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Misc. Film Fun: Two Levi's Advertisements

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A good film, long or short, generally succeeds on many levels: technically, emotionally, visually. On occasion, usually a rare one, commercial advertisements manage to succeed at these levels to such an extent that they literally transcend the product they're selling.
Unlike movies, however, which get released on DVD and TV and VoD or whatever new form of exploitation that arises, even the best and most popular advertisements are more or less doomed to eventual oblivion. Possibly fondly remembered by a few, but almost never seen again.
Over at Sound Identity, they speak of the nineties as "the golden age of jeans," claiming that in the nineties "denim brands had global influence and their advertising campaigns were a concentrate of brand values and creativity. Jeans were a status symbol, your chosen brand and model sent out a clear message about you, your interests and the icons that inspired you." 
Maybe, but then as before and as now we wore 501s. Which is maybe also one of the reasons why some of our favorite, fondly remembered ads of that last decade of the 20th century are those for Levi's — with Brad Pitt'sbeing one of the least memorable (despite the fact that both he and the unknown babe were three-way material).
Of the many Levi's adverts we caught pre-movie at the cinemas back then, two have remained forever ingrained in our head for transcending their function as an advertisement to become enjoyable, memorable "short films": The Creek and Mr Bombastic. Both were from the global advertising agency of BBH Bartle Bogle Hegarty, whose first job was (according to some sources) Levi's advertisement above. (BBH and Levi's worked together a total of 28 years, until 2010, when the firms parted company.)
The Creek, from 1994, supposedly also counts among the favs of BBH's very own Sir John Hegerty. It was directed by Vaughn Arnell& Anthea Benton, and uses the song Insideby Stiltskin which, if we are to believe Wikipedia, "was written by Peter Lawlor for the British […] advert Creek"; it has proven to be thei group's only Number One hit ever. The commercial itself has the feeling of a pastoral western shot by Ansel Adams.

The Creek:

Even more successful on every level was the Levi's advertisement BBH made the next year entitled Mr Bombastic, a wonderful stop-motion spot that has humor, sex, adventure, total coolness and yitloads of irony all set to the soon-to-be pop classic by Shaggy (aka Orville Burrell), Bombastic
The first animated Levi's spot ever, Mr Bombastic was directed by Deiniol Morris and Michael Mort, who went on to create the memorable if underappreciated British series of thirteen 5-minute shorts Gogs! (1995 / episode 1) which, in a convoluted manner, went on to [definitely not] inspire the Dreamworks movie The Croods (2013 / trailer). Michael Mort's feature film directorial debut, the stop-motion Chuck Steal: Night of the Trampires (trailer), a follow-up to his 15-minute short Raging Balls of Steel Justice (2013 / fullshort), is due to be released this year.

Mr Boombastic:

R.I.P.: Tobe Hooper

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25 Jan 1943 — 26 Aug 2017 

Like George Romero (4 Feb 1940 — 16 July 2017), director Hooper was possibly plagued by the fact that his first general release feature-film, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), was such a stylistic and influential masterpiece that there was no place for him to go but down. But for all the bad or mediocre or decent movies he made thereafter, he still made one more masterpiece than most directors, as well as a small number of early career horror movies of note. May he rest in peace.
 
Original Trailer to the Movie We all Know Him For — 
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): 

Short Film: The Heisters (USA, 1964)

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Four days ago, on Saturday, the 26th of August, 2017, famed horror director Tobe Hooper died — one hopes not at the hands of some x-girlfriend. In honor of the passing of this influential director of one of those horror films everyone who says they like horror must see, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), we have dug out something from the vaults: his earliest known directorial project, the 10-minute short The Heisters.
A quaint and cute and amusing exercise of slapstick surrealism as ever-so-popular in the 60s (see:  Help! My Snowman Is Burning Down, also of 1964), The Heisters is arguably an inconsequential little film, but it does reveal that the then 26-year-old Hooper had a solid grip of direction and editing. But the short's obvious indebtedness to the lush and colorful films of Hammer and Roger Corman's Poe phase — not to mention the Three Stooges and any number of silent movie comedians — does little to indicate that one day Hooper would shake the horror film world with a movie as raw and visceral and disturbing as the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was and still is. (It does, on the other hand, indicate a propensity for the lush colors found in both Eaten Alive [1976] and The Funhouse [1981], as well as the artificiality found in the first of the aforementioned movies.)
In regards to the narrative, on the other hand, scriptwriters Michael England & Hooper display a slight inability to truly combine all three characters into one movie and, instead, rely on two separate storylines that are only linked by the fact that the three characters are introduced as trio at the start of the short.
The Heisters:
Of the actors involved, the bikini babes are all unnamed so who knows whether they even went on to get married, have kids, and fall apart into old age. Of the three main actors, despite what the imdb infers by stating the good man can be found in Frederic Goode's pop music documentary Pop Gear (1965), we ourselves doubt that this Larry Ray, who plays "Villamosh Anousslavsky", is the same Larry Ray of the Californian psychedelic band Syndicate Of Sound which, in 1965, became a one-hit wonder with their classic songLittle Girl.
Syndicate of Sound performing
Little Girl:
Of the other two actors, Norris Domingue (22 Jun 1925 — 12 Apr 2009) went on to become a character actor of small note seen somewhere in movies such as The Kiss (1988 / trailer), The Amityville Curse (1990 / trailer), Twists of Terror (1997 / scene), The Case of the Whitechapel Vampire (2002 / full TV movie), and the cheap but unjustly forgotten independent horror, Enter the Devil (1972 / 5 minutes).

Ninja Cheerleaders (USA, 2008)

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OK, if you're expecting anything along the lines of similarly R-rated and entitled exploiters like Zombie Strippers (2008 / trailer) or Zombeavers (2014 / trailer) — or even the 2002 no budget flick Cheerleader Ninjas  (trailer) or the schlocky PG-rated grindhouse piece o' fluff Satan's Cheerleaders (1977 / trailer) — you're going to in for a surprise. Ninja Cheerleaders, the feature-film directorial debut of David Presley ("1986 Guinness Book of World Record holder for highest score on the video game Timepilot '84"), who also wrote and produced the decidedly thin movie, is neither all that sleazy nor that violent nor in particularly bad taste nor over-the-top funny.
Which is not to say that it doesn't entertain, for it does, but in the end, by the time the final scene rolls around promising a sequel that will never be, the taste of this lightly liberal-leaning movie is already dissipating like water-thinned Chardonnay. In any event, this slightly sweet, good-humored movie hardly deserves its R-rating — PG-13, maybe — and could easily be shared with most kids. Hell, Satan's Cheerleadersis a harder film than this baby, but then that was the 1970s and PG showed more those days: our society wasn't as prudish then as it is now.
"Lightly liberal-leaning movie?" What? How can a movie about three babelicious cheerleaders — Courtney (Trishelle Cannatella), April (Ginny Weirick of Dark Moon Rising [2009 / trailer]) and Monica (Maitland McConnell of The Curse of Chucky [2013 / trailer]) — moonlighting as strippers to earn money to go to college be "liberal leaning", you may ask, even if the three cheerleaders are super intelligent and butt-kicking ninjas at the same time? Well, alone the fact that the wise gay minority granddad of today's America, George Takei, is on hand should reveal that as exploitive as the plot sounds, the exploitive elements are downplayed in this comic fantasy adventure. Indeed, the girls are very much in charge of their own sexuality and, whenever confronted by the average, everyday (white) American male sleazeball who thinks that all sexy girls are sluts for the taking, they are more than able to defend themselves. (They may sexy, but they aren't sex toys.)
Indeed, but for the oddly attractive cop Det. Harris (Larry Poindexter of Sorceress [1995 / trailer]) and the double-dealing bad guy Victor Lazzaro (character actor Michael Paré of Village of the Damned [1995 / trailer], Bad Moon [1996 / trailer] and BloodRayne: The Third Reich [2011 / trailer]), all the white guys who have any spoken lines are obnoxious assholes: sailors out to rape, horny jocks, a horny coach on the make (Michael FitzGibbon), an  abusive alcoholic father (Dion DeRizzo). In turn, the minorities are all cool: the only good-guy sailor is black, as is Manny the Doorman (Omar J. Dorsey), and the cheerleader's ninja sensei Hiroshi (George Takei) is, of course, Asian American. Even the evil ninja Kinja (Natasha Chang), though out to kill our three intrepid heroines, at least takes them seriously — as does Det. Harris by the end of the movie, and bad guy Lazzaro from the start.
Ninja Cheerleaders is hardly a good movie; like its grandma, Satan's Cheerleaders, it is far more an inconsequential and mildly funny piece of fluff. The three leads do fine it their part, exuding perkiness where needed and excelling when playing dumb. Ginny Weirick's attempts to have April express seething anger at possibly losing her financing for Brown University (and thus have to work for another year as a stripper) are a bit less successful, as she seems more constipated than angry. (Still, she takes shit from no one.) The fight choreography has a few too many cases of people attacking one by one instead of at the same time, and truly pales in comparison to any and all Hong Kong flicks we've seen, even the worst. Director Presley also has an annoying penchant for moving his camera for no reason. Remember that circular camera Brian De Palma uses in the original Carrie (1976 / trailer) that moves around the dancing Carrie and her date? In Carrie, it had reason: it was used to symbolize the dizzy, heady experience being had by Carrie. Presley does the same circling at least twice for no reason at all, to the visual detriment of the scene(s): he is obviously less concerned that the camerawork actually assists the story than simply to have some sort of obvious camerawork. In the case of his circling camera, it is car-sickness-inducing flash for no reason — in other words: unnecessary and annoying.
And, oddly, enough: the movie has both too much and too little bare breast. That the three heroines can earn their college money and win a state-wide stripper contest dancing as dully as the do, and without ever showing any breast, is beyond believability, though acceptable in the fantasy narrative that the movie maintains. In turn, by asking the viewer to accept this fantasy, the filmmakers then undermine it by having double-Ds flash by in the occasional cross-scene wipes and by having a later scene of a guy lolling around with two topless strippers while telephoning with our heroines. When it comes to love pillows, the filmmakers obviously either wanted to have their cake and eat it, too, or the actual age of their stars got in the way of any exploitive nude scenes. (Trishelle Cannatella, by the way, you can find nekkid online.)
Still, Ninja Cheerleaders is a decent if light and breezy B-movie about friendship and female empowerment. The cheerleaders know and understand the sexist world they live it, as well as the futurelessness of the white patriarchy of America and their own lower-working class background. Its innate baseness and blindness might annoy them, but they'll work with it as far as they want to, have to, and then kick butt or bust some balls.
Who needs the brainless, inferior white American male of today? Trump might, but the Ninja Cheerleaders don't.

R.I.P.: Tobe Hooper, Part I: 1964–1982

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Tobe Hooper

25 Jan 1943 — 26 Aug 2017

Like George Romero (4 Feb 1940 — 16 July 2017), director Hooper was possibly plagued by the fact that his first general release feature-film, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), was such a stylistic and influential masterpiece that there was no place for him to go but down. But for all the bad or mediocre movies he made, he still made more one more masterpiece than most directors, as well as a small number of early career horror movies of note. May he rest in peace.




The Heisters 
(1964, dir. Tobe Hooper) 
When you see the image above, do you think of Top Secret (1984 / trailer) or Hammer Films'Curse of Frankenstein (1957 / trailer) and/or Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974 / trailer)?Chosen as our Short Film of the Month for August 2017, please go there to read about the film and/or to watch it.




Eggshells
(1969, dir & write Tobe Hooper)
While Chainsaw may be Hooper's "first general release feature-film", this once-thought-lost hippie art film is his actual feature-film debut; it just never really got released anywhere much outside of Austin, where it was made. Shot on a budget of 40 thousand bucks.
Screen Jabber has the "plot"— or lack of one: "There isn't a whole lot to the plot as, quite frankly, there isn't much of one. For reasons unknown, a kind of transparent bulb, presumably from space, appears in the basement of a house and begins harvesting an incomprehensible power that affects the rowdy, dope-smoking residents. The bulb emits an incredible light show that alters their minds and changes the way they think. Whether or not mundane conversations in bathtubs about communism are down to the influence of the mysterious bulb is up to you, but driving for miles, veering onto a field, setting the car on fire, taking your clothes off and running away before it explodes is definitely, definitely down to the bulb."
Trivia: Future Chainsaw co-scribe Kim Henkel plays a writer in Eggshells. He and Hooper seem to be the only ones involved that continued to work in film.
The Austin Chronicles gushes, "Eggshells is a true 1968 film, psychedelic and political; it seems clear that Hooper had watched more than a film or two by Jean-Luc Godard. The film celebrates alternative lifestyles and politics and people and an odd, kinky semi-mysticism that is grounded more in humor than the supernatural. It captures what Austin looked like in the Sixties as well as the political sensibility shared by so many at the time. [...] As a period piece and/or as a psychedelic film and/or as a first effort by a gifted director, the film is well worth watching. But there is something more going on. Throughout Eggshells are the kinds of telltale camera movements, manipulations of POV, casually intricate cutting, and scenes that are mystifying and haunted, elements that all come to fruition in Chainsaw, where they harmoniously work together to create that horror film masterpiece."





Peter, Paul, & Mary: Song is Love
(1970)
The image above is not from the documentary, but of the album from which the song originates that eventually became the title of the documentary.
At YouTube, where the clip below is found, which is from the documentary, they write: "Peter, Paul & Mary — The Great Mandala— written by Peter Yarrow. Fred W. Miller, media producer, convinced Peter, Paul & Mary to allow him to make a documentary of their music and activism. That documentary, called The Song is Love, was among the first films made on Peter, Paul and Mary. The film, shot and directed by Tobe Hooper, aired on PBS for ten years starting in Easter 1970. The Song is Love was a major fund-raising event for PBS during the seventies."
PP&M Singing, from
the Documentary:

Over at The Austin Chronicle, Anne S. Lewis, a former "associate minister at First Baptist Church in charge of youth and media", writes: "This is a film — shot in cinéma vérité style, with lots of concert performances — that'll take you back. There's Peter, wire-rimmed and mustachioed, full of himself and his role as troubadour of social change; Paul, balding, fu-manchu-ed, and oh-so-earnest about the importance of being 'real'; and the still-mesmerizing Mary, her fabulous face framed by those famous blond bangs and, like her voice, full of the Sixties. [...] The film was directed by Tobe Hooper and mainly shot by Tobe and Ron Perryman. Their heroes were D.A. Pennebaker and the Maysles brothers. I had never heard of any of these folks."
Peter, Paul & Mary sing
The Song Is Love:




The Windsplitter
(1971, writ. & dir. Julius D. Feigelson)
Tobe Hooper makes a rare appearance as an actor in this regional flick by J.D. Feigelson, who is still active as a producer and writer. Among other things, he wrote Larry N. Stouffer's disasterpiece Horror High (1973 / trailer), the abysmal Wes Craven TV flick Chiller  (1985), the fun Nightmare on the 13th Floor (1990 / full film), and the oddly popular Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981 / trailer).
A Scene from 
The Windsplitter: 

It's amazing how much trouble "long" hair used to get you into; it was almost as troublesome as being Black. TV Guide has the plot: "Bobby Joe (James McMullan) is a respectable small town kid who heads to Hollywood, makes it big as an actor, and returns home to Houston to crown the homecoming queen. The townspeople are repulsed when they find him to be a long-haired motorcyclist and a threat to their old-fashioned ways, and they use vigilante-type tactics to make him leave."
Hooper is seen somewhere in this film no one has ever seen playing some guy named "Joby".




Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(1974, writ. & dir. Tobe Hooper)
Based on a true story... sort of. It just didn't happen in Texas, nor was a chainsaw involved. Three years later,  Wes Craven would look to the legendary Sawney Bean clan of Scotland for his tale of backlands cannibalism, The Hills Have Eyes (1977 / trailer), Tobe Hooper stuck a bit closer to home for the inspiration for Leatherface: Ed Gein (27 Aug 1906 — 26 Jul 1984) of Wisconsin, who also inspired Psycho (1960 / trailer) and Silence of the Lambs (1991 / trailer), among other flicks, not mention a number movie about he himself alone, such as Deranged (1974 / trailer), In the Light of the Moon aka Ed Gein (2000 / trailer), and Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield (2007 / trailer).
Original Trailerto
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974):
Although Hooper generally gets all the limelight, some credit should be given to the generally overlooked Kim Henkel, who cowrote the screenplay with Hooper. (He also acted for Hooper in his earlier Eggshells [1969] and co-wrote his later Eaten Alive [1976].) Films of note Henkel later wrote include The Butcher Boys (2012 / trailer) and, supposedly and uncredited, The Unseen (1980 / trailer).
The cast and crew were all unknown and local, with only Gunnar Hanson (4 March 1947 — 7 Nov 2015), as Leatherface, and Marilyn Burns (7 May 1949 — 5 Aug 2014) as Sally, the Final Girl, ever achieving any subsequent success. (Actually, other than for Hooper, the narrator, John Larroquette, had the most post-Chainsaw success of them all, but does he really count as part of the movie?)
For all its legendary violence and gore, little onscreen blood is seen: it is more the sustained mood of crazed terror that makes the movie so effective and affective. And while for the most part panned for its "pornographic violence" when it was released, and despite being banned left and right, it became a financial hit, eventually grossing over $30 million in North America. "Who got all the money" is a question many involved have long asked themselves. The answer? The same folks who got all the money from that classic film starring Linda Lovelace & Harry Reems, Deep Throat (1972): the Colombo crime family.
The plot, as supplied by the ever-reliable Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review: "Sally Hardesty (Marilyn Burns) and her paraplegic brother Franklin (Paul A. Partain [22 Nov 1946 — 28 Jan 2005]), along with Sally's boyfriend and another couple, Kirk (William Vail) and Pam (Teri McMinn), travel across Texas to visit their childhood home. They pick up a hitchhiker (Edwin Neal) who proves crazed and tries to set fire to the van and slashes his own and Franklin's wrists before jumping out. They continue on to the homestead. Kirk and Pam go searching for a waterhole and inadvertently cross onto another property where a huge man in a leather mask (Gunnar Hanson) smashes Kirk over the head with a hammer and then impales Pam on a meathook to watch while he cuts Kirk's body up with a chainsaw. The others receive a similar fate from the leather-faced man and his bizarre family, culminating in the prolonged torture and pursuit of Sally."
Outtakes from
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre:




Eaten Alive
(1976, dir. Tobe Hooper)

"Name's Buck… and I'm rarin' to fuck."
(Buck / Robert Englund) 

Not to be confused with Umberto Lenzi's cannibal epos Eaten Alive! (1980 / trailer). Aka Death Trap, Legend of the Bayou, Horror Hotel, and Starlight Slaughter— and sometimes even Crocodile, though we are not sure the groovy, handpainted poster from Ghana above is really from this movie. The line of dialogue above, by the way, might sound familiar: the hospital attendant paraphrases it in Tarantino's Kill Bill: Vol. I (2003 / trailer). The great comedy Tucker & Dale vs Evil (2010) makes a visual reference to this movie (compare the scythes).
Unlike TCM, Eaten Alive is as bloody as hell and intensely artificial looking — art-house horror, you might say. Not everyone's cup of tea, needless to say, and it was less than well received when it came out. Today, as with a few other of his maligned movies, Eaten Alive is gaining reappraisal and approval: the common consensus is that of a flawed by intriguing Southern Gothic imbued in art house artificiality.
Like TCM, Eaten Alive was inspired by a true story, only this time around it wasn't used as a selling point. Here, the less known story of Joe Ball  (5 Jan 1896 — 24 Sept 1938) was lightly mined. Ball (aka the "Alligator Man", the "Butcher of Elmendorf", and the "Bluebeard of South Texas"), a former bootlegger who opened a bar called Sociable Inn in Elmendorf, Texas, after the end of the Prohibition, he is known to have killed two women, but believed to have killed as many as 20, feeding their bodies to the six alligators he had in his own self-built pond.
Screen adaptation by Kim Henkel, written by Alvin L. Fast (who also helped pen Black Shampoo [1976 / trailer& Satan's Cheerleaders [1977 / trailer], among others) and Mohammed Rustam (associate producer of The Female Bunch [1971 / trailer] & Dracula vs Frankenstein [1971] and director of Evils of the Night [1985 / trailer], among other craptastic films).
Tobe Hooper's first Hollywood film was still an independent feature, but it was nevertheless shot "entirely on the sound-stages of Raleigh Studios in Hollywood, California, which had a large-scale pool that could double as a swamp" with a cast to marvel: a young and unknown Robert Englund, a forgotten Janus Blythe (of The Hills Have Eyes Part I [1977 / trailer] and The Incredible Melting Man [1977 / trailer]), cult heavy Neville Brand (13 Aug 1920 — 16 Apr 1992), a slumming Mel Ferrer (25 Aug 1917 — 2 June 2008), Carolyn "Morticia" Jones (28 April 1930 — 3 Aug 1983), cult tough guy Stuart Maxwell Whitman, exploitation babe Roberta "Matilda the Hun" Collins (17 Nov 1944 — 16 Aug 2008) and, least notable of them all, Kyle Richards as the endangered child.
As Trailers from Hell claims, "Tobe Hooper's undeservedly obscure follow-up to his groundbreaking independent Texas Chainsaw Massacre is an intensely bleak, studio-bound Hollywood B-movie concoction. But it's still bizarre and crazy and Neville Brand is on some other performance planet as the mad killer."
Trailer to
Eaten Alive:
Eaten Alive was also the first Hooper movie to suffer Chinese Whispers. (Oops! Is that a racist term!) As was to become a common occurrence, Hooper had difficulties with the producers and "according to makeup artist Craig Reardon, cinematographer Robert Caramico (10 Dec 1932 — 18 Oct 1997) directed several scenes due to creative differences between Tobe Hooper and the film's producers." Caramico's only other known directorial experience is the 1970 skin-heavy "documentary"The Sex Rituals of the Occult (29.5 minutes).
A love it or hate it flick: no one who's seen Eaten Alive seems to be indifferent about this baby — with the possible exception of The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre, which says the movie is "Of Some Interest" and that "Tobe Hooper's follow-up to Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the closest in plot and mood but somehow loses the grit and realism amidst too much style and bizarreness that is almost surreal. A local seedy hotel is owned by a madman who tends to mumble on and on about nonsense, and who owns an insatiable crocodile to whom he feeds all his guests. This movie visits this location on a very busy night where sometimes the clients are crazier than the hotel owner. Lots of madness, gore and twistedness ensues."
Now that Hooper's short film The Heisters (1964) is easily available, the artificiality of the setting and the luscious colors found in Eaten Alive, both such an antithesis to everything found in TCM, no longer seem so out of place in a Hooper film or alien to Hooper's style.




Salem's Lot
(1979, dir. Tobe Hooper)
Dunno, everyone says it was a good film, but when we caught the original airing on CBS on November 17 and 24 of 1979 (at the tender age of 17), we found it a snoozer. But then, we had a rinky-dinky B&W TV, never did like David Soul as an actor, and we were by then already regular weekend denizens of the now long-gone grindhouses that once populated downtown San Diego. (Back then, they were about the only thing we liked about that conservative armpit of a city.) Or maybe it was just the commercial breaks that killed the movie for us...
It was followed in 1987 by Larry Cohen's black comedy A Return to Salem's Lot (trailer), which we didn't like much, either.
Hooper filmed many scenes in two versions, the softer for TV and the "harder" one for the eventual European edit, which was released as a stand-alone feature film instead of a two part television horror drama.
Trailer to
Salem's Lot:
Needless to say, the TV two-parter & subsequent film were based on Stephen King's best seller, one of his early and better books. The screenplay was written by Paul Monasch (14 June 1917 — 14 Jan 2003), who supposedly did un-credited work on the far superior King adaptation of Carrie (1976 / trailer).
Mondo Digital has the plot of the re-edited 4-hour version, which got released as a DVD (re-edited in that the harder; European scenes replaced the wimpy TV ones): "Ben Mears (David Soul), one of King's usual tortured novelists, returns to his home of Salem's Lot [...]. While striking up a romance with the lovely Susan Norton (Bonnie Bedelia), he begins to suspect that something may be amiss in the town. Residents are turning up dead, drained of blood, while others are listless and stay indoors all day. A young monster movie fan, Mark Petrie (Lance Kerwin), even spies one of his dead friends floating outside his bedroom window and scratching on the glass (a great image). Ben deduces that this macabre transformation may have something to do with the arrival of Mr. Barlow, a mysterious antique dealer living in the spooky old Marsden house? And what about Straker (James Mason), his suave but menacing right hand man? Ben, Mark, and a handful of the others decide to infiltrate the old house, only to uncover a very nasty surprise."
Today, we wouldn't mind seeing the movie again if only to see the great Marie Windsor (11 Dec 1919 10 Dec 2000), whom we've since become a fan of. The mysterious Reggie Nalder (4 Sept 1907 — 19 Nov 1991), admittedly effective, affective and memorable as the vampire Barlow, can also be found in a number of better films than Salem's Lot, including The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956 / trailer), Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970 / trailer) the German exploitation classic Hexen bis aufs Blut gequält / Mark of the Devil (1970 / trailer) and its sequel Hexen geschändet und zu Tode gequält / Mark of the Devil Part II (1973 / trailer), and Fellini's Casanova (1976 / trailer), and funner but worse films like Dracula's Dog / Zoltan, Hound of Dracula (1977 / trailer), Phillip Marshak's hardcore Dracula Sucks (1978 / edited trailer below), and Andy Sidaris'Seven (1979 / trailer) — any of which we would prefer to watch before movie.
Strangely enough, though Salem's Lot was well received and proved Hooper capable of delivering Hollywood product (even if only for TV), people still whispered dark things about him, rumors that increased with his next project...
Not by Tobe Hooper —
edited trailer to

Dracula Sucks:




The Dark 
(1979, dir. John Cardos)
(Aka The Mutilator.) Or should we say Tobe Hooper's first non-project? Tobe Hooper took the helm when production of this turkey, only to be subsequently replaced by the "versatile and underrated B-movie Renaissance man"— translate: trash film multi-semi-talent — John "Bud" Carlos. We remember him fondly as the psycho Native American biker with a Mohawk in the great sleaze-fest, Satan's Sadists (1969 / trailer), but hís most lasting success is undoubtedly the "classic" nature-gone-wild flick starring William Shatner, Kingdom of the Spiders (1977 / trailer), while his great and trashy Wiings Hauser D-flick, Mutant aka Night Shadows (1982 / trailer), remains tragically underappreciated.
TV Guide has the plot: "Science-fiction/horror film has an alien that looks like a werewolf in blue jeans running around Los Angeles murdering people, either ripping the heads off its victims or burning them to a crisp with its laser vision. Thrown into this nightmare is a good cast headed by an author (William Devane), television newscaster (Cathy Lee Crosby), and frustrated policeman (Richard Jaeckel [10 Oct 1926 — 14 June 1997]). The three are all trying to solve the mystery of the murders. The answer, which tells us what, but not how or why, comes when Devane and Crosby are trapped by the creature in a deserted house. The cops ineffectually shoot at it with their conventional weapons, until suddenly the alien self-destructs into thin air, leaving the film open for a sequel."
The plot description totally fails to mention the psychic (Jacquelyn Hyde [19 Mar 1931 — 23 Feb 1992] of House of Terror [1973]) that tells them where to find the alien cause, well, psychics know stuff like that.
Trailer to
The Dark:
According to imdb (Date: 08.29.2017), "In the screenplay stage and all the way through to production The Dark's antagonist was an abused, autistic child who had been locked in an attic for his entire life. His house was to burn down, allowing to him to escape and take his vengeance upon the unfamiliar outside world."
 
In general, however, the consensus is that the original version of the movie echoes the novelization, in which "the Mutilator" is a Confederate zombie decapitating people with an axe. But then Alien (1979 / trailer) came out, and aliens were suddenly hip — so scenes were shot, redubbed, and re-edited and the dead guy's face freezes and cheap rays shoot from his/its eyes. Cheesy to the max.
 
Unknown Movies says, "The movie was made by FVI (like Manson Pictures, they were a poor man's Crown International Pictures during the 70s) […]. The Dark is so earnest and so serious, it becomes boring. Didn't anyone — the director, the screenwriter, or even the actors — see any amusement in the plot premise, being about a serial killing alien who decapitates people with laser beams from his eyes? I guess not […]. It's amazing that almost nothing ever happens in this movie."
 
By the way: "In 1984, Film Ventures International was on the verge of collapse due to financial issues including the release failure of Great White (1982 / trailer), the poor box office performance of Montoro's final film Mutant [directed by Carlos!] and his pending divorce settlement. Montoro eventually embezzled over one million dollars from the FVI bank accounts and vanished, never to be seen again. Film Ventures International officially closed its doors in 1985. To this day, Montoro's whereabouts remain unknown, though it is believed he fled to Mexico in early 1987 under a false name. It is not even known if he is still alive. (Wikipedia)"
For whatever reason Hooper left the movie, there were now rumors upon old rumors…




The Thing
(1982, dir. John Carpenter)
For a while, John Carpenter's career sort of emulated that of Hooper: after taking the genre film world by storm with the original Assault on Precinct 13 (1976 / trailer) and Halloween (1978 / trailer), and the subsequent success of The Fog (1980 / trailer) and Escape from New York (1981 / trailer), with The Thing he suddenly became a director about whom the everyone loved to slag off. But then, he also made some real crap after The Thing, especially in the 1990s (e.g., Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992 / trailer), Village of the Damned (1995) and Escape from L.A. (1996 / trailer).
The Thing, rather critical and financial disappointment in its day, eventually enjoyed reevaluation and an improved reputation, if not total cult film status — something that has occurred to a limited extent with some of his other past "misfires", including Big Trouble in Little China (1986 / trailer), They Live (1988 / trailer) and In the Mouth of Madness (1995 / trailer).
The Thing, of course, is a remake of the 1951 movie The Thing from Another World (trailer), itself a loose adaptation of John W. Campbell, Jr.'s novella Who Goes There? A little known — unknown? — fact is that before John Carpenter was given The Thing, Tobe Hooper was in the running to make the movie. Indeed, he and Kim Henkel, the man with whom he wrote Chainsaw, got as far as writing and submitting their own script.
There's a blogsite out there called The Original Fan, "A Producer's Guide to the Evolution and Production of John Carpenter's The Thing", from Stuart Cohen, a co-producer of the movie who, basically, was the instigator and driving force behind getting The Thingmade. According to him, "Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel had recently arrived at the Universal lot courtesy of the success of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and of director William Friedkin […]. They were looking for a project and the studio suggested The Thing, which seemed like a good idea to all involved. Their initial enthusiasm dimmed upon reading the novella, however. […] Rejecting the short story's central premise, they chose instead to try to fashion something original that, in their words, would 'address the larger picture'... Written quickly in order to avoid an impending writers strike, what I remember of the script was an attempt at a man-versus-monster epic set at the bottom of the world, a sort of Antarctica Moby Dick with an Ahab-like character […] battling a large, but decidedly non-shape-shifting creature. Seemingly written as a tone poem with a stab at a Southern, Davis Grubb-like feel, the script was dense, humorless, almost impenetrable (the word John used for it when he later came on board was 'incomprehensible'). Judged by all at the time to be something akin to a disaster, we agreed to part company...."
So, there you have it. Another movie almost, but not, directed by Tobe Hooper. 
Trailer to
The Thing:





Venom 
(1982, dir. Piers Haggard)
For some odd reason, Tobe Hooper was originally attached to this English thriller starring two renowned thespian nutcases with outsized egos and substance-abuse problems, Klaus Kinski and Oliver Reed. Whether due to "creative differences" or the machinations of the cast and crew (as Kinski once supposedly claimed), Hooper left the set after nine days to be replaced by Piers Haggard, great-great-nephew of H. Rider Haggard, perhaps known by some as the director of The Blood on Satan's Claw (1971 / trailer).
Based on the novel of the same name by Alan Scholefield first published in 1977, the final screenplay used was from Robert Carrington, the scriptwriter of Wait until Dark (1967 / trailer) and Fear Is the Key (1972 / soundtrack). The cast was rounded out with Susan George, Nicol Williamson (of Spawn [1997]), Sarah Miles, Sterling Hayden and Michael Gough.
Trailer to
Venom:
The plot, as given at Horrorpedia: "An international criminal, Jacmel (Kinski), enlists Ruth Hopkins' maid, Louise (Susan George), and chauffeur, Dave (Reed), in a scheme to kidnap her asthmatic ten-year-old son Philip (Lance Holcomb) for ransom. Meanwhile, Philip has just brought home a snake from a local importer, unaware that his new pet has been accidentally switched with a deadly Black Mamba destined for a toxicology lab. The lab reports the mix-up, and a police officer is dispatched to the Hopkins residence, only to be shot by the panicking chauffeur. The London townhouse is surrounded by police, trapping the criminals, the child, and his grandfather inside with the mamba, which is now loose in the ventilation system…"
Venom appears to be yet another love it or hate movie, as it left few reviewers indifferent. British Horror is a naysayer, complaining, among many things, that "[…] Venom really does have to be seen to be believed. The entire plot hinges on the spectacularly unfeasible idea that the London Institute of Toxicology could take delivery of an extremely dangerous black mamba through a back-street pet shop. Said shop is so ramshackle and disorganised that they think nothing of mixing up their orders and sending a 10-year-old home with what is apparently one of the most dangerous creatures on the planet."
And You Call Yourself A Scientist is more forgiving, saying: "Venom is not, by any cinematic standard, a great film, but it is better — and a lot more fun — than its reputation would lead you to believe. […] The problem is, and always has been, mis-marketing. Right from the beginning, this film has been sold to the wrong audience. […] Venom is not really a killer snake film; the mamba is just one complication amongst many. Nor is it a horror movie, which (given that it was produced at the height of the early eighties slasher boom) probably led to a lot of disappointed cinema-goers at the time. It's a suspense film, a thriller, which, if for nothing else, deserves to be seen for its fabulous cast, each member of which puts in a strong performance (probably better than the film deserves) — and for the sight of this group of hard-core professionals keeping their faces completely straight as the plot in which they are enmeshed grows ever more improbable.
Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot, on the other hand, gushes, "Venom is the greatest killer-snake movie of all time […]. Much of its value comes from its cast, which includes some of the acting profession's most notorious troublemakers. You'd have to be nuts to cast Klaus Kinski, Oliver Reed, Sterling Hayden, and Nicol Williamson in the same movie. When original director Tobe Hooper was fired a few days into production, it may have saved his sanity."
Perhaps… but rumors upon rumors upon rumors continued to grow.





The Funhouse
(1981, dir. Tobe Hooper)
The plot, at Letterboxed, among other places, of a movie that Film School Rejects says "doesn't seem to get the same kind of love and affection despite deserving it": "Rebellious teen Amy (Elizabeth Berridge) defies her parents by going to a trashy carnival that has pulled into town. In tow are her boyfriend, Buzz (Cooper Huckabee of The Curse [1987] & The Unknown [2005 / trailer]), and their friends Liz (Largo Woodruff) and Richie (Miles Chapin of Howard the Duck [1986 / trailer] & Pandemonium [1982 / trailer]). Thinking it would be fun to spend the night in the campy 'Funhouse' horror ride, the teens witness a murder by a deformed worker wearing a mask. Locked in, Amy and her friends must evade the murderous carnival workers and escape before it leaves town the next day."
Trailer to
The Funouse:
Aka Carnival of Terror. Screenplay by a slumming Lawrence Block — but then Block did a lot of slumming in his day. We have many of his original "John Warren Wells" books: they're a fun read. He didn't write the novelization of the flick, though: the "Owen West" of the first edition was revealed to be the pseudonymous Dean Koontz on all later reprints. It was filmed in Florida, to get by the Californian child labor laws, and is an oddity amongst the dead-teenager films of the day in that the Final Girl, Amy (Elizabeth Berridge, who was also excellent three years later in Amadeus [1984 / trailer]), shows her breasts but nevertheless survives.
Hooper's first widescreen movie was also his first for a major studio, Universal, and because it was Universal he was able to both show a bit of The Bride of Frankenstein (1935 / trailer) and use a mask of the original Universal Frankenstein Monster.
The Funhouse was a relative success when it was release: reviews were mixed, if primarily positive, and it was a respectable success financially. Nevertheless, there were even more rumors — rumors not helped by Kevin Conway's later assertion that Tobe Hooper was a huge "Coke-head" during the production. As the Horror News Network puts it, "Hooper allegedly consumed a minimum of 12 cans of Coca-Cola a day." But drinking cola is not what one thinks of when hearing someone's a cokehead, especially in that day and age of Cocaine excess (John Belushi would soon be dead of a speedball, for example, and there was always gossip that the Big C was somehow involved in The Twilight Zone [1983 / trailer] mishap.)
Despite the movie's success, over the years, as Coming Soon points out, "It's a film in Hooper's canon that is often disregarded […]. Yet, Funhouse swaggers with the same bad behavior we equate to Hooper's early works […]. But it has finesse and there's something roguishly refreshing and charming about the atmosphere and band of characters who decide to stay in a funhouse long after it has been closed for the night. Where Chainsaw heaped filth on top of filth for a nightmarish, oppressive experience where there was no escape, Funhouse finds Hooper gleefully luring you in with the entrancing, glitzy facade of the carnival environment until the walls crumble away and you realized you've been trapped with something."




Poltergeist
(1982, dir. Tobe Hooper)
So, the future great Teflon product-spewer of modern Hollywood, Steven Spielberg, didn't even really have to recover from 1941 (1979 / trailer), his major misstep of the decade and his career. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981 / trailer) had already rehabilitated him, and he was in the midst of making a little movie known as E.T. (1982 / trailer), which eventually lost us the moment the dead alien magically came back to life. But his contract at Universal forbade him to officially work on two films at the same time, so he needed a director for a little horror film he had developed, supposedly to the point that even all the storyboarding was done. He turned to Tobe Hooper, and the resulting movie, Poltergeist, was a huge hit but probably did as much damage to Hooper's career as all his subsequent flops.
Why? Rumors, rumors, rumors and more rumors — and denials, like the full-page letter Spielberg put into The Hollywood Reporter claiming, "Regrettably, some of the press has misunderstood the rather unique, creative relationship which you and I shared throughout the making of Poltergeist." (Spielberg could have just as well said, "I made the movie.")Cast members and crew said this or that, but the general picture that arose was that Hooper was a nice pushover kind of guy — you know, the kind ex-girlfriends beat up — who basically agreed to everything Spielberg wanted. 
Hooper's rep wasn't helped any by later statements like those given by Zelda "I'm not a fan of Tobe Hooper" Rubinstein, to Ain't It Cool News that "[Hooper] allowed some unacceptable chemical agents into his work. I felt that immediately. I felt that when I first interviewed for the job." Then, as today, that there even was an argument about who really made Poltergeist only served to harden everyone's opinion that Hooper was a hired name and not much more.
Trailer to
Poltergeist:
And as everyone knows, the movie was a hit. It even spawned two consecutively worse sequels, Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986 / trailer) and Poltergeist III (1988 / trailer), and was recently remade (2015 / trailer). The image below, by the way, is a Ghanese poster to Poltergeist II, which Hooper really had nothing to do with — but we find it so groovy, we're presenting it anyways.
 
And the plot? Spielberg mined the scenario of the classic Twilight Zone episode Little Girl Lost (1962) and put it into a tale about a family who discover that their house is built upon a graveyard full of pissed-off ghosts…
The plot, detailed in accordance to Dennis Schwartz at Ozus' World Movie Reviews: "Ambitious realty rep Steve Freeling (Craig T. Nelson) […] recently moved his family […] into a nice pristine new suburban community named Cuesta Verde. They have a dream house, a canary named Tweety and the children, teen-ager Dana (Dominique Dunne), elementary school aged Robbie (Oliver Robins) and the youngest Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke), are weaned on Captain America comics and bad manners at the breakfast table, while the not totally square parents smoke pot and giggle before retiring for the night in their safe suburban world. But there's some strange things happening in dreamland […] The young couple do not take it as seriously as they should until that stormy night when their darling Carol Ann is sucked into the closet and her disembodied voice seems to be coming from the TV and is heard pleading for her mother's help. The family call in from the local college a team of parapsychologists led by Dr. Lesh (Beatrice Straight), who acts to explain everything you ever wanted to know about poltergeists and reassures the family the child is still alive and can possibly be rescued — but not by them. That task falls the next day to midget clairvoyant and professional exorcist Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) […]."
Poltergeist is/was famous for the "Poltergeist curse": Heather O'Rourke and Dominique Dunne both died tragically young, the former of septic shock and the latter at the hands of her ex-boyfriend John Sweeney (now John Maura aka John P Maura aka John Patrick Maura, of 5 Elm Ave #B, Kentfield, CA 94904, pictured below, then and recently, looking kinda like Tobe Hooper) who, after strangling her to death over a four-minute period, in a total miscarriage of justice got off with less than three years served and now works at a retirement community in San Rafael, Smith Ranch Homes, while Dominique Dunne has long rotted away six feet under. (Remember girls: if someone kills you, it's your fault because you're sluts.)
Other deaths of the curse include character actor Lou Perryman, who was eventually killed with an axe by a 26-year-old man named Seth Christopher Tatum in Austin, Texas, on April 1, 2009 (as Lou was a man and not a 22-year-old slut woman, his killer got sentenced to life). Perryman was 67 years old at the time of his death. Julian Beck, who starred as Kane in Poltergeist II: The Other Side, died of stomach cancer at age 60, while Will Sampson, of the same movie, died of malnutrition and postoperative kidney failure at age 53 in June 1987.
The curse seems to still be active today: over the years, many others involved in the various Poltergeist films (e.g., Zelda Rubinstein, Beatrice Straight, Sonny Landham, Clair E. Leucart, Geraldine Fitzgerald, Helen Boll, Richard Fire, Nathan Davis, and others) have died due to health issues or of — GASP! — old age…
Three years later, while he was working at Cannon, Tobe Hooper mentioned, "Things were hard right after Poltergeist, and they shouldn't have been. It was a hit picture and at the very least one would think that, regardless of the controversy — just by association — I should have gotten work."
More to Come…

Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus (USA, 2010)

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The little tyke wearing the rubber suit in Fred Olen Ray's less than spectacular Biohazard(1985 / fan trailer),  Christopher Olen Ray, has grown up to follow his father's footsteps and now makes movies which, going by this Hershey-turkey produced by the lowest denominator of all contemporary low budget movie production firms, The Asylum, are even worse than anything his daddy ever vomitized.
Unbelievably enough, this piece of direct-to-DVD buttmud is not only a sequel to 2009's Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (trailer), but seems to have been successful enough to warrant two already released further diarrheal infusions, Mega Shark vs. Mechatronic Shark (2014 / trailer) and Mega Shark vs. Kolossus (2015 / trailer), as well as an announced TV movie that probably doesn't feature Shane Diesel but does have Hermann Melville (1 Aug 1819 — 28 Sept 1891) doing summersaults in his grave, Mega Shark vs. Moby Dick. (Why flog a dead horse when you have mega shark?)
As is the case of most low budget filmic tax deductions and/or direct-to-DVD poopsicles like this, Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurusalso has its requisite has-been and C-celebrities swallowing their thespian pride so as to pay the rent. Here, the faces that strike the "Don't-I-Know-That-Face" chord are first and foremost Jaleel White, known to everyone as the highwaters-wearing bespectacled nerd from Family Matters(1989-97 / "trailer"), and Robert Picardo, famous as The Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001 / trailer). Less familiar but known-to-some faces include the former boxer and male model Gary Stretch, and the actor Dylan Vox who, despite his oddly doughy face and un-toned body, also has had success in gay porn as "Brad Benton". (He's not our type, that's for sure: his thickness is in all the wrong places.)
One's first reaction when viewing a celluloid butt nugget of this caliber is to feel sorry for people like White and Picardo who, for whatever reason, have been reduced to turd burgers like this one. But truth be told, one should better feel regret for oneself: the has-beens at least earned money to waste their time on the poop project, whereas the given viewer has no real excuse for wasting their time on a DVD dingleberry that stinks as much as this one.
Two names are given as the guilty parties behind the non-plot and non-story, namely Naomi L. Selfman and Micho Rutare, and it would seem that it was two non-talents too many, as the episodic and dull narrative is neither in any way entertaining nor very funny. Most laughs are the result of pure desperation of the part of the viewer: a film this bad must be laughed at, or? Maybe when the bad movie is fun — see Dinocroc vs. Supergator(2010 / trailer) for a recent minor but enjoyable super-monster example — but not when it's a sewer missile like this one. Hard to believe that co-scripter Micho Rutare went on to work on one of The Asylum's most entertaining projects, their fun zombie series, Z-Nation (2014-201? / trailer), because he obviously brought nothing creative to this Hershey squirt.
Initially, one might think that Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus at least has the commendable aspect of not just being another flick featuring nothing but white folks, but after the mega shark sinks the USS Gibson (an obvious nod to Debbie Gibson, the feature has-been of Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus), Jaleel White's Dr. Terry McCormick, despite his position as Hero #2, quickly becomes the token semi-hysterical Afro American in the sea of white faces populating this anus cake entitled Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus.
Christopher Olen Ray should perhaps emulate the work of his father in one way other than just producing poop pizza. If nothing else, his dad usually at least flashed some boob in his low budget butt cookies — often the only true saving grace and respite of his lowly projects. Ray, Jr., however, leaves the two admittedly highly attractive women of his dookie pie fully clothed. (One might argue that there is no logical reason for the women in this piece of buttwood to flash skin, but one need only to see such grindhouse non-classics as Firecracker / Naked Fist [1981 / trailer] to realize that true masterfeces don't require logic to get their babes to get naked.)
True, Ray Jr does at least find a few seconds to allow babeliscious Sarah Lieving (as Agent Hutchinson), who has yet to a nude scene in any of her movies, to take off her jacket so that she can run around much of this celluloid ass-cake in a skin-tight top. (Why the bra, dude? Or do such decisions not fall under the power of the director?) But there is really no reason why the expendable character played by intriguingly attractive Hannah Cowley, who has gotten naked in a movie before (The Haunting of the Innocent [2014 / trailer]), didn't lose her digs before becoming crocosaurus fodder.
Whatever. Even with nudity, Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus would've still been what it is: a ridiculous, incompetently made and unfunny piece of shite, with way too much Z-rate CGI, telling the tale of mega shark fighting the egg-laying crocosaurus, who's all pissed 'cause mega shark is eating her eggs, before both creatures finally die in the end… until the sequel, at least.
Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus:a definite not-see.

Happy Birthday to Us!

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As of today, we've wasted ten years of our life on this blog, the first review of which — for an amazingly fun and badly made and bloody Thai movie entitled Devil Species(2004), trailer below— we uploaded on Thursday, September 20, 2007. A decade later, we're still wasting our life. And you?

"A mistake of experiment may transform human into devil species."
Trailer to

And in honor of our tenth birthday, we thought we might take a look at some birthday horrors, thrillers, fun stuff — but only those that actually have the word "Birthday" in their titles. Know of any we missed?


The Birthday Party
(1968, dir. William Friedkin)

William Friedkin's next project after Good Times(1967), moving forward from Sonny & Cher and "comedy" to playwright Harold Pinter and mysterious drama. "The movie, like the play, forces us to accept a horror story that has no reasonable antecedents: Stanley (Robert Shaw) is the only guest at a rundown, seaside boarding house owned by Meg (Dandy Nichols) and Petey (Moultrie Kelsall). Into their lives of placid desperation come two strangers, Goldberg (Sydney Tafler), tackily urbane and garrulous, and McCann (Pattrick Magee), a faithful goon. They have been sent by someone named Monty and "the organization" to retrieve Stanley." (DVD Beaver)
Full Film:



Alison's Birthday
(Australia, 1981, writ & dir. Ian Coughlan [1946 – 29 Aug 2001])

"A young woman (Joanne Samuel) is called home for a special party for her nineteenth birthday, an event which she'd been thinking of avoiding due to a message from a séance she'd received years earlier. She heads home with her boyfriend (Lou Brown), but finds that something sinister is going on…." (Fantastic Movie Musings) 
Trivia: Joanne Samuel played Max's wife in Mad Max (1979 / trailer): it's her death and that of their baby that makes him mad.
Full movie:



Bloody Birthday
(USA, 1981, dir. Ed Hunt)

Ed Hunt is a rather under-appreciated trash filmmaker of the past whose limited output is both fun and unjustly overlooked. He is best known for the cheesy science fiction non-classic Starship Invasions (1977 / trailer), featuring Christopher Lee [27 May 1922 – 7 June 2015] and Robert Vaughn [22 Nov 1932 – 11 Nov 2016]. This film is one of his best, and is of the killer-kids sub-genre.
"In a 1970's Midwest suburban neighborhood three infants are born during a spectacular total eclipse. During the event the sun and the moon are blocking the planet Saturn which is said to control human emotions. This apparent lack of remorse and compassion manifests itself shortly before the children's 10th birthday when the trio of pint-sized terrors Debbie (Elizabeth Hoy), Curtis (Billy Jacoby), and Steven (Andy Freeman) unleash a string of murders in their suburban neighborhood underneath the noses of the adults." (McBastard's Mausoleum)
Trailer:



Happy Birthday to Me!
(Canadian, 1981, dir. J. Lee Thompson [1 Aug 1914 – 30 Aug 2002])

The classic of the list, from the director of the original version of Cape Fear (1962 / trailer), What A Way to Go (1964 / trailer), The White Buffalo (1977 / trailer) and many fun flicks of varying respectability. This is not his only horror movie, but it is his only slasher. 
"At the Crawford Academy, Virginia Wainwright (Melissa Sue Anderson) belongs to the social clique known as The Top Ten. The members of the Top Ten then start being killed off in bizarre ways. As Virginia's birthday approaches, she comes to believe that the identity of the killer may be linked with her own shadowy past, something to do with the accident that killed her mother on a previous birthday and left Virginia with brain damage and memory lapses about what happened." (The Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review)
Trailer:



Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
(USA, 1988, dir. John Carl Buechler)

OK, there is no "Birthday" in the title… But: "The film's original working title was Birthday Bash, chosen to conceal its identity as a Friday the 13th film. The entire production of this film was scheduled, completed, and released within six months; shooting took place from October to November 1987 in rural southern Alabama near Bay Minette." (Wikipedia) 
Over at Collider, in their ranking of "best to worst", they ranked it 8th out of 12, saying "The New Blood came out in the time of Scanners (1981 / trailer), which may explain why anybody (anybody!) felt the need to match Jason up against a young telepath (Lar Park-Lincoln). In this case, the telepath also happens to be a curious and damaged blonde, who accidentally brings Jason (Kane Hodder) back from the dead when she begins to remember how she killed her father (John Otrin) with her powers on the very same stretch of Crystal Lake property. Yes, it's convoluted, and the fact that the telepath storyline is given a bogus sense of self-seriousness bogs The New Blood down hugely. The deaths are not particularly memorable, and the characters, even for Friday the 13th, are written with little in the way of focus or even marginal resonance." 


Birthday Girl
(Great Britain, 2001, dir. Jez Butterworth)

A thriller we missed, about which Rolling Stonesays: "Birthday Girl [...] is merely serviceable — a sexy ride that doesn't dare enough dangerous curves. It's Nicole Kidman who brings heart and erotic heat to the role of Nadia, the Russian babe whom shy Brit bank teller John Buckingham, appealingly played by Ben Chaplin [of Lost Souls (2008)], orders on the Internet. John almost sends Nadia back because she can't speak English. He changes his mind when Nadia brings his centerfold fantasies to life in bed. The plot, such as it is, thickens when Nadia invites her cousin Yuri (Mathieu Kassovitz) and his pal Alexei (Vincent Cassel) to visit on her birthday. You're right to be suspicious, and it's not just that two French actors are playing Russians. British director Jez Butterworth hits more than a few bumps as the movie lurches from merry to menacing. But keep your eye on Kidman, whose kinky, kittenish performance turns unexpected emotional corners that pull you up short. […]. 
Trailer:



The Birthday
(Spain, 2004, dir. Eugenio Mira)

We actually have a DVD of this movie in our "To Watch" pile, but just haven't gotten to it yet. Gotta admit, tho, it does look interesting. The extremely choosy Worldwide Cinema Massacre, in any event, lists it as "Of Some Interest" in its list of "Borderline Extreme Movies": "Unique, cult, Spanish, Lynchian-horror movie with Corey Feldman as a very prominent lead, somehow carrying the movie in a strange, Jerry-Lewis-esque nasal performance. Most of the movie is quite normal, actually, but it builds up slowly for a very overwhelming ending. Norman is a weak loser in love with a rich girl who barely seems to be able to stand being with him. He joins her for her father's birthday party in a strange retro-hotel straight out of Barton Fink (1991 / trailer), and spends the evening trying to talk to her while trying to avoid embarrassing her. But strange things are afoot with the waiters, and people keep ending up dead, while some madman keeps giving him instructions on how to stop an apocalyptic cult-ritual. The climax blends ear-splitting sound, silence, complete chaos, and very strange and incomprehensible goings-on, as all hell breaks loose and Norman tries to stop it with increasingly desperate measures. Reminiscent of Miracle Mile (1988 / trailer) in how it starts as a regular movie gradually increases the chaos for an explosive ending, leaving you wondering when and how it turned surreal."
 Trailer:



Birthday
(Australia, 2009, dir. James Harkness [? – 31 Aug 2015])

"M (Natalie Eleftheriadis) is the highest paid of the sex worker girls at Scarlet's, but, even on her 25th birthday, it's business as usual. Instead of celebrating, her day is spent answering the silent prayers of Father Phillip (Travis McMahon), who has lost his faith and providing counsel to her colleagues, the vivacious Lily (Kestie Morassi of Darkness Falls [2003 / trailer] and Wolf Creek [2005 / trailer]) and troubled single mum Cindy (Ra Chapman). Amidst the demands of the no-nonsense Scarlet (Chantal Contouri of Thirst [1979 / trailer]), M's secret birthday wish goes unanswered, until Joey (Richard Wilson of The Loved Ones [2009 / trailer]) knocks on her door; a young man who has never learned to love, or even how to kiss. But Joey also has a secret, it's his birthday too." (Urban Cinefile) Looks arty. 
Trailer:



Happy Birthday
(USA, 2016, dir Casey Tebo)

"Happy Birthday stars Matt Bush as Brady Baxter, the titular birthday boy, who embarks on a trip to Mexicali with his best friend Tommy (Riley Litman) after he finds out that his girlfriend cheated on him. At first, both friends are entranced with the shadowy beauty of the Mexican night-life, but things take a turn for the weird when they accompany fellow Americans Katie and Lucia, played by Vanessa Lengies and Britne Oldford, back to their hotel room. This may sound like a standard plot for a thriller about two friends trapped in a shady corner of Mexico, but there are quite a few surprises in store for patient viewers. It would be a crime to spoil any more of the main story, so suffice to say that the movie feels like an insane amalgam of Eli Roth's Hostel (2005/ trailer), Rodriguez's Desperado (1995 / trailer), and even a certain David Fincher movie." (Bloody Disgusting) 
Trailer:

Short Film: Seduction of the Innocent (USA, 1961)

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"This is America in the second-half of the twentieth century and Jeanette is a slave. Not a slave by circumstance of birth or force, but by choice. A choice she made herself not so very long ago, a choice that at the time probably seemed no bigger than, 'Should I belong or shouldn't I?' The pace of modern teenage society is often fast. The beat is sometimes frantic. Cultures and backgrounds have been mixed. The need to belong is ever present."

The quote beneath the screenshot above is from the opening speech to this bat-shit "educational" anti-drug film, a speech which, when read, leaves us wondering what the fact that "cultures and backgrounds have been mixed" has to do with drugs — especially when the swimming pool crowd shown is a lily-white. One can only assume he meant economic classes have been mixed, though none at the pool party look as if they were not of the same financial background, "as people of color"— as one is wont to say — are generally seldom part of Davis's world. In any event, the quote is but an excerpt of the oft-questionable verbal bombast that the film delivers nonstop for its entire running time. 
Seduction of the Innocent is indeed "another Sid Davis (1 April 1916 – 16 Oct 2006) classic about a [white] teen-age boy and girl, who through a need to belong and to go along with the group, start first with barbiturates and end up as heroin addicts." 
One thing is sure about Sid "San Jac" Davis's shorts: if you start watching them, you can easily get addicted. We started today with The Dangerous Stranger (1949 / full damaged film), and one short promptly led to the next, and the next, and the next, with each one getting better and better — or worse and worse, depending on how you look at it. Hours later, we've decided this one here is a hoot worth sharing. 
Sid Davis, you might remember, was a former film double for John Wayne who, thanks to Wayne's initial financial support, built an "educational" scare-film emporium on cheap, poorly made and by now (usually) extremely campy "horror" films narrating the terrible things that will happen to you should you, well, ever do anything but go to school and to church, get a job, get married, make babies, be a Republican. In Davis's films, where you end up — married, dead, or as a drug addict — is due alone to you and your wrong moral choice: there is no forgiveness, there is no way back, there is no second chance. To use the punch line of a many a joke: "You gonna die!" (Much like Davis died due to his cigarette addiction — lung cancer killed him — if only a lot earlier than his 90 years.)
We already took a look at his amazing anti-homosexual hate short, Boy's Beware(1961), way back in 2013, but today we want to introduce you to his equally outrageous, but far more campy, if oddly well made, anti-drug horror short, Seduction of the Innocent (USA, 1961). Wow. What a movie.
And, we must add, not really true. Despite our active youthful past, one which involved everything from alcohol to speed to marijuana to mushrooms to acid to St. Bartholomew's trumpet (yech!) to downers to X to accidentally smoking heroin (it wasn't fun) and probably other stuff tried once but since forgotten, we've managed to pay/work our way our entire life long and now, the desire to experiment long gone, are even eyeing eventual retirement in a house of our own. Some people are prone to addiction, others not, and as they say in German, "Two beers are also a breakfast."
Why the German saying? So as to construct a sloppy link to what The New York Timeslong-ago wrote in the obituary of Sid Davis: "The movies are squarely in the tradition of cautionary literature for children, whose best-known example is probably Struwwelpeter, the German tale of the dreadful fate of a dreadful child, which has been traumatizing young miscreants since the mid-19th-century. Mr. Davis's films, most live-action, some animated, are 16-millimeter equivalents. […] The Sid Davis universe is fraught with peril. Every transgression — a swig from a bottle, a drag on a cigarette — leads to swift and certain doom, usually in under a half-hour. Among the series of unfortunate events to which Mr. Davis's young protagonists fall victim are these: abduction, murder, rape, stabbing, robbery at gunpoint, falling off a cliff, suffocating in an abandoned refrigerator, being burned to a crisp, being stuffed into the trunk of a car, being run over, pregnancy, venereal disease, unemployment, time in pool halls, time in prison, myriad auto accidents, heroin addiction (a direct result of smoking marijuana), prostitution (ditto) and bad hair (ditto)."
A downfall well exemplified in
October's Short Film of the Month,
Seduction of the Innocent:
None of the "actors" involved seem to have ever done anything else — but then again, for years we failed to recognize Jim Kellyas the star of that other great but not very campy anti-drug short, A Day in the Death of Donny B.(1969), so perhaps we also simply don't recognize "Jeanette" and her fellow lost souls. Do you?

A Bucket of Blood (USA, 1959)

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"You're a real artist now. Now go back and scrub down those garbage cans."
Leonard de Santis (Antony Carbone)


(Spoilers.) Another super-low budget quickie from the great Roger Corman that defies its origins to become a truly enjoyable if minor low-budget classic.
By 1959, the year A Bucket of Blood was made and released, the prolific Roger Corman had already been in the film biz, seriously, for six years if one looks at the script he sold to Allied Artists for what was to become Highway Dragnet (1953) as his "official" beginning. Wheeling and dealing, Corman produced his first movie the following year, Monster from the Ocean Floor (1954 / trailer), directed by the unknown Wyott Ordnung, [23 May 1922 — 28 Aug 2005], whose most famous feat is the screenplay of the classic disasterpiece that is Robot Monster (1953 / trailer). Monster from the Ocean Floor was a success, as was Corman's next production, John Ireland's The Fast and the Furious (1954 / movie) — yes, the granddaddy of today's unstoppable franchise — and thereafter Corman never looked back. By the time he made A Bucket of Blood (USA, 1959) for AIP, Corman was a successful low-budget producer and director who regularly put together movies for various movie companies, including his own, The Filmgroup, for which he made (among many movies) Attack of the Giant Leeches(1959), The Wasp Woman(1959), the original Little Shop of Horrors (1960 / trailer), The Intruder(1962), Dementia 13 (1963 / trailer) and The Terror(1963).

"I'm proud to say my poetry is only understood by that minority which is aware."
Maxwell H. Brock (Julian Burton)

Corman already had more than 20 official directorial (vs even more producer) credits to his name by 1959, and as cheap and on the fly as A Bucket of Blood is, an ease and experience in direction can be gleaned from how the movie is filmed, be it due to the composition, use of depth, economy of action within the frame, or simply knowing what does and doesn't need to be shown. That is not to say that A Bucket of Blood is directorially exceptional, it is merely obvious that by this low-budget quickie Corman was visually already a better director than many contemporary directors that now emulate and/or work for him (Fred Olan Ray, Jim Wynorski and David DeCoteau come immediately to mind).
This becomes especially obvious when one considers the difference in time that those directors usually have to prepare and make a movie to that which Corman had to for this one, which famously enough was shot in only five days with a budget of $50,000 using the sets leftover from Burt Topper's Diary of a High School Bride (1959 / trailer). (In turn, luxurious conditions when one thinks of The Little Shop of Horrors, with it legendary budget of $28,000, two-day shooting schedule, and sets leftover from A Bucket of Blood& Diary of a High School Bride.)

"Walter, you've done something to me. Something deep down inside of my prana. Oh, Walter, I want to be with you. You're creative."
Naolia (Jhean Burton)

Hampered, perhaps, by an overly dominant free jazz score by Fred Katz (25 Feb 1919 — 7 Sept 2013) that is, actually, also a perfect reflection of the period and scene in which the movie is set, A Bucket of Blood is a wonderfully quotable grotesque of the beatnik generation and the self-important culture vultures that inhabited it (and, indeed, still inhabit any given in-scene at any given time).
The plot is a blackly comic take on the spiraling descent of the oddly sympathetic and obviously intellectually challenged Walter Paisley (Dick Miller), a picked-upon and eternally disrespected busboy at the oh-so-hip beatnik artists' cafe, The Yellow Door. Surrounded by artist types, he dreams of becoming an artist and winning the heart of Carla (Barboura Morris [22 Oct 1932 — 23 Oct 1975] of The Dunwich Horror [1970 / trailer], The Haunted Palace [1963 / trailer] and Teenage Doll [1957 / trailer]), who has some indefinite position at the café. (Co-owner? Sister? Hostess?)
Inspired by the free-form poetic ramblings of the locally adored beatnik poet Maxwell H. Brock (Julian Burton [4 June 1932 — 27 March 2006] of The Masque f the RedDeath [1964]), whose onscreen beat poetry is as memorable as that of PhillipaFallon's great recital (scene) in High School Confidential (1958 / trailer), Walter inspires to create art, but fails. But when he accidentally knifes his landlady's cat to death, he has an inspiration, one which makes him the toast of the local beatnik scene and confronts him with pressure faced by all "great" artists: What do I produce next?

"Be a nose! Be a nose!"
Walter Paisley (Dick Miller), as he struggles with his clay,

Where does the bucket of blood come into play here? Nowhere, really, unless you count the fact that at one point in the movie you lightly hear — but never see — the "drip drip drip" of blood dripping into a bucket. But it is a catchy title, isn't it?
Needless to say, A Bucket of Blood looks and feels as low budget as it was, but the overall cheapness of the production is rather endearing. The acting is, in general, perfect: some of the minor characters overdo their obvious drug-induced casualness, but most play their parts straight, which definitely works to the advantage of this obviously inane fifth-cousin to The Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933 / trailer) and House of Wax (1953 / trailer). Dick Miller in particularly appealing as the sub-intellectual nebbish in search of recognition and love: he even manages to retain the sympathy of the viewer for most of the movie, and even after he's gone over the deep end one still sort of feels sorry for him once the movie ends.
The pretentious beatniks and culture vultures, in turn, are one and all a fun persiflage of types still recognizable today, pompous in their self importance, illogical and insincere in their appreciation. Perhaps the most honest person among them all is the money-hungry blonde model Alice (Judy Bamber, seen below as cheesecake), whose combined greed and honesty and lack of respect lead to her eventual sculptural immortalization. She, like the cat and an overzealous undercover cop (Bert Convy, of [23 July 1933 – 15 July 1991] of Jennifer (1978 / trailer], Hanging by a Thread (1979 / trailer], and Ebony, Ivory and Jade (1979 / intro]), ends up as art, covered in plaster. (In theory, they are covered with clay, but not only is the material obviously plaster, but Walter's pile of clay neither diminishes not gets replenished at any point in the movie.)
It is perhaps the biggest flaw of the movie that for the last scene they didn't go the full monty and present the physically impossible but logical conclusion of Walter as a full statue as well.

"Nobody asked your opinion, Walter! You're just a simple farm boy, and the rest of us are sophisticated beatniks."
Alice (Judy Bamber)

Interestingly enough, as witty as the dialogue is, one can't help but notice that many jokes no longer work. When the beatniks talk of vitamins or food, for example, the exchanges are obviously enough meant to be inane and off-the-wall, but in the almost 50 years that have passed since the movie was made, such exchanges are now daily realities. Who doesn't remember talking about the supposed of effects of Vitamin E when young?
Nevertheless, the dialog of A Bucket of Blood is generally quirky, funny and oddly insightful, and packed within a quick and fat-free script that zooms by in only slightly more than an hour's running time. In that sense, the success of the movie is probably as much due to the scriptwriter Charles Byron Griffith (23 Sept 1930 – 28 Sept 2007) as it is to Corman's direction. Griffith, to whom Quentin Tarantino dedicated his sub-par film Deathproof (2007 / fan-made trailer) and credits as one of his main influences, worked with Corman on a number of his movies, including the previously mentioned Little Shop of Horrors(1960), Eat My Dust (1976 / trailer) and the trash classic Death Race 2000 (1975 / trailer).

"Walter, it's a masterpiece. I've never seen anything like it before... And I hope I never see anything like it again."
Carla (Barboura Morris)

An interesting filler in the movie is the (un-credited) appearance of the singer-guitarist Alex Hassilev, who performs two thematically related songs at the café, the English song The Ballad of Tim Evans and the Russian traditional Gari, Gari. Hassilev was one of the founding members of The Limeliters, one of the leading trios of the American folk music scene that flourished in the sixties. Aside from being a pleasant musical interlude, the song The Ballad of Tim Evans was still of some political resonance at the time the movie came out: it tells the true story of Tim Evans (20 Nov 1924 – 9 March 1950), an Englishman tried, convicted and put to death for the murder of his wife and daughter, who were both actually victims of the serial killer was John Christie.* Evans himself wasn't even posthumously pardoned yet when A Bucket of Blood was made (the pardon — a lot of good it did Tim Evans — came around seven years later).

Ewan Maccoll's original version
of
Go Down Ye Murderers (The Ballad of Tim Evans):
* In 1971, Richard Fleischer released an intriguing film about the case, 10 Rillington Place (trailer), starring Richard Attenborough as Christie, Judy Geeson as Beryl Evans, and John Hurt as Timothy Evans.

A Bucket of Blood went on to inspire H.G.Lewis's  less successful gore flick Color Me Blood Red (1965 / trailer) and, in 1995, was remade by Michael James McDonald as a TV comedy, likewise entitled A Bucket of Blood but later released on video as The Death Artist (scene), featuring an unknown Will Ferrell as one of the culture vulture hanger-ons. The original, now long in the public domain, is easy to find online. It is well worth taking a look at.

"I refuse to say anything twice. Repetition is death... When you repeat something, you are reliving a moment, wasting it, severing it from the other end of your life. I believe only in new impressions, new stimuli, new life!"
Maxwell H. Brock (Julian Burton)

R.I.P.: Tobe Hooper, Part II: 1983 – 1991

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25 Jan 1943 — 26 Aug 2017

Like George Romero (4 Feb 1940 – 16 July 2017), director Hooper was possibly plagued by the fact that his first general release feature-film, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), was such a stylistic and influential masterpiece that there was no place for him to go but down. But for all the bad or mediocre movies he made, he still made more one more masterpiece than most directors, as well as a small number of early career horror movies of note. May he rest in peace.




Billy Idol: Dancing with Myself
(1983, dir. Tobe Hooper) 
OK, nowadays it is relatively common for film directors to be former music video directors, but back in the early to mid-80s, when MTV exploded onto the American public — yes, hard to believe, but MTV was once new and exciting — and suddenly music videos were all the rage, name directors were suddenly doing music videos. The most famous example is probably John Landis's 14-minute short film music video for Michael Jackson's Thriller (video), though Martin Scorsese outdid him by an additional around three minutes when he directed Jackson's Bad (video).
Less well-known is that Tobe Hooper did a music video, too. But not for the Moonwalker: he did one for the former sneering "bad boy" of pop, Billy Idol, aka William Michael Albert Broad, who is now long a respectable, past middle-aged daddy. And while one would think that alone by title, topic, source, Eyes Without a Face (trailer to Georges Franju's 1960 film Les yeux sans visage, the film that inspired that song) would be the song Hooper filmed, it is not. Instead, Hooper did the extremely 80s-looking video to Dancing with Myself. As far as we know, it is also the only music video he ever directed.
 



Return of the Living Dead
(1985, writ. & dir. Dan O'Bannon [30 Sept 1946 – 17 Dec 2009]
After The Thing (see Part I), this movie here is the second 80s classic that Tobe Hooper almost directed. Oddly enough, though Return of the Living Dead was a success, O'Bannon only ever directed one other movie, the unjustly unknown take on Lovecraft, The Resurrected(1991 / trailer). But, of course, he remained well-employed as a scriptwriter — including for Tobe Hooper's next two disasters, Lifeforce (1985) and Invaders from Mars(1986).
Indeed, it was the three-picture deal that Cannon films offered Hooper, the films of which we will look at after this one, that led him to drop this project. According to Slash Film: "Ferdinando Baldi (Whip and the Body [1963 / trailer]) eventually dropped out of the project [Space Vampires]. [...] Around this time, Tobe Hooper was struggling to find work at the studios. With limited options, he signed on to direct a $4 million sequel to Night of the Living Dead(1968 / trailer). Shortly after doing so, Menahem Golan offered him a chance to direct a much larger movie: Space Vampires, which was budgeted at $25 million. Tempted by the offer, Hooper exited Return of the Living Dead and was replaced with his hand-picked successor: Dan O'Bannon, a well-known sci-fi filmmaker most famous for writing Alien (1979 / trailer)."
Originally intended to be a "serious" horror movie based on John Russo's novel sequel to the classic George Romero movie, O'Bannon retooled the movie as a comedy and introduced the whole concept of zombie's eating brains instead of simply human flesh. A critical success, it even went on to spawn four sequels of varying lesser quality: Ken Wiederhorn's Return of the Living Dead, Part II (1988 / trailer), Brian Yuzna's Return of the Living Dead III (1993 / trailer), Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005 / trailer) and Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005 / trailer). John Russo also wrote a "living dead" movie later, Children of the Living Dead (1998 / trailer), but it had nothing to do with the series and is generally considered terrible.
One of the first zombie flicks to present fast and/or thinking zombies, Return of the Living Dead is a great and hilarious movie of the kind they just don't make anymore. If we ever had a quibble with the flick, it was that it always seemed to us that the mixture of the friends in the graveyard was too diverse: a real clique, of that time and we assume today, would never be as varied as the one in this flick. But at least they don't have the singular quota-filling Afro-American that is de rigueur today, and always one of the first to go.
The plot, according to the 2,500 Movie Challenge: "Freddy (Thom Mathews) and Frank (James Karen), two hapless employees working at a medical supply warehouse, inadvertently release a lethal gas that resurrects the dead and transforms them into bloodthirsty monsters. With the help of their boss, Burt (Clu Galager), as well as Ernie (Don Calfa [3 Dec 1939 – 1 Dec 2016]), who runs the morgue next door, Freddy and Frank do what they can to 'clean up' their mistake before anyone finds out about it. But when the gas infects the air, then spreads by way of a rainstorm to the nearby cemetery, it awakens hundreds of corpses, all of whom now have a craving for human brains."
Trailer to
Return of the Living Dead:




Lifeforce
(1985,  dir. Tobe Hooper) 

"John Fowles once told me that the film The Magus [1968 / trailer] was the worst movie ever made. After seeing Lifeforce, I sent him a postcard, telling him I had gone one better."
Colin Wilson in Dreaming to Some Purpose

Lifeforce was the first movie of Tobe Hooper's three-picture deal with The Cannon Group, Inc./Golan-Globus Productions, a company whose roots could be traced to the release of such  masterpieces as Joseph W. Sarno's Inga (1968 / trailer). By the 80s, they were considered one of the most successful independent producers of Hollywood, but a series of bad business decisions — of which Hooper's 3-film deal was arguably part — caused the company to fold. (For their story, you might wanna check out the two documentaries Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films [2014 / trailer] and The Go-Go Boys: The Inside Story of Cannon Films [2014 / trailer].)
As Hooper himself said in an interview, prior to everything going south, "Cannon was really a good company to work for... both Yoram (Globus) and Menahem (Golan) loved the movies and the filmmakers, and really treated them well. It seemed more, when I was there, like maybe what the old system was like. I miss that kind of showmanship and risk-taking." 
Trailer to
Lifeforce:
We caught Lifeforce in the cinema, if you can imagine that. After all, it wasn't like we were going to miss a Hooper film based on Colin Wilson's novel The Space Vampires and written by Dan O'Bannon, the guy who — aside from making Return of the Living Dead— also wrote Dark Star (1974 / trailer), Alien (1979 / trailer) and Dead & Buried (1981 / trailer). 
Well, we absolutely loved Mathilda May and her fantastic body — supposedly she only spends about 7 naked minutes of time on screen, but it seems like more — but really found the movie a piece of shite. It annoyed us to realize that we had already seen a kiddy version of the movie many times before on Count Gore de Vol's afternoon Creature Feature show as a kid, namely Hammer's Quatermass and the Pit / Five Million Years to Earth (1967 / trailer).
Years later, we saw Lifeforce again and found the movie a lot better, but now, we can hardly remember anything about it other than Mathilda May and her fantastic body. One day, we might watch it again because, as Final Girlsays, "This film is probably Tobe Hooper's most ambitious [movie] [...] and it's a delightful (though a wee overlong) '80s romp, the likes of which you don't much see nowadays. There really aren't enough naked space vampires in the world of cinema today, don't you agree?" 
Over at fandango, they have a plot description written by Paul Brenner: "The story concerns a joint British-American space probe of Hailey's Comet. Inside the comet, the astronauts, headed by Carlsen (Steve Railsback of Disturbing Behavior[1998] and Ed Gein[2000]), find a spaceship that contains the dead bodies of several aliens, along with the naked bodies of three human-like creatures in suspended animation. They bring the aliens aboard the ship for examination, but the specimens are sloppily guarded and soon the trio spread contagion among the population of the ship. Returning to earth, the beautiful space vampire (Mathilda May) escapes into London and begins to feed of the bodies of the unwary Britons, turning the city into a zombie-populated wasteland. It is now left for Carlsen to stop the vampire invaders."
366 Weird Moviesmuses, "Lifeforce is a grandly cheesy and frequently nonsensical mishmash of B-movie cliches, and a great movie to watch with a six-pack on hand. Although it's loony, offbeat and fun, it's ultimately too lightweight and not quite systematically deranged enough to rank as one of the greatest weird movies of all time. [...] The flick would still be worthwhile without Mathilda, but her nude performance adds that certain something that lodges the movie in the cinematic consciousness. Add in early Industrial Light and Magic-style special effects, with electric blue rays shooting everywhere in sight during the vampire zombie apocalypse as stolen human souls merge together and climb into a great glowing column shooting up to the alien mothership, and you have a film that's visually unforgettable." 
When the movie came out, Hooper was the director to hate, as he remained for most of the rest of his career. But people are beginning to reevaluate some of his former supposed fuckups, and Lifeforce is one to which a new tune is now being sung. Daily Dreadis one of the many websites that looks at Lifeforce, Tobe Hooper's "celebration of excess", with a different eyes than the masses of the 80s: "[...] A lot of the audience for Lifeforce assumed Hooper didn't know what he was doing — they concluded that the movie just got away from him. Nope. Tobe Hooper knew exactly the movie he was making. Lifeforce is a crazy movie. It was designed as a crazy movie. It succeeds at being a crazy movie. Had it been released under its original title, Space Vampires, the movie might have been better received. A title like that is a little more upfront about what kind of movie one can expect. [...] Thirty years later, though, audiences are more at ease with the kind of postmodern epic Hooper created — a movie that borrows a little from a dozen other influences and blends them together into something wholly original. It's a movie that is part science fiction and part horror, part ponderous and part pulp, part Hammer horror, part Quatermass and part Romero. It knows exactly what it is and is exactly what it wants to be: a highly sexual apocalyptic space opera on a massive scale. For years, Tobe Hooper has been one of the most underrated of all the original Masters of Horror and Lifeforce is his most underrated film."
Final Girl, on the other hand, sees the message the mayhem wanted to convey: "Lest you think that Lifeforce is nothing but a naked effects extravaganza, however, let me assure you: this movie has a deeper message. That message is revealed when, as he tries to explain his attraction to Space Girl, Carlsen states: 'She killed all my friends and I still didn't want to leave. Leaving her was the hardest thing I ever did.' See? It's all a metaphor for relationships. We've all had at least one of 'em: your girlfriend or boyfriend completely sucks the life out of you, all your friends hate him or her, your friendships fall apart and you're left weak, lethargic, and a mere shell of your former self... and yet, you stay with him or her for no reason beyond the fact that he's cute or she has great tits. Lifeforce lesson #4: relationships will kill you!"




Invaders from Mars
(1986, dir. Tobe Hooper) 
Some might say that Mathilda May's wonderful "pair of enormous gazongas" helped destroy Hooper's career, but it actually took a few more films for that to happen. For us, we finally wrote Hooper off when, in 1990, we sat through this piece of shit here and Spontaneous Combustion (1990) in one truly wasted night. 
Trailer to
Invaders from Mars (1986):
The original Invaders from Mars, from 1953, is a minor classic directed by William Cameron Menzies that belongs to the alien-invasion cum red-scare genre of 1950s science fiction. It is not a movie that really needed a remake, but then the man who instigated the production, Wade Williams, is a millionaire film fan who can afford to instigate odd, possibly pointless, projects. (In 1992, for example, he instigated and produced an even more pointless remake, the failed versionof Edgar G. Ulmer's Poverty Row classic Detour [1945 / trailer/ movie].)
Of the original cast in Menzies' version of Invaders from Mars, Jimmy Hunt, who played the kid in the 1953 film (David Maclean), plays the Police Chief in the 1986 version.
Trailer to
Invaders from Mars (1953):
The Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Review, as always, has the plot: "Young David Gardner (Hunter Carson) sees a UFO go down beyond the hill behind his house during the middle of a thunderstorm. In the morning, David's father (Timothy Bottoms) goes to investigate. He returns and insists on taking David's mother (Larraine Newman) behind the hill as well. After they return, both appear changed and behaving in very strange ways. David sees there are now strange marks at the base of their necks. He confesses his story to school nurse Linda Magnusson (Karen Black) and the two of them uncover a network of tunnels under the hillside, dug by invading Martians who are taking over the minds of the locals. Together they alert the military as the Martians, with an army of mind-controlled humans, try to sabotage a NASA Mars launch."
And while there are a few brave, misguided souls out there that now claim that this film, like so many of Hooper's, was misunderstood when released and should be reappraised, we here at A Wasted Life are of the opinion that sometimes shit is shit, and thus stays shit. Still, as Video Graveyardsays, "[This] remake of the 1953 sci-fi classic has some good names behind it […] so it's hard to fathom why it turned out such a low-scale feeling pile of junk." To be fair, the movie is not all that bad the first third of the way; it just falls apart thereafter and becomes an annoying, totally unenjoyable and aggravating experience. (One could easily imagine that judgments were affected by chemical substances.)



The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
(1986, dir. Tobe Hooper)
Written by Lewis Minor "Kit" Carson (12 Aug 1941 – 20 Oct 2014). When we saw this movie at the time of its original release, we were already totally hyped due to the script excerpts that had been printed in some "serious" movie magazine, the name of which we've forgotten. We expected a lot, and we weren't disappointed. 
Trailer to
TCM Part 2:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 has little in common with TCM I, but we immediately understood it for what it was: an over-the-top, bloody and blackly comic critique of Ronald Reagan's America and the yuppie mentality. We loved it — we would even agree to an extent with Mick Garris, who has called the movie "a masterpiece"— and were never able to understand why everyone hated it, or why it was such a flop.
Hooper himself, however, had perhaps the correct insight to why it failed at its release: "I was just going to produce it and I couldn't find a director. Literally, I couldn't find anyone my budget would afford, a director whose work I knew, so I ended up running out of time and directing it myself. In doing so, I amplified the comedy and, I think, gave the general audience exactly what they did not want. I think they expected more of the same [as in TCM I]."
The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre, which rates the sequel of its namesake "Of Some Interest", has a bare-boned plot description: "A high-budgeted revisitation and sequel many years later by Hooper himself. The result is a loss of all realism and the original disturbing, horrifying effect replaced by twisted, gory and even humorous and campy entertainment with fancy sets full of Fellini-esque imagery. The story revolves around a relative of one of the original victims psychotically obsessed with finding and killing the murderers with his own chainsaw, and a female radio DJ who overheard a recent chainsaw murder take place and consequentially gets involved. The twisted family is still very much demented in various ways and nastily preoccupied with human slaughter, skin, bone and edible flesh."
Indeed, had Fellini ever directed a blood-drenched satire with special effects by Tom Savini , it might have looked like something like this sometimes highly disturbing black comedy. In any event, with the third feature-film critical and financial failure in a row to his name, Tobe Hooper moved onwards to television.



Amazing Stories — Miss Stardust
(1987, dir. Tobe Hooper)
Amazing Stories was an anthology series created by Steven Spielberg that originally ran on NBC in the United States from 1985 to 1987. He took the title from the famous and influential magazine of the same name launched in 1926 that more or less survived, with pauses and under various titles, for 80 years. The show was not a success and was not renewed after the originally run ended. Tobe Hooper directed the last episode, Miss Stardust, based on a short story originally written by Richard Matheson published in 1955. Scriptwriter Thomas E. Szollosi — who shares the screenplay credit with Matherson's son, Richard Christian Matheson — is a busy TV scribe who also has a few feature film scripts to his credit, the best being Snow White: A Tale of Terror (1997 / trailer) and the worst It Waits (2005 / trailer).
The plot, according to Wikipedia: "An alien (Weird Al Yankovic) threatens to destroy Earth if the Miss Stardust beauty pageant doesn't allow contestants from other worlds."
The blogsite Indiana Junkieis the only site we found that thought the episode was worth writing about: "The anthology show was heavily hyped before its debut as creator Steven Spielberg bringing his 'magic' to the small screen. By the time Hooper's episode debuted, however, the public has tuned out as they figured out early on that the stories were anything but remarkable. […] It seems only fitting that this would close out the series as it encapsulates everything that was wrong with the show as it isn't amazing in the slightest. […] This is one of those entries that make you sit back and wonder why they even bothered. […] And, as was endemic in the series, they felt they could just throw money on the screen to fool viewers they are watching good stuff. The production values are all top notch and there are three elaborate aliens that look awful but you know cost a bundle. On the plus side, Hooper did load the cast for this half hour episode with some genre vets including Jim Siedow (the cook from TCM), James Karen, Anthony James and Angel Thompkins. Maybe he knew it was a 'take the money and run' kind of deal so he hooked friends up?" 
The movie everyone remembers Angel Thompkins for —
The Teacher (1974):




Freddy's Nightmares — No More Mr. Nice Guy
(1988, dir. Tobe Hooper)
Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984 / trailer) is, of course, a classic; A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge(1985 / trailer), an entertaining failure; A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987 / trailer), a viable and entertaining sequel featuring one of our fav minor actresses, Jennifer Rubin; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988 / trailer) had an attractive heroine, Lisa Wilcox as Alice, and a head-trip of an interlude in which a scene repeats itself; we can't remember anything about either A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989 / trailer) or Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991 / trailer), and have yet to see any of the others, New Nightmare (1994 / trailer), Freddy vs. Jason (2003 / trailer), and the failed reboot, A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010 / trailer).
Yep, Freddy got flogged more than a month of dead horses. And aside from all the movies, he also was used for two different TV series, the first of which was Freddy's Nightmares, which ran for 44 episodes between 1988 and 1990. For the most part, it was an anthology series with Freddy (Robert Englund) acting as the host, much like the Cryptkeeper in the indefinitely better Tales from the Crypt (1989-96). Occasionally he was also part of the given episode's storyline, as in the first episode, No More Mr. Nice Guy, which was directed by Tobe Hooper.
The stories invariably took place in Springwood, Ohio, the same town as in the movies, and above all on Elm Street, the titular street of the franchise. No More Mr. Nice Guy was the story of Freddy's origin, though i-mockery does point out, "There are definitely some plot holes in this baby. If you remember in the original Elm Street, Nancy's mom (Ronee Blakley) explained the story about what really happened to Freddy, and it's definitely different from some of the stuff in this show. But hey, Nancy's mom was a friggin' lush anyway." 
Nightmare on Elm Street Wikihas the actual plot: "A man (Freddy Krueger) has been brutally slaying various children. But after he attempts to attack a police officer's twin daughters, he is finally captured and put on trial. During the trial, it is revealed Freddy was never read his rights, and Freddy is let free. The victims' angry parents form a mob and burn Freddy alive, but he has not been killed, and seeks revenge on the police officer (Ian Patrick Williams) who arrested him."
411 Maniapoints out, "The second half of the episode concerns Blocker [the police officer] and his apparent mental-breakdown following that night's events. At first it seems like this is just a result of Blocker's guilt over what he has done, but not surprisingly it is eventually revealed to be the work of Freddy, who claims Blocker as his first dream victim during a horrific visit to the dentist. This is sort of weird to me, too — if Freddy was already able to infiltrate people's dreams so soon after his death, why did he then wait another 18 years or so before going after the children of those who killed him?" 
In any event, in 1988 Tobe Hooper could pay the rent thanks to this and an episode of the TV series The Equalizer (1985-89) that he also directed, entitled No Place Like Home.




I'm Dangerous Tonight
(1990, dir. Tobe Hooper)
Tobe Hooper directs his second TV Movie, 11 years after Salem's Lot, this time a "horror thriller" loosely based on a short story by the tragic Cornell Woolrich(4 Dec 1903 – 25 Sept 1968). I'm Dangerous Tonight has also been released on DVD. The teleplay was adapted by regular TV scribes/producers Bruce Lansbury (12 January 1930 – 13 Feb 2017) and Philip John Taylor. Taylor's only feature film credit is the script to Paul Bartel's Lust in the Dust(1985 / trailer). I'm Dangerous Tonight was remade seven years later by Russell Mulcahy as an episode of the TV horror anthology series The Hunger (1997-2000), a series which some prude on imdb described as "Big budget softcore aimed at pseudo-intellectuals who cannot admit that they watch porn.
Trailer to
I'm Dangerous Tonight:
About the source story, Fiction DBsays, "I'm Dangerous Tonight is one of Woolrich's short stories classified as a novella based upon its length. It was originally published in the first edition of the new monthly pulp magazine, All-American Fiction, in 1937. Not known for writing supernatural stories, this particular work is one of few where Woolrich crossed into that genre."
At All Movie, Cavett Binion supplies a synopsis: "The plot involves a possessed Aztec ceremonial cloak (once used to line a sacred burial chamber) which poisons the soul of anyone who wears it. An improbable string of events sees the cloak turned into a little slip of a dress — donned by several different women, but worn to evil perfection by Madchen Amick […]." But then, Madchen Amick (Priest [2011 / trailer], Sleepwalkers[1992 / trailer] and The Borrower [1991 / trailer], among other stuff) has always looked good in anything she wears.
The cast has a number of interesting faces: Anthony Perkins is there for exposition as Professor Buchanan, R. Lee Ermey chews cigars as Lieutenant Ackman, Natalie "Eunice 'Lovey' Wentworth Howell" Schafer (5 Nov 1900 – 10 April 1991) of Gilligan's Island makes her last on-screen performance as the greedy granny, and Dee Wallace acts against type as Wanda Thatcher. The strangest face in the cast, however, is Eurotrash great William Berger(20 June 1928 – 2 Oct 1993, of Dial: Help[1988], Dr. M[1990], Django II[1987] and much, much more) as Jonas Wilson, the first person to fall under the spell of the red cloth.
Indiana Junkiesays, "Hooper's direction is very workmanlike […]. There are even a few bits that are downright embarrassing. For example, Amy's entrance into the dance is hilarious as everyone rubber necks at her and Gloria even jumps in front of her boyfriend as if to protect him. And wait until you get a load of the music and white guys dancing. Later, Hooper offers one of the most unintentionally funny bits of his career when Amick has a tug of war with her wheelchair-bound grandmother over the dress. The prospect of Hooper working with Perkins is certainly intriguing, but Perkins dials it down in terms of his trademark oddball performances and is only in the thing for a total of maybe 15 minutes."




Spontaneous Combustion
(1990, writ & dir Tobe Hooper)
It was the night that we watched this piece of shit along with his earlier piece of shit, Invaders from Mars (1986), that made us we decide we would no longer bother with Tobe Hooper films. Spontaneous Combustionrates up there as one of the worst movies we ever saw, all the more worse because it wasn't even fun bad. It's just bad.
Supposedly it was nominated for best film at the 1991 Fantasporto International Fantasy Film Awards, but if that's true then they must have been fucking desperate. The movie was a deserved flop. 
Used in the movie —
I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire
by The Ink Spots:
Mondo Digital, which actually, unbelievably, bravely claims that "time has been surprisingly kind to the film thanks to its surprising visual flair (especially in the second half) and Dourif's excellent performance", has the plot: "Here Dourif is cast as Sam, a man with a reasonably happy life and a nice girlfriend (Cynthia Bain of Pumpkinhead [1988 / trailer]), but he's haunted by the horrible fate of his parents who spontaneously burst into flame just after he was born. Both were subjected to covert experiments in atomic radiation by the government back in the '50s, and that seems to have some bearing on his predicament now: he can control fire and electricity, but each time he uses his power, it deteriorates him physically. On top of that someone's running around killing people with a poison-filled syringe straight out of Re-Animator(1985), and the local nuclear power plant (which apparently accounts for most of the incoming cash for the town in which this is set) seems to have a sinister agenda involving our hapless protagonist and his literally fiery rage issues." 
Bloody Pit, which unlike us sees some "bad film" potential to the move, points out some flaws: "While this starts out fairly well with the 1950s segment, it only gets progressively worse from there. The plot is unfocused and meandering, there's so much stuffed in here that pretty much every plot thread ends up under-baked or just gets tossed to the side altogether, the John Dykstra special effects are highly variable (ranging from excellent to awful) and everything leads up to a truly terrible finale that's unsatisfying, anticlimactic and utterly senseless. What gives with the birthmark? What gives with Sam briefly acquiring clairvoyant abilities and being able to see into not only his past but other (dead!) people's lives? What gives with the syringe of glowing green goop a mad doctor/assassin wants to inject Sam and Lisa with? What gives with Sam being able to cause people to spontaneously burst into flames at will and from afar yet not using these powers on the people he knows mean to do him harm? The piss-poor writing/plot development does provide the occasional unintended laugh and 'WTF just happened?!' moment, so this has that much going for it."
Trailer to
Spontaneous Combustion:
We here at A Wasted Life simply see Spontaneous Combustionas a crappy movie and a deserved flop with an all-over-the-place story — but Brad Dorouf once gave an explanation for the plot problems: "[…] My feeling is, the producers destroyed it. Tobe could have made three different movies with the material he had, and each one would have worked. But by the time he got it, it had changed from a love story to a suspense thriller about my character's paranoid fantasy, to a guy-goes-crazy film about this insane killer who becomes a destructive force that's going to wipe out mankind. We went back and kind of restructured it as a love story, but it didn't really help. The beginning of the film was great, and a certain portion of my stuff was fine, but then it became stupid when all the flame stuff started happening."




Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
(1990, dir. Jeff Burr)
OK, Tobe Hooper had absolutely nothing to do with this movie, except: "Characters by Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel". 
New Line bought the rights to TCM from Cannon in the hopes of creating a franchise along the lines of their Nightmare flicks. The movie was a flop, but that didn't stop more Chainsaw films from coming. Of the cast, the only names of interest is a young Viggo Mortensen, playing Leatherface's bro Eddie 'Tex' Sawyer, and Ken Foree as the survivalist cum hero Benny. 
Trailer
(made before the film was made):
Absolute Horrorsays "Leatherface is the most disappointing of the TCM movies — mostly because it doesn't take us anywhere new.  But then again, with the exception of Part 2, none of them really do. Ultimately, almost every TCM film follows the same formula as part one, just does it a bit more slickly.  The formula is: normal people, driving through Texas, meet seemingly normal other people, break down, find out that seemingly normal other people are in fact part of insane, inbred, mutant cannibalistic family, Leatherface comes out with a chainsaw, and inevitably some woman survives the whole thing. And there, in a nutshell, is the plot of TCM 3. […] But all of it just feels a bit half-baked. Really, if you want to get a disturbingly off-beat horror movie, then watch the first installment. If you want some over-the-top camp, then watch the second. But why take a step back and watch a mediocre re-imagining of Part 1? There's no real point to it.
An opinion shared by the Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review, where Richard Scheib is of the opinion that "The more one compares Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III to the original, the lamer it ends up seeming. Kate Hodge's torture and pursuit by Leatherface is ludicrously mild in comparison to the nightmarish violation and pursuit of Marilyn Burns in the original. The plot weakly imitates the structure of the original — travelers meet hitchhiker, are assaulted, girl tied up in house. Even the house where the family live, despite a far bigger art director's budget, is orderly and clean and compares woefully to the filthy house decked out in dioramas of animal skeletons in the original. The occasional scene does work — one scene trying to repair a car tire before Leatherface returns is tensely sustained. Some of the new characters — Viggo Mortensen's cowboy hitchhiker and particularly Joe Unger's glintingly fiery-eyed Tink — while pale shadows of the startling menagerie in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, are not too bad additions."



Tales from the Crypt — Dead Wait
(1991, dir. Tobe Hooper)
Tales from the Crypt, which ran for seven seasons (1989-1996) on HBO, was a weekly horror anthology series in which virtually every episode was based on a tale originally presented in one of EC's famous comic books from the 50s  (e.g., The Haunt of Fear, The Vault of Horror, Crime SuspenStories, Shock SuspenStories, and Two-Fisted Tales). A few of the tales had already been filmed in Amicus's anthology films Tales from the Crypt (1972 / trailer) and The Vault of Horror (1973 / trailer). 
Considering how closely aligned the series was to Hooper's general sensibilities as a filmmaker, it is almost odd that he only every directed one episode: the 30th (and 6th of season 3), based on a tale that originally appeared in The Vault of Horror #23 (February-March, 1952), written by Bill Gaines and Al Feldstein and drawn by Jack Davis. The real cover is found below, the fake cover for the TV show above. For the TV episode, Gilbert Adler adapted the tale; Adler went on to later script and direct the movie Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood (1996 / trailer).
The plot as found at Wikipedia: "A thug (James Remar) who's working for a plantation owner (John Rhys-Davies) teams up with the owner's mistress (Vanity [4 Jan 1959 – 15 Feb 2016]) in order to steal a highly valuable black pearl. He later double-crosses the mistress only to be double-crossed himself by a mysterious priestess (Whoopi Goldberg)."
Flights, Tights and Movie Nights, which says "the direction is fantastic, with a lot of deep shadows and ceiling fans," has the plot: "[…] The main role is played by James Remar with some odd-looking red hair as a small-time crook looking for a big hit which is currently a large black pearl owned by John Rhys-Davies who owns a plantation in an African village in the middle of a revolution. He also happens to have a way-too-hot-for-him wife who obviously has eyes for Remar. […] As the rebels get closer, Rhys-Davies sends Remar off with his wife to flee the country, but Remar still wants the pearl which is missing. He ends up killing Davies before realizing that he had swallowed the pearl to keep it safe and he has to cut it out of his worm-infested stomach which is grotesque, if a bit unbelievable. His wife turns on Remar, but Goldberg saves him and takes him through the jungle to the airport, except she actually takes him to her village as red hair is a sign that he is full of life and she cuts off his head and tosses the black pearl aside."

More to Come…

Misc. Film Fun – Two Music Videos that Tell Stories

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The Australian electronic music group The Avalanches does some pretty groovy music videos. The visuals to their songs Frank Sinatra (2016), Subways (2016), and Frontier Psychiatrist (2000) are excellent — as are the songs. But the video to Since I Left You, the title track to their first album (2000), does a bit more than just offer good visuals: it tells a story, admittedly one that only truly becomes apparent (and bittersweet) during the last seconds. Directed by Rob Leggatt and Leigh Marling, the video won "Best Video" at the 2001 MTV Europe Music Awards. A blast from the past, so to speak.
The Avalanches —
Since I Left You:

Next up, a music video to wipe away all the wistful poignancy left behind by Since I Left You. "Mr. Oizo" is the pseudonym of French electronic musician and film director Quentin Dupieux, a man possibly best known as the director of the decidedly surreal (and bloody) love-it-or-hate-it horror comedy, Rubber (2010 / trailer), about a killer car tire with telekinetic powers. (For which, actually, "Mr Oizo" supplies some music.) 
Oddly enough, for his 2014 electro-release Ham, Dupieux / Mr. Oizo didn't do the video but, instead, called upon Eric Wareheim (whose oeuvre of numerous entertaining music videos also includes the oddly disquieting ode to twerking that is the video to Major Lazer's Bubble Butt [2013]). ForHam, Wareheim directed a violent ode to America's penchant for obesity and guns, and our greatest national holiday, Black Friday. And while Wareheim himself calls the video a nightmarish vision of what America might become, we at A Wasted Life would say that it is already an accurate reflection of today's national soul and the general appearance of Trump's nation. 
Starring John C. Reilly, of Life After Beth(2014 / trailer), the disappointing remake Dark Water (2005 / trailer), and Tale of Tales (2015 / trailer).
Mr. Oizo —
Ham:

R.I.P.: Umberto Lenzi

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6 August 1931 – 19 October 2017

"A mostly unsung titan has passed." The great Umberto Lenzi has left us! In a career that spanned over 30 years, the Italian director churned out fine quality as well as crappy Eurotrash and cult favorites in all genres: comedy, peplum, Eurospy, spaghetti westerns and macaroni combat, poliziotteschi, cannibal and giallo. 
A career review will begin shortly...

Short Film: A Charlie Brown Christmas Reunion (2012)

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Way back in October, 2016, we unearthed the old but perennially entertaining student film, Bring the Head of Charlie Brown(1986). 
Darned if we didn't stumble upon another fun short that takes aim at CB and the Peanuts gang. This short is actually more Christmas-themed and thus would perhaps be more appropriate for December, but not only did we notice the full year since the last time we looked at the Peanuts, but Christmas shit is already in the stores anyways.

"The first strip from October 2, 1950. From left to right: Charlie Brown, Shermy, and Patty."

A Charlie Brown Christmas Reunion is far less violent and ridiculous and guffaw-inducing than last year's Head, but for that oddly effective and affective and closer to the bone.
The short is the product of the fine people at ADHD (Animation Domination High Def), many of whose past projects deserve rediscovery. Till then, welcome to life and aging.

Megaforce 2 / Devil Hunters / Lie mo qun ying (Hong Kong, 1989)

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(Spoilers.) This is the second flick on a cheap German double DVD entitled Megaforce 1 & 2 which, as we mentioned in our review of Killer Angels(1989), "we bought alone due to the wonderful cover art: with its big-boobed white babe with Farrah Fawcett hair [...] and macho male Caucasians bearing big guns." As in that movie, no big-boobed white babe with Farrah Fawcett hair is found anywhere in Megaforce 2 aka Urban Force 2 aka Devil Hunters aka Lie mo qun ying, the last title being what this flick was called upon its original release (we think).Nor, for that matter, as any macho Caucasian men with big guns — though there are a lot of guns in the movie in general.
Despite its release in the West as a sequel to the equally stupid but far superior and much more fun Killer Angels (aka Megaforce 1 aka Urban Force 1 aka Sha shou tian shi), Devil Hunters has nothing to do with Killer Angels, the only commonalities being that both movies were directed by Hong Kong film factory director Chin-Ku Lu (as Chun-Yeung Wong or Tony Lo) and feature, among others, former Hong Kong sock-em chop-em girl-with-a-gun favorite Moon Lee.
We like Moon Lee. She's the second-best thing in the movie. The best thing in the movie, oddly enough, is the actor Francis Ng, an actor we don't normally like. He's found in many a movie good and bad — e.g., the classic The Bride with White Hair(1993 / trailer) and its only slightly less commendable sequel The Bride with White Hair II (1993 / trailer),  The House that Never Dies / Jing Cheng 81 Hao (2014 / trailer), Devil 666 (1996 / trailer), A Wicked Ghost / San chuen liu see (1999 / trailer), Wu Ye Xin Tiao / Midnight Beating (2010 / trailer),  Zu zhou / Curse of Lola (2005 / trailer) and much more — but we've never liked him, dunno why. But in Devil Hunters, as Chiu Shing, the real bad guy of the flick, he's great: slimy, vain, greedy, dishonest, wacko and ever-so-slightly effeminate — a thin, Asian Donald Trump, you might say, though he has much better hair than the blob on the golf course — he's the type of guy you want to see lose but won't, and who will probably just end up cutting off your balls. (One thing for sure, he won't waste his time on Twitter.) For most of the movie, in any event, Chiu Shing doesn't lose.
We can only assume that the Western DVD version of the flick is cut, for Devil Hunters is much shorter than the supposed 130 minutes IMDBlists. Perhaps the missing footage might have added a bit to the lacking continuity of the movie, but considering how oddly lethargic whole swathes of the movie are (even during some actions scenes), it is perhaps doubtful that the missing footage would make the movie better. For most of Devil Hunters, the viewer is lost: while key aspects of the plot are easy enough to catch — indeed, they are almost all clichés of the genre — there are so many characters that for much of the movie one doesn't know who's with whom or who is who or why this or that person is doing what they're doing. (Often, even when your find out why someone is doing something, it still makes no sense.)
Devil Hunters drips of being written on the fly, scene by scene, very much as if everyone involved started the movie knowing the tropes but without a script. The result is a string of scenes, many seen a thousand times before, with generic characters and interminable (if well-choreographed) fight and shootout scenes and absolutely inane alliances and betrayals and actions that initially have no real interconnection but slowly interweave into a relatively linear if ridiculous story and an extremely abrupt end.
Devil Hunters is definitely not top of the barrel, and barely cuts the mustard as fun trash. In fact, its trashiest aspect, a totally gratuitous and poorly filmed and somewhat revolting torture and rape scene of a woman (Pui-Kei Chan, also of Killer Angels), comes across as so wanton and mean that it achieves a level of unmitigated misogyny.
Seriously: we don't like, we absolutely love, gratuitous nudity in movies, and even seriously believe that violence directed towards women can be necessary to advance the plot — see, for example, the original version of both I Spit on Your Grave (1978 / trailer) and Last House on the Left (1972 / trailer), or even almost any given episode of Game of Thrones (2011-2018 / 2011 trailer) — but the prolonged torture/rape scene in Devil Hunters advances nothing, and simply conveys a joy of hurting women that is gross. And that despite the fact that it is poorly filmed, edited, directed, and acted. Definitely a low point in a movie that has few high points.
Despite what one might perhaps infer from the title, Devil Hunters is not horror flick, it is an assembly-line, cookie-cut gangster vs. special-forces police flick with a bit of the girls-with-guns spicing thrown in. The non-plot begins as a police team out to bring down two gangster bands, which of course results in a major shootout at a popular amusement park. As is typical of so many of this type of movie, the people supposedly out to protect the masses (i.e., the police) don't give a flying fuck about collateral damage involving civilians — hell, civilians die left and right throughout the movie, with absolutely no repercussions anywhere. From there, the plot segues into a tapestry involving a betrayed gangster boss, Hon San (Wong Wai), who wants to save his diamonds, daughter and life from his duplicitous and usurping second-in-command (Francis Ng); a mysterious, ass-kicking woman (Moon Lee), who turns out to be San's second daughter (not that anyone is nonplussed by that revelation); a mildly handsome, ass-kicking man, Yuet (Ray Lui of Zai shi zhui hun[1993], 7 Assassins [2013 / trailer], and much more), out for revenge for the killing of his gangster-boss dad; and a whole police special force unit that finally whittles down to the tall, ass-kicking Tong Fung (Sibelle Hu), who's out for justice. A variety of other secondary and tertiary characters, mostly police or associates loyal to death to Hon San, flit through the events and die along the way.
Indeed, one of the biggest unintentional laughs of the movie is when the prissy but capable police boss Tsang (Alex Man) bawls his eyes out over the death of one character whom, to that point, one figured to be the main female: but up till then, who would have thought he cared? Also, how Chun Bing (Moon Lee) keeps revealing where her dad is, and to whom she does it, makes even less sense than how she then always prevents that given person from taking her dad in. And what a dad he is! He's oh so concerned about his other daughter, but would rather keep his diamonds than to stop her from being raped and tortured (and, one assumes, killed). And then, finally, at a drop of a hat Chun Bing (Lee) and Yuet (Lui) are permitted by the prissy police chief to team up with Tong Fung (Hu) for an armed, three-person special mission taking on Chiu Shing (Ng) and his armed army in a deserted house.
Time is also amazingly fluid in Devil Hunters. Things that should take days, weeks to transpire occur in minutes. Tertiary character Yin Fu (Michael Chan of Ren zhe wu di / Super Ninjas [1982 / trailer], Ma tou da jue dou / Chinese Hercules [1973 / trailer], Xia gu ying xiong zhuan / Wu Tang Clan [1980 / trailer],  Po jie / Broken Oath (1977 / trailer],  Bi gui zhuo / Ghost Snatchers [1986 / trailer], Xiao ao jiang hu / The Proud Youth [1978/ trailer] and much more), for example, manages to get his family on a boat, sends a letter to the cops (telling them stuff he wouldn't know), organizes and buys a ton of weapons, takes part in a major shootout and dies even as the letter arrives to the police station — and all that in mere minutes. Still, he remains one of the most sympathetic characters of the flick, and one regrets that he basically sacrifices himself for nothing.
In all truth, even in Hong Kong or among sock-em-chop-em and/or girls-with-guns fans, Devil Hunters probably would've been long forgotten like so much other third-rate product were it not for its infamous final scene, after which the movie ends exceedingly abruptly. The final shootout climaxes with a major explosion, an explosion that in reality would probably never have happened, for in real life the bad guy would have just shot the three heroes (or at least one of them) in the back after they turned to run.
But in the film, he doesn't do that and instead blows up the house — and the last scene is of how Bing (Lee), Yuet (Lui) and Fung (Hu) jump out of the house, not only engulfed in flames but actually on fire themselves due to a real-life technical fuckup. Lui came away relatively unharmed, but both Lee and Hu suffered serious third-degree burns and had to be hospitalized. Hu and Lee eventually recovered, and the film accident became legendary; it is even exploited at the films end, with a written epilogue telling the details of the accident and commending the actors for their work and courage.
One can only be happy that the three survived and recovered, for the only thing sadder than the event itself would have been had any or all been killed or permanently injured or disfigured for a movie as low in quality as Devil Hunters.
There are definitely worse movies out there, but for that many better ones, too. Worth watching if you've got nothing else around, Devil Hunters ain't nothing special — but for the final scene.

Tobe Hooper, Part III: 1992 – 2003

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25 Jan 1943 — 26 Aug 2017

Like George Romero (4 Feb 1940 — 16 July 2017), director Hooper was possibly plagued by the fact that his first general release feature-film, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), was such a stylistic and influential masterpiece that there was no place for him to go but down. But for all the bad or mediocre movies he made, he still made one more masterpiece than most directors, as well as a small number of early-career horror movies of note. May he rest in peace.

Go here for Part I: 1964-1982
Go here for Part II: 1983-1991


Sleepwalkers
(1992, dir. Mick Garris)

Mick Garris, a director famous, basically, for doing bad Stephen King movie adaptations, did his first Stephen King movie adaptation with this movie, using a script of an unpublished King short story written by King himself. Could it be there was a reason the story never found a publisher? (Uh yes.) Tobe Hooper is seen briefly in the background as a forensic technician is one of a series of background cameos that include Mark Hamill (a policeman), Stephen King (graveyard caretaker), John Landis (lab technician), Joe Dante (lab assistant) and Clive Barker (forensic technician).

In their article Every Stephen King Movie, Ranked from Worst to Best, Vulture rates Sleepwalkers as 36, saying: "It's Mick Garris again [...] hacking away at another King movie, this time with an original script from King. What are 'Sleepwalkers,' you ask? According to the Stephen King Wiki, they're 'an ancient and forgotten nomadic race of vampiric shape-shifting werecats.' In the movie, they're an incestuous mother and son who need to feed on virgin blood, and … well, you can probably guess where it goes from there. Amusingly, the Sleepwalkers cannot survive contact with simple house cats, which leads to all sorts of ridiculous scenes of our bad guy screaming in horror at the sight of Garfield. [...]"

Trailer to
Sleepwalkers:
We reviewed the move way back in 2009 and hated it. Today, given the chance we might be willing to visit the movie again, as we suspect that after 25 odd years, Sleepwalkers might finally be enjoyable as an old, truly fucking terrible movie.


Body Bags
(1993, dir. John Carpenter & Tobe Hooper)

We looked at this movie briefly in R.I.P. career review of the great character actor Charles Napier, where we wrote: "This film is an excellent one to play 'spot the face', as it is heavily populated with cult names, but in the end it is also entirely forgettable: we actually caught this on video years ago — anyone out there remember video cassettes? — but we can't remember anything about it. Final Girl says she likes the film, but then she also says '[...] I never met a horror anthology I didn't like. Plus, it's got Charles Napier, and I fucking love that guy — so much so that I need to swear about it.'Body Bags was originally made as a pilot for a proposed anthology horror TV project, but it never made it past this three-bee outing, which is generally available in a severely cut form (where did the blood go?). Napier, by the way, appears briefly as the baseball team manager in the segment Eye, which stars Luke Skywalker and Twiggy."
Trailer to
Body Bags:
Eye also happens to be the segment directed by Tobe Hooper. Wikipedia has the plot: "Brent Matthews (Mark Hamill) is a baseball player whose life and career take a turn for the worse when he gets into a serious car accident in which his right eye is gouged out. Unwilling to admit that his career is over, he jumps at the chance to undergo an experimental surgical procedure to replace his eye with one from a recently deceased person. But soon after the surgery he begins to see things out of his new eye that others cannot see, and begins having nightmares of killing women and having sex with them. Brent seeks out the doctor who operated on him, and the doctor tells him that the donor of his new eye was a recently executed serial killer and necrophile who killed several young women, and then had sex with their dead bodies. Brent becomes convinced that the spirit of the dead killer is taking over his body so that he can resume killing women. He flees back to his house and tells his skeptical wife, Cathy (Twiggy), about what is happening. Just then the spirit of the killer emerges and attempts to kill Cathy as well. Cathy fights back, subduing him long enough for Brent to re-emerge. Realizing that it is only a matter of time before the killer emerges again, Brent stabs his donated eye with garden scissors, severing his link with the killer, but then bleeds to death."
Tobe also pops up onscreen as "Morgue Worker #2".


Night Terrors
(1993, dir. Tobe Hooper)


Plot, thanks as so often to the Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Review: "Teenager Eugenie (or Genie) Matteson (Zoe Trilling of Night of the Demons 2 [1994 / trailer] and Dr Giggles [1992 / trailer]) arrives to join her archaeologist father (William Finley [20 Sept 1940 – 14 April 2012], of Phantom of the Paradise [1974 / trailer] and Silent Rage [1982/ trailer]) on a dig in Alexandria. While in the marketplace, three Arab men attack Genie because she is dressed provocatively but a stranger Sabina (Alona Kimhi) saves her. The sophisticated Sabina introduces Genie to the handsome Sheik Mahmoud (Juliano Mer-Khamis [29 May 1958 – 4 April 2011, "assassinated by a masked gunman"]) and Genie allows him to seduce her. She is then introduced to Paul Chevalier (Robert Englund), a weird puppeteer who claims to be a descendant of the Marquis de Sade (Robert Englund). Chevalier draws her into a series of sadomasochistic sexual games. At the same time, those that try to warn Genie about the games, saying that Chevalier and the others are a cult, start turning up murdered."

Aka Tobe Hooper's Living Nightmare. An American-Canadian-Egyptian production, it was filmed in Israel. Written by Rom Globus, of the Globus film family — his only known excursion into the movie biz — and Daniel Matmor, the latter appears in the movie as a priest. Matmor's limited credits include writer/director of the unknown films Homeboyz II: Crack City (1989 / trailer), Urban Jungle Harlem (1994) and Buffalo Heart (1996), films one and all that no one knows anything about.
In his book Reel Bad Arabs: How Hollywood Vilifies a People, Jack G. Shaheen, a man with thin skin going by the book, gripes that "Israeli producer Rom Globus fills the screen with anti-Egyptian propaganda." Strangely enough, Charles T. Tatum, Jr is of the opinion, "The film is very anti-Christian, as the archaeologist is a Bible-spouting father, but likes to be tied up by the local prostitute." (Christians, you know, never go to prostitutes... they become Priests and molest little boys. Or do only Catholics do that?)
Trailer to
Night Terrors:
In his study Eaten Alive at a Chainsaw Massacre: The Films of Tobe Hooper, John Kenneth Muir doesn't notice an anti-Egyptian or anti-Christian sentiment, but does say: "[...] Tobe Hooper's Night Terrors is a project that could generate terror in even the most devoted fan of the director's film output: a heavy-handed, turgid muddle of a movie that isn't thrilling or even particularly erotic (though it has been dubbed an 'erotic thriller'). This film is atypical of Hooper as a filmmaker because there's no sign of his infectious sense of humor [...] or even his unflagging energy. Instead, the film is 90 minutes of pure nonsense [...]."
Absolute Horror would agree, it seems: "This movie answers not one of my many, many questions. For instance, what is the significance of the father's religiousness? What is his connection to the mysterious woman? Why are these people here? Why was this movie made? How could Tobe Hooper direct this crap? What is the fastest animal on earth? Why is the sky blue? This movie sucks. It's not fun. It's not entertaining. It's boring. It makes no sense. There's not enough gore. There's not enough action. There's not enough anything. Don't be fooled by the director, the star, the attractive video box. The only fun I had in this movie was pointing out all the unanswered questions and watching the brief sex scene. The production values are shoddy. The acting is horrible, particularly Zoe Trilling's acting...how did she get casted? Actually, even Englund's pretty poor. Man, the only thing which makes the title seem apt is the fact that I watched it at night and the terror of how awful it was."
The question "How did she [Zoe Trilling] get casted?" is easy to answer. Zoe Trilling has big mambos, and she gets naked in the movie.
Speaking of getting naked, the previously mentioned Charles T. Tatum, Jr recommends the movie because "It is weird. There is an extended sex scene. For the ladies, hunky Egyptian rides a horse completely nude."
And hunky and handsome Sheik Mahmoud (Juliano Mer-Khamis) indeed was. May he R.I.P.


Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
(1994, dir. Kim Henkel)

Aka The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. We list it here only because of the "characters by" credit. But: Kim Henkel, Hooper's partner in words for the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and Eaten Alive (1977), both of which we looked at in Part I; took on the directorial and scriptwriting chores for The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Also from the first film in uncredited cameo appearances: Marilyn Burns (the original Final Girl), Paul A. Partain (Franklin "wheel-chair bound" Hardesty.), and John Dugan (Grandpa Sawyer). The movie is famous today primarily for having early lead roles for both Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey... but then, there are people out there that claim that Columbia's recut release (The Next Generation) also ruined what was originally a good movie.

Music from the Movie —
Debbie Harry & Robert Jacks'

Der Einzinger Weg:
In Bloody Disgusting's ranking of the Chainsaw films, they rate it 6th of seven, saying: "[...] Light on gore and heavy on cartoonish characters, this entry keeps Leatherface (Robert Jacks [9 Aug 1959 – 8 Aug 2001]) mostly relegated to the background while Matthew McConaughey chews the scenery as main villain Vilmer. McConaughey's performance is so exaggerated that it moves past comical into grating territory. The reveal toward the end that an Illuminati-like organization hires the family to show victims the meaning of horror, offering a sort of transcendental experience to the unwitting victims, is a strange twist that doesn't quite work for the series [...]. Why isn't this ranked the worst? Renee Zellweger's final girl Jenny is surprisingly one of the best characters of the entire series. Despite her nerdy appearance, Jenny demonstrates a knack for calling out bullshit from the outset. From calling out a classmate's goofy claim that a lack of sex will cause cancer to standing up to her attackers, Jenny's mental toughness makes her a character worth rooting for."
Trailer to
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation:
AV Films, which points out that "McConaughey's over-the-top turn as a redneck psycho shows that if he continues to hone his craft and choose his scripts wisely, he could have a future as a character actor in low-budget slasher films," has the plot of this "slightly above-average slasher film that's only partially redeemed by small but endearingly loopy shreds of black humor": [...] Four prom-bound teenagers getting lost in the Texas backwoods. After demolishing their car in an accident that leaves one of them dead, the three remaining teens run across a creepy tow-truck driver with an electric leg (Matthew McConaughey) and are gradually introduced to his family of blood-crazed sadistic cannibals. As tends to be the case in this sort of film, the hero is a plucky, resourceful virgin, this time winningly played by a pre-stardom Zellweger."
The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre —
The Documentary:


The Mangler
(1995, dir. Tobe Hooper)

Well, if you're on a downward spiral, why not do a Stephan King movie? Here, a feature film based on a short story originally published in the December 1972 issue of Cavalier, when King was still unknown, and later added to his first collection of short stories, Night Shift (1978).
A little know fact: before he could finish this movie, Tobe Hooper was replaced by one of the producers, namely Anant Singh. The script was co-written by producer Harry Alan Towers (19 Oct 1920 – 31 July 2009), credited as Peter Welbeck, a man who produced and cowrote a lot of fine films and fun trash, including Ten Little Indians (1965 / trailer) and Coast of Skeletons (1964), neither of which is really all that trashy.
Trailer to
The Mangler:
Oddly enough, although The Mangler was/is considered a financial and artistic flop, it later spawned two direct-to-video "sequels", The Mangler 2 (2002 / trailer) and The Mangler Reborn (2005 / trailer). Part 2 has more in common with the abysmal Lawnmower Man (1992 / trailer) than The Mangler, while Reborn had some thinly constructed links.
On August 25, 1995, The Christian Science Monitor wrote, "Tobe Hooper's directing career has been in decline since the popular Poltergeist, but this over-the-top chiller shows he still has a brawny visual imagination. Also present is his propensity for gratuitous gore, putting the picture way off limits for the squeamish." However, in their article Every Stephen King Movie, Ranked from Worst to Best, Vulture rates it 39th of 40 (just in front of Maximum Overdrive [1986]), saying: "Of all the Stephen King adaptations, we must confess that this one has our favorite title. Boy, though, is this thing ridiculous. What, exactly, is 'the Mangler,' you ask? Well, the Mangler is a demonically possessed … laundry press! This setup leads to hilarious scenes of an angry laundry press pressing up and down, like a hungry, hungry hippo. Eventually the Mangler develops legs and starts chasing people. It's all terrible, but, you never know, it might be your thing."
Like all Hooper movies after TCM, The Mangler was shredded and/or avoided by everyone when it came out. Today, some brave souls have begun to look at "Hooper's tribute to German expressionism, combining that style from the '20s with a 1970s Italian lighting scheme and very '90s gore" with more appreciative eyes.
Blumhouse, which sees the movie as "no conventional horror tale, but an ambitious artistic exercise", points out that "The Mangler is very much about class warfare and the exploitation of the working classes. The Mangler itself may be seen to represent any wage slavery job. We know that this machine is hungry and wants to kill us. We know that the economic system is only looking for human meat to feast upon. But we have to keep returning to the beast because, hey, we need that paycheck. The Mangler offers a salient comment on the very nature of wage slavery. That the victims are all women adds an additional layer of commentary. […] So what we have in The Mangler is something that folds together the grit of Zola, the glorious schlock of 1950s pulp, the weird antihero darkness of classic noir, and a salient message of economic hardship for the modern day. All told in a weird, weird, weird monster movie about a killer laundry press. The movie is strange enough to be nightmarish, and nightmarish enough to be actually, fitfully, scary. […] The Mangler is, one must admit, perhaps a little too strange to be regarded as a legitimate horror classic, and many horror fans still can't get around the notion of a stationary monster machine — seriously, just don't go in that room — but it is most certainly more complex, interesting, and intriguing than its reputation may have one believe."


Perversions of Science — Panic
(1997, dir. Tobe Hooper)
 
This short-lived and completely forgotten anthology series from HBO was a spinoff their classic Tales from the Crypt. Like that show, this one took all its plotlines from the classic EC comics of the 50s, in this case Weird Science, published from 1950-53. Due to the 1985 movie Weird Science (trailer), which was inspired by Al Feldstein's story "Made of the Future" from the fifth issue if the comic book, the series as given the title Perversions of Science.
Despite a relative present publicity campaign and a noteworthy list of directors (including Walter Hill and yes, the William Shatner), the show flopped. It has yet to go into syndication or be released on DVD in English-speaking countries, so all ten episodes have remained in obscurity.
The title song to the movie
Weird Science,
by Oingo Boingo:
Like Crypt, Perversions had a pun-friendly host: a poorly rendered female CGI robot named Chrome, voiced by Maureen Teefy, who milked every sentence she said for as much innuendo as possible. Tobe Hooper's episode, the 7th of the series, was broadcast July 2, 1997, and was based on Al Feldstein's story of the same name found in Weird Science #15, (Nov-Dec 1950). Andrew Kevin Walker, who adapted the story for TV, went on to work on the scripts of such movies as the trashy Hideaway (1985 / trailer), the two classics Se7en (1985 / trailer) and Sleepy Hollow (1999 / trailer), and the abysmal The Wolfman (2010 / trailer).
Hidden Horrors has the plot: "In the 1930s, 'Carson Wells', played by Chris Sarandon, […] is planning a radio play broadcast for Halloween that he says will be very big. If you know your history you will know it is the infamous War of the Worlds broadcast that panicked the nation. Along with Carson Wells planning the broadcast there are two young college friends, played by Jaimie Kennedy and Jason Lee, who are planning a Halloween party for their friends. Halfway through the Halloween party, the infamous War of the Worlds broadcast plays on the radio and makes everyone scared and concerned. Then both Jason Lee and Jaimie Kennedy start murdering all the party goers […]."
At Bloody Disgusting, author Daniel Kurland gushes, "Panic […] is one of my favorite anthology shorts of all time. It might be campy as hell at certain points, but if this were a Tales from the Crypt episode, it would still rank up there with me amongst the best of them, mainly for the incredible twists that this economical piece of television pulls out at you. […] It takes the premise of the War of the Worlds broadcast and subverts it with such a brilliant idea that it just fills me with such glee. Not only is this initial twist one of the smarter premises that I've seen used for an anthology show, but the ultimate twist that wraps up the episode is so in-your-face audacious, you just have to get on board with it. Panic is a bewildering experiment from top to bottom that never stops you from guessing what's going on. This episode is deserving of some sort of elevation above its discarded series' status. Perversions of Science might be a very mixed bag, but Panic is the series at its absolute best and won't disappoint."
The Full Episode —
Panic:


The Apartment Complex
(1999, dir. Tobe Hooper)


Hooper pays the rent by directing a TV movie that no one has seen scripted by Karl Schaefer, the co-creator of the great and entertaining TV series, Z Nation (2014–20??). The latter is fare better than the former.
Trailer to
Z Nation:
TCM has a bare-bones plot description: "An impoverished psychology grad student (Chad Lowe) manages the Wonder View Apartment in Hollywood in exchange for a rent-free apartment. When he gets mixed up with the bizarre tenants, he finds himself accused of murder."
Like most people who have seen this obscure TV movie, Flick Filosopher did not like it, saying: "Maybe this kind of stuff is spooky when you're a kid in film school, but I expect better of industry veterans like writer Karl Schaefer, who had a hand in the TV series Eerie, Indiana, and director Tobe Hooper […] Plus, we're bashed over the head with the metaphor of people as rats in a maze — just like the rats Stan is studying! — a few too many times. […] There's an implication early on that perhaps this is all some odd nightmare of Stan's, that none of this is actually happening. If that turned out to be the case, it would be bad enough. But no. The Apartment Complex tries to straddle reality and The Twilight Zone, and the result is neither bizarre enough nor grounded enough in the real world to satisfy either storytelling urge."
The Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Review wishes the movie were better, complaining that "The script marshals all the right elements — pythons loose in the apartment, an achingly desirable girl (Fay Masterson) with a disturbed boyfriend (Patrick Warburton of American Strays [1996 / trailer]), a body in the pool, cryptic diaries, two sinister police detectives who suspect the hero of the murder, a physically akilter apartment block with missing room numbers, threatening never-seen tenants, kooky psychics (Amanda Plummer), former CIA agents bugging conversations. […] As to the rest of the film — oh dear. Tobe Hooper has shown a deft hand with black comedy in the underrated Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. With The Apartment Complex, he clearly aims for the same tone as Barton Fink (1991 / trailer) a sense of humor that makes you feel uneasy at the same time you are laughing. However, Hooper misses by a mile and the intended black comedy falls into clumsy farce. […] Where The Apartment Complex should have been a sinisterly paranoid black comedy, it is just loud farce — with an unbelievable, happy sitcom ending."
For that, some guy named Zack Clopton gives the movie a B rating and thinks that "Though easy to overlook, the humble film may actually be the best thing Hooper has been involved with in years."
A Scene from the Sitcom
The Apartment Complex:


Crocodile
(2000, dir. Tobe Hooper Video)


For variety, instead of a TV movie, Tobe Hooper took on a direct-to-video job. The general consensus is that the movie sucks, but to say it damaged his career would be saying too much, as by 2000 Tobe Hooper was no longer seen as a contender in horror. In a sense, he didn't have it that bad: he was still working in his field of choice, and he was generally employed — something many other filmmakers seldom achieve. But even if by now the name "Tobe Hooper" was no longer a mark of quality, Crocodile did well enough to warrant a sequel two years later, Crocodile 2: Death Swamp (2002 / trailer), directed by Gary Jones, a visual effects artist who occasionally directs low budget horror flicks of this kind, e.g., Mosquito (1994 / trailer), Spiders (2000 / trailer), Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013 / trailer) and more. (When it comes to his directorial projects, Jones is also no mark of quality — but as he has no classic in his past, no one holds it against him.)
Trailer to
Crocodile:
As Unknown Movies point out, "the premise of this movie is thin", and "any director might have had trouble stretching the little material in the script into an entire movie": "Several college students on their spring break go up to Lake Sobek, a giant lake located somewhere in the southwest [sic]. While cruising on the lake, a crocodile, whose eggs gets disturbed, sets her eyes on chomping those students and anyone else that gets in her way. And aside from the expected screaming, running, and chomping that follows, that's about it."
The location of the "Lake Sobek" in the film, according to 99% of all articles we found, is actually California, but who really cares? Urban rumors of the supposed "California crocodile"— aka "Crocodilus minusculus"— aside, California has no native crocs.
Like most, the critic at Popcorn Pictures hated the movie: "If you've seen one of these 'monster-on-the-loose' flicks, then you'll have already seen Crocodile. Focusing on a bunch of characters stranded in the middle of nowhere with a big, angry and hungry monster after them, they're the sort of film that studios love to make. Safe bets. No risks taken. They're simply recycling a formula which worked for other films in the past and will continue to work for films in the future. […] Every clichéd character in the book is here from the dumb jock, the prankster, the slut, the arguing couple, the snobby one, backwoods hicks and an incompetent sheriff who is there to warn everyone of the dangers of the lake only to find himself standing a little close when the time comes. To be fair, the teenagers look like they're have a good time to start with, but they soon use up their quota of charm quickly and you'll be wishing they'd feed themselves to the croc sooner rather than later. Thankfully most of the people are here to act as croc fodder and the croc doesn't go hungry for one minute. It's just a pity it takes the croc a bit too long to get snacking."
Over at Coming Soon, a writer goes out on the limb in the article 7 Totally Underrated Tobe Hooper Movies and says, "Another Hooper opus that many cite as his worst, Crocodile's only real drawbacks are a pedestrian cast and a CGI reptile monster that looked terrible in 2000 and now looks far worse. But with Crocodile, Hooper feels fully engaged. What starts as a typical young people on vacation romp turns weird once the beast shows up. Not quite as mental as Eaten Alive, of course, [but] there are still so many traces of Hooper's eccentricities here. But you feel like the dozen producers and other folks behind the scenes kept trying to water down that wild mind of his. But Crocodile is most certainly worth another look!" 


Night Visions — The Maze & Cargo
(2002, dir. Tobe Hooper)
Night Visions was a short-lived anthology series hosted by Henry Rollins, who was total beefcake when we lived in LA back in the early 80s. Each episode featured two "half-hour" stories — "half-hour" they were with commercials — along the lines, narrative wise, of Twilight Zone (1959-64, 1985-89 & 2002-03), Night Gallery(1969-73) or an dozen other anthology series. A variety of names directed episodes, including Joe Dante, Ernest Dickerson and Hooper, who directed a total of two segments: The Maze, which was supposed to be aired 19 Sept 2002 alongside Paul Shapiro's Harmony; and Cargo, which aired the following week alongside Jefery Levy's Switch.
Over at imdb, where someone says "The gruesome ending is something one would expect in a movie, but not a TV show," they have the plot to Cargo: "Mark Stevens (Jaime Kennedy) is a young courageous and honest man, who works as the new cargo officer on a big cargo ship. One night he notices that someone is hiding in one of the giant shipping containers. He reports this to the ship's shady first officer and the elderly captain (Philip Baker Hall). They ignore his report, so he tries to get to the bottom of things by himself. It turns out that a bunch of Russian immigrants is locked in one of the containers and something deadly and hungry is locked in there with them. Stevens makes contact with a pretty woman inside, who claims that the monster that's in there with them is picking them off one by one. Stevens tries again to warn the captain about the situation, but he tells him not to dig into the matter any further. However, Stevens can't let the people in the container die, even if it kills him, and it just might."
Online, While It Lasts —
Cargo, with Switch:
Also at imdb, ctomvelu-1 has the following to say about Hooper's The Maze: "Thora Birch is a standoff-ish college student who finds herself trapped in a different time after walking through a maze on her college campus. At first, she finds herself completely alone in this world, and the spookiness of her moving through vacant buildings and courtyards is a sobering experience. A fellow student (Luke Edwards) who she blew off back in her own dimension turns up here, and she learns a valuable lesson about friendship from him. Unfortunately, in this parallel world, a comet is about to destroy the planet. So Ms. Birch must renegotiate the maze, with her new friend in tow. Will she make it? The ending may surprise the more cynical among you, and it is quite a break from the grisly endings of many other episodes of this show."
Online, While It Lasts —
The Maze, with Harmony:


Shadow Realm
(2002, dirs. Tobe Hooper, Paul Shapiro, Keith Gordon & Ian Toynton)
As it was, due to a minor societal-earthquake known in the USA as "9/11" some of the episodes of the short-lived anthology series Night Visions got pre-empted and never aired. The Sci-Fi Channel later edited the two hour-long, double-storied episodes together and removed Henry Rollins' blathering to create this TV anthology movie, Shadow Realm, which the Polish website His Name Is Death gives seven out of a possible ten Screaming Janet Leighs.
Zack Clopton didn't catch the flick, but he did catch the individual episodes and he had the following, among other thing, to say about The Maze: "[The Maze] is sauce, not helped by Birch's sleepy performance or Amanda Plummer's broad overacting. Tobe Hooper's television work is unusually fairly indistinct. The Maze is mediocre overall but it does feature some decent camera work. As Birch explores the abandoned college campus, Hooper often employs expressive shots. Scenes of the girl walking up a staircase or wandering through an empty cafeteria are accompanied by Dutch angles or wide lens. While exploring the hedge maze, off-center, askew perspectives are employed. It doesn't amount to a whole lot, but it does show one of the director's trademarks still surviving, even into the doldrums of his career."


Headcheese
(2002, dir. Duane Graves & Justin Meeks)

A short written by co-director Justin Meeks. As a team, Duane Graves & Justin Meeks have since also directed a few independent horrors, namely The Wild Man of the Navidad (2008 / trailer), the Kim Henkel scripted Butcher Boys (2012 / trailer) and Kill or Be Killed (2015 / trailer). Hooper's erstwhile collaborator with words, Kim Henkel, is credited as a producer of this short and, like Tobe Hooper, is given "Special Thanks" in the credits.
As revealed at TexasChainsawMassacre.net, "Headcheese was the original name given to Texas Chainsaw Massacre by Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel before they settled on the final title. But for today and forever, Headcheese is now known as the 22-minute film by Duane Graves and Justin Meeks." (Actually, today and forever headcheese is simply another name for smegma.)
Geek Films says pretty much the same thing as every other website: "Loosely based on a New Testament chapter, Luke 8:29, Headcheese is the gritty account of a deranged man's unholy psyche while on a bizarre pilgrimage to Quick Hill, Texas, to rid his soul of feeble-minded parasites. Filmed on both 8mm and 16mm B&W film stock, this 22-min observation of a schizophrenic serial killer, wandering desolate Texas backwoods and farmland, combines the visual excess of underground classics such as Richard Kern's Submit to Me (1985 / film) and Fingered (1986 / film) and thematically resembles Nico B and Rozz Williams'Pig (1988 / clip) another movie exploring the tortured mind of a serial killer and his spiritual quest for truth."
Unrated points out, "It comes then as no great surprise that Graves and Meeks were students on TCM writer Kim Henkel's screenwriting and film production courses, and that Henkel is the producer."
Movies Made Me says, "From what I can gather, it's not uncommon for Shock-O-Rama to release films with a short film as one of the many bonus features. Such is the case with Headcheese, a short film that is eons better than the movie it's coupled with. Freak (1999 / trailer) was laughable, while Headcheese is creepy, thought-provoking, and a great window into the mind of a psychopath."
Headcheese
Part One:




Michael Bay's Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(2003, dir. Marcus Nispel)


Way back in 1974, Roger Ebert — famous critic and scriptwriter of Russ Meyers fabulously campy Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970 / trailer)— gave the original Chainsaw two star, saying "Now here's a grisly little item. […] I can't imagine why anyone would want to make a movie like this, and yet it's well-made, well-acted, and all too effective." Nineteen years later, he was much less kind to this version, which he gave zero stars and lambasted: "The new version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a contemptible film: Vile, ugly and brutal. There is not a shred of a reason to see it. Those who defend it will have to dance through mental hoops of their own devising, defining its meanness and despair as 'style' or 'vision' or 'a commentary on our world'. It is not a commentary on anything, except the marriage of slick technology with the materials of a geek show."
Well, we here at A Wasted Life always liked geek shows. True, we saw no real reason to remake the movie, other than the usual blatantly capitalist one, but we found the movie much better than we expected, different enough in story and development not to be a flat out copy but true enough to be familiar, and populated with surprisingly sympathetic fodder and effectively nightmarish rednecks. Director Marcus Nispel, a successful music video director, was never again — going by his subsequent movies to date, Pathfinder (2007 / trailer), the abysmal Friday the 13th (2009 / trailer), Conan the Barbarian (2011 / trailer) and Exeter (2015 / trailer) — as successful at translating his music video eye and flashy style into a feature film. (OK, Conan was sort of fun.) But then, he was helped by having a decent screenwriter, Scott Kosar, who later worked on two notable films, The Machinist [2004 / trailer] and The Crazies [2010 / trailer], and one crappy one, The Amityville Horror [2005 / trailer]).
Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel of course get "characters" credit, but while Scott Kosar more or less sort of follows the original plot, he ups the ante in terms of characters (major, minor and in between) and action. And whereas much of the visceral of the original was more implied than gushed in full red glory, this version had a big budget for blood and guts effects.
Foster on Film has the slightly changed plot: "While driving through rural Texas, Erin (Jessica Biel), her boyfriend, Kemper (Eric Balfour), and three others, pick up a girl in shock, who soon after commits suicide. While attempting to report the incident and rid themselves of the body, they find themselves in a nightmare of assorted inbred maniacs including a drunken sheriff (R. Lee Ermey), and Leatherface (Andrew Bryniarski, also of the crappy Seven Mummies [2006]), who wears a mask made of human skin and carries a chainsaw." He also points out a major change from the first movie: "[…] Leatherface isn't the most frightening of the tribe of fiends. That honor goes to the sheriff, who won't be on any tourism ads for Texas. Leatherface is a stupid brute, who rarely makes a clever move, even when chasing someone. The sheriff is cruel, vulgar, authoritative, and armed. While hardly brilliant, he at least has a functioning brain, which makes him feel dangerous." (Indeed, he took everything we don't like about American cops and amped by 100 and added a propensity for human flesh.)
Trailer:
Dr Gore points out two ways of viewing the movie, which he saw with his dad: "Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a great horror movie. I loved every second of it. Loved it. My dad saw it with me and he HATED it. He hated it with a passion. In his words, 'That stupid movie was needlessly cruel and vicious.' Yes! Exactly! Couldn't have said it better myself! Except for the movie being stupid, I agree! Texas Chainsaw Massacre is very sick for a mainstream movie. Brutal, nasty and quite demented. Just like all good horror should be. If you're into horror flicks, you've got to check it out."
Still, though we did "like" the movie — but for the pointless baby subplot — and its symbolic presentation of a salt-of-the-earth America that has both degenerated to insanity and is feeding upon itself in and with righteousness, we would tend to say that the original version is, unlike this one, as much of an artistic achievement as it is a reflection of its time and an effective horror film. That's why: If you have yet to see either version, go for Tobe Hooper's 1974 original first.
Tidbit of trivia: the now well-known John Larroquette did the narration, as he did for the 1974 version way back when he was a total unknown.

More to come…

El Topo (Mexico, 1970)

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"You are seven years old. You are a man. Bury your first toy and your mother's picture." 
(The first line uttered in the movie, fromEl Topoto his son.)


My, they did make strange movies once upon a time, didn't they? And this is undoubtedly one of the strangest — or, at least, the least decipherable. Of course, much of what can be deciphered is both platitudinous and sometimes even rather, well, out-dated if not sexist, supercilious ad condescending, so it is actually to the movie's advantage not to think too much and, instead, to simply enjoy this freaky film for what it is, or at least comes across as: an indulgent, acid-induced and visual spaghetti western art film with overt intellectual pretensions and delusions of grandeur.
But then, it is grand poetry; but at slightly over two hours in length, it is also sometimes bad poetry. It would be true to say that among other things El Toporeveals is that when done right, or with the proper magic, bad poetry can be as incredibly mesmerizing as good poetry. Much like Ginsberg's Howl, El Topo is far from perfect, but has the power and position and influence that come with being the first of its kind: the underground hippie art movie that thumbs its nose at the mundanity of movie product and wholly concerns itself with the artistic expression and intention of the movie's maker. Its repercussions can still be felt today: from David Lynch to Tim Burton to Gore Verbinski to Darren Aronofsky, its influence can be found everywhere, if often, by now, as but the influence of its influence. (Incomprehensible art films have been around much longer than El Topo, or course — see: Last Year at Marienbad [1961 / trailer], for example — but El Topo has hippiedom written all over it.)
Rest assured, the movie has a message. Indeed, El Topoprobably has a good dozen messages, and nary a scene goes by in which the viewer cannot help but think, "Hmm, that probably means something." The symbology presented is so diverse and taken from so many places and cultures and sources that is almost comes across as if the filmmaker sat down with a copy of some book, possibly entitled "Dictionary of Symbols" or "The Symbology of Dreams", and then proceeded to work as  many as possible into a script for a western.
And while that might sound like the resulting movie cannot be much fun, or at least not very enjoyable, the opposite is true. El Topo is indeed a piece of art, and it can be enjoyed as such; but like truly good art, one need not know what makes or made it great for it to be enjoyed now. (One need not know how van Gogh's art affected art, for example, for one to enjoy his art.)
At the same time, a new level of enjoyment has also begun to slip in at the sides: El Topo, perhaps the first of the "Midnight Movies" and a true cult film classic, has developed some big wrinkles and a lot of grey hair. Visually, it still works, but damn if director / scriptwriter / lead actor Alejandro Jodorowsky doesn't often come across like a cankerous and homophobic and misogynist and egoistical old fart. (Jesus! Did we just describe the perennial golf-player living in the White House?) Thus, now one might well find oneself giggling at things that were once extremely serious. Or about which the filmmaker was at least extremely serious. But then again, perhaps he wasn't — perhaps the seriousness which seems to run throughout the movie is in itself an intellectual joke, one missed at the time.
Still, it can only be a decision of the director that no matter what he does, the main Man in Black, "El Topo", always seems to make the wrong decision. Or, at least, the decisions he makes always seem to lead to negative results. (Jesus! Did we just describe that moranic golf-player again?)
The plot is a free-flowing mishmash of events that almost appear circular by the movie's end: perhaps it is not the same El Topo that rides off in the last scene, but the visual similarity to the El Topo that begins the movie is so obvious that the concept of the circular nature of life is clear enough.
Within the visual structure of the spaghetti western — the movie makes use of the sets of 1968's Day of the Evil Gun (trailer) — El Topo (director Alexandro Jodorowsky) rides through the barren landscape with his naked son (Ah! Innocence! Freedom! Youth!), whom he subsequently dumps for a woman, La Mujer (Mara Lorenzio). Despite the fact that he can make her see fireworks — and make phallic-shaped rocks spurt water — she goads him into killing the four mystical gun masters to prove his love and, when he succeeds, dumps him for the mysterious Woman in Black (Paula Romo). (As we all know, women are fickle, evil creatures and the downfall of all good men.) At which point director Alexandro Jodorowsky pulls out all the stops in regard to his penchant for the kind of people once known as "Freaks" and the movie suddenly metamorphoses into, basically, a second acid western, this time about redemption, though a form of continuity is maintained by El Topo's presence and the eventual appearance of his now grown son (Brontis Jodorowsky).
Visually, the movie kills it. Less successful are some of Jodorowsky's dated and sexist concepts: pretty women, bad; homosexuality, a reflection of moral degeneracy; rape, a viable way to make a woman orgasm. Likewise, Jodorowsky's total disregard of animal life is off-putting: if you see a gutted horse, you know it was gutted for the movie, much like the masses of purty, white wabbits were willfully poisoned so they could function as stage props and symbols. And he's even gone on record that his rape scene is actually a real rape, something that hardly endears either him or the movie. Who knows what he is like today, but he was, in his heyday, obviously one hell of an asshole. (But then, so was Leni Reifenstahl [22 August 1902 – 8 September 2003] probably, and everyone still ohs and ahs at her technical masterpieces Triumph of Will [1935] and Olympia[1938], which arguably supported innumerably more tragic events. And let's not even get started on some of today's suddenly disgraced top film producers...)
Author Steven Schneider includes El Topo is his book 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die, and indeed the movie is so unique, so out there, that it is a movie that anyone who claims to really like film should see. It is, on the whole, a laughable, bizarre, bloody, violent, religious, irreligious, funny, sexist, sexual, unsettling, ridiculous, incoherent, pretentious, egotistical, masturbatory, political incorrect, critical, visual, intellectual, adolescent, allegorical and any-dozens-of-other-adjectives experience. Well worth seeing, in other words, even if you end up hating it.

R.I.P.: Umberto Lenzi, Part 1: 1958–63

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6 August 1931 – 19 October 2017 

"A mostly unsung titan has passed." The great Umberto Lenzi has left us! In a career that spanned over 30 years, the Italian director churned out fine quality as well as crappy Eurotrash in all genres: comedy, peplum, Eurospy, spaghetti westerns and macaroni combat, poliziotteschi, cannibal and giallo. Here's a look at his movies...


An Italian in Greece 
(1958, dir. Umberto Lenzi)

Original title:Mia Italida stin Ellada.Little is known about his first directorial project, made in Greece and co-written by Tersicore Kolosoff, who also appears in the movie credited as "Terpsi Lenzi". The plot, according to the Greek Film Archiveand Nice Translator: "A lady's man falls in love with an Italian student, whom he visits in Greece. When she discovers that he is not a painter but the bad-mannered son of a rich businessman, she decides to reject him. He remains persistent, however, and after many funny situations he wins her love."
According to some sources, Nana Mouskouri's song Arrivederci Ellada comes from the movie
Nana Mouskouri
sings
Arrivederci Ellada:


Love and Chatter
(1958, dir. Alessandro Blasetti [3 July 1900–1 Feb 1987])

Italian title: Amore e chiacchiere. According to imdb, Lenzi appeared somewhere in the background of this comedy drama for which the lead actress, Carla Gravina, in her second film role, won the Best Actress Award at the 1958 Locarno International Film Festival. We here at A Wasted Lifeprefer her performance in Alberto De Martino's 1974 Eurotrash copy of The Excorcist (1973 / trailer), L'anticristo.

Trailer to
The Antichrist:


The Dam on the Yellow River
(1960, dir. Renzo Merusi [1 Nov 1914–29Jan 1996])

Original title: Apocalisse sul fiume giallo. Umberto Lenzi was assistant director on this "anti-communist propaganda movie" starring Anita Ekberg; it was her first movie after La Dolce Vita (1960 / trailer). In his book Dam, Trevor Turpin says that Apocalisse sul fiume giallo"tells the allegedly true story of a 1949 Communist plot to blow up a dam 'to convince the world of our power'. In the film, rafts full of explosives are floated to the dam. The hero (played by George Marshall [sic, he meant: Georges Marchal]) reaches one of the rafts but is too late, and the dam blows up, costing 'millions of lives'."
Pre-credit scene & credits:


Io bacio... tu baci
(1961, dir. Piero Vivarelli [26 Feb 1927–7 Sept 2010])

No English title 'cause the movie never made it to anywhere they speak English. Umberto Lenzi was assistant director on this early musical comedy from Piero Vivarelli, the future co-scriptwriter of Sergio Corbucci's classic Django(1966) and director of Il dio serpente(1970 / scene), The Black Decameron (1972 / German trailer) and Satanik (1968 / trailer), among other stuff. Sergio Corbucci cowrote the script and, interestingly enough, a song performed in this movie, Adriano Celentano's 24mila baci, was co-written by Lucio Fulci (see: Zombie[1970], City of the Living Dead[1980], Manhattan Baby[1982], Demonia[1990], and The Red Monks[1988])!

Adriano Celentano
sings
24mila baci:
The plot as given by Baldinotto da Pistoia at imdb: "Adolfo Cocchi has a building firm but his plan to build a set of buildings is been stopped by an old former Garibaldian, Don Leopoldo, who refuses to sell his property. A group of young people go to his house to play and sing. Marcella (Italo singer Mina), Cocchi's daughter, who has a beautiful voice, goes to visit Leopoldo and falls in love with Paolo (Umberto Orsini). They have an idea: open a night-club called 'Io bacio... tu baci'..."
Trailer:


Guns of the Black Witch
(1961, dir. Domenico Paolella [15 Oct. 1915–7 Oct. 2002])
Original title: Il terrore dei mari. Umberto Lenzi was assistant director on this low-grade pirate movie that got released in the US on a double bill with Eddie Romero's Lost Battalion (1960) by American International Pictures.
The plot, from TCM: "In the 17th century, people of a tiny Caribbean island refuse to pay tribute to their tyrannical Spanish rulers, and as a result they are attacked and massacred by the soldiers of the villainous Guzman (Livio Lorenzon). Two boys, Jean and Michel, escape and make their way to a pirate ship. Years later, and now officers of the Black Witch, they plan to overthrow the colonial government and avenge the massacre. In an unsuccessful raid, Jean (Don Megowan) is wounded, and Michel (Germano Longo) is captured. Jean is nursed back to health by Elisa (Emma Danieli of The Last Man on Earth[1964]), the island governor's daughter, but Michel turns traitor and joins Guzman in a plot to capture Jean and his pirates. Also in the plot is the fiery Delores (Silvana Pampanini, seen below not from the movie), who wants revenge on Jean for having rebuffed her. But Michel, Delores, and Guzman are all killed in their effort to capture the pirates; and Jean and Elisa are free to continue their courtship."
Has nothing to do with Lenzi —
The trailer to


Constantine and the Cross
(1961, dir. Lionello De Felice [9 Sept 1916–14 Dec 1989])
Original title: Costantino il grande. Umberto Lenzi was one of three assistant directors on this Italo semi-biblical epic that, at least in the US, seems to be in the public domain. Romae Vitamsays the movie is "One of the rare ones that tells the story of Constantine, the emperor who legalized Christianity in Europe and who built a new Rome, in the city that used to be called Constantinople."

TCMhas the plot: "In the early years of the 4th century A. D., the warrior Constantine (Cornel Wilde) […] is summoned to receive honors in Rome. En route to the city with his friend Hadrian (Fausto Tozzi), a centurion, he is ambushed by the soldiers of Maxentius (Massimo Serato), his political rival, who shifts the blame for the attack to the Christians. After leaving the wounded Hadrian in the care of Livia (Christine Kaufmann), a Christian maiden, Constantine arrives in Rome. Livia is imprisoned for her beliefs but is released through the intervention of Constantine, who is accused of treachery and forced to flee the city, leaving behind his betrothed, Fausta (Belinda Lee), Maxentius' sister. Subsequently, […] Constantine is acclaimed Emperor of the West; and he announces a position of toleration towards the Christians. He weds Fausta, but […] Maxentius becomes ruler of Rome, continues the cruel persecution of the Christians, and has Livia tortured and killed. Fausta travels to Rome to sway him, but he holds her prisoner and conspires to attack Constantine's forces in Gaul. […] Constantine defeats his enemies, rescues Fausta and his mother, and assures freedom of worship to the Christians." 
Constantine and the Cross
Full movie: 
Michael's DVDmentions that "Cornel Wilde's starring career was effectively over by the time this film was made. […] Belinda Lee was a British film star who moved to Italy in the late 1950s. Sadly this seems to have been her final film, and she would not live to see it released. In 1961 she travelled to California to visit friends and was killed in a car accident there, aged only 26. The lovely Christine Kaufmann was a teenage German actress whose major claim to fame would be a brief marriage to Tony Curtis, although she continues to appear in films."
Michael fails to take into account that though someone's main claim to fame in the US might be a marriage, in the German-speaking world Christine Kaufmann (11 Jan 1945 – 28 March 2017) enjoyed a bit more appreciation as an actress.


Queen of the Seas
(1961, dir. Umberto Lenzi)

Original title: Le avventure di Mary Read. Lenzi finally directs another movie — with "Tersicore Kolosoff (nee "Terpsi Lenzi" in 1958's Mia Italida stin Ellada) as assistant director.

Girls with Guns, which says the movie "has stood the test of time fairly well, except for a romantic ending which is both predictable and unfortunate" and that the "brisk 85 minutes […] helps paper over holes in the plot", has the plot: "Starring Lisa Gastoni as Mary Read, a highwaywoman who takes a spot on a corsair ship run by the unfortunately-named Captain Poof (Walter Barnes of High Plains Drifter [1973 / trailer]). After his demise in a sea-battle, Mary takes over the ship, leading daring raids on any and all who cross her path, on sea or land. Given Poof was working with the approval of the British crown, and supposed to be targeting only its enemies, this provokes a reaction, in the shape of Captain Peter Goodwin (Jerome Courtland), who is ordered to take care of Poof, unaware he has been replaced by Mary. However, complicating matters, he also knows her personally, having been locked up in prison with her back in England, and had a brief fling with Read at the time. Can he bring his former love to justice?"

A Scene
from
Queen of the Seas:


The Triumph of Robin Hood
(1962, dir. Umberto Lenzi)

Original Italian title: Il trionfo di Robin Hood.Cult Actionhas a plot description: "While returning home from the Third Crusade, King Richard the Lionhearted is captured by the Germans and held for ransom. While he is being imprisoned, his conniving brother, Prince John, takes control of the regency and plans to oust Richard from the throne. Meanwhile, Robin Hood and his men are trying to collect enough money to get their king back from the Germans. However, the evil sheriff of Nottingham, Baron Elwin, attempts to stop them."
The full Italian movie
with
English subtitles:


Robin Hood Moviescalls Lenzi's version a "light-headed but surprisingly colorful Italian film. Burnett, a Rock Hudson look-alike is Robin Hood, Gia Scala is 'Anna' rather than Marian, and [Canadian-born bodybuilder] Samson Burke, pictured below, is Little John."

Don Burnett and Gia Scala were husband and wife at the time the movie was made; it is Burnett's last movie. On April 30, 1972, 38-year-old Gia Scala was found dead in her Hollywood Hills bedroom from an overdose of sleeping pills. The actor playing the Sheriff of Nottingham, Arturo Dominici (2 Jan 1918 – 7 Sept 1992), was in many better movies than this one, including most Sergio Leone movies, including A Fist Full of Dollars(1964), and the two horror Italo classics Castle of Blood (1964 / trailer) and Black Sunday (1960).
Has nothing to do with Lenzi —
The trailer to
Mario Bava's Black Sunday (1960):


Duel of Fire
(1962, dir. Umberto Lenzi)

("Quien es mas macho, Fernando Lamas o Ricardo Montalban?") Lifelong Republican Fernando Lamas (9 Jan 1915 – 8 Oct 1982), the father of Lorenzo Lamas, headlines this movie as a man out for revenge. AIP picked this one up for US distribution. Original Italian title: Duello nella Sila.

Film Affinityhas a detailed plot description: "The young sister of protagonist Antonio Franco (Fernando Lamas) rejects the advances of a middle-aged baron [... and] is then waylaid by outlaws — the passengers are all killed but not before she has been gang-raped! Franco [...] sets out on his revenge by first eliminating the lecherous nobleman [...]. His plan to get even with the desperadoes, however, is more elaborate — as he determines to infiltrate the outfit and learn the names of every man responsible for his sister's violent death; to this end, he finds an unexpected ally in British lady journalist Miss Parker (Lisa Gastoni) [...]. Anyway, the hero's baptism of fire sees him single-handedly liberate one of their number from the gallows; besides, he falls for the redheaded sister (played by Liana Orfei of Mill of the Stone Women [1960 / trailer]) of another member. Before long, the true nature of both Lamas and Gastoni are discovered [...]. The last act, then, acquires Shakespearean overtones [...] as the dusty ground becomes riddled with corpses [...].

31 seconds
of the
opening credits:


Sandokan the Great
(1963, dir. & writ Umberto Lenzi)

Original Italian title: Sandokan, la tigre di Mompracem.Lenzi makes a — *sigh* — Steve Reeves (21 Jan 1926 – 1 May 2000) movie, his first of two, the second being a direct sequel to this one. Based on a novel by the Italian author Emilio Salgari, who invented the character of Sandokan, a fictional pirate of the late 19th century (he first appeared in print in 1883). The script was co-written by Víctor Andrés Catena and Fulvio Gicca Palli, the former of whom later co-wrote the Crazies (1973 / trailer) inspired trash film Panik / Bakterion / Monster of Blood (1982 / first 5 minutes). Steve Reeves, some might remember, began his career with an Ed Wood Jr movie, Jailbait(1954).
Reeves always looked the best and most convincing when shirtless and in a well-packaged bathing suit. Still, it should be pointed out that at the time this movie was made, Reeves was one the best paid actors of Europe. This movie, by the way, shot on location in India — or at least parts were.

Mondo Esotericahas the plot: "In colonial Malaysia, the fugitive Prince Sandokan (Steve Reeves) discovers that his father is being held awaiting the death sentence by the British. He is walking into a trap set by Lord Guillonk (Leo Anchóriz of Horror: The Blancheville Monster [1963 / Italian trailer]), who is desperate to capture the rebel and stop his activities on the island. Sandokan's friend, the Portuguese adventurer Yanez (Andrea Bosic of Manhattan Baby[1982] and Formula for a Murder [1985 / German trailer]), is able to bluff the British that Sandokan is dead, and with their guard down the prince and his small band storm Guillonk's house and capture his young niece (Geneviève Grad). They take her as a hostage but soon she comes to sympathise with their aims and when the group is ambushed by the British, she travels with them deep into the uncharted jungles..."
Original trailer
to
Sandokan the Great:


Samson and the Slave Queen
(1963, dir & writ. Umberto Lenzi)

Original Italian title: Zorro contro Maciste. Fantastic Musingshas the plot to what they call "the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of sword-and-sandal/masked swordsman movies": "When a Spanish King dies, he leaves behind two daughters, one of which will become queen. Both daughters want to see the King's will; the good daughter (Maria Grazina Spina) wants to know whether she will be queen, but the evil daughter (Moira Orfei) wants to suppress it and make sure that she gets the crown. Each one sends a hero to get the will for her; the good daughter sends Zorro (Pierre Brice of Night of the Damned [1971 / credits sequence]), the bad daughter sends Samson (Alan Steel), who isn't aware of that daughter's evil ways."

In the USA, Zorro flew from the title and the unfamiliar Maciste became the legendary Samson. Indeed, seldom did any Italian Maciste film ever reach other lands with the hero keeping his name, for although the character of Maciste — created by Gabriele d'Annunzio (screenwriter) and Giovanni Pastrone (director) — is one of the oldest in cinema (he was first played by Bartolomeo Pagano [27 Sept 1878 – 24 June 1947], seen below, in the silent movie Cabiria [1914 / full movie]), he is generally unfamiliar outside the land of Lo Stivale.
The music of the movie was also changed for its US release, with Les Baxter's soundtrack replacing that of Angelo Francesco Lavagnino. El Zorro, of course, was a fictional character created by writer Johnston McCulley in 1919 for the story The Curse of Capistrano, published the pulp magazine All-Story Weekly. Zorro made his first film appearance soon thereafter, in 1920, in Douglas Fairbank's silent movie The Mark of Zorro (full film).
(Re)Search My Trashsays: "What a silly little film, a very clumsy attempt to combine the Zorro- and Maciste-myths in some fantasy kingdom outside of time and space (ok, not outside of space, that's an exaggeration) — and its cheaply made, too, probably the shoddiest-looking period piece made by director Umberto Lenzi in the early-to-mid-1960s... and yet the film manages to be quite charming in its naivety despite (or even because of) everything, an extremely simplistic-yet-likeable adventure yarn that you might find easy to enjoy if you're still in touch with your inner-child... Oh, and while Alan Steel is adequate in his role but nothing special (though he turns out to be one of the better Maciste actors), Pierre Brice is pretty amusing as Ramon/Zorro."
Muscleman Alan Steel (7 Sept 1931 – 5 Sept 2015), Steve Reeve's former stunt double, was born Sergio Ciani in Italy. That's him above with costar Moira Orfei (21 Dec 1931 – 15 Nov 2015), image taken from the fun blogspot Peplum. Dunno why, but when we were wee lads he never made our hearts go pitter-patter the same way as Steve Reeves did.
The trailer
to
Samson and the Slave Queen:


Slave Girls of Sheba
(1963, dir. Giacomo Gentilomo & Guido Zurli)

Original Italian title: Le verdi bandiere di Allah. According to the Peter Rodgers Organization, this B&W movie is in the public domain in the US. Umberto Lenzi worked on the screenplay alongside Amedeo Marrosu, Sergio Leone, Adriano Bolzoni and the film's co-director Guido Zurli. Giacomo Gentilomo, a serious filmmaker trapped making movies for the masses, retired from films soon thereafter to become a painter /example of his work found below). Guido Zurli stayed in the business, the highpoints of his cinematic art being his movies Gola profonda nera / Black Deep Throat (1977 / opening credits), with Ajita Wilson, and that trash classic, The Mad Butcher (1971 / trailer).

The website Harem Girl & Slave Girlhas the plot: Slave Girls of Sheba is "sort of two movies for the price of one. Things start with troubles caused by the tyrant Damitrius. We meet up with the film's two heroes, Dimitri (Jose Suarez), a young man whose father is hanged and girlfriend stolen by Damitrius, and Japhir (Mimmo Palmara), Captain of the Black Eagle whose raid on the same villain goes horribly wrong. Storyline two starts after a quick visit to Sheba to pick up a couple of slave girls, hence the title, and the discovery that there's a plot against Japhir. Once back in his home port of Constantinople, Japhir is taken captive and it's up to Dimitri and a friendly monk to get word to the Sultan before Japhir, or even the Sultan himself, is killed. Once this wild and pretty comical romp is over, it's back dealing with Damitrius to finish what they started."

The trailer
from


The Invincible Masked Rider
(1963, writ & dir Umerto Lenzi)
Original Italian title: L'invincibile cavaliere mascherato. Aka Terror of the Black Mask and, in Germany, oddly enough, asRobin Hood in der Stadt des Todes: "Robin Hood in the City of Death".
Written, as always, in cohort with other Italo-scribes: Gino De Santis (co‑scribe of Atom Age Vampire [1960 / trailer]), Guido Malatesta and Luciano Martino, the last of whom went on to be the producer of dozens of fun Eurotrash films like Slaves of the Cannibal God (1978).
TCMhas the plot: "During a plague in 17th-century Higuera the despotic Don Luis (Daniele Vargas of Lo zombo, tu zombi, lei zomba (1979 / Italian trailer]) sequesters himself and his minions in his castle. A masked cavalier, however, penetrates this sanctuary and quickly dispatches the don's henchmen. His appearance coincides with the arrival of the tyrant's stepson, the timid Diego (Pierre Brice), whom the despot betroths to Carmencita (Hélène Chanel), orphaned daughter of the former governor. Having gained entrance to a feast celebrating the epidemic's end, the masked swordsman kills the don during a duel. Shedding his guises of masked intruder and stepson, the cavalier reveals himself to be a Spanish officer, Captain Naderos, and he proclaims his love for Carmencita."


Catherine of Russia
(1963, writ & dir Umberto Lenzi)

Original Italian title: Caterina di Russia. Needless to say, hardly as much fun of a movie as Sternberg's The Scarlett Empress (1934 / scene) starring Marlene Dietrich. Lenzi's version of Catherine's tale likewise stared a German in the lead role: Hildegard Knef, of Die Mörder sind unter uns / TheMurderers Are Among Us  (1946), Alraune (1952 / she sings) and Witchery (1988 / trailer), among other movies.

The Italian Film Reviewsays, "German-born Lost Continent (1968 / trailer) star Hildegard Knef is pretty good as Catherine of Russia but it is Raoul Grassilli, an actor who mostly worked in television, who really steals the show as the bonkers czar. He rocks. [...] Catherine of Russia could be considered an action film of sorts but it is mostly a tale of court intrigue. The major success of the film comes from the fact that the lead characters are ones with whom the viewer is able to sympathise and the costumes and are great too."

Everywhere one looks online for the plot, the same plot description in given: "Caterina (Knef) finds out that her husband Peter Tzar (Grassilli) of Russia, is plotting to kill her. She sets Count Orlov (Sergio Fantoni) free from prison, Peter's sworn enemy, becomes empress of Russia and leads the Cossacks army against him."
An indiscriminate scene
from
Catherine of Russia:


More to Come...

Short Film: Ego zhena kuritsa / Hen, His Wife (Soviet Union, 1990)

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Some seven years ago, we presented a classic underground short film, Suzan Pitt's Asparagus (1979), as our Short Film of the Month for February 2010 with a simple narrative of the when and where we first saw it. It was not our intention to write a critique or a review; we simply wanted to convey the moment when that short stole our heart and, likewise, throw in a few off-the-wall details to unsettle and/or annoy the reader. (Anyone for "a young virgin who shaved once or twice a week at most"?)
And three years later, in 2013, we actually seemed to annoy someone: yet another person who, as so often nowadays, lacked the balls, shaved or not, to use their real name — yes, we're talking about you, "Anonymous"— and was more interested in what they thought should be said than what the writer wanted to say.
And so they spleened, indefinite and oddly chosen pronouns and all, in those pre-Trump days: "It is strange how badly the internet has damaged critical thinking. Perhaps it is its nature, preventing considered reflection prior to posting babble before the author forgets what tiny thought just flashed through its [sic] brain.
"This is a somewhat uncomfortable film, I believe intentionally, compelling the viewer to resist and retreat from organic engagement while at the same time remaining visually focussed. The deliberately paced motion, although possibly an unintended result of the obviously painstaking production technique, gives a sense of trance.
"I enjoy it, knowing it will be over soon."
While we can possibly see whence Anonymous's end reaction — "I enjoy it, knowing it will be over soon"— to the film came, particularly if one is of the kind that finds stuff like Magritte's or Dali's paintings as just too weird, we also tend to think that if the above was indeed the intention of the filmmaker, then for the most part Asparagus is a failure. (Organic engagement was and is paramount, in our case; the short even increases ours as it progresses. Furthermore, for all that which is surreal or strange in the short, nothing is actually disturbing enough to be labeled as "uncomfortable". At least not in our book; more gentle souls might disagree.)
Nevertheless, when we stumbled upon this month's Short Film the other day, Anonymous's well-written second paragraph actually came to mind: it is 100% applicable to Ego zhena kuritsa / Hen, His Wife, this truly odd animated short made by Igor Kovalyov almost two decades ago in what was then the Soviet Union.
This 13-minute animation, while engaging, is disquieting enough that one looks forward to its end even as one remains transfixed by what transpires. We would not advise watching it on acid, for though beautifully drawn and narratively intriguing, it is also queerly disturbing on the visual, emotional, and intellectual levels. The interplay of the repulsive aspects with attractive ones induces an indeed odd "organic" experience, as although the viewer ends up being seduced by the very repulsiveness that makes the short so striking, the viewer also never truly stops feeling repelled. Not that anything is truly repulsive here: it is far more simply disquiting.
Like Asparagus, Hen, His Wife leaves much opportunity for interpretation, arguably even more so than in the older film; and like the older film, much that seems to infer intention or possible interpretation nevertheless also remains enigmatic despite the overt feeling of both symbolic significance and visual purpose.
The basic setup is simple: An anthropomorphic hen housewife lovingly, hectically, tends to her ill, blue-headed husband in an apartment they share with their pet, an oversized, hybrid centipede with human head. Their tranquil life takes a turn for the worse when they receive an unexpected visit from a dichotomous "friend" who sows the oats of discontent…
The Full Short:

Diary of the Dead (USA, 2007)

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Over the course of film history, there have been some pretty big changes in the lore of the zombie. If in Victor Halperin's pre-code White Zombie(1932 / trailer) the zombies were still not exactly dead, most sure appeared to be by the time of I Walked with a Zombie (1943 / trailer) and they all definitely were by the time of Hammer's voodoo-controlled zombies in Plague of the Zombies (1966 / trailer); then, but two years later, in George Romero's Night of the Living Dead(1968 / trailer), they weren't just dead, they were hungry.
Nowadays, even the rare voodoo-generated zombie is most likely both dead and hungry, while the creatures on the whole can be either shamblers or sprinters, meat-eaters or brain-eaters, unthinking or intelligent, dead or alive, scary or funny — hell, going by Warm Bodies (2013 / trailer), not to mention Rotting Hill(2017), our Short Film of the Month for April 2017, they can even fall in love.
George Romero (4 Feb 1940 – 16 July 2017), however, generally preferred them dead, hungry, slow and meat-eating, although his dead are known to gain cerebral sentiency (see: Day of the Dead [1985 / trailer], Land of the Dead [2005 / trailer] and Survival of the Dead [2010 / trailer]). For a long time, however, his zombie movies have not been very scary, and the humor (if present at all) too dry or ironic to truly notice, and the allegorical message or theme loud and overt instead of subtle. Diary of the Dead is no exception — and not very good, if you get down to it.
The story involves a group of college students and their alcoholic professor Andrew (Scott Wentworth) in the midst of filming a college project, a no-budget mummy flick, when the zombie holocaust breaks out. Two of the group, Ridley (Philip Riccio) and Francine (Megan Park), leave to Ridley's nearby home, while the rest head off with director Jason (Joshua Close of In Their Skin [2017 / trailer]) to get his girlfriend Debra (Michelle Morgan), the omnipresent and all-explaining narrator of the movie, and then travel through Pennsylvania to find her family. Along the way, Jason documents everything from behind the camera, ostentatiously to document the truth, but more so because he, too, is one of the many of the contemporary world that prefer to film than participate — just, where most people have a Smartphone, he has a product-placement camera. All along the way, society falls as the dead increase... 
Obviously enough, Diary of the Dead uses the "found footage" technique — pioneered in Cannibal Holocaust(1980 / trailer) and made popular by Blair Witch Project(1999 / trailer) and long a flogged-dead horse — to create a megaphone critique of the contemporary media and its dehumanizing effects as well as mankind's estrangement from itself, not to mention the unreliability of the news media and how the powers-that-be spin it. (Today, "the fine people" of either side could, depending on their core beliefs, also interpret the film as an expose of the "fake news" that Trump and his followers eternally decry, or of the Trump government's addiction to spinning "untruth" as reality.)
When it comes to Romero's intention to create a critical movie, it is hard to fault the film: intention and structure remains 100% true to one another, and just in case neither they nor the events allow you to catch the critique and criticism, Debra brings both to your attention a couple of times like some judgmental and didactic teacher who has long given up on the intellectual capabilities of her class. Perhaps one of the most theme-bludgeoning scenes of the movie is the last: When Debra reviews some scenes Jason caught underway of some fine American citizens (as in rednecks) blasting away at undead they have hanging in trees, after they blow away a living-dead woman hanging by her hair and all that is left is half a face, Debra intones "Are we worth saving? You tell me." as a badly made droplet of CGI blood trickles from an eye of the half-face like a teardrop. It is a portentous scene that generates all the laughter it wasn't intended to, as well as an insane desire in the viewer to throw popcorn at the screen. (Teacher, may we go to the bathroom?)
Due to the insistency and constancy of the movie's sermon, everything else in the movie suffers. Characterization is minimal at best, if unbelievable. As capable as the Texas babe of the movie is Tracy (Amy Lalonde of Heartstopper [2006 / trailer] and 5ive Girls [2006 / trailer])less than ten minutes after her beau, Gordo (Chris Violette), bites the dust and she puts a bullet through his head, her main concern is lip gloss. Doesn't compute. Later, in a tissy fit due to Jason's placement of project before person, she just ups and leaves all her friends in a lurch — doesn't compute. And Debra: she travels across Pennsylvania to her family, and though upset to find that they have turned, basically never looks back or thinks twice about them (indeed, going by her voiceover, the loss of her dick-ass boyfriend Jason bothers her more than her family). Alkie Andrew, always so quick to help throughout the movie despite inebriation, not to mention a crack-ass bowman, suddenly prefers to watch Eliot (Joe Dinicol of The Marsh[2006]) die onscreen when he would well have had the time to run and intervene (if only by loudly sounding a warning); and Jason cares enough about other people go get his girlfriend, but is so obsessed with filming that he won't help Tracy nor save himself? He literally films his last zombie until it bites him, instead of using the camera as a weapon or simply dropping (or lowering) it and running. Okay, to accept the concept of zombie apocalypse does mean stretching the possabilities or reality, but is too much to ask for realistic character development and human action?
OK, let's accept that in stressful times people act oddly or inconsistently. But a horror movie should also at least have a certain level of scariness and suspense at times, and Diary of the Dead has little of either — in part, admittedly, because, at least in Romero's movie, the found-footage style generally kills both anytime there is a situation that should have one or the other. (Rather unlike, say, in the highly effective Spanish semi-found-footage, quasi-zombie flick, [REC][2007 / trailer].) It also doesn't help that the special effects seriously suck most of the time in Diary: maybe the dead look dead and real enough, as do the intestines spilling out of a body as it rolls off a bed, but most of the CGI money shots — suicide by sickle, melting head, whatever — look cheap and unreal and added after the fact. And considering how much Romero always insisted the dead should move slow, some of them are pretty damn fast: the first ones of the movie, an immigrant family, seem to be direct descendants of Speedy Gonzales, while others seem to have the ability to teleport themselves into a situation, or walk faster than one can run.
In the original Night of the Living Dead, the first film of the kind, the fact that the living dead always seemed to know where the living were was not bothersome because the situation was so new that logic was suspended. By now, however, the fact that dead always show up — even in droves, for the final scene — and always seem to know exactly where the living can be found, is a bit bothersome. Can they smell them? Hear the heartbeat? Was this coverd in an earlier film and we missed it?
Much like all of Romero's color living-dead flicks, Diary of the Deadends with the fate of many characters, major and minor, left open. (Seeing that the film is narrated in past tense, however, Debra obviously survives.) But unlike in Dawn of the Dead (1978 / trailer), one doesn't really care enough about the survivors to wonder their fate — other than the plucky Texas belle Tracy, that is.(Hope she found a new boyfriend, or at least some lip gloss.)
Diary of the Dead, hardly imperative viewing, is at least a breather from all the humor-heavy zombie movies that saturate the screen of today, for it is very, very serious. If it were only a little better, as well...
 

Short Film: Winter Stalker (USA, 2010)

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"Deck the halls with boughs of Holly"— it's that time of year again — but whatever you do, don't touch her! Seven years ago, director Stephen Reedy, in his very-short short film Winter Stalker, picked up on the concept of interpretation of action that is surprisingly timely today. Who knows how someone is going to interpret what you do. And a doll might not pacify them.
We, for one never really thought about what a fucking perv Old Saint Nic is. Season's Greetings from A Wasted Life. And thank you, Mr. Reedy, for showing us what kind of person St. Nic is!
The woman of all attention is played by Rome Shadanloo, who went on to play Shaydah 'The Princess' in A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014 / trailer).
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