lascivious Jimmy, who is so enraged when she gets called away that he punches a wall. Attempted rape and attempted loss of virginity follow later. I thought nothing of all this when I watched the movie in my younger days, I totally forgot about it until my most recent viewing, when it was uncomfortable to see and added a whole new layer of sleaze to the proceedings. [Life between Frames]"


The 'Burbs
(1989, dir. Joe Dante)
Dick Miller in yet another Joe Dante movie, this time round playing a trash collector alongside Robert Picardo. Filmed during a writer's strike, The 'Burbswas shot in sequential order and, since it was forbidden for anyone to write anymore on the script, the actors were asked to improvise a lot. Like so many Joe Dante movies, The 'Burbs was not the biggest hit when it came out — but it found its audience on VHS and became a money-maker that (almost) everyone seems to like now. But once upon a time, as Dante mentions in an interview at The NY Times, "The movie got terrible reviews. I can still remember, your own Vincent Canby said it was as empty as a movie can be without creating a vacuum. [Very close! The actual sentence reads: 'The movie is as empty as something can be without creating a vacuum.'] It's nice to learn it's become a cult movie since."
Ti West @ Trailers from Hell on
The 'Burbs:
Dread Central, for example, even lists the movie as 5th on their list of theTop 7 Joe Dante Films, where they write:"In 1989 Dante got a chance to work with Tom Hanks in The ‘Burbs. Now, Tom Hanks wasn’t quite 'Tom Hanks' just yet. He was more The Money Pit (1986 / trailer), Nothing in Common (1986 / trailer), Joe Versus the Volcano (1990 / trailer) Tom Hanks with the Saving Private Ryan(1998 / trailer), Forrest Gump (1994 / trailer), Philadelphia(1993 / trailer) Tom Hanks yet to come. And although The 'Burbs isn't remembered as the strongest film for either Dante or Hanks, it's fantastic in that it is truly a black comedy. And as we'd seen from much of Dante's previous work, comedy is a very important component for him. Creating the true black comedy is not an easy thing to do. You need to attempt to conjure levity out of the most upsetting of situations. The 'Burbs is one of those rare cases where that is done spot on. The combination of Hanks' manic performance (not to mention Bruce Dern's hilarious supporting work) and Dante's solid directing makes The 'Burbs a fun romp, and it's a sleeping gem we should all go back and revisit."
But before we get to the plot, perhaps Common Sense Media can share with us "What parents need to know": "Parents need to know that The 'Burbs is a slapstick comedy with some light horror but no real gore. […] Blood's seen once on clothing and is smeared during a handshake; many skeletons are shown in the trunk of a car. Strong language is not frequent, but one character says 'goddamn' half a dozen times, and there are curse words such as 'p---y-whipped' and 's--t.' A teen staying home alone has a party and drinks beer. Adults drink beer and smoke cigars."
Seen on TV in The 'Burbs
Felix the Cat in
Over at McBastard's Mausoleum, McBastard has the plot: "In The 'Burbs we have a small group of neighbors living in a suburban cul-de-sac, our main guy is Ray Peterson (Tom Hanks), an average family-man on 'vacation' for a week, his wife Carol (Carrie Fisher [21 Oct 1956 – 27 Dec 2016] of Sorority Row [2009])  wants him to go for a weekend getaway to a mountain lake, but instead he stays at home and along with a trio of busy-body neighbors get completely wrapped-up in paranoia and suspicion when new neighbors, the Klopeks, mysteriously move into a house on the street seemingly overnight. Their arrival coincides with the disappearance of elderly neighbor Walter (Gale Gordon [20 Feb 1906 – 30 Jun 1995]), leaving behind his lawn-cigar-dropping, ankle-biter dog 'Queenie' and his treasured hair piece. The nosy neighborhood's suspicions are bolstered by a weird light show emanating from the Klopek's basement, in addition to some late night digging in the backyard. They're a kooky new addition the neighborhood and Ray and his crew are certain something awful is happening in the neighborhood, and the Klopek's are behind it."
"For a film not particularly well received at the time, The 'Burbs has dated very well, its mixed tone balanced perfectly. The horror, while dark at heart, is presented in slapstick fashion, and the comedy remains laugh-out-loud funny, boosted by at times improvised dialogue — the shoot took place during a writers' strike — that contributes a sense of mayhem as the characters agitate themselves into a frenzy. It's testament to the actors' chemistry and effectively underlines the sense of community the premise hinges upon: that of suburban values versus the unknown, a wry look at small-town xenophobia. [Exquisite Terror]"
"However, the script's final attempt to eat its cake too by confirming all the paranoias and suspicions and showing that the Klopeks are exactly what they have been accused of all along defeats the satire. It is as though Dante, in having abandoned his low-budget zest by entering the Spielberg stables (and here working for Ron Howard's Imagine Entertainment production company), has bought into the dumbed-down anti-intellectualism of mainstream American sitcom thinking and is unable to produce a black comedy that leaves an audience unsettled without having to turn around and reaffirm traditional values. [Science Fiction, Horror & Fantasy Film Review]"
Seen on TV in The 'Burbs
Little Boy Blue (1936):
In the end, most people who have seen the movie tend to think like artsforum, which gushes that The 'Burbs is "a laugh-out-loud funny look at the wastelands of suburbia — and the quirks, suspicions, and nosiness of its inhabitants. The result is at once silly and very funny — thanks to its appealing cast, which also includes Carrie Fisher, Wendy Schaal (of Creature [1985 / trailer]), and Gale Gordon."

But a rare few, like SFHFFR further above, find the movie shite: (Spoilers) "The ultimate revelation as to who the neighbors are or what they were doing is quite stale and almost like a non-event. If you are actually considering thinking of sitting through this thing just to find out that answer I would suggest that you don't bother as it's not in any way worth the effort. Also, there is never any explanation for what the neighbors were really doing, why they have a trunk full of human skulls, or why they would summon the police when they think their house has been broken into. There is incriminating evidence at their residence, so why bother risking having the police come over to find it? Since they clearly didn't have any problem killing people, why didn't they just attack the would-be intruders like they had done to their other victims? [Scopophilia]"
The 'Burbs features the final feature film appearance of both Gale Gordon, as the disappearing neighbor Walter Seznick, and the performance art personality Brother Theodore (11 Nov 1906 – 5 Apr 2001), as Reuben Klopek. Brother Theodore's diverse film credits include Captain Carl Clitoris in the X-rated Gums (1976 / censored trailer), the fun but unknown blaxspliotation film Devil's Express (1976 / trailer [which totally ignores the demon loose in NYC aspect of the plot]), the rediscovered grindhouse crime flick Massage Parlor Murders! (1973 / trailer), and the disco vampire comody Nocturna (1979 / trailer) — one and all psychotronic movies of note.
Trailer to
My Great Chagrin: The Unbelievable Story of Brother Theodore

More Dick coming soon…

Short Film: Woman's Best Friend (1975)

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While putting together the blog entry Babes of Yesteryear: Uschi Digard, Part VII: 1973-74, we stumbled upon the name David Grant, aka Terry Gould. It was under that latter name that he directed a "documentary" that Uschi did not appear in, entitled Sex, Love and Marriage (1972, poster below). A name unknown outside of Great Britain, where he has possibly also been more or less forgotten, Grant seems to have been what one would call a personality.*
After discovering his fun, 1972 "X-rated" short Snow White and the Seven Perverts(go to Part VII to see it),** we decided to look for another of the numerous "pornographic" animated shorts he distributed around that time, a short with the inviting title Woman's Best Friend. A Bob Godfrey*** (27 Jan 1921 – 21 Feb 2013) production, the wordless X-minute short was directed and animated and we assume "written" by "Mane", otherwise known as the Italian animator Bernardino "Dino" Manetta (20 Apr 1947 – 5 Nov 2018).
The narrative of Woman's Best Friend is less written than strung together, as it tells no real tale and instead simply presents a continual series of visual jokes all centered around the penis, which, probably, is far more the man's best friend than it is the woman's — men do, in any event, obsess about dick a lot more than woman do. The extremely simplified drawing style is very much that of Manetta, while the extremely puerile humor is, in our opinion, typical of youths (and many men) and somewhat dated. For all the erections shown, it is far less pornographic than it is childish. And there-in lies the short's appeal: for all its obsession with sex and man's third leg, it is ever so oddly naïve and innocent. Amazingly enough, when the short was made, it was refused classification by the British censor and therefore effectively banned.
Short Film
Woman's Best Friend (1975):

And just to keep up with the penis theme of this month's Short Film of the Month, here's a fact you may not have known: Gay men have bigger wieners than straight men [NCBI]. And sorry, straight guys, size matters.

*Per Wikipedia(accessed 29.11.19): "David Hamilton Grant (born Willis Andrew Holt; 1939–1991) was an English porn producer, and suspected child pornographer during the late 1960s and 1970s. […] David Grant's first film was Love Variations (1969), a sex education film that was based on a 'marriage manual' Grant had photographed/published a year earlier. Grant's sex film empire grew in the 1970s, he opened up a number of adult cinemas […] distributed foreign sex films […], and produced his […] British sex comedies (Girls Come First [1975 / NSFW],The Office Party [1976],Under the Bed [1977]). […] Described in a 1978 profile in Punch magazine as 'a chubby, boyish forty-year-old, with a youthful, uncorrupted face enfolded in two glossy skull-caps of hair and beard', Grant liked to refer to himself as the 'King of Sexploitation', Grant enjoyed giving himself Hitchcock cameos in his own films. […] In the early eighties, Grant turned to video, forming the World of Video 2000 label with fellow 1970s sex film mogul Malcolm Fancey. […] In 1983 Grant noted that Steven Spielberg's film E.T. the Extra Terrestrial (1982 / trailer) had yet to be released on home video in the UK, and responded by releasing an old sixties 'B' movie called Night Fright (1968 / PD film) on video under the title E.T.N — The Extra Terrestrial Nastie, with video artwork that parodied the E.T poster. […] On 3 February 1984, Grant was imprisoned for distributing 'video nasty'Nightmares in a Damaged Brain(1981 / trailer) on video. Grant was sentenced to 6 months in prison […]. […] A resident of Turkish Cyprus for most of the 1980s, he left the island under a dark cloud in 1988, following a street brawl with a love rival. The Sun newspaper reported Grant 'battered Briton Clive Godden, his girlfriend's husband, on the head with a spade, causing serious injuries'. Both The Sun and the Slough Observer also alleged that Grant had been a drug dealer, and had also 'corrupted thousands of children' during his time in Northern Cyprus, but in The Sun piece Neil Syson reported that the Cyprus police had no solid proof to support these allegations. He died in 1991, believed to have been victim of a contract killing."
**Per Letterbox: "Animation, Short, Comedy Granted an 'X' Certificate (adults only) by the British Board of Film Censors. The animators and writers initially chose to remain anonymous. However, veteran British cell animator and rostrum cameraman Marcus Parker-Rhodes (Picnic on Imbrium Beach[1983]) has come forward to claim that this cartoon is 'mostly my work.' He also credits Stan Hayward as the writer." One should perhaps keep in mind that in GB, Hammer horror films were also often given an X rating, so the X hardly carries the weight that a US X-rating does.
***Here, as an extra, is another root-obsessed semi-length animated film for your visual pleasure, Bob Godfrey's Wicked Willie (1990):

The Purge (Un-USA, 2013)

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(Spoilers.) A rare movie which, at least when it was originally released, had its cake and ate it, too — but the subsequent evolution into a franchise has pretty much negated, in retrospect, the [violent but oddly bloodless] movie's social criticism and supposed anti-violence message. The tale centers around a happily married, well-to-do, neo-liberal couple with two kids who live in a vomit-inducing McMansion-hell suburb in "New America", an Un-united States of the future that pretty much reflects the neo-fascist attitude of today's totalitarian-minded Republicans. (Note: "You are either with us or against us" is not an attitude that is conducive to a working democracy.)
Trailer to
The Purge:
Do we really have to mention that in the future today of the franchise (and this, its first film), for one 12-hour period a year murder and total lawlessness is legal? In The Purge, when some defenseless and bloodied low-income black man (Edwin Hodge of All the Boys Love Mandy Lane [2009 / trailer]) screaming for help stumbles into the neighborhood where safety-systems salesman James Sandin (Ethan Hawk of Daybreakers[2009) lives with his beautiful stay-home wife Mary Sandin (Lena Headey of Dredd [2012 / trailer] and, of course, The Game of Thrones [2011-19], seen belwo from GQ and not the movie) and kids live, their still-idealistic young son Charlie (Max Burkholder) gives him refuge. Not smart, as angering the entitled Proud Boys and Girls of America is definitely a mistake: they aren't wimps when they know they can get away with it. (Really, though: is killing your girlfriend's dad a viable way to win her hand and get in her panties?)
Anyway, first comes the concept of "save our own skin", then that of "what have we become?", and finally the desperation of the pure survival mode — but all of it transpires in a fashion far more intriguing and involving than one would expect. A surprisingly effective and affective movie.

Short Film: Oh, Christmas Tree

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Another year has gone by and once again t'is the season to be jolly and celebrate uncontrolled, pointless consumerism with people who get on your nerves around a dying or plastic tree decorated with tacky things… And also the season for our yearly Christmas short, a short chosen (as done [almost] every December) with the Christmas spirit in mind. 
This year, a 23-second quickie complete with money shot entitled Oh, Christmas Tree, created by some 6' 1" (1.85 m) guy named Ted Bracewell, who no longer seems to have a website ("Site Suspended"). And while we don't exactly know when he made his short, it has been available at his equally stagnate YouTubepresence since 2015. ("I'm working on new stuff. I apologize it's taken forever, but I promise this channel is not dead! Thank you and God bless! — Ted")  
Oh, Christmas Tree was originally created for Eli Roth's, The Crypt, your favorite semi-unknown online source for internet horror. Enjoy… and then check out our Christmas shorts of the past, listed and linked further below. (And maybe even go over to YouTube to enjoy Bruce Blain's Mad Santa.)






Krampus (USA, 2015)

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A fun Christmas film for the whole family. Opening with a slow-mo shopping scene that humorously reflects the true capitalist nature of the holiday, the black humor infusing much of the first third of the movie lessens a bit after Beth (Stefania LaVie Owen of The Beach Bum [2019 / trailer]), the "nice" daughter of the middle-class half of the disharmonious extended family, meets her fate off-screen with a scream. Thereafter, the laughs might be rarer but for that the bodycount increases. Indeed, Krampus proves himself an equal-opportunity anti-Christmas demon, as happy to take Democrats as Republicans — not to mention a few innocent souls that have nothing to do with the family whose unhappy son, Max (Emjay Anthony of Incarnate[2016 / trailer]), accidentally calls up the anti-Santa: aside from Beth's boyfriend and his family, other known unrelated (off-screen) fatalities include a package delivery guy and a snowplow driver. More notable: unlike in most films, even babies aren't safe in Krampus— but then, why should they be?
The focus of the film, however, is on the Engels & Last-Name-Never-Given families, two groups tied by respective the mothers/sisters (the always excellent Toni Colette as upper middle class mom Sarah and the highly promising Allison Tolman as deplorable way lower middle class mom Linda), that probably never gather but for every Christmas or Thanksgiving and afterwards always wonder "Why?" (In other words, families like yours and ours.) The question is less will they or won't they survive the night than who goes next, but when you're fighting a powerful creature with numerous nasty henchmen — demon toys and killer gingerbread men and monster elves — what else is to be expected?
The tale has some flaws and holes to it, ranging from small to large, but they're easy to overlook once the big bad snowstorm hits town and the rest of the world seems to disappear. (The tiniest quibble we had is the bonding scene between the two sisters, where there is an exchange about an X-mass tree ornament that would hardly be a surprise for Linda if the families get together every year. Thus the scene, for all its bonding intentions, felt hollow.) As in all bodycounters,  characters tend to do a lot of stupid things considering the threat they face, and Krampus's reach is oddly expansive for him to remain so unknown to the world of the movie (especially if he harvests everyone, and not just those who accidentally "call" him). But then, the flick does play in a world where there is no such thing as Santa but a such thing as an anti-Santa…
Krampus is never truly scary, and hardly all that bloody, but the body count is large and the harvest continuous. There are scenes that give you a mild scare or make you jump, not to mention a decent laugh or more along the way, and the movie in no way looks cheaply made nor is it badly acted. Indeed, one actually begins to identify with many of the characters, including those one normally might not. (Each kid that died, though, was a death to cheer.) And the mid-film flashback done in the style of a stop-motion film is an unexpected visual treat, not to mention a nice way to work in an explanation of who or what Krampus is (he is, after all, a legendary creature that never made it stateside and that has only relatively recently reemerged in Europe). It is also the first American film we have seen in a long time to have a real German-speaking person (speaking real German) playing a character of German decent (Krista Stadler as Omi Engel), which is a plus point in our book.
On the whole, Krampusis a worthy successor to director Michael Dougherty's other holiday horror film, the unjustly unknown directorial debut, Trick 'R Treat (2008), which nevertheless is definitely also the better movie of the two.Gorehounds and trash aficiandos will probably come away a bit less than satisfied with Krampus, but anyone looking for a well-made and entertaining Christmas horror film that doesn't drag or overstay its welcome and only falls mildly apart at the end — where we the only ones to be reminded of the ending of the original Nightmareon Elm Street (1984 / trailer)? — will find Krampusthe perfect movie to screen after the annual viewing of It's A Wonderful Life (1946 / trailer).

R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part VIII (1990-93)

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25 Dec 1928 – 30 Jan 2019

The American thespian treasure known as Dick Miller, one of our all-time favorite character actors, entered the Great Nothingness on January 30th, 2019. 
A Bronx-born Christmas Day present to the world, Miller entered the film biz doing redface back in 1956 in the Roger Corman western Apache Woman (trailer). He quickly became a Corman regular and, as a result, became a favorite face for an inordinate amount of modern and contemporary movie directors, particularly those weaned and teethed in Corman productions. (Miller, for example, appears in every movie Joe Dante has made to date.)   
A working thespian to the end, Miller's last film, the independent horror movie Hanukkah (trailer), starring fellow deceased low-culture thespian treasure Sid Haig (14 July 1939 – 21 Sept 2019), just finished production. In it, as in many of Miller's films, his character is named Walter Paisley in homage to his first truly great lead role, that of the loser killer artist/busboy Walter Paisley in Roger Corman's classic black comedy, A Bucket of Blood (1959). 
What follows is a multi-part career review in which we undertake an extremely meandering, highly unfocused look at the films of Dick Miller. The films are not necessarily looked at in the order of their release... and if we missed one, let us know. 


Go here for
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part I (1955-60)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part II (1961-67)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part III (1968-73)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part IV (1974-76)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part V (1977-80)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part VI (1981-84)
R.I.P.: Dick Miller, Part VII (1985-89)


Mob Boss
(1990, Fred Olen Ray)

Yet another Fred Olan Ray movie with his usual eclectic cast of nobodies, familiar faces, and cult names. Although we have not seen this movie, we are sure that much as Boba Fett said about Ray's 1986 movie Armed Response (see Part VII), which like this direct-to-video movie was also scribed by T.L. Lankford, Mob Boss"makes you wonder if perhaps Ed Wood also wouldn't have been capable of making some decent movies if he was given some more money to work with."
Trivia: Somewhere, Mob Boss features the last screen appearance of the familiar thug face of former professional wrestler Mike Mazurki (25 Dec 1907 – 9 Dec 1990), seen above from while he was still a wrestler, who appeared in many a better film than this one. Dick Miller shows up to play someone named Mike... but not Mazurki.
Trailer to
Mob Boss:
The plot, as supplied at Film Affinity: "Don Anthony (William Hickey [19 Sept 1927 – 29 June 1997]) is the head of California's largest crime family. Unbeknownst to him, his voluptuous mistress Gina (Morgan Fairchild) and his arch-rival Don Francisco (Stuart Whitman of The Monster Club [1980] and The Girl in Black Stockings [1957]) have plotted a hostile takeover of the business, and Don Anthony is gunned down following a mob meeting. Lying mortally wounded in the hospital, Don Anthony directs his chief lieutenant Monk (Irwin Keyes [16 Mar 1952 – 8 Jul 2015]) to locate his estranged son Tony (Eddie Deezen) to assume the family business and carry on the Anthony name. Unfortunately for the family, Tony is a wimpy nerd with no idea of the true nature of his father's business. As Monk tries to transform the milquetoast geek into a fearsome gangster, Don Francisco attempts to overthrow him through Gina's powers of seduction, while a pair of bumbling hitmen (Brinke Stevens [of Necromancy(1972)] and Jack O'Halloran) try to bump Tony off at every turn.
At Down Among the "Z" Movies, they say "This falls squarely between [Fred Olen Ray's] better efforts (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers [1988 / trailer]) and his terrible ones (too many to mention). There are Three Stooges-type sound effects and a very self-conscious tone for a parody. There are some decent gags — which is rare for any comedy on this blog."
Over at Amazon, some customer would probably more or less agree, saying: "Mob Boss tries very hard to be funny, and, at times, succeeds. […] How funny you will find this depends greatly on how you view low-brow humor (e.g., child being baptized urinating on pastor and mob officials), as well as if you are watching for the women (Morgan Fairchild, Brinke Stevens — who's a delight), and, subsequently, the nude scenes. […]." 


Gremlins 2: The New Batch
(1990, dir. Joe Dante)

Six years after Gremlins was a hit, Dante was given carte blanche to a sequel (at almost three times the original budget — $30 million instead of $11 million) and made his, to use his own words, "MAD magazine [movie]. There are doodles in the margin. It's Hellzapoppin'(1941 / faux trailer), which is one of my favorite movies. I was very lucky to make it. [Ain't It Cool News]" Unluckily, Gremlins 2, which was meta long before meta was in, sort of flopped in a big way.
Scriptwriter Charles S. Haas, who suggested the NYC setting, had previously scripted the unsettling teen drama Over the Edge (1979 / trailer) and the extremely annoying comedy Martians Go Home (1989 / trailer). Of the first movie, five original cast members cum characters returned: Zach Galligan (of Infested[2002]) as Billy Peltzer, Phoebe Cates as Kate Beringer, Dick Miller as Murray Futterman, Jackie Joseph (of Little Shop of Horrors [1960, see Part I]) as his wife Sheila Futterman, and Keye Luke (18 June 1904 – 12 Jan 1991 of Mad Love [1935 / trailer]). Among the new faces, the great Christopher Lee (22 May 1922 – 7 June 2015 of The Curse of Frankenstein [1957], Geheimnis der Gelben Narzissen(1961), The Mummy [1959], Sherlock Holmes & the Deadly Necklace [1962] and so much more) as Dr. Cushing Catheter.
Gremlins 2: The New Batch:
The plot, as found at Cineccentric: "The plot once again centers on Billy (Galligan) and Kate (Cates) who have now moved to New York to put their past behind them. Through a series of unfortunate events, Billy is reunited with his Mogwai friend, Gizmo, and falls foul to yet more bad luck when evil gremlins accidentally spawn from him again. This time, the gremlins run riot in Billy's employer's high rise premises within the Big Apple, stumbling through a laboratory that gives them even more hideous characteristics. Billy, Kate, and Gizmo must once again stop the gremlins, but this time from overtaking New York City." 
The GIF above was stolen from Kindertrauma, who are particularly enamored by the fact that in Gremlins 2, "Leonard Maltin is finally murdered for his crimes."
A love-it or hate-it kind of movie, most genre aficionados and Dante fans tend to think along the lines of 28 Days Later Analysis, which points out: "Charlie Haas' script is admittedly cartoony in structure. The villains are larger than life, the gags are over-the-top and the film is comedic. Watching one character smoke on an 'unauthorized break' and then being reprimanded via video camera made this reviewer laugh. Later, a bat-like gremlin flies out of the building leaving a Batman caricature in its wake is also silly, but fun. Not much later, that same batish gremlin turns into a gargoyle after having forty pounds of concrete poured onto it. These scenes create laughter despite the silliness of the scenes. And if one joke does not get your gut another will. There are adult situations here as well. After all, it was the original Gremlins [see Dick Miller Part VI] that helped create the MPAA's PG-13 rating. So, it is hard to say who the target audience for the film is. There is ambivalence here. The cartoonish style of the film would make it seem like the film is geared towards pre-teens or teenagers. Yet, the adult situations such as sexual innuendos and allusions to murder make the film more appealing to an older demographic. Either way, this film fan enjoyed the many comedic set-ups and a broad range of viewers will likely enjoy these scenes too."


The Woman Who Sinned
(1991, dir. Michael Switzer)

Dick Miller has a small part as a police detective in a Susan "Erica Kane" Lucci TV movie! Its original title got changed to Mortal Passion when it got its VHS release two years later.
Trailer to
The Woman Who Sinned:
Lucci herself offers the following plot description at her official website: "Victoria Robeson (Lucci) is a married woman who for the first and only time in her life succumbs to the charms of another man (Michael "Beefcake" Dudikoff, seen further below not from the film). Accused of murder, her only alibi is her adulterous liaison. Trouble is, she can provide no proof that the affair or her lover, ever existed." Her hubby Michael is played by Tim Matherson, and her murdered friend Jane Woodman by Lenore Kasdorf (of Fly Me [1973 — see Dick MillerPart III] and Where Does It Hurt? [1972 — See Uschi Digard, Part VI]).
"There's bad and there's laughably bad. ABC's The Woman Who Sinned falls in the latter category. As the plot twists pile up, this ludicrous Susan Lucci vehicle is an absolute howl. [LA Times]"
The best opening to any Susan Lucci TV movie ever —
Wes Craven's Invitation to Hell (1984):
"Yet another did-she-or-didn't-she drama, with American daytime TV star Susan Lucci playing the wife accused of murder after she has an affair. There's really nothing new here as every whodunnit theme is rehashed. More time seems to have been spent on Lucci's wardrobe and hairdo than on the plot, but at least she keeps the hysterics to a minimum and valiantly battles against the constraints of the tired idea. [Radio Times]"


Motorama
(1991, dir. Barry Shils)

Dick Miller plays what House of Self-Indulgence describes as "an unpredictable father of two" in this obscure labor of love.
Trailer to
Motorama:
We looked at Motorama in our R.I.P. Career Review of the great cult actress Susan Tyrrell, where we tersely cobbled together: "Drew Barrymore isn't the only person to have a cameo appearance in this surreal road movie written by Joseph Minion (he also wrote the mildly amusing After Hours [1985 / trailer— see Part VII] and the decidedly bonkers Vampire's Kiss [1988 / trailer]), there's also Flea, Jack Nance, Garrett Morris, Mary Woronov, Vince Edwards, Dick Miller, Meat Loaf and, the reason the film is even here, Tyrrell as a bartender. Plot, taken from Wikipedia: 'A ten-year-old runaway boy (played by Jordan Christopher Michael) on a road trip for the purpose of collecting game pieces (cards) from the fictional 'Chimera' gas stations, in order to spell out the word M-O-T-O-R-A-M-A. By doing so he will supposedly win the grand prize of $500 million.' Four years later, director Barry Shils followed this, his début film, with the documentary Wigstock: The Movie (1995 / trailer)."
To supplement the above synopsis, let us look to All Movie, which points out: "This allegorical comedy […] offers a unique twist on the standard road movie formula. […] The country presented in this film, however, is not the U.S., but a fictional land with states such as Bergen and Essex — a land with parallels to a giant board game. While on the road, […] as Gus approaches his goal of collecting all eight letters, he has assorted adventures, many of them strange and a few that are distinctly unpleasant."
The extremely difficult to please Worldwide Celluloid Massacre, which rates the film as "of some interest", explains the symbolism: "A 10-year-old kid (naiveté) drives around the country (life) in a stolen car playing a game called Motorama (any of life's pointless driving goals) where he has to collect all the letters to win the grand prize. Most people see him as an adult (because he isn't really a child) and he encounters strange characters along the way […]. The message seems to be that all of life's goals are meaningless and most people are crazy bumbling fools and you just have to stop driving around like a lunatic and relax. Bah."


Unlawful Entry
(1992, dir. Jonathon Kaplan)

"One of many psychopathic thrillers that washed over us in the early 1990s, this one targeting an obviously vulnerable situation: what do you do if a cop sets out to ruin your life? [Thrill Me Softly]"
Throughthe Shattered Lens has a detailed plot: "The upscale and complacent life of Michael and Karen Carr (Kurt Russell [of 3,000 Miles to Graceland (2001)] and Madeleine Stowe, seen below) is interrupted one night when a burglar breaks into their home via their skylight. […] Shaken by the encounter, the Carrs are very happy when a seemingly friendly cop, Officer Pete Davis (Ray Liotta of No Escape [1994], Unforgettable[1996] and Turbulence[1997]), offers to help them cut through all the red tape and get a security system installed in their house. […] Pete seems like the perfect cop but actually, he's a mentally unstable fascist who quickly becomes obsessed with Karen. When Pete offers Michael his nightstick so that Michael can use it on the man who earlier broke into his house, Michael refuses. That's all that Pete needs to see to decide that Michael's not a real man and that Karen would be better off with him. Even after Michael orders Pete to stay away from his home, Pete continues to drop by so that he can spy on the couple. When Michael complains, Pete frames him by planting cocaine at his house. When Michael says that he's innocent, no one believes him. Why would they? Pete's a decorated cop who is keeping the streets safe. Michael is just a homeowner. While Michael sits in jail, the increasingly violent and unhinged Pete makes plans to make Karen his own."
Derek Winnertwas not thrilled: "Director Jonathan Kaplan's 1992 thriller is […] shamefully unsubtle and exploitative, abusing people's worries about law and order, rape, the race issue and police brutality. As a mystery, Lewis Colick's screenplay signals all its punches and wastes time on character development and issues when it would be more effective as a plain action thriller."
Trailer to
Unlawful Entry:
"[Unlawful Entry] is an amazingly sharp, nasty little thriller that takes a silly situation and squeezes it to the core, vicious as a heart attack. […] Director Jonathan Kaplan (Night Call Nurses [1972], see Part III) came from the Roger Corman school of filmmaking, and his technique is lean and mean. […] The great Dick Miller, also from the Corman camp, appears in a small role. (Miller always improves whatever movie he shows up in.) [Combustible Celluloid]"
The film was given the Bollywood treatment in a 1996 version of the tale entitled Fareb (trailer).
Ye teri ankhe jhuki jhuki hd from
Fareb:


Quake
(1992, dir. Louis Morneau)

This TV cum direct-to-video time-waster is from the not very active but nevertheless at times effective trash-film director Louis Morneau. He, like so many, is a graduate of the Roger Corman Filmmaking Factory, where he started out as an editor of trailers. His directorial projects include, among other forgotten movies, Retroactive(1997) and the two unneeded sequels to other better movies, Hitcher II: I've Been Waiting (2003 / trailer) and Joy Ride II: Dead Ahead (2004 / trailer). He also supplied the story to the semi-Retroactive movie entitled Slipstream(2005).
Also known as Aftershock and The Stalker, Quake is The Collector (1965 / trailer) meets Earthquake (1974 / trailer). Wikipedia, and seemingly no one else, has the plot: "Set around the events of the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake, a young couple, Jenny (Erika Anderson) and David (Eb Lottimer), experience the horror of being terrorized by a psychotic neighbor, Kyle (Steve Railsback of Disturbing Behavior [1998] and In the Light of the Moon [2000]), in a city where panic and fear is the order of the day. The sexy female lawyer played by Erika Anderson is knocked unconscious during the earthquake. She is then kidnapped by neighbor Kyle […]. His intentions are to keep her as his prisoner and she must do whatever it takes to escape." Blink and you might miss Dick Miller playing a storekeeper.
Over at Letterboxd, some guy named Alberto Farina says: "Straight-to-video Corman exploitationer is actually more enjoyable than you might expect. […] Liberally interspersed with stock footage, cheap thrills, bondage and rape, this is basically a two-character sex thriller (with husband Lottimer spending most of the film trying to get back home through the city wrecks). Railsback's creeper peeper and Anderson's attractive captive are convincing enough [so] you won't care if the plot makes no sense."


Body Waves 
(1992, writ. & dir. P.J. Pesce)

The feature-film directorial debut of director P.J. Pesce, who went on to do the enjoyable direct-to-video prequel to From Dusk Till Dawn (1996 / trailer), From Dusk Till Dawn: The Hangman's Daughter (1999). Body Waves was co-written by Bo Zenga, who went on to produce a movie we here at a wasted life really hated, Turistas(2006). P.J. Pesce earned ten thousand to write and direct this obscure sex comedy produced by — who else? — Roger Corman.
Mr Skin has the plot: "Body Waves is the comic saga of young Rick Matthews (Bill Calvert) attempting to prove to his father (Dick Miller) that he will be able to support himself without going into the family's hemorrhoid-cream business. When Rick sets out to peddle suntan lotion on a hottie-heavy beach, three nerds make him a proposition: If he can turn them into lady killers, they'll financially back his new enterprise. What follows is a romp in which doofuses pursue beauties, and everyone comes out looking like a boob — in the breast possible way. Catch these Body Waves."
And catch the opening credit sequence of the movie: the epitome of what one calls a "no budget solution".
Full movie —
Body Waves:
TV Guideseems to be one of the very few, the proud, the brave that have ever seen this movie — and they didn't like it: "Body Waves is a predictable, slow-moving comedy which futilely resorts to tacky humor for laughs. […] There are a few genuinely funny moments in Body Waves, but otherwise it fails as a comedy. The storyline […] is sophomoric, the physical humor doesn't work, and the dialogue is often ridiculous. At one point Donner says: 'We don't get the fundage unless those geeks get some pump action.' This pretty much sums up the tone of the movie, dude. (Profanity, partial nudity, sexual situations.)"


Amityville 1992: It's About Time
(1992, dir. Tony Randel)
 
One of director Tony Randel's projects before this one is the enjoyable sequel, Hellbound: Hellraiser (1988 / trailer), where he proved his ability to handle grue and gore; a later film is the far more enjoyable Ticks (1993 / trailer) — which is not to say that this movie here does not also have its own enjoyable moments of visceral. This direct-to-video Amityville movie is the sixth of the original franchise, which saw two more unneeded movies before the first was finally remade in 2005 (trailer) with a buff Ryan Reynolds (below).
"Nothing dates a film faster than proudly displaying the year it was made in the damn title. It seems the distributors learned the errors of their way and removed the '1992' from the DVD release and not just on the box artwork. They actually went into the film itself and put in a blatantly obvious black box over the '1992' on the title card which just brings me to a chuckle. Despite the silly title and botched attempt to correct it on recent releases, Amityville 1992: It's About Time... err.... I mean Amityville [insert black box]: It's About Time actually ends up being one of the better entries into the overlong haunted house series. [Blood Brothers]"
Trailer to
Amityville [insert black box]: It's About Time:
The plot, as found at For It Is Man's Number: "Stephen Macht plays Jacob Sterling, a man who unwittingly brings a piece of Amityville horror into his home when he brings a large clock back from one of his many work trips. Things quickly start to become quite strange for Jacob, as well as for his son, Rusty (Damon Martin), and his daughter, Lisa (Megan Ward of Freaked[1993]). When Jacob is savagely attacked by a neighbourhood dog he has to rest up at home and enlists the help of his ex-girlfriend, Andrea (Shawn Weatherly of Shadowzone[1990]), which adds further tension."
"Bizarre things start happening involving dogbites, retro home decorating, unusual clothing, a giant, bowtie-clad fake bird and Dick Miller! Miller plays a neighbour whose hedges are immolated by the demonic timepiece, and he gets a great little scene which suggests a whole angry-neighbour subplot that was cut out of the picture — so often the fate of Miller's performances, it seems! [Ha ha, it's Burl!]"
"There is no universe where this movie makes any sense: not our universe, not a parallel universe nor a perpendicular one. But who needs sense when a demonic clock wreaks havoc? […] This movie is a wackadoo delight. Like I said, it makes not a single lick of sense, but it is totally enjoyable, off-the-wall crazy schlock. Well, I could have done without the insanely sweaty sex scene, but still. It's surprisingly gory at times, there's a toddler with a mullet, and there's a scene where a girl gets fingerbanged by her own reflection. WHAT THE WHAT. [Final Girl]"
"Megan Ward seducing her classmate only to dissolve him in a puddle of black goo is a highlight. [HK Fanatic]"


Evil Toons
(1992, writ. & dir. Fred Olan Ray)
 

"You little bitch! I'll get you in the sequel for this!"
Monster (Robert Quarry*)

Don't let the credited screenplay name, "Sherman Scott", fool ya: Fred also wrote this popular D2V piece of trash pop flotsam. Dick Miller plays Burt, the boss of the cleaning company — he's in the trailer, too. Imagine the original The Evil Dead (1981) remade by a senile Joe Dante on a shoestring budget but with big-breasted girls more than willing to display their pulchritudinous assets (example below).
One of the better meta-references in the film: at one point Dick Miller watches his early classic A Bucket of Blood (1959 — see Part I) and asks, "How come this guy never won an academy award?" His movie-character wife, played by Michelle Bauer (a.k.a. Pia Snow), shows up just long enough to go topless and fire up a sex toy.
Trailer to
Evil Toons:
If we are to believe HK & Cult Film News, which points out that "probably the most […] disturbing thing about this movie occurs in the opening minutes when, in an extremely ironic coincidence, David Carradine's character hangs himself", Evil Toons came about when "Fred Olen Ray was asked to come in and do some nude scenes to punch up another film that was nearing completion, and when he saw all the locations and equipment right there for the taking, with the rental still paid up for several days, he figured it would be the perfect opportunity to do another project he was currently trying to finance. So he teamed up with producer Victoria Till and in eight days shot the 'naked girls terrorized by a cartoon monster in a haunted house' flick he'd been wanting to make."
Rock! Shock! Pop!has the plot: "Evil Toons […] revolves around some nubile young women, this time made up of a quartet of college students — Megan (Monique Gabrielle— see Part VII), Terry (Suzanne Ager), Roxanne (Madison Stone) and Jan (porn star Barbara Dareacting under the alias Stacey Nix) — who are dropped off at a creepy old house by a guy named Burt (Dick Miller) who runs a cleaning company. His van pulls up at the place and they unload everything that they'll need to spend the weekend cleaning the place up — you know, essential things like slinky outfits and lingerie. They head on inside and get comfortable but later that night a mysterious guy dressed sort of like a pilgrim named Gideon Fisk** (David Carradine of Dead & Breakfast [2004] and Q [1982]) shows up and hands them a weird old book. The brightest of the girls, Megan, decides to read a few passages from the book out loud and, well, you've all seen Evil Dead, right? Right. Bad things start to happen when a cartoon demon (voiced by the director himself) appears, summoned by the reading, and starts to make trouble for the ladies, first by killing off Roxanne and possessing her body. When various guys start showing up, some looking for sex and others looking to check in on the girls' progress cleaning, the demon kills them too. Maybe the weird old neighbor (Arte Johnson [20 Jan 1929 – 3 July 2019]) will be able to help?"
*The un-credited Quarry (3 Nov 1925 – 20 Feb 2009), by this time wheelchair-bound due to the mysterious midnight mugging during which he was beaten into crippledom, supplies the voice of the demon. To give credit where credit is due, Fred Olan Ray was one of the few to give the more-or-less by then forgotten and ignored actor food-paying employment (if not virtually the only one to do so regularly).
 ** Love that sentence structure: Is Carradine a guy named Gideon Fisk who's dressed like a pilgrim, or an unnamed guy sort of dressed like a pilgrim named Gideon Fisk?
Cinema Head Cheesepoints out a core attraction of the movie: "Fred Olen Ray'sEvil Toons is a unique fusion of live-action tits and ass with animated characters among the bevy of bouncy beauties (Monique Gabrielle, Barbara Dare, Susan Ager and Madison Stone). […] If the tits aren't enough to keep you watching there are some nice cameos by numerous cult icons including Dick Miller, David Carradine and Robert Quarry*."
None of which impressedDown Among the "Z" Movies, which seethes that Fred Olan Ray "was apparently wanting to ride the coattails of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988 / trailer) and blend animated characters with live ones. […] Here, toons from a magical book come to life and attack — an idea that has some possibilities, as how does one kill something that's animated? Unfortunately, the film meanders and is the usual lowbrow sludge Ray specializes in. The toons themselves are mostly derivative of Chuck Jones and look like they were merely painted onto the film."


Angelfist
(1993, dir. Cirio H. Santiago)
 
OK, we're stretching things a bit by including this movie in Dick Miller's resume, especially since he had nothing to do with it. BUT: as many websites indicate, Angelfist is considered a regurgitation of the Dick Miller-scribed trash classic T.N.T. Jackson (1974, see Part IV), and thus distantly linked to Miller.
Trailer to
Angelfist:
TV Guide has the plot: "Cat Sassoon [stars] as Katara Lang, a tough L.A. cop who travels to Manila to find the killer of her sister Christie (Sibel Birzag), an FBI agent/kickboxer who photographed the assassination of a US military man. Christie gives the film, which identifies the assassins as the Black Brigade, a Philippines freedom fighter/terrorist group, to strip-joint dancer/friend Sulu (Shiela Lin Tan). Embassy official Victor Winslow (Joseph Zucchero) warns Katara not to interfere. She saves personable gambler Alcatraz (Michael Shaner) from a street-gang attack and takes Christie's place in a kickboxing tournament with the approval of Christie's trainer Bayani (Roland Dantes). Diplomat Donaldson is next killed by the Brigade's black-robed, samurai-like thugs. Everyone's looking for Sulu and the incriminating film, especially Cirio Quirino (Henry Stralskowski), the Brigade's chief honcho, and Christie's kickboxer friend and FBI operative Lorda (Melissa Moore). Now lovers, Alcatraz and Katara get to Sulu (who is killed) first, and Katara delivers the film to Winslow. Katara beats Gold Tooth (Christina Portugal) to win the tournament, then foils the Brigade's attempt to assassinate US Ambassador Franklin. In a final melee, Katara, Alcatraz, and Lorda (who escaped a torture session with Quirino) kill Quirino and the traitorous Bayani, his second-in-command. Apparently having won big bucks in the tournament, Alcatraz and Katara head into the sunset on a conspicuously large yacht."
 
The plastic boobage above, from the film, is that of Cat Sassoon (3 Sept 1968 — 1 Jan 2002), whose career was cut short when she died from an opiod-induced heart attack. 
 
In the end, we would probably argue that this movie owes more to Terence H. Winkless's Bloodfist (1989 / trailer) than to either T.N.T. Jackson or the later T.N.T. Jackson white-chick remake, Firecracker (1981, see Part VI).


Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
(1993, dirs. Eric Radomski & Bruce Timm)

Conceived as a D2V, expanded episode of the TV series Batman: The Animated Series (1992-95), aka (as of season two) The Adventures of Batman & Robin, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm was suddenly given a theatrical release by Warner Bros, where it got positive reviews but failed financially. It went on to greater success on VHS and DVD, and is now often found on many a "Best Animated Films" list.
Inspired by the story arc found in Mike W. Barr's Batman: Year Two, among other changes the main antagonist became the titular Phantasm, instead The Reaper. The video success of the feature-length animated film led to three further stand-alone direct-to-video "sequels", Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero (1998 / trailer), Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000 / trailer), and Mystery of the Batwoman (2003 / trailer). It remained the only theatrically released animated Batman movie until Batman: The Killing Joke (2016 / trailer).
Trailer to
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm:
And You Thought It Was…Safe(?), which gushes that Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is "arguably the most mature American cartoon feature to date", has the plot: "Phantasm begins with a mystery for Batman (Kevin Conroy) to solve in the deaths of several prominent Gotham City mobsters, and since the killer (who goes unnamed for the entire film) is also a costumed vigilante with a flair for the dramatic and a love of capes and cowls, the entire city believes Batman's finally blown his last gasket. Meanwhile, one of Bruce Wayne's old flames, Andrea Beaumont (Dana Delany), returns to Gotham after an unknown amount of time abroad. Through a series of flashbacks intercut with the main action (nicely bracketing each act) we learn 'Andy' was the last real emotional connect Bruce allowed himself before he became Batman full time. Eventually, we see Bruce's relationship with Andy was instrumental to this decision, and these flashbacks add more psychological complexity to Bruce Wayne than any film before or since, no joke, full stop." 
The end credit song, I Never Even Told You,
sung by Tia Carrere:
"[…] We have to accept that it's never going to gain the mass appreciation of Nolan's Bat-films, or even Tim Burton's; but for those in the know, Mask of the Phantasm is a gem in the history of Batman on screen. Indeed, it may even be the best Batman film of all. [100 Films in a Year]"
Dick Miller supplies the voice of Charles "Chuckie" Sol, seen above, the crime boss that becomes the first victim of The Phantom. The image below has nothing to do with the film, and was found at Are You There, Blog? It's Me, Stephen.


Matinee
(1993, dir. Joe Dante)
Mondo Digital, which says that "this love letter to the golden era of kid's horror and sci-fi matinee movies from the mid-'50s through the early '60s is perhaps the warmest film directed by Joe Dante", has the plot: "As the Cuban Missile Crisis looms in 1962 and atomic fears are at their height, gimmick-hawking movie director and producer Lawrence Woolsey (John Goodman of Fallen [1998 / trailer]) descends upon a military-heavy neighborhood in Key West to hawk his latest masterpiece: Mant!, the story of a dental X-ray mishap that turns an innocent man named Bill into a mutated monster with a taste for sugar cubes. Accompanying Woolsey is his leading lady and partner in promotion, Ruth (Cathy Moriarty of But I'm a Cheerleader [1999 / trailer]), who's getting a bit jaded with a life of nonstop showmanship. Among the fans eager to see the film are high schooler Gene (Simon Fenton) and his younger brother, Dennis (Jesse Lee), whose Army dad has just moved them into the area. Gene has a crush on Sandra (Lisa Jakub) and uses the opportunity to help Woolsey with the big premiere as a chance for a double date with friends Stanley (Omri Katz of Hocus Pocus [1993 / trailer]) and Sherry (Kellie Martin), but a jealous leather-clad rival*, a concerned citizen's group with a big secret, and a twitchy theater manager ensure the big day will be more explosive than originally planned."
*Named "Harvey Starkweather"— one of Dante's darker in-joke references to the general period in which Matinee is set. In this case, a reference to the infamous serial killer Charles Starkweather (24 Nov 1938 – 25 June 1959), who (among many films) inspired the low budget masterpiece The Sadist (1963). Warmer nomenclatural references, among the many in the movie, include Dick Miller's character Herb Denning (seen above), named after the actor Richard Denning (27 March 1914 – 11 Oct 1998), with whom Miller actually worked in The Oklahoma Woman (1956 — see Part I) and Naked Paradise (1957 — see Part I), and Cathy Moriarty's Ruth Corday, who is named after Mara Corday (see: Trailers of Promise – Films We Haven't Seen: The Giant Claw [1957]). The whole film, of course, is loosely inspired by the great independent showman cum filmmaker, William Castle.
"[…] Matinee appears to represent a maturity upon Joe Dante's part. While it never leaves the Famous Monsters fanboy territory that Dante has staked out behind, it is more substantial as a story than all of Dante's other films. It is less a film about monster movie fannish enthusiasm than it is about the era the films came from. Indeed, one gets the impression it could almost be a film about Joe Dante's own childhood. It has a nicely structured screenplay that enjoyably twists and turns through the awkwardness of asking girls out, first kisses, dealing with annoying younger brothers, juvenile delinquency, the madness that took people's imagination during the Cuban Missile Crisis era and, of course, a love of monster movies. It is the first of Joe Dante's films that actually touches base with the subtext of the films he loves. [Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review]"
Raging Bull, which has the movie on its Best Films of 1993 list, raves that Matinee is "A rare artistic effort for children, capturing not only the magic of 1950's low budget horror films, but also the pleasure of viewing them in the theatre. […] There are in jokes for followers of horror and politics, […] much of Dante's comedy is built around comparing and contrasting the absurdity of adults with the indifference of children. […] Matinee is the kind of film that makes you want to be young again because it's one of the few that seems to truly remember what being a kid was like. It hits on things like how you felt closer to people you didn't truly know, and even understands that you hated family films because they were candy-coated corn."
About the music: "The original score was composed by Jerry Goldsmith. Several cues from previous films were also used, arranged and conducted by Dick Jacobs, including 'Main Title' from Son of Dracula (1943 / trailer); 'Visitors' from It Came from Outer Space (1953 / trailer); 'Main Title' from Tarantula (1955 / trailer); 'Winged Death' from The Deadly Mantis (1957 / trailer); two cues from This Island Earth (1955 / trailer), 'Main Title' and 'Shooting Stars'; and three cues from the Creature from the Black Lagoon trilogy: 'Monster Attack' from Creature from the Black Lagoon(1954 / trailer); 'Main Title' from Revenge of the Creature (1955 / trailer); and 'Stalking the Creature' from The Creature Walks Among Us (1956 / trailer). [Wikipedia]"
Trailer to The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953),
which is seen in the movie:


Runaway Daughters
(1994, dir. Joe Dante)
 
"Rebel Highway was a short-lived revival of American International Pictures created and produced by Lou Arkoff, the son of Samuel Z. Arkoff (12 June 1918 – 16 Sept 2001), and Debra Hill for the Showtime network in 1994. The concept was a 10-week series of 1950s 'drive-in classic' B-movies remade 'with a '90s edge'. […] Arkoff and Hill invited several directors to pick a title from one of Samuel Arkoff's films, hire their own writers and create a story that could resemble the original if they wanted. In addition, they had the right to a final cut […]. Each director was given a $1.3 million budget and 12 days to shoot it with a cast of young, up-and-coming actors and actresses. [Wikipedia]" Among the directors: Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror [2007]), John McNaughton, (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer [1986 / trailer] and Wild Things [1998 / trailer]) and William Friedkin (Good Times [1967] and The Boys in the Band [1970 / trailer]) — the list of future names among the various casts is extensive. 
Trailer to Dante's
Runaway Daughters (1994):
A remake of Edward L. Cahn's 1956 B-film of the same name from 1956 (trailer below), Dante's extremely loose "remake", also set in 1956, was originally aired on 12 Aug 1994 and eventually, in 2005, had its DVD release. Dick Miller, seen below from the film, is on hand playing Roy Farrell, a private detective hired to find the runaway girls. In a bit of meta-deco, at the drive-in theater playing I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957 / trailer), among the posters hanging at the Skyline Drive-In movie theater are two in which Dick Miller had lead roles: Rock All Night (1957, see Part I) and Naked Paradise (1957, see Part I).
The basic plot: "Three girls (Julie Bowen, Holly Fields, and Jenny Lewis) spend their nights chasing boys at the drive-in. When one of the girls gets pregnant by her boyfriend, he skips town and joins the Navy. They find out he’s about to ship out and they go on a road trip to the naval base to confront him. Since their uptight parents would never dream of allowing them on such a jaunt, the girls concoct an elaborate false kidnapping plot to cover their tracks. [Video Vacuum]"
 Trailer to
Cahn's Runaway Daughters (1956) — and more:
The Pink Smoke, which complains that "the films [of Rebel Highway] are of extremely variable quality and many of the directors seem to be unclear if they're supposed to be delivering winking camp, nostalgia pieces or modernized updates," nevertheless thinks that "Dante's film is probably the best in the series if only because of his innate talent for all three styles: Runaway Daughters blends the cinephile nostalgia of Matinee with the goofiness of The 'Burbswith a distinctly modern knowingness. It's a broad comedy full of deep emotions, the over-riding emotion being a love for old movies, a love for dusty archetypes and faded movie stars, for drive-in movie theaters and sullen teenager greasers, for saddle shoes and headstrong girls. […] It's an episodic road movie that has no problem placing the girls in situations ranging from the silly (paranoid backwoods survivalists!) to the horrifying (ugh — rapist cops), shifting gears moment to moment with each twist of their road-trip in a stolen coup."
 
Neither the 1956 version (poster above) or Dante's reboot of Runaways Daughters had anything to do with the obscure, completely forgotten and possibly lost exploiter from 1968 by the great non-great Barry Mahon (5 Feb 1921 – 4 Dec 1999), Prowl Girls, which was filmed and possibly also released at one point as Runaway Daughters. (As Chateau Vulgaria notes, the in the trailer to Prowl Girls included in 1993's Twisted Sex Vol 3 compilation, and that the "narration gives the title as Runaway Daughters".)Distributed by Chancellor Films and yet to see a DVD or VHS or streaming service release, someone at TV Guide once saw Mahon's Runaway Daughters / Prowl Girls  and wrote: "A thoroughly unpleasant film about a teenage girl who rejects her middle-class lifestyle to live with her ex-drug pusher boy friend in an East Village hovel. He concocts a profitable scheme to separate well-to-do businessmen from their cash under the guise of social rehabilitation. When the girl discovers his racket, she runs off with one of the businessmen. She is tracked down by her former boy friend's associates and injected with a lethal dose of heroin. Completely unredeeming and ineptly made." Sounds like our kind of film...


Shake, Rattle and Rock!
(1994, dir. Allan Arkush)

As mentioned above in the entry on Runaway Daughters, "Rebel Highway was a short-lived revival of American International Pictures created and produced by Lou Arkoff, the son of Samuel Z. Arkoff (12 June 1918 – 16 Sept 2001), and Debra Hill for the Showtime network in 1994. The concept was a 10-week series of 1950s 'drive-in classic' B-movies remade 'with a '90s edge'. […] Arkoff and Hill invited several directors to pick a title from one of Samuel Arkoff's films, hire their own writers and create a story that could resemble the original if they wanted. In addition, they had the right to a final cut […]. Each director was given a $1.3 million budget and 12 days to shoot it with a cast of young, up-and-coming actors and actresses. [Wikipedia]"
Trailer to Arkush's
Shake, Rattle and Rock! (1994):
Allan Arkush, like his regular compatriot and fellow Corman Factory graduate Dante, was also one of the various directors given a chance to redo an AIP exploiter from the 50s, and he did this one, a remake of yet another Edward L. Cahn B-film, Shake, Rattle and Rock! (1956). Ironically enough, both the original version of Shake, Rattle and Rock! and the original version of Runaway Daughters were originally released as a double feature. Arkush's TV movie version, however, was aired two weeks after Dante's Runaway Daughters, on 26 August 1994 — and eventually released on DVD in 2001.
Full, original, public-domain version of
Cahn's Shake, Rattle and Rock! (1956):
Dick Miller shows up to play Officer Walter Paisley Arkush's the remake, one of many familiar faces also previously found in Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979, see Part VI), a film that shares this film's basic adults vs. teens & R'n'R narrative, if in settings decades apart.
Nights and Weekends has the plot: "Renée Zellweger [on her way to Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994 / trailer)] stars as Susan, a bubbly, redheaded '50s teenager who lives for rock 'n' roll music. Every day after school, she tells her mother she's going to the library — then she hurries out with her friends to dance on the local dance show, The 3 O'Clock Hop, hosted by Danny Klay (Howie Mandel). She and her friends even play in a band — and they're convinced that they'll be famous someday (if only they could find a place to practice). But then Susan's mother (Nora Dunnof Die, Mommie, Die! [2003 / trailer]) and her group of June-Cleaver-like friends catch Susan dancing on TV during their afternoon game of dominoes. Shocked by Susan's appearance on the show (where they actually allow black musicians to appear in the same room as their children!) and by her choice of friends — like the motorcycle-riding bad-boy, Lucky (creepily played by aging punk rocker John Doe [of The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)]) — Susan's mother decides to put her foot down. Unless Susan cleans up her act, her mother vows to rip up Susan's college applications and make her live at home and attend the local junior college. When Susan's friend and drummer, Tony (Max Perlich of Ninja Cheerleaders [2008] and Seven Mummies [2006]), finds a closed Chinese restaurant where the band can practice and perform, the battle for rock 'n' roll is on."
Over at All Movie, Buzz McClain raves: "Shake, Rattle & Rock! captures much of the campy, cult vibe it obviously intended to create […]. What makes the film work, however, is the youthful exuberance of its star, Renee Zellweger, who makes the most of this early opportunity by radiating energy and charm in every scene. The topical issues — racism, oppressive conservatism, rebellious youth — are handled gently but not brushed aside, giving just enough seriousness for the farce to bounce off. The music […] is the heart and soul of the film, and it's used perfectly. A bright, fast-moving production with a cast as perky as its star, Shake, Rattle & Rock! deserves a look."
From the soundtrack to Rebel Highway
Iggy Pop singing C'mon Everybody:
Others, like Teenage Frankenstein, are less enamored: "Renee Zellweger […] fares surprisingly well in this made-for-TV quickie. Her beauty, charm, and energy (all of which would disappear in a few years) carries what is otherwise middle-of-the-road fare. The story manages to rip off both Hairspray (1988 / trailer) and Cry-Baby (1990 / trailer) without including the already minor camp or outrageousness from John Waters in that period. […] It was made on the cheap for television and shows. In addition, there is (as with Hairspray) a subplot involving racism, which is presented here in such a simplistic manner it becomes rather offensive by itself. I couldn't hate this film because again Zellweger is enjoyable to watch by herself. Also, there is an interesting b-list cast, […] a guest appearance by Paul Anka, John Doe from L.A. punkers X, Riki Rachtman as Eddie Cochran (a casting decision ranking as one of the low points of western civilization), and Howie Mandel. Mandel here looks like Steve Vincent of Space Thing (1968 / 5.5 minutes) and Mantis in Lace (1968 / trailer below) fame."
Trailer to
Mantis in Lace a.k.a. Lila:


Attack of the 5 Ft. 2 In. Women
(1994, dirs. Julie Brown & Richard Wenk)  
Like, as if you didn't know: the title of this comedic TV movie is a reference to the classic B-film starring the stunning Alice Hayes (6 Marc 1930 — 27 Feb 1977), Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958 / trailer) — a factoid we present only as an excuse to embed a picture of her below.
Co-director Julie Brown also co-wrote the script (with some guy named Charlie Coffey) to Attack of the 5 Ft. 2 Women and stars as the respective lead characters (Tonya Hardly & Lenora Babbitt) of the respective segments of this two-segment "comedy"; her co-director Richard Wenk, the man who helmed the underappreciated Grace Jones horror comedy Vamp (1986 / trailer), has since gone on to scripting A-production B-films. Dick Miller, by the way, shows up somewhere to play someone named Officer Murphy.
TVGuide has the plots to this two-segment pay TV movie: "Julie Brown plays the title roles in two spoofs: 'Tonya: The Battle of Wounded Knee,' about a figure skater who plots to cripple her competition, and 'He Never Give Me Orgasm: The Lenora Babbitt Story,' about a woman and her unfaithful husband." The film, particularly the Babbitt segment, offers a humorous but insightful study of the long-term psychological effects of wife-beating and inter-marriage sexual abuse. (Not!)
Julie Brown sings Queen of the Ice
from Tonya: The Battle of Wounded Knee:
We would have liked to present a female take on the movie, but we could only find one review of the thing, at it was written by someone with a penis, who says: "[Attack of the 5 Ft. 2 In. Women] is presented as a double feature, in which two different stories are told. Both feature the same actress as the main lead but are basically not connected in any way. The only thing that connects them, expect for the same main lead actress, is how incredibly bad they are. It's almost as if there was no script ready at the time of the shooting and the stories just never get off the ground, since they are just far from something interesting. They progress in a very childish way, as if it was made only for people with an incredibly low IQ score. How can you watch and honestly like a movie like this? The movie tries to be funny in basically every scene, which is overkill. And on top of that, the movie obviously isn't that funny. It's comedy is oh so predictable and again incredibly lame and childish. If you let a 6 year old come up with a comedy, he or she would probably come up with a movie like this. [Bobafett]"


Mona Must Die
(1994, dir. Donald Reiker)
Dick Smith plays Father Stilicato in this obscure, German-flavored independent production that almost no one outside of Germany seems to have seen. The German title, Ein fast perfektes Verhältnis, translates into "An Almost Perfect Affair".
Over at All Movie, Sandra Brennan has the plot: "A wife finds herself highly expendable as her husband and his lover continually bungle their attempts at murder in this black comedy. Mona (Marianne Sagebrecht of War of the Roses [1989 / trailer]), the wife, is a woman of substance who is forever trying to coerce her husband Eddie (Uwe Ochsenknecht), a selfish, shallow creep, into making love to her. He refuses. She goes to the hospital for liposuction. While she is gone, Eddie saves the life of a woman attempting suicide. She is the beautiful Rachel (Sheila Kelley of The Guest[2014 / trailer]). They become lovers. When Mona returns, Eddie lies and tells her that Rachel will be her nurse. Realizing that Mona will figure it out soon, the two lovers decide to murder her first. They try burying her in the sand, tossing her into the garbage, towing her out to sea, but nothing works."
Varietysays, "Similar frustrated death scenarios have been played to various comic effect in numerous other films, from The Ladykillers (1955 / trailer— see R.I.P. Herbert Lom) to Harold and Maude (1971 / trailer) and the Inspector Clouseau series. Here, the couple's strenuously physical efforts to dispose of their formidable prey are generally more exhausting than amusing, although there are a few good gags along the way to keep attention from flagging entirely. […] The film's funniest moments are provided by Dick Miller, in briefly as a beleaguered priest who defensively complains, 'It's getting very trendy nowadays to accuse priests of sexual improprieties with young boys.' Despite heavy sexual element, it's mostly of a caricatured and physically unrevealing nature."
But if Variety makes it sound like Mona Must Die might offer a good gag or two, Germany's Filmdienstsimply seethes that the "black comedy" is "a cheap production that promotes prejudices and relies on stereotypes" and is "humorless, psychologically implausible and weakly acted".


Midnight Runaround
(1994, dir. Frank De Palma)
Contrary to what one might assume, Frank is not Brian's untalented brother; in fact, the two aren't related. This TV movie is a sequel to the sequel — Another Midnight Run (1994 / film) — to the inexplicably popular Martin Brest movie, Midnight Run (1988 / trailer below). It was followed within the same year by, Midnight Run for Your Life (1994). The character of Jack Walsh, played by Robert De Niro in Brest's film, was taken over by Christopher McDonald (of The Faculty [1998 / trailer] and Unforgettable[1996]) in the subsequent TV movies.
Trailer to
Midnight Run (1988):
My Movies has the plot to a movie that almost no one seems to have seen (and in which Dick Miller appears plying someone named "O'Doul"): "Bounty hunter Jack Walsh (McDonald) heads for a small rural community in Oklahoma to bring back a young bail jumper (Kyle Secor), only to discover that the entire town has united to defend the young man."
Eighties Kids, in any event, is dismissive of all sequels, saying "Midnight Runwas really good, unlike its terrible sequels Another Midnight Run, Midnight Runaround and Midnight Run for Your Life, films you should definitely avoid at all costs."


Pulp Fiction
(1993, writ. & dir. Quentin Tarantino)

Perhaps the greatest of all "almost" credits that Dick Miller had. "Pulp Fiction is widely regarded as Tarantino's masterpiece, with particular praise for its screenwriting. The self-reflexivity, unconventional structure, and extensive homage and pastiche have led critics to describe it as a touchstone of postmodern film. It is often considered a cultural watershed, influencing movies and other media that adopted elements of its style. [Wikipedia]"
Indeed, not only has it had a lasting effect of filmmaking, but in no less than ten years it was already selected for preservation in the US National Film Registry by the Library of Congress (in 2013).
Trailer to
Pulp Fiction:
Tarantino's second directorial effort, Pulp Fiction is also of the time in his career when Tarantino was still interested in using selected "forgotten" actors and faces from the genre films that he so loved instead of the big Hollywood names he gravitates to now.
In any event, Dick Miller shot some scenes for the movie that never made it to the final theatrical print (though they are now found in the Outtakes presented on the Collector's Edition DVD*). Had his scenes been used, he would have showed up as Monster Joe, the owner of the auto parts yard where Winston Wolf (Harvey Keitel) disposes of the bloody car and body of Marvin (Phil LaMarr), they guy Vincent (John Travolta) accidentally shoots in the head. The name "Monster Joe" is claimed by some as an homage to the director Joe Dante, who famously has used Dick Miller in every film that he has made to date.
* And, of course,
on YouTube:

 More Dick coming soon…
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