R.I.P.: Alexandra Bastedo, Part III

February 22, 2014, 5:23 am

≫ Next: Short Film: Death of a Bullet (1979)

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(9 March 1946 —12 January 2014)

The mostly forgotten (outside of the Commonwealth) 60s' sex symbol Alexandra Bastedo, a "devoted animal rights activist" and vegetarian, died in January of cancer. Retrorambling says "Bastedo was born in Hove, Sussex, England. According to her official website, her mother was of French, German and Italian descent. Her Canadian-born father was of Spanish, Dutch, Scottish and native Indian extraction. She attended Brighton and Hove High School and Brighton School of Drama. Although most familiar to viewers of 1960s TV, she was also famous for her multilingual skills, speaking Italian, Spanish, French and German. This skill brought her to the door of 10 Downing Street to assist with translations and landed her the role of co-presenter of Miss World competitions with Peter Marshall in the 1980s." We here at A Wasted Life rather liked her exotic eyes, strong jaw and her prime 60s figure and parts of her filmogaphy, which we take a look at below...

Go here for Part I
Go here for Part II




Tu dios y mi infierno
(1976, dir. Rafael Romero Marchent)

Alexandra Bastedo returned to Spain to make this movie with another director with the last name of "Romero Marchent", Rafael Romero Marchent, who worked on so many movies together with Joaquín Luis Romero Marchent (see: El clan de los Nazarenos [1975] in Part I), who co-wrote this movie with Santiago Moncada, that one can't help but wonder if the relationship was deeper than just business... were they siblings? Any Spaniard out there know?

A Scene from Rafael Romero Marchent's  
Santo contra el doctor Muerte (1973):

The co-scripter of this unknown and forgotten drama, Santiago Moncada, by the way, unsheathed his pen for many a better-known movie, including: Bava's Hatchet for a Honeymoon (1970 / trailer), A Bell from Hell (1973 / trailer / full movie) All the Colors of the Dark (1972 / trailer), Franco's La esclava blanca (1985 / full film, with Lina Romay), José Ramón Larraz's Rest in Pieces (1987 / full movie http://stagevu.com/video/nfwaotxseiuv), Voodoo Black Exorcist (1974 / full movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMxX7motyes) and Rico The Mean Machine (1973 / trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBGc8gXJn8A).

The plot as far as we could string together from two Spanish one-sentence synopses we found, concerns Liselotte (Analía Gadé of Exorcism's Daughter [1971 / trailer] and In the Eye of the Hurricane [1971 / opening credits]) and Caesar, who come a former fishing village that is now popular amongst the rich, where Liselotte fleeces millionaires; she meets and falls in love with a priest (John Phillip Law), whom the jealous Caesar has beaten up...

In any event, despite two English-language AKA titles, Your God My Hell and Your Heaven My Hell, and the fact that the movie stars cult actor John Phillip Law (of Ray Harryhausen's The Golden Voyage of Sinbad [1974] and Night Train to Terror [1985], among many movies of note), we could find little to nothing about this film online. The only English-language commentary is on imdb, where henry (henry@panamahank.com) says: "This is not a spectacularly good film, but I loved it because my wife, girlfriend at the time, had a small part. She is the beautiful young woman who appears several times in cut-off jeans and in a white bikini in the beach scene. The poster in the lobby [see above] featured a picture of her and Alexandra Bastedo lying on the beach. [...] If you get a chance to see the film, keep your eye peeled for the beautiful girl in the cutoff jeans. She makes the whole film worthwhile.

Nice to know that in some relationships, unlike that of your parents probably, love is still there after 26 years (henry's comment: 2002 — film: 1976 = 26 years).

Also from Director Rafael Romero Marchent —  
And Santana Kills Them All (1970):





Find the Lady
(1976, dir. John Trent)

The sequel to John Trent's equally unknown comedy It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time (1975 / sort of a trailer), and, as far as we can tell, the first movie in which John Candy (31 October 1950 — 4 March 1994), one of the most un-funny comedians to ever succeed, received on-screen credit. Like most films of director John Trent, the only exception being the hicksploitation Sunday in the Country (1974) — "Not since Peckinpah's Straw Dogs has the screen exploded with such righteous vengeance!"— Find the Lady is pretty crappy.

Over at imdb, Jean-Marc Rocher (rocher@fiberbit.net) offers this more-than serviceable plot synopsis (it's also good enough for TCM, which uses it without credit): "The daughter (Alexandra Bastedo) of a wealthy businessman (Peter Cook) has been kidnapped, and the chief of police, under a lot of pressure to find her as soon as possible, assigns officers Kopek (John Candy of The Clown Murders [1976 / full movie]) and Broom (Lawrence Dane of The Bride of Chucky [1998], Behind the Wall [2008 / trailer], Rituals [1977 / trailer / full movie], and Scanners [1981 / trailer]) to track her down and bring her back safe and sound. What nobody on the police force realizes is that the kidnapping was meant to be a fake: the girl's father hired a couple of mafia goons (Mickey Rooney & Dick Emery) to stage a kidnapping, so that he could use the ransom money to pay off his gambling debts. Unfortunately for him, the hired thugs get the wrong girl. While this should been fairly easy to resolve, the daughter has decided to run off with her boyfriend, after which she actually does get kidnapped by someone else. To add to the complications, a third party is also claiming to be holding her for ransom. Somehow, the bumbling pair of officers has to wade through this mess and find the lady."
Aka Call the Cops!, Kopek and Broom and Police Epidemy (the last in Germany), the cast is eclectic, to say the least, and aside from being Candy's debut, also features the first credited performance of Delroy Lindo as well as a yitload of familiar faces with unknown name.

Unknown Movies, which says that "the only entertainment [from this movie] comes from wondering why it was made in the first place", also explains why it was made in the first place: "It can probably be safely deducted that this was a tax-shelter production, with Canadian investors at very little risk. And the Brits invest in it as well, providing enough English actors to make it a 'British' movie, so it can be easily released to British theaters because of quotas on British movies, no matter how terrible they may be. [...] The end result is a boring mishmash of sitcom antics, bad performances, crude slapstick, and the curiosity of hearing Canadian, British, and American accents from characters supposedly in an American city but looking more like Eastern Canada."

For a non-funny and non-embeddable scene from Find the Lady, go here or here at JohnCandy.com.

The Man Inside
(1976, dir. Gerald Mayer)

Alexandra Bastedo plays "Joan Lytton" in this TV movie directed by Louis B. Mayer's nephew Gerald Mayer, who started his career doing unspectacular B-movies in the 50s (his better ones being his debut noir Dial 1119 [1950 / trailer] and the western The Marauders [1955 / trailer]) before retiring to a long career doing TV. The true stars of the movie are James Franciscus (of Ray Harryhausen's The Valley of Gangi [1969 / trailer]) and Stefanie Powers [of Crescendo [1970 / trailer], Invisible Strangler [1976 / full movie], Warning Shot [1967 / spot], Die! Die! My Darling! [1965 / trailer] and Experiment in Terror [1962 / trailer from hell]).

At Rovi, John Bush says the movie is about how "an undercover Canadian agent must get into a Toronto drug ring, but when he's successful, his morals are tested by the opportunity to cut out with $2 million in cash." At Stefanie Powers'website, she cribs (uncredited) the plot description written by frankfob2@yahoo.com for imdb: "An undercover cop (Franciscus) infiltrates a major heroin ring. He soon finds himself in a position to take $2 million without anyone knowing about it, a situation made all the more tempting because of his girlfriend's griping about their constant struggles to make ends meet and their need to change their lives for the better." Somewhere along the way, the TV movie got a VHS release as well as a Spanish-language release.

El mirón
(1977, dir. José Ramón Larraz)

Seeing that one the various language Alexandra Bastedo could speak was Spanish, it isn't all that surprising that she eventually was to work together with the Spanish-born, mostly active in England director José Ramón Larraz, the man behind that vampire masterpiece Vampyres (1974). (We took a look at his career when he died in 2013.)

Trailer to Vampyres, 
which doesn't feature Alexandra Bastedo:

Regrettably, Bastedo didn't exactly take part in his more notable films — in fact, this drama is one of his most obscure movies. In Part II of our Larraz career review, our brief entry on this movie is as follows: "Another Spanish film that never got an English-language release. A computer translation of some Spanish synopsis offers the following: 'A middle-aged man (Héctor Alterio of Scarab [1983 / trailer]) has a dissatisfying marriage with Elaine (Alexandra Bastedo of The Blood Spattered Bride [1972 / trailer]), who sleeps with other men on the condition is that he has to be present and, in some cases, participate in the ménage à trois.' Seems to be a real snoozer..."

Long scene in Spanish:




La Gioconda está triste
(1977, dir. Antonio Mercero)

This Spanish TV film based on a novel by José Luis Garci is listed on many a website as featuring Alexandra Bastedo, but she is neither listed in the credits nor did we notice her in the film... but then we sort of watched this slow moving 47-minute-long movie with only one eye. Slow but interesting is the word: at the Louvre, the Mona Lisa loses her smile and as she looks sadder and sadder the world gets sadder and sadder until — Armageddon? Yep, that's the basic plot... see for yourself below. Love how the guy lights up a cigarette in the museum towards the start of the filmlette.

Full movie in Spanish:
La Gioconda está triste
La Gioconda está triste (Antonio Mercero) from Hobbes on Vimeo.




Cabo de vara 
(1978, dir. Raúl Artigot)

This Spanish costume drama based on a novel by Tomás Salvador doesn't seem to have had an English-language release, but it does have a nice poster. As far as we can make out from two indecipherable computer translations of Spanish synopses, the movie takes place in 1883 in Ceuta, an autonomous Spanish city on the Northern coast of Africa. A prison story, it deals with an officer who takes an interest in a new inmate who, instead of being reformed by prison, is corrupted..

Who knows where Alexandra Bastedo fits in there, but she's listed on the poster and made it on the cover of a VHS. Cabo de vara was the second of only three films directed by Raúl Artigot, whose most interesting project was probably his first movie, El monte de las brujas / The Witches Mountain (1972), a somewhat slow but odd horror film starring the under-appreciated Patty Shepard of Juan Piquer Simón's masterpiece Slugs (1988) and much another fine flotsam.

The Witches Mountain— Full Movie:

The Witches Mountainvon crazedigitalmovies

Director Raúl Artigot was actually far more active as a cinematographer, and in that function he worked on two Jess Franco Films, Les demons (1973 / German trailer) and Les expériences érotiques de Frankenstein (1972 / scene), as well such notable Euro-genre trash as The Cannibal Man (1973 / trailer), Amando de Ossorio's The Ghost Galleon (1974) and The Pajama Girl Case (1977 / trailer).

Trailer to Amando de Ossorio's  
The Ghost Galleon:





Estigma
(1980, dir. José Ramón Larraz)
Full Movie:

Aka Stigma. Alexandra Bastedo's second movie with José Ramón Larraz, after 1978's El mirón, and like that film already took a look at Stigma in Part IIIof the career review of José Ramón Larraz, where we wrote the following: "[...] This film [was] 'adapted' by the Italian Sergio Pastore, aka 'George Vidor', who among other movies, also wrote and/or directed The Crimes of the Black Cat [1972 / trailer]. Larraz makes a rare (un-credited) appearance in Stigma as one of the mourners at a funeral.

"Deep Red Rum is of the opinion that 'Stigma succeeds in its darkness and moodiness, which more than make up for the pace. This is a somewhat unfairly overlooked entry into the Euro horror canon. Seek it out if you think you've seen everything from the time period.' Considering how easy Stigma is to find in comparison to so many of Larraz's movies, it is a bit surprising that so few people have bothered to watch it.

 

"Over at DB Cult, Phil Hardy offers the following bare-bones plot description: 'Sebastian (Christian Borromeo of Murder-Rock: Dancing Death [1984 / German trailer] and Tenebre [1982 / trailer]) discovers at puberty that he has the ability to kill people by thought-power. Initially disturbed by the rumblings in his psyche, which terrify a medium (the great and underappreciated Helga Liné of The Vampires' Night Orgy [1974 / trailer], When the Screaming Stops [1974 / trailer], Virgin Killer [1978 / Italian trailer], My Dear Killer [1972 / trailer] and So Sweet... So Perverse... [1969 / main title]) he accidentally encounters, he learns to use them and kills his brother (Emilio Gutiérrez Caba of La Comunidad [2000 / trailer] and The Art of Dying [2000]) out of jealousy for his girlfriend, Ana (Alexandra Bastedo of I Hate My Body [1974 / scene])."

Legend of the Champions
(1983, dir. Cyril Frankel)

We took a look at the British television series The Champions (1968-1969) in Part I of this career review. 14 years after its cancellation, two episodes — The Champions: The Beginning (1968) and The Champions: The Interrogation (1969) — were edited together for a TV movie that got later VHS release. Both episodes were directed by Cyril Frankel, the director of one of Hammer's few "message pictures", the virtually forgotten and disturbing B&W movie Never Take Sweets from a Stranger (1960), and Joan Fontaine's last feature film, the Hammer horror movie The Witches (1966 / trailer).

Trailer to Never Take Sweets from a Stranger (1960):

The "movie"Legend of the Champions thus inter-splices/combines the origin of the three super-mensch with a tale of one of the party, Craig Sterling (Stuart Damon) being interrogated to find out whether or not he might be a double agent. One of the few in the US who has seen this chop-job is zeitschik, who, on 7 May 2005, wrote the following at imdb: "Having seen the movie a number of times, I can see why anyone would experience confusion or displeasure. Whoever decided to use episode 18 with The Beginning did not do the viewers any favors." He is also of the opinion that "Sharron Macready (Alexandra Bastedo) really gives Emma Peel a good run for her money, and as far as I'm concerned, that's really saying something!!"

Draw!
(1984, dir. Steven Hilliard Stern)

Alexandra Bastedo's last appearance in an English-language movie of note, she is the third headlining star after Kirk Douglas and James Coburn in this shot-in-Canada HBO TV production with subsequent cinema release in Canuckland and later VHS (and now DVD) release

Director Steven Hilliard Stern has a long and undistinguished career and among his projects of mild note are Lo B'Yom V'Lo B'Layla (1972), featuring a young Zalmon King; Harrad Summer (1974 / trailer), the sequel to The Harrad Experiment (1973 / trailer); and the Tommy Lee Jones TV movie The Park Is Mine (1986 / trailer). Draw! was written by Stanley Mann, an Oscar-nominated scriptwriter (The Collector [1965 / trailer]) who, among other things, wrote Damien: Omen II (1978 / trailer) and Conan the Destroyer (1984 / trailer); supplied the idea to and helped produce one of our favorite movies, Theatre of Blood (1973); and helped produce two notable pieces of flotsum, the arty The Ballad of Tam Lin (1970 / a trailer) and the non-arty Class of 1999 (1990 / trailer).

Trailer to Theatre of Blood (1973):

Charles Tatum's Review Archive, which says "Alexandra Bastedo is good, if not a little vacuous, as the love interest who really just needs to stand around and look pretty," explains the plot: "Kirk Douglas is Handsome Harry Holland, a retired gunfighter who pops into a small town long enough to win some money in a poker game from the local spoiled rich brat. Holland tries to collect his winnings and leave, but kills the town sheriff in self defense after getting a bullet in the leg, and holds a traveling Shakespearean actress Alexandra Bastedo hostage in her hotel room. The town panics, and deputy Graham Jarvis leaves to get legendary lawman Sam Starret, played by James Coburn. The years have not been kind to Coburn, who is a raging alcoholic. As Douglas and Bastedo fall in love, Jarvis literally drags an incoherent Coburn back to town. Douglas and Coburn have a friendly history, when they were not trying to kill each other, and Douglas almost agrees to Coburn's plea to surrender. Enter the circuit court judge, a man who Douglas maimed years ago. He makes no bones about his desire to hang Douglas, and Coburn and Douglas are forced to face off in a final showdown."

Full movie in Spanish:





La veritat oculta
(1987, dir. Carlos Benpar)

Alexandra Bastedo's last appearance of note in a movie was in this unknown and forgotten Spanish movie, on the poster of which her name is found. She plays a palm reader named Agnes. Online, we found the following widely-used plot description: "After a long and turbulent time in America at the beginning of the century, Adrian Massaguer (Conrado San Martín of The Awful Dr Orlof [1962 / trailer], Conquest [1983 / trailer], The Beast and the Magic Sword [1983 / Spanish trailer] and The Colossus of Rhodes [1961 / trailer]) returns to his birthplace on the Mediterranean coast to become one of the richest men in the world."

La veritat oculta was screened at the 1988 Fantasporto Film Festival in Portugal, the year Ching Siu-tung's great A Chinese Ghost Story won Best Picture there.

Trailer to A Chinese Ghost Story:





Batman Begins
(2005, dir. Christopher Nolan)
Trailer:

OK, Alexandra Bastedo isn't anything more than an extra in this movie, so write if you even noticed her as a "Gotham Society Dame", which indicates that she probably shows up at some scene of Bruce Wayne socializing with the upper crust, perhaps the party scene just before Wayne Manner goes up in flames. Who knows. You know? We don't know.

Batman Begins is a good movie, a total breath of fresh air in the franchise after Joel Schumacher managed to kill it with his two Batman flicks, Batman Forever (1995 / trailer) and Batman & Robin (1997 / trailer) — but it is still not as good as Tim Burton's Batman Returns (1992).

Tim Burton's Batman Returns (1992):

Alexandra Bastedo — May She Rest In Peace

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Short Film: Death of a Bullet (1979)

February 28, 2014, 6:43 am

≫ Next: The Iron Rose (France, 1973)

≪ Previous: R.I.P.: Alexandra Bastedo, Part III

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This month's Short Film of the MonthDeath of a Bullet, by Jimmy T. Murakami, who died this month on February 16 at the age of 80. The painting above is a self-portrait of his, and his short below is about dancing bullets and suicide.
 

A Japanese-American, Murakami was born in San Jose, California, U.S., on June 5, 1933. At the age of seven, he and his family were among the thousands of Japanese American interned at a segregation camp — one wonders why with the war of terror raging as it is we haven't had the brilliant idea of reinstating them for Muslims... oh wait: we have Guantanamo — and, once released, the family farm gone, they moved onto Los Angeles, where he ended up studying at Chouinard (now CalArts)... at one point while there, Chuck Jones was a fellow student. 

The career that followed after graduation, and all the places it took Murakami along the way — California, New York, Japan, France, Italy, the Netherlands, England and Ireland —  is why he  was once referred to as a 'globe trotter of animation'. In the end, he was an expat who spent most of his life abroad in Ireland. (For an interesting interview, go here at Animation World Network.) 

During his long and productive career — to list only the things we find interesting — he was nominated for an Academy Award for Animated Short Film for The Magic Pear Tree (1968 / full short); was the second-unit aerial director of Roger Corman's The Red Baron (1971 / German trailer); the director of the classic piece of flotsam Battle Beyond the Stars (1980 / trailer); supposedly did un-credited directorial work on another craptastic classic of Corman's, the original Humanoids from the Deep (1980 / trailer); did the "Soft Landing" segment of Heavy Metal (1981 / trailer); and made the bleak, sadly under-appreciated and almost forgotten animated movie When the Wind Blows (1986).
Worth noting is that the music to Death of a Bullet is by fellow ex-pat Sam Spence,* one of the great unknown music composers; he is best remembered as the former house composer for NFL Films and commercials. While his name is not extremely recognizable, his music tends to be. In fact, is known for being very, very, very recognizable — as in generally sounding so much like some other well-known piece that many (if not most) of his compositions can be accused of almost being plagiarized. (The music to Death of a Bullet, you may perhaps note, is of no exception.)
*He resides in Munich, Germany, and has for decades.

 Further Sam Spence "homages":

Also by Murakami — 
the official Music Video to Kate Bush's King of the Mountain:

The Iron Rose (France, 1973)

March 4, 2014, 3:21 am

≫ Next: The Monster Maker (USA, 1944)

≪ Previous: Short Film: Death of a Bullet (1979)

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Aka La Rose de Fer. The movie opens with a typically intriguing 70s babe (Françoise Pascal, also found in Vernon Sewell's Burke & Hare [1972 / trailer] and Pete Walker's School for Sex [1969 / opening credits]) on a beach and a few other "mood" shots that do little other than to establish a languid atmosphere, with the possible exception of the scenes of an extremely bleak and depressingly run-down working class French town that are less languid than depressing and serve, in a way, as a foretaste confirming the later statements that "the dead are out there" (i.e., outside the graveyard in which most of the movie occurs).

Soon we are at a depressing marriage of ugly people in an ugly room in which the best-looking guests present, the girl (Pascal) and the boy (Hugues Quester as "Pierre Dupont", also of La ville des pirates [1983 / art]) make eyes for each other, he recites a poem, and later, in front of a castle in which the marriage party definitely did not occur, they make plans for their first date. Yes, at this point, The Iron Rose could well be on its way to being a very dull love story...

And thus it remains, up until the young and attractive couple pass a cemetery the next day while riding their bikes and decide to picnic there... and do more. Yep, Europe in the 70s had no three-date minimum, and not only that, it seems that the concept of screwing in cemeteries or crypts didn't really faze a woman enough to instigate more than one or two mild objections before taking off her clothes. And thus the young couple, she so demure and he with unsightly hair on his shoulder blades, spend a time so pleasant that they don't notice night has fallen — and once they finally decide to leave, it proves harder than anticipated....

One wonders how someone who is capable of making a movie like this one ever ended up directing Zombie Lake (1981 / trailer) — but like that film, which unlike this film is total trash, The Iron Rose is one of those special movies that separate the mice from the men, the art fairies from the lumberjacks, the Old Crow from Hudson Baby, the North from the South, your momma from your girlfriend, the Hustler reader from the Playboy reader...

We saw the movie within a relatively small circle of three and once the final frame flickered across the screen, two promptly said "What a piece of shit" and one (us) said "That was great."The Iron Rose tests your tastes and your limits, and even while we liked it like butter on toast or a woman who swallows, we can also easily believe that way back in 1973, after premièring at the 2nd Convention of Cinema Fantastique in Paris, the response was so negative that it took director Jean Rollin almost two years before he could again find backing for a project.

The Iron Rose, if you ignore his early shorts, was the first non-vampire movie that Jean Rollin was ever to make. In theory, like his earlier feature-length projects, The Iron Rose is also a horror film, but it is far less horror than it is simply dreamy, if in a nightmarish way. The plot of the movie can really be distilled down to a simple sentence: a young couple with an itch to scratch forget the time while they scratch their itch in a graveyard and then can't find their way out. In a sense, The Iron Rose is very much the horror movie that Franz Kafka never wrote.

There is a short interview of Jean Rollin on the German DVD that really casts absolutely no great light on the creation of the film. According to what he says, he and someone were under way in search of a location for a film of "particular tragedy" when they stumbled upon the cemetery that was to become the main location of the movie. Where and how and why they came upon the plot, as little as it is, is left unexplained, but seeing to what extent the poetry of the French poet Tristan Corbière is present in this movie, it would be safe to guess that his pre-surrealist symbolist poems must have helped plant the kernel that grew to The Iron Rose.

We, philistines that we are, will admit that though our eyes were always open and mesmerized to the screen, our ears tended close whenever poetry was spouted, as we tend to believe that (most) poetry is to be written, not read. Likewise, we were so enamoured by the images and visual tone of the movie — a tone emphasized by the on-occasion ethereal and on-occasion nightmarish score by Pierre Ralph — that we quiet often didn't bother listening to the dialogue, which in itself seemed often rather vacuous and, as such, when we did occasionally listen to it, served to underscore the dis-reality of the events.

 Score to The Iron Rose by Pierre Ralph:

More poetry than horror, less obviously exploitive that otherworldly, the pace of The Iron Rose is languorous and the narrative almost meandering. There are no scares and most of the movie seems concentrated on maintaining a level of aesthetic visuals that preclude shock or terror, though there is indeed more than one disturbing image — heavy petting amidst a bunch of real bones in a deep grave, for example, is not exactly a pleasant sight. At all times, even when tipping a bit into the dull, laughable or dilettantish, the film nevertheless conveys an oddly arty and surreal beauty that intrigues enough to keep your attention — assuming you like oddly arty and surreal movies.

As an odd and macabre slice of cinematic surrealism in which the two stars almost become second figures to the movie's setting, the graveyard, The Iron Rose works both as a mood piece and a visual treat despite some glaring flaws, the biggest being a sloppiness in continuity (blouses get ripped and dirty and clean with no respect of continuity, for example), an obviously bare-bone budget, and some truly uneven acting. Rollin tosses in an occasional wink-of-the-eye to the viewer by drawing attention to his own intentional contrivance — via a man dressed as Dracula entering a crypt, a clown paying respects at a grave, and he himself as glaring man walking past — and he also tosses an extended totally gratuitous nude scene of the delectable Françoise Pascal on a beach as she recites poetry, possibly a reflection of some hallucination in her already unhinged mind, but within the slow but steady flow of the offbeat movie everything manages to jell. The extended incompetent "modern" dance scenes at the end perhaps could have been shortened, as its excessive length does verge on being an insult to the viewer, but then by the time the girl starts prancing around she is so unhinged that it is imaginable she might truly not get bored pretending to be Isadora Duncan for hours on end.

 More music from The Iron Rose:

The Iron Rose is a film to be approached with caution. We here at A Wasted Life found it truly grand, a mesmerizingly beautiful, surreal and at times unsettling film, but we can easily see that it is anything but fit for mass consumption. So, if you know who you are, you already know whether or not The Iron Rose is a movie you want to see.

The movie, by the way, is dedicated to the French actor and regular Jean Rollin collaborator René-Jean Chauffard, who had died the previous year. Among other films, he can be found in Roger Vadim's Blood and Roses (1960 / trailer), Jean-Pierre Bastid's Hallucinations sadiques (1969) and Rollin's The Nude Vampire (1970 / trailer) — arty films, one and all.

The Monster Maker (USA, 1944)

March 11, 2014, 7:42 am

≫ Next: R.I.P.: Harry Reems, Part VII (1986-2013)

≪ Previous: The Iron Rose (France, 1973)

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A Scene from The Monster Maker:

"Sam Newfield" (6 December 1899 — 10 November 1964) is hardly a name that rings a bell when talking about directors of years gone by, though one or two might remember him as the director of the Golden Turkey of Westerns, Terror in Tiny Town (1938 / full movie), famed for being the first, the last, and the only Western — if not movie — with a 98% midget cast.

According to imdb, his nephew Sigmund Neufeld Jr. once revealed in an interview that his uncle, Sam Newfield (born "Samuel Neufeld"), was seriously addicted to gambling, which not only eventually led to the end of his marriage but also ensured that Newfield was eternally broke. With that in mind, it is hardly surprising that Newfield was perhaps the second most prolific director of the early sound era after William Beaudine. During Newfield's busiest period working on Poverty Row (usually at PRC Pictures, which was headed by his brother Sigmund Neufeld), he supposedly shot up to 20 quickies a year, often resorting to pseudonyms such as "Peter Stewart" and "Sherman Scott" (two names, along with "Sam Newfield", that Fred Olen Ray sometimes uses a pseudonyms in his own films) to hide his productivity from the public. In any event, the exact number of movies that Sam Newfield directed is, to this very day, not known.

Neufeld's work, though at times not without historical importance, is across the board decidedly third and fourth rate — most of his notable films, for example, tend to be of the "bad film" genre: I Accuse My Parents (1944 / full movie), Wild Weed aka She Shoulda Said "No"! (1949 / trailer / full movie), Hitler — Beast of Berlin (1939 — with a young and unknown Alan Ladd) and, of course, Nabonga! (1944 / full movie). But to give some questionable credit where it is due, he did also direct the "race movie" and first "all-colored" musical western Harlem on the Prairie [1937], starring the unjustly under-known jazz singer Herb Jeffries. (Jeffries, once married to Tempest Storm, with whom he made his only directorial effort Mundo depravados [1967 / opening sequence / full movie], Jeffries turned 100 last Sept 24th and, at the time of this blog entry, is still alive in Wichita, Kansas.)

 

Herb Jeffries singing Baby Won't You Please Come Home:

 

Unlike with William Beaudine, however, whom many assess as being unjustly christened "One-Shot", Newfield was indeed known to be a practicing one-shot director who never found a shot too messed up not to be used. During the making of The Monster Maker, one of the five known horror films Newfield made during his career,* it would seem that on-set flubs were relatively rare (only two prop mistakes, for example, are listed under "Goofs" at imdb), but that is hardly an indication of the over-all quality of the movie. Let it be said: The Monster Maker is far from a good movie in any way, and really evidences nothing that makes it worth watching.

The plot is wonderfully inane: A mad scientist named Dr. Markoff (J. Carrol Naish of The House of Frankenstein [1944] and Dracula vs Frankenstein [1970])** gets the hots for Patricia (Wanda McKay, the wife of Hoagy Carmichael, also seen in Voodoo Man [1944 / trailer / full movie] and Bowery at Midnight [1942 / full movie]). Patricia, the daughter of famed pianist Anthony Lawrence (Ralph Morgan of Night Monster (1942 / trailer / full movie) and Condemned to Live [1935 / full movie]), is a spitting image of Markoff's former wife. (She, we learn along the way, had killed herself years earlier after the insanely jealous Markoff turned her into a monster to stop other men from looking at her.) Patricia, however, is not interested in the Doc's attentions, so to force her to marry him, he injects her father with an acromegaly-inducing agent, thus turning him into a monster, offering the cure in exchange for her hand...

A much too talky and slow and dull affair, The Monster Maker is simply boring. The acting is good enough for a film of its ilk, which means "not very", and what transpires on screen is neither enthralling nor suspenseful, while the extremely mundane cinematography and direction simply nails the coffin tight. A few laughs are garnered by the totally out of place inclusion of an ape (played by the legendary Ray "Crash" Corrigan, Hollywood's most active ape actor ever, seen below in an old cheesecake photo we found here) and a ridiculous ape-sent-to-kill interlude — the latter of which also makes space for a totally left-field Rin Tin Tin saves the day scene, only instead of Rin Tin Tin we have Ace the Wonder Dog. But as bad as The Monster Maker is, it never achieves that transcendental state required by a truly enjoyable, good bad movie.

There is the added attraction of one of the past's many "Forgotten Garbos", Tala Birell (of Women in the Night [1948 / full movie] and The Frozen Ghost [1945 / full movie]), as Dr. Markoff's love-sick (and oddly brainless) helper Maxine, but she, like everyone in the movie, hardly makes a lasting impression and, more than anything else, leaves one with a perfect understanding why her career in the US never went anywhere.

The Monster Maker— a film to fall asleep to, and not much more.

* The other four being the equally or only slightly less unimpressive The Flying Serpent (1946 / full movie), The Mad Monster (1942 / full movie), Dead Men Walk (1943 / full movie), and the likely lost film Fight That Ghost (1946), which, in all truth, is far more an Amos and Andy kind of horror comedy (starring the forgotten comedy duo Judge [Dewey] "Pigmeat" Markham and [John] "Shorty" Murray) than a real horror movie.

** Shades of Maniac(1934), and totally immaterial to the events of the movie: "Dr. Markoff" is not the real Dr. Markoff, but is rather a man pretending to be Dr. Markoff, whom he actually killed before the movie even began and whose identity has taken over — and whose experiments he also continues.

 

 The Monster Maker — the full snoozer:

R.I.P.: Harry Reems, Part VII (1986-2013)

March 19, 2014, 4:13 am

≫ Next: Bad Moon (USA, 1996)

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27 August 1947 — 19 March  2013

Harry remembered:

A year ago today, Harry Reems died. High time to finish our career review. Most of the following films are not really of the type that interest us (much too normal), but closer looks always reveal interesting facets...

Go here for Part I
Go here for Part II(1969-72 )
Go here for Part III (1973-74)
Go here for Part IV (1975-79)
Go here for Part V (1980-84)
Go here for Part VI (1985)

Corporate Assets
(1986, writ. & dir. Thomas Paine)

We could find little info about Thomas Paine (born Paul Parco, not to be confused with the totally forgotten z-grade non-porn director Paul S. Parco — or?).

Paul S. Parco — Pucker Up and Bark Like A Dog (1989):

Paine seems to have left the biz in 2003 after almost two busy decades as a writer / director. The last reference we could find of him was on Luke Is Back, where some dude named Andrew Trentacosta said (in 2005): "I want to warn all producers and video companies about this awful man. I tried to help him many times when I was at Adam & Eve, Spice and Playboy, and the way he paid me back was to steal thousands of dollars from me. He is a thief, dishonest, uncouth and vile. If anyone hires him, they should be prepared to be robbed."
3XUpdate explains all you need to know about Corporate Assets: "This was one of the adult blockbusters of 1985 when the Golden Age was drawing to a close. It was the directorial début of Thomas Paine [...], and presented one of the best possible combinations of plot and porn ever concocted. The always-underrated Tish Ambrose delivers a career performance as Jill, mother hen to a handful of call girls used (and that is the right word for it) by wicked Robert Bolla [aka Robert Kerman] for corporate blackmail schemes. The other girls are fan favorites all, ranging from unusually sweet and sensuous Amber Lynn to the elegantly debauched Rachel Ashley. Most memorable is the multi-award winning Sheri St. Claire as new kid Babette who soon learns the ins and outs of Bolla's set-up the hard way. Though the story's involving, it may disconcert some viewers that there is occasional violence to be found, sometimes in conjunction with the sex. A very well acted adult classic, a tribute to days gone by when the 'adult' tag meant more than just explicit sexual content."

Over in Brugge, Belgium, Dirtymoviedevotee (dries.vermeulen@hotmail.be) adds "Though the story's involving, it may disconcert some viewers that there is occasional violence to be found, sometimes in conjunction with the sex. Nowadays the adult industry tends to avoid such mixture for legal reasons and I understand that the current video version omits some of the nastier stuff that befalls St. Claire's character even though I always felt that none of it was gratuitous and indeed essential to understand that character's evolution. Ah well... This should in no way discourage you from seeking out this beautifully made, very well-acted adult classic, a tribute to days gone by when the 'adult' tag meant more than just explicit sexual content." (Wait! Was that just deja vu?)

Sheri St. Claire, who won "Best Actress in a Film" at the 1985 AVN Awards for her performance in this film, retired from the adult film industry in the early 90s and now supposedly runs a dog grooming business in La La Land.

Ginger's Sex Asylum
(1986, dir. Bruce Seven)

Another film we would have skipped were we not so impressed by Ginger's ugly 80s hair. Hard to believe that we once had the same 'doo, if only for a few weeks (we couldn't deal with the constant teasing) — in all truth, it didn't look better on us, either.

Tagline to the film: "You gotta be crazy to get in. You gotta be insane to want out." Plot? Foxy Plaza says "Vivid presents Ginger's Sex Asylum starring Ginger Lynn, Sharon Mitchell, Bionca and Brittney Stryker. Ginger Lynn is a new arrival at the Asylum and she completely turns the place upside down with her sexual theatrics! Just her presence alone makes everyone completely CRAZY for sex, even the head guy in charge! Soon enough she takes over the place." Lynn and Reems have the first scene, then he collected his check and left. Sharon Mitchell, who plays Nurse Pyle in this film, left the biz in the 90s. On rare occasion, she pops up in non-porn films — for example, she can be seen bald somewhere in Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown (1991) and as a nurse in the original version of Maniac (1980). 

Trailer to Maniac (1980): 

   

The Amateurs
(1986, dir. Richard Mailer)

Direct-to-video product by Richard Mailer (seen here to the left) — aka A. Stootesbury, Greg Poupon, M. Mustard, Richard Milner, Grey Poupon, Mr. Mustard and Grey Poúpon — who was an "avowed lifelong bachelor" and "one of the most beloved figures in the business"... at least until his suicide by self-inflicted gunshot wound the day before his 63rd birthday on 28 June 2008, in Westwood, California. Most sources say his act was based on "professional setbacks as well as an escalation of the effects of Myasthenia Gravis, the neuro-muscular disease that he suffered with for several years". 
Mailer entered the biz in 1970 doing home-made loops and towards the end was living and working in Prague (a great city in the Czech Republic, in case you're from the US and don't know); an interesting self-written life review (framed with NSFW pictures) can be found here.
The plot to this un-noteworthy film as taken from the back cover of the DVD: "Follow the action as the legendary Harry Reems and his two beautiful co-stars Gail Force and Trinity Barnes drop in on a real-life swing party. Their purpose is to observe The Amateurs in hopes of learning something new to enhance their professional status. That's the 'Method' system, according to Harry. They wind up taking a voyeuristic reconnaissance mission that proves to be more turn-on than fact gathering. What they see gives them the erotic challenge to prove once and for all who are the pros, and who are The Amateurs." In regard to co-star Gail Force's haircut (see the DVD cover above), former working wiener Michael Louis Albo once noted "Gail discovered that having an aerodynamic hairstyle facilitated those trademark sloppy blowjobs."
Co-star Trinity Barnes (better known as Trinity Loren, born Joyce Evelyn McPherson) and her impressive natural 38 E cups left the business on October 24, 1998, via an overdose of prescription painkillers; her only non-sex roles that we could locate were alongside Sharon Mitchell (see Ginger's Sex Asylum above) as a "Bald Subhumanoid" in Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown (1991) and as a nude dancer in Troma's Death Dancers (1993).

Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown—
full film:

Angel's Revenge
(1986, dir. Richard Mailer)

More big 80s hair on the cover of another direct-to-video hand helper from the same director of The Amateurs. No one on-line seems to have seen this easily downloadable film, or if anyone has they haven't seen fit to write about it. AVN, which advises that one should not think too much about the plot, says that the plot involves a club owner (Harry Reems) who "sends men out to have sex with known lesbians, thereby turning them into heterosexual demons". (It is a well-established fact, you know, that the only thing a gay guy or lesbian needs to go straight is one good heterosexual fuck. Honest.) In any event, there's a lot of lesbian sex for those who are into it. Among the scissor sisters seen are Patty Petite, who started her porn career in 1984 with For Your Thighs Only (see Part V); she left the business in 1988 after being involved in an auto accident that resulted in the death of fellow porn actress Tiffany Rose — depending on whom you choose to believe, Patty either did or didn't lose a leg in the accident. Over at the NSFW EricaBoyer.net, which adheres to the loss-of-leg story, they go a step further and say "Rumors circled of her suicide or death by O.D., but those rumors were proven false, as Patti found religion and lives in Oregon, on a commune were she leads a peaceful life." Chanel Price, 6'3", also found in this movie, O.D.ed on 20 December 1992 in Eureka, California.

 Having It All!
(1986, dir. Richard Mailer)

The third Mailer flick of 1986 that Reems took part in. Porn BB, which describes Reems' scene as "possibly the single most intense scene of his long and glorious career", offers the following plot description: "What makes some people winners and others losers? That's what Sara (the unbelievably busty Trinity Loren [née Roxanne McPherson, also present in The Amateurs (see two films above) and currently a permanent resident of the Chatsworth Oakwood Memorial Cemetery in Chatsworth, California]) wants to know. Her boyfriend Randall (Tom Byron of The Human Sexipede — First Sequence [2010 / trailer]) falls into the loser category. She's wondering whether or not to join him on his dream vacation… Whenever Sara thinks too long, her thoughts wander to the wicked side. She's easily distracted by the erotic activities of her frisky friends: young and sensational Gail Force and Brittany 'The Body' Stryker. [...] Meanwhile, foxy forces are at work to change the tide of fate for our hero. Love and lust combine to raise him up from the dark depths to the full peak of his throbbing power. The story of a man who once had nothing and now accepts nothing less than Having It All!
As Classic Porn, which says "this one is above average and worth a look", also points out, "Having It All! is chock full of stars in little roles [and...] is set in what appears to be the wilds of Colorado, [but] don't expect to see much of the outdoors." Among the cast is the perky former Seventeen magazine covergirl Stacey Donovan: born Kelly Howell on 9 October 1964 in Encino, California, USA, she didn't particularly like working in pornography and then sabotaged her own career by biting the hand that fed her in the 1980s when she not only testified on behalf of the farce known as the Meese Commission but bad-mouthed the industry on national TV.
Among the engorged protein-spewing fountains in the film are those of two porn film legends: Randy West, who in August 1980 was the first centerfold of Playgirl magazine to show vein, and Eric Edwards, who made his first credited appearance (as "Robb Everett") in the forgotten mockumentary Is There Sex After Death? (1971).

 

Trailer to Eric Edwards first screen credit,
Is There Sex After Death?:




 
Back Door Bride
(1986, dir. Sid Shephard)

We would assume that the name of the director is pseudonymous, as Mr. Shephard popped suddenly on the scene in '85/'86 to do two films — his other being Blonde on the Run (1985 / first NSFW 45 minutes) — before falling off the face of the earth. The plot of this anally fixated film, taken from the DVD back cover: "For our newly wedded Mrs. (Brittany Stryker), the trip down the aisle is a miss by a mile. There are a lot of shoes — and a lot of rice — but her groom (Rick Savage) is so nervous he says, 'No Dice!' It's really killing — he is just way too shy and just not willing to make whoopee. Yet, if the unblushing bride is nursing second thoughts about marriage to a mate who has popped nothing but the question — the reception party proves to be a bang-up success for every other member of the wedding. There is something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue in some new twists of an old tradition. Finally, for better or worse, even the groom rises to the occasion to win the day and the charms of his Back Door Bride."

According to since deleted Wikipedia page, Brittany Stryker, who made her début in For Your Thighs Only,"was born Laurie Beesely. [...] She was introduced to the world of porn by fellow actor Harry Reems. She was working as a waitress at an awards banquet when she met Reems. The couple eventually broke up, but she continued her career, becoming one of the more popular actresses by the late 1980's. [...] She was known to prefer black men. She retired from the industry in the early 90's after making close to 75 features."
Among the massive meats of the film is that of hirsute Dick Rambone, whose wiener ranks amongst the largest in the history of the porn industry (that said, the popular "life-size" dildo popular amongst size queens has a couple of inches added). His career was brief, for though endowed with the inches (in length and width) he had difficulty maintaining an erection, something he tried to blame on his size. According to NewArt.com, "Dick Rambone gave up his life as a pornstar after surrendering his life to Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. He is now living his new life under another name somewhere in the United States."
One thing about films like this that always amazes us here at A Wasted Life is how no matter how many back doors might be opened, there is never any santorum to be seen when the deed is done...

 
Erotic City
(1986, dir. Gary Graver)

Reems has a scene with Amber Lynn in yet another Gary Graver — or rather, "Robert McCallum"— porn video... the day of "porn film" was long gone by the time this video hit the stands. But bad hair was there in a big way...
The "plot", as given by CD Universe: "City life has never been so hot and pulsating! This is the city… the Erotic City. Here the hot, pulsating beat of the music blends with the throbbing tempo and driving rhythm of the street to incite new heights of sexual passion and desire. On this typically torrid day, a corporate battle is about to be laid wide open at Kingsley Industries. Who wins and who loses? Take a lusty look for yourself in the X-Rated soap opera that makes Dynasty (1981–1989) look like Captain Kangaroo (1955-92)! Delicious Desiree (Laurie Smith) is the scheming strumpet trying to take over Fred Kingsley's (Jamie Gillis) company… and she'll stop at nothing! First she seduces a sexy stockholder (Joey Silvera)… then she blackmails Fred's promiscuous wife (Joanna Storm) with a scandalous video tape of her illicit affairs… and then she sweet-talks secretary Shelly (Amber Lynn) in a girl-girl tryst that really starts tongues wagging. The sex and intrigue continue at a fever pitch! Dow Jones averages go through the roof in Erotic City!"Adult DVD Talk, which says "this [film] is certainly no classic" and that "the sex and the storyline to this movie are severely lacking", has a rare complaint about Erotic City: "Basically the problem is that there was no plot at all and this is a problem in a porn film that pretends to have a plot. This movie pretended to have a story line and it had just enough to get in the way but not enough to make any sense [...]."
Old-timer Joey Silvera, by the way, is often credited as having brought transsexual, or she-male, videos to the porno mainstream; one of his rare non-porno roles was in Andy Milligan's last film Surgikill (1989).

Some scenes from Surgikill (1989):

Among the non-sex performers in Erotic City is Robyn Whitting aka Valdesta aka Jacqueline Giroux, the cult-worthy bit-part-actress former wife of Steve Railsback (of Disturbing Behavior [1998] and Ed Gein [2000]) found — sometimes uncredited — in numerous fun flicks such as Trick or Treats (1982 / trailer), Summer Camp (1979 / trailer— which we actually caught in a theater when it came out), Drive-In Massacre (1977), C.B. Hustlers (1976), Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975 / trailer), Video Vixens (1975 / trailer), Terror on the Beach (1973 / full film), Slaughter's Big Rip-Off (1973 / trailer), Prison Girls (1972 / trailer), The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972 / trailer) and Sweet Sugar (1972 / trailer).

Ultimate Lover
(1986, writ. & dir. Thomas Paine)

Another Payne/Parco film (see Corporate Assets [1985]), seemingly a Tracey Adams and Nina Hartley vehicle with Reems in it somewhere. The plot description that appears all over the web: "Finding their male partners to be less than perfect, two girls (Tracey Adams and Nina Hartley) design a sexually superior man in the form of an android (Eric Edwards) who can more than satisfy every woman's desire. But they made him just a little too perfect; unleashing a Frankenstein Monster of sexual frenzy on the world. Well plotted with red-hot sex scenes and outstanding acting. Ultimate Lover is the ultimate sex film." In 2010, Nina Hartley was many of the talking heads in the documentary After Porn Ends.

Trailer to After Porn Ends:

Evil Angel
(1986, dir. John "Buttman" Stagliano)

Aka Female Force and Working Girls. A year after scratching Brittany Stryker's Indecent Itch in the film of the same name, Harry Reems — as "Harry Reams"— plays some dude named Blake in this Erica Boyer video vehicle. She, as common to the times and amongst many American women even today, suffered Big Hair during the production. The plot? According to Atomic Cinema, "Lisa (Erica Boyer) is a young 19-year-old woman who is highly attracted to her neighbor, Mike (Gerald Elliot). However, her father (Brockton O'Toole), who believes that men are out for one thing only, controls her. As Lisa's sexuality reaches its peak, she begins to watch Mike secretly through his window at night. Her sexual hunger turns into much more than she ever imagined."3X Update offers some additional details: "[Lisa] loves working out at the gym with other hard bodies, getting hot and sweaty on the equipment. But when her drunk of a father finds her sneaking out at night to pleasure herself with the sexy studs, she is in for a spanking. Will Erica's devilish dreams turn into a steamy reality?" Sex star Erica Boyer (often tagged as having been one of the rare "true" lesbians in heterosexual porn), was killed at the age of 53 on New Year's Eve 2009, nine years after her last film, Dark Chambers (2000), when an off-duty Florida Highway Patrol Officer named Gregory Lowe driving a 2001 four-door Hyundai ran her over in Panama City Beach, Florida. The old geezer that played the non-sex role Boyer's father in Evil Angel, Brockton O'Toole, once appeared in a forgotten but relatively idiotic film, American Raspberry aka Prime Time (1977 / scene).

Trailer to the forgotten movie, Prime Time:

Flasher
(1986, writ & dir. Lasse Braun)

Harry Reems plays Sammy in this movie based around the scientific and absolutely true fact that a woman need only to be shown a warm wiener and she'll get so horny she'll fuck anyone and everything. The plot description given everywhere, taken here from CD Universe: "A Masterpiece of Erotic Compulsion! Legendary porn director Lasse Braun helms this atmospheric tale of flashers, freaks, and fiery sex. A beautiful runaway, shacking up with a lesbian supermodel in glittering Manhattan, is first seen in a fashion photo session in Central Park. Strolling away from the group of models and photographers she is confronted by a handsome man who exposes his naked body. This act sets off a series of sexual situations that daringly reveal the perversities, phobias and hidden desires of our lovely runaway, her lesbian lover, and other girls who become the flasher's victims. The action builds to a fever pitch as the police strive to track down the notorious flasher — but will they catch him before it's too late?" Going by the DVD cover, Billy Dee plays the flasher...

Naughty Nurses
(1986, dir. Mark Curtis aka Mark Carriere)

In all truth, the poster seen above is to a completely different and unknown film about which we could find nothing, but we like the image a lot more than the generic and dull but real video cover (seen left) to the film at question here. 3X Update say the following about Mark Curti's totally superfluous direct-to-video hand-helper: "There's something about this feature that makes me think I've seen this before. Is it the music score? No, that's just a derivative of some of the pop hits I hear on the radio nowadays. Could it be the sex? Maybe. After all, there's only so many ways to 'do it,' and the way it's done here can be seen just about anywhere. But wait a minute! I know what it is! It's Harry Reems as a comical doctor, who cures a girl's (Robin Cannes) sexual problems after he discovers her clitoris is in her throat. Sound familiar to you? And he even makes a reference to that famous film of about 12 years ago (and that girl 'Linda something or other'), where just like with Cannes 'deep throat' saved the day. Sex scenes are spliced together with 'flash cards' saying who'll be doing what to whom, and Bunny Bleu, in one brief scene, is the only actress to actually wear a nurse's uniform. Stacey Donovan, the alleged other 'nurse,' I don't think says more than three words during her two brief stints on screen."
The short film below from 1969 actually has the title Naughty Nurse, but hell, it's from Paul Bartel and pretty funny, so here it is...

Naughty Nurse (1969):

Deep Throat II
(1986, dir. Larry Revene)

Not to mistaken with Joe Sarno's softcore sequel from 1974, Deep Throat, Part II. Rated "Three-Quarters Erect" upon its original release by Hustler (July 1986), which wondered if the producers "were just squeezing a final million dollars out of the durable original", but nevertheless decided that "whatever the case, Throat II is [...] a worthy successor to number one [...]. Throat II is an intelligent, if quirky, satire, rather than an inane imbecilic farce [... that] may be more memorable for tickling the funnybone that the trouser bone."

Harry Reems' participation in this movie is even more limited than that of Linda Lovelace, as the clips taken from the original Deep Throat (1972, nice poster left) to drive the narrative of this second "Part II" focus, logically, on her more than him. One thing we learn in the movie is that Deep Throat was actually based on a "true" story about the sex-crazed flesh-sword swallower Lily La Rue whose prudish daughter Laura (Krista Lane) is married to Senator Liplock (Jamie Gillis). According to Jason S. Martinko's book The XXX Filmography, 1968-1988, "Senator Liplock (Jamie Gillis) has formed the Liplock Commission to investigate pornography and its evil influence on society. He's unaware that his beloved wife Laura (Krista Lane) is the daughter of Linda Lovelace. When the Commission screens the original Deep Throat film as part of its investigation, Laura gets a familiar tickle in the back of her throat and proves to everyone that she's mama's girl." Martinko fails to mention that her new desires are the result of being possessed by the spirit of her mother, Ms. La Rue. By the end of the movie and all the exchanged body fluids, all the would-be censors decide to scrap their anti-porn findings...

AVN says "DT II is a serio-comic thought-provoking, issue-raising film that explores the manipulations of First Amendment rights."

Director Larry Revene made about 11 porn films in his life, including the classic Wanda Whips Wall Street (1982 / NSFW trailer), but was primarily active as a cinematographer, and in this position he worked on films such as The Crawlers (1993) and Deranged (1987 / rape scene), among others.

Joe D'Amato's The Crawlers aka Contamination 7 aka Troll III (1993):

All for His Ladies
(1986, "dir." Anthony Spinelli)

A direct to video hand-helper of the kind that is less filmed than edited together. Harry Reems is in some scene taken from an earlier movie. Over at Vintage Archive, they have the gall to call this thing a "classic", but don't be fooled: this is one for the indiscriminate pud-puller. 
The real star of video in John Leslie and his reliable root, as officious review at Vintage Archive makes clear: "Certainly, in any listing of the super-studs of XXX-rated movies, John Leslie will be in the top five. This tape leaves no question of how he earned the title. Leslie and Director Anthony Spinelli spend an hour and a half looking at scenes from their previous work together, while ostensibly waiting for John's next leading lady to arrive, but this viewer forgot about her very quickly. Never before have I seen such a non-stop presentation of the most beautiful and talented women in XXX today, being pleasured by one of the genre's most talented actors. Leslie performs with his usual wit, vigor and talent, and oh, those ladies!!! Most of your favorites are probably represented, and whatever your pick, her performance will fall somewhere between 'terrific' and 'unbelievable'. [...] The hottest compilation tape I’ve seen in the past year." Whatever.

John Leslie (25 January 1945 — 5 December  2010), who died of a cerebral hemorrhage, appeared in nary a non-porn movie over the roughly 35 years of films, and one of the few in which he can be seen, in an uncredited appearance as a gypsy (providing you get the long version), is in the 1984 backwoods slasher  from porn director Edwin Brown, The Prey, which Trash Film Guru calls "one of the  slowest, most hopelessly padded, most agonizingly repetitive entries in the entire 'country killer stalks the city slickers' canon, yet  also a  remarkably interesting one — albeit for all the wrong reasons."

Trailer to The Prey (1984):

 The Beat Goes On
(1987)

As a compilation tape, one is hard pressed to say the "movie" was "directed", but at least one download site credits Bobby Hollander (20 April 1929 — 7 March 2002, born Ira Allen Sachs) as having done so. An ex-husband of the recently departed Gloria Leonard, Hollander is "one of the pioneers of the shot-on-video porn movie". We include The Beat Goes On here primarily because the cover, reflective of the entire intent of the VHS / DVD, is so cheaply 80s. The product description found across the web: "A pulsating video jukebox consisting of 10 musically erotic video vignettes. Starring the prettiest actresses assembled and performing in this full-length, 90-minute video feature. Action-packed, cum-drenched, pulsating beats will keep you glued to your seat. Watch this tape with someone you love or you'll be holding your own!" Among the scenes collected this hand-helper is one featuring the manliness that was Harry Reems with Christy Canyon and Erica Boyer. If one is to believe Wikipedia, Bobby Hollander considered his first (and only 35 mm) directorial effort, N.Y. Babes (1979), poster below, as his best film. It does not include Reems in the cast.

 
Pulsating Flesh
(1987, dir. Carlos Tobalina)

We could find almost nothing about this film directed by Carlos Tobalina (aka Troy Benny aka Bruce Van Buren aka Jeremiah Schlotter aka Efrain Tobalina), a mostly forgotten man — seen below to the left — some refer to as the "Ed Wood of Porn". (We thank The Classic Horror Film Board for much ofthe info that follows.)

Born in 1925, Tobalina even used to own, among others, the fabulous Mayan Theater in downtown LA (which is now a hip club); he died at the age of 63 in March, 1988, but during the seventeen years between 1969 (with the white-coater Infrasexum) and 1987 (Super Sex being his last porn movie) he cranked out a healthy amount of ineptly shot films, not to mention re-titled re-releases of anything that fell into his hands. (Hey! he needed product for his theaters.) Infrasexum was not only his first movie — "Color! Reality! Hollywood's answer to the new European films. Warning: Restricted to persons over 21 only!"— but it was the first sex movie to be screened in his just-purchased Mayan Theater, the exterior of which he also repainted, "abandoning a dull two-tone scheme of tan and orange for its current gaudy design featuring purple, red, brown, turquoise and orange (LA Times)."

The various groovy posters seen here are to his seldom seen (if not lost) non-masterpieces, which sometimes enjoyed oddly familiar titles — I Am Curious Tahiti (1970) or The Last Tango in Acapulco (1973 / full NSFW film in a foreign language), anyone? Regrettably, it seems that for Pulsating Flesh, he went for a cheap modern poster instead of the oddly retro and well-painted sexual illustrations common to many of his earlier movie posters.

Tobalina also appeared in a variety of non-sex supporting roles in both his own films and those of others, even gaining an AFAA award for Best Supporting Actor in 1976 for his fully dressed appearance in Tell Them Johnny Wadd Is Here (in 12 minutes).

During the mid-eighties he obviously felt it was time to go legit, because, as "Efrain Tobalina", he finally undertook what seems to be his first (and only) non-porn production, The Kulies ("Filmed entirely in Misiones, Argentina"). Starring the hunkadelic former male model Francis Coady — who supposedly subsequently became a successful trader on Wall Street and is now a chef in Malibu, CA — The Kulies"was one of those bizarre 1980s cavemen-and-cannibals fantasies, shot with an English-speaking cast on location". The seemingly now-lost movie got screened at the American Film Market in Beverly Hills on February 27th and March 1st 1988 and, according to the 1988 L.A. Times' list of forthcoming releases, told the tale of "a prehistoric tribe whose members are at war with a more primitive tribe (which practices cannibalism). The dilemma: Beela the cave woman loves Yvor the cave man from the opposing tribe! [...] With Michelle Smith, Francis Coady and Argentine sex symbol Susana Traverso (which means the loincloths will be teensy)." That same year, SPIN Magazine wrote the following about the film: "A no-budget cross between a caveman-lust saga and a pitch for Brazilian tourism, it features a completely incomprehensible plot and valley girls in prehistoric bunny slippers. The worst. Makes Edward D. Wood look like Steven Spielberg. Don't miss it."

In 1980, Bill Margold— who starred in Tobalina's Marathon (1982) and Lust Inferno (1987) — had the following to say about Tobalina's filming talent in his review of Three Ripening Cherries (1979) and Champagne Orgy (1978): "Troy Benny [Carlos Tobalina], the director, may well have turned the cameras on and walked out of the room during this unarousing excuse for adult entertainment. What is supposed to be a cast party degenerates into an orgasmic-less series of grunting and grinding grapples during which many of the holes and poles spend more time looking into the camera than in each other. Cum shots are the main course, and Benny never misses the chance to show us a man's seed from every angle possible. If I were a spermatozoon in Champagne Orgy, I'd file for residuals."

In any event, it would seem that if anyone out there has ever viewed Pulsating Flesh, they never found it worth writing about online. The only description of the movie that we could find is from Jason S. Martinko in his book The XXX Filmography, 1968-1988: "Mrs. Wilson (Tess Ferre) brings home Peter (Ray Wells) and has a birthday surprise for him of two high-school girls (Tami Lee Curtis and Bunny Bleu).* The milkman (Reems) watches them through the window as 'The Joan Garson Show' plays on TV. It turns out Peter is a guest on the show and he's famous for being able to impregnate women any time. It ends with an orgy." (We here at A Wasted Life never realized that being able to impregnate someone is considered a special talent.) But if you have the urge to watch it and write about it, currently the full NSFW movie is available here.

In the meantime, below is the trailer to Héctor Olivera's 1985 Argentinean sword & sorcery & tits movie Barbarian Queen, which is perhaps the most famous film that Susana Traverso, the female lead of The Kulies, ever took part in...
*Who look like anything but high-school girls.

 Trailer to Barbarian Queen:




 
L'Amour
(1988, dirs. Marga Aulbach & Jack Remy)

Despite its relatively late year of production, this porno was not a direct-to-video flick but was actually shot on film. As perhaps to be expected, what with Harry Reems' drinking real-life drinking problems by this time, and as more than one reviewer points out, he doesn't have a single money shot in the entire film, even when he does bang a gal. This film also has the distinction of being the closest thing that Reems ever did — other than sticking a carrot in Jamie Gillis' butt in Every Inch a Lady (1975) — that is even mildly homo-tinged: his limp weenie gets blown by Ivory Essex, who then lifts "her" dress to reveal her sizable-if-limp torpedo. (Ivory Essex, seen below left, seems to have appeared in only one other movie, Corrupt Desires [1983] — as a blonde — and her penetration scene from that film with Rhonda Shantell is easy to find on the web; after L'Amour, she seems to have disappeared.)
Rame.net explains the plot: "Poor Vince Brewster (Harry Reems) can't make his alimony payments. His lawyer buddy Jerry (Gillis) warns him to pony up, but before Harry can get it together, ex-wife Ellen Brewster (Kay Parker), with son Mark Brewster (Tom Byron) in tow, moves in with Vince and his gold-digging, pill popping new wife, Gloria (Angel). Gillis is the lawyer for both ex-wife Ellen, ex-hubby Vince and is fucking Ellen on the side. Can anyone say conflict of interest? Vince tries to throw Ellen out, but the threat of arrest for non-payment of alimony makes him change his mind. Gloria pitches a fit, but eventually changes her mind after Ellen Parker saves her from drowning. Meanwhile, son Mark has wasted no time getting acquainted with the lovely Pam Wilson (Shanna McCullough), a roller-girl waitress at a local eatery. Ellen and Jerry fuck and Ellen confesses that she still loves Vince. After a brief round of musical beds, Gloria winds up with Jerry and Vince and Ellen wind up getting back together."
Shanna McCullough, by the way, appeared in the horror compilation Terrorgram (1988 / trailer), while Kay Parker took part in the funny mockumentary short Dick Ho: Asian Male Porn Star (2006).

Trailer to Dick Ho: Asian Male Porn Star (2006):

 
China and Silk
(1988, dir. Steve Scott)

The second of three Steve Scott (19 February 1937—12 September 1987) heterosexual porno films featuring Harry Reems; some three years earlier, Scott (née Salvatore Grasso) directed one of Reems' best latter-day movies, Trashy Lady, and a year after China & Silk Reems appeared in Scott's Too Good to Be True. The dates given for all three films are those supplied at imdb; according to this typically NSFW website here, all three shot-on-film productions were made for Midnight Video in 1985. This, of course, would help explain the presence of both Lynn and Reems, among others, in all three films.
The basic plotline found across the web, probably taken from the DVD back cover, makes the movie sound like a Ginger Lynn vehicle, but she is actually only one of many bonking babes in the movie and hardly the main character. AVN, which points out that the movie "has one of the most sensual and sensitive sex scenes to grace the adult video screen with veteran actor Herschel Savage and sexy newcomer, Ginger Lynn", also offers a plot description that is a bit more on the mark: "The film finds Harry playing the role of a veteran police captain investigating a drug smuggling ring and the death of his partner and war-time buddy, played by Paul Thomas. Kristara Barington co-stars as Lily Wong, a Cambodian peasant girl who befriended Harry when he was wounded 15 years earlier, during the Vietnam War. Lily now lives in L.A. as a leading importer of cocaine."
One notices, as with all Steve Scott porn films, there is actually a plot to the movie...

Herschel Savage also appears in this video —
Texas Vibrator Massacre (2008):




 
Honky Tonk Angels
(1988, dir. Richard Mailer)

Yet another direct-to-video release directed by Richard Mailer (see above: The Amateurs, Angel's Revenge and Having It All!). In truth, the film is less directed than edited: the storyline is non-existent and the whole movie is simply outtakes from other films. The product description found across the web, always with the same typo: "Women and the mean [sic] they love that's the theme of this new story based on a collection of Richard Mailer's greatest scenes from intropics. Here they all are: Blondi, Nina Hartley, Jeanette Littledove, the one and only Angel, and many, many more of the industry's hottest stars. They're honky tonk angels, and they'll bring out the devil in you!"
A film made only to support the Kleenex industry, we include it here only as an excuse to embed a video of Kitty Wells singing It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels...

Kitty Wells — It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels:

Night Prowlers
(1988, writ. & dir. "Will Kelly")

Imdb, like most online sources, credit the film to an unknown "Will Kelly", whereas AVN credits Hal (Harold) Freeman. Freeman — like Reems, if only 1.5 decades later — was another victim of a governmental witch hunt and ridiculous attempt to curb porn when the California government charged him, as a major producer of porn, with pandering — or, the procurement of persons 'for the purpose of prostitution'. Despite the initial setbacks — namely, he lost the case — calmer, more logical and intelligent heads held sway during his later appeals and now California is a porno Eldorado, of sorts. 

AVN also says the following about Night Prowlers: "A lively scripted story involving two high dollar call girls (enthusiastically played by Heather Wayne and Susan Hart) and a slick L.A. detective (Harry Reems). Hart and Wayne, as it turns out, are pretty ambitious young ladies. While they're making their house calls on lovely Laurel Canyon/Beverly Hills estates, they're also 'casing the joints,' only to return later and rob them clean. Reems, on the other hand, is trying to solve this recent series of robberies. So we get alternating scenes between Hart and Wayne on their house calls (where they coincidentally perform incredible sex), and Reems tracking down leads and finding new clues to solve the case (where he somehow manages to, coincidentally, perform incredible sex). The so-called hook is that Reems and Hart and Wayne all live in the same apartment building. One night when Reems gets beat up and knocked out in the parking lot building, Susan and Heather drag him into their place and nurse him back to health in unconventional, albeit effective, fashion. They don't know he's a cop, he doesn't know they're call girls. How long will it take for two plus two to add up to four? [...]"
Hal Freeman also has a very rare non-porn credit or two to his name, including the obscure 1987 gore flick Blood Frenzy. Among the non-teen teenagers of Blood Frenzy is no one less than the original Wednesday Addams of the TV version of The Addams Family (1964-66 / opening credits), Lisa Loring — who was known to do occasional non-sex extra work in porn films once upon a time.

Scene from Hal Freeman's Blood Frenzy:


 

 
Some Kind of Woman
(1988, dirs. Guido Williams & Joe Williams)

Many websites credit "Jack Williams" as the director — who knows, maybe they're all related. 3X Update offers the following plotline: "Ginger Lynn is the hostess of a TV talk show about (what else?) sex. Her ratings are booming, her audience is fixated and best of all, Ginger's own sex life has never been better. Everything is perfect until Amber Lynn, a young hot-body from the sticks, steps off of a bus and heads for the studio. She is determined to make it big in L.A. and she sees the show as just the stepping stone she needs. But her presence on the set threatens to set the already volatile erotic atmosphere afire, and to ignite total carnal chaos. Ginger is obviously none too happy, and when the girls finally come to blows, it is a battle royale not to be missed."

The only review we could find of this film was over at AVN, which pans the movie: "Playboy. Entrepreneur. Film Producer. Duke Hamilton (Paul Thomas) is found dead at the 'supreme moment of sexual excitement.' And this film should have been laid to rest along with him. [...] Duke's boring, obnoxious 'best friend' and go-fer (Herschel Savage) relates his buddy's life story of fun and games on a Carson-like talk show (if this is fun, I'll take two weeks' vacation in Newark). They use flashbacks to illustrate various sexual exploits, but most border on the non-erotic. I know the directors wanted these guys to be the sexual equivalents of Butch and Sundance. Yet, I kept hoping they'd get to the cliff, jump off and miss the river. [...] Even Thomas, usually a great stud, looks bored. Even his opening encounter with Ginger Lynn is bad [...]. Harry Reems takes a short part in this subpar film, but does little to enhance it. The directors try to create a rich, classy, glamorous atmosphere and some unique settings, but they forget to show the sex from angles that are not stagnant. Perhaps a better title would be Lifestyles of the Dull and Shameless [...]."
Among the male members of the cast is Jon Martin, a perennial and unsung working stiff of the industry since getting naked and hard in Behind the Green Door (1972 / full movie); he seems to have retired as of 1995, after doing two blink-and-you-miss-me roles in the non-porn C-films Texas Payback and To the Limit (starring Anna Nicole Smith).

French trailer to To the Limit:

 
 

 
Unleashed Lust
(1989, "dir." unknown)

Another direct to video hand helper that is not directed but edited, included here only because we like cleavage and cleavage (in a nice outfit) is on the video box cover. Harry Reems appears in scene 4, "Deep Desires", with Bunny Bleu (born Kimberly Sue Warner).

 
Too Good to Be True
(1989, dir. Steve Scott)

Probably filmed in 1985, the synchronicity is obvious: Steve Scott's swansong film release is Harry Reems final porn film, but whereas Reems found god and moved to Utah, Scott died of AIDS and went six feet under.
The plot synopsis as found everywhere on the web: "Remember how simple life used to be? Well, that's the way it was for Tom Hadly (Peter North, once known as Matt Ramsey, famous for bottoming so well with gay porn legend Rick Donovan), whose only worry in life was to make sure the cows were fed and the barn cleaned. Life on the farm has been laid back until Tom receives an urgent telegram informing him that his rich old uncle has died, leaving him with tons of cash. He soon learns that his rich, old, innocent, dead uncle was the owner of a whole house and that the inheritance would take him from keeping up the farm to carling for the stable. Naturally, in order to sell your product, one must sample the inventory. And this, Tom willingly does. One new pimp finds himself in all sorts of encounters with his young ladies . . . the shower, the pool, the car, the bedrooms of the brothel, etc. [...]"

Reems has a special appearance as Myron the Accountant, and his appearance with Felicia (Ginger Lynn), the house madam, has Vintage Classix gushing: "Reems is looking fabulous in this movie, with his gorgeous cock being a sight to behold." They also mention that "The lighting should especially be noted as the silhouettes and natural-looking bodies are superb compared to the washed-out, over-done, too pretty bodies often seen in today's releases."

 

 
Inside Deep Throat
(2005, dir. Fenton Bailey & Randy Barbato)

800 hours of interview and archive footage edited down to 89 minutes.

All Movie explains: "Directors Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato follow up Party Monster (2003 / trailer) by returning to the documentary form of their most popular film The Eyes of Tammy Faye (2000 / trailer). Rather than examining evangelists-cum-gay icons, this time the duo takes aim at the cultural phenomenon that is and was Deep Throat, the hardcore porn film that cost 25,000 dollars to make and grossed over 600-million-dollars world-wide, making it the most successful independent film of all time. The impact of the film on the public's perception of pornography is discussed, as is the unlikely relationship the film had to the Watergate scandal. Actress Linda Lovelace who later denounced Deep Throat, claiming she'd been forced to make it at gunpoint, appears in interviews that were shot just before her fatal 2002 car accident."

Deep Throat: "It was filmed in 6 days for 25 thousand dollars. The government didn't want you to see it. It was banned in 23 states. It has grossed over 600 million dollars. And it is the most profitable film in motion picture history." Or so goes the story — more than one person has suggested that it is probably more likely that the mob simply used the film and its popularity to launder money. (Over at Random House, Will Sloan is of the opinion that "Had [Al] Goldstein* not written a rave review of a low-budget film called Deep Throat ["I was never so moved by any theatrical performance since stuttering through my own bar mitzvah"], it would never have become a hit at New York's World Theater, would never have been targeted by the vice squad, would never have spawned a First Amendment cause célèbre, and might not have led to the modern porn industry.") Be what it may, the movie left its mark on the history of the US and the fight for the freedom of speech — and Harry Reems caught hell for starring in it: though only an actor in the movie, he was busted in 1974 by the FBI and indicted in Tennessee in 1975 (and convicted in 1976) on federal charges of conspiracy to distribute obscenity across state lines. Later, rightfully so, his conviction was overturned and eventually all charges dropped, as it was all based less on prosecution than persecution. Still, the stress of the events sent him on a downwards spiral to alcoholism and homelessness that, unbelievably enough, he one day got out of.

Over at imdb, Kenneth Chisholm (kchishol@rogers.com) says that Deep Throat"created, for a brief moment, a possible future where sexuality in film had a bold artistic potential. This film covers the story of the making of this controversial film, its stunning success, its hysterical opposition along with its dark side of mob influence and allegations of the on-set mistreatment of the film's star. [...]"

Shadows on the Wall liked the documentary, saying that: "Bailey and Barbato expertly analyze this particularly gonzo period in U.S. history, gently underscoring the obvious parallels with today. [...] Bailey and Barbato assemble their material with a sharp eye for detail and bracingly hilarious wit. The range of interviewees is breathtaking, and where someone has died, the filmmakers find archive footage to let them speak as well. The film is packed with insightful background about the central figures, including the conflicting accounts by Lovelace herself, which may never be adequately settled. And Deep Throat's detractors are given the chance to have their say without too much fun-poking, while clips from the film itself add meaning (and earned this doc an NC-17 in America). Bailey and Barbato also highlight the fact that what Damiano admits is 'not a good movie'** had a revolutionary effect in America, bringing sex and gender issues into the public forum. [...] In the end, there's a chilling statement that the same vague, pliable obscenity laws are still on the books, while today's political climate is even more zealously rabid."

*The once eternally entertaining sleazebag and publisher of that influential weekly Screw (68-03) died an impoverished, forgotten old man at an old age home on Staten Island.
**But entertaining, and funny, it is... despite zitty butts and legs.

 
Vintage Virgins
(2010, DVD)

Direct-to-DVD compilation of old stag flicks from put together by the "Custodian of Records for Historic Erotica" M. Stuart (630 9th Ave. NY, NY 10036)... oddly enough, the names credited on the cover (Barbi Allen / Kathy Lin Starr) seem to be made up; imdb lists the featured gals as Justine D'Ore and Kristine Heller, the latter of whom killed herself in 1989. She made her porn debut in 1976 (as Britt Britain) screwing Paul Revere (Jeff Lyle) in Spirit of Seventy Sex (1976 / one hairy NSFW minute). The very young, clean-shaven Harry seen here is there for the ride in Vintage Virgins.

 
Lovelace
(2013, dir. Rob Epstein & Jeffrey Friedman)

Forty-one years after the release of Deep Throat (1972) and eleven years after her death in Denver, CO, due to internal injuries resulting from a car accident, Linda Susan Boreman (10 January 1949 — 22 April 2002) — otherwise known as Linda Lovelace — gets the Hollywood treatment in this bio flick directed by Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman (the directors of, amongst other films, Howl [2010]). (In her grave, Ms. Boreman probably thought: yet more people making money off of me from which I don't see a cent.)
Needless to say, the "Harry Reems" is there, played by Adam Brody (of Scream 4 [2011 / trailer] and Ring [2002 / trailer]). The cast is pretty impressive: Amanda Seyfried as Linda, Peter Sarsgaard (of Orphan [2009 / trailer]) as her manipulative first hubby and career director Chuck Traynor, Sharon Stone (of Total Recall [1990 / trailer], The Quick and the Dead [1995 / trailer] and Deadly Blessing [1981 / trailer]) & Robert Patrick (of Faculty [1998 / trailer], From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money [1999 / trailer], Autopsy [2008 / trailer] and Terminator 2 [1991 / trailer]) as Linda's parents Dorothy and John Boreman — not to mention Debi Mazar (who?) as Dolly Sharp, James Franco as Hugh Hefner, and, in other roles of varying importance, Wes Bentley (of P2 [2007] and Weirdsville [2007 / trailer]), Eric Roberts (American Strays [1996]), Juno Temple (Maleficent [2014 / trailer]), Chloë Sevigny (Kids [1995 / trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9a5tZSKDOU] and Gummo [1997 / trailer]) and Chris Noth (who?).

The films skips Lovelace's classic short Dogarama (1971 / you don't want to see it), but spans her life from ages "20 to 32"— or from just before she learned to swallow swords to the day she went anti-porn (she was tossed from the softcore Emmanuel Forever [1976] cause she was not only a total druggy by then but was so against nudity that she even objected to the exposed breasts of the on-set statue of the Venus de Milo—a very American objection, actually).

The last step — anti-porn — was officially inaugurated with her first third "memoir"Ordeal (1980),* which was accompanied by a polygraph test confirming that what she wrote was true — something not deemed necessary for her earlier pubs from 1974, Inside Linda Lovelace (with its in retrospect queasy dedication "to Chuck Traynor—the creator") and The Intimate Diary of Linda Lovelace.

Lovelace is still on our list of eventual sees; it came and went too quickly for us to get to it. But among those who did, the reaction to Lovelace seems to have been mixed. Armchair Cinema, which says that the movie "does its best to toe the line between depicting Linda Lovelace as an inculpable martyr and a complete weakling", observes: "Once, long ago, Hollywood made biopics about monarchs and presidents, people who accomplished things and changed the world. Now, rather than pages out of history books, we get pages out of the tabloids.  [...] That’s exactly how Lovelace feels. This is not the portrait of a life, but a dreary soap opera about an abused woman with a scummy husband who forced her (at gunpoint, we're told) into a life of pornography and prostitution. The problem is that this movie is all tragedy and no substance [...]. This is drama played at the level of a bad Lifetime Original Movie."

Behind the Hype, while admitting that "Linda's tumultuous life unfolds like something of a soap opera" also says that the movie has "far more cinematic scope and a heroine far more endearing": "Linda's strict mother, Dorothy (Stone), was always extremely mistrustful of Linda. Living at their house at age 20, Linda was treated with the rules of a preadolescent. When Chuck came along, it seemed like the perfect way out of a prison-like existence. Not yet aware that she was trading one prison for another, Linda allowed herself to believe that she was truly in love with Chuck. [...] But, ultimately, this forced oblivion cost her, and by the time she was ready to break free, it was too late. Seyfired, who has always proven herself to be an adept actress, renders Lovelace with a certain vulnerability and intelligence."

The Big Gay Picture Show complains that in Lovelace, "a fascinating true story is rendered less than it might have been due to a weak script and a structure that wants to have its cake and eat it. The film ends up undermining the power it could have had":  "How do you make a true-tale movie where the facts are in dispute? Well, you either pretend they're not in dispute, or you try to find a way to suggest you don't fully know what happened. Or, like Lovelace, you try to do both and trip over yourself in the process. Lovelace is split into two parts. The first shows us the public face of the story — the innocent young Linda Boreman comes from a strict, straight-laced family, but after meeting and marrying Chuck Traynor (Peter Sarsgaard), her horizons are broadened and she becomes involved in porn, making a hardcore film as Linda Lovelace. [...] The film then jumps to six years later, when a far dowdier Linda is about to release her autobiography. We then see the story again, but this time adding in Linda's personal side of the tale, where while those involved believed she was willingly getting involved in porn, she was actually forced into it by the controlling, violent Chuck, who thought nothing of pimping out his wife whether for the cameras or just for cash."

Filmdick, which compares Lovelace to "Velveeta cheese" and has the movie as a dubious mention on its "Ten Worst of 2013" list, complains "Damning their film to the bargain bin at Wal-Mart, Epstein and Friedman take out every unique and dark angle to Lovelace's life. They don't include any of her New York life in 1971, where she made dozens of hardcore loops. [...] They also gloss over Lovelace's post-porn life.** Here, [...] the movie closes with a title card that claims Lovelace spent the next twenty years fighting for women's rights and decrying porn. Once again, cherry picking to suit their will, Epstein and Friedman don't acknowledge that Lovelace made the R-rated Deep Throat II (1974). They also don't cover her attempt to cross-over into the mainstream [with] Linda Lovelace for President (1975), a goofball 'comedy' that co-starred Mickey Dolenz and Scatman Crothers. Nowhere to be seen is her disastrous Las Vegas show that opened and closed quickly. [...] Epstein and Friedman never point out that Lovelace eventually lashed out at the feminists she believed cared about her. In Legs [and] McNeil and Jennifer Osbourne's oral history of porn, The Other Hollywood, Lovelace stated, 'Between Andrea Dworkin and Kitty MacKinnon, they've written so many books, and they mention my name and all that, but financially they've never helped me out. When I showed up with them for speaking engagements, I'd always get five hundred dollars or so. But I know they made a few bucks off me, just like everybody else.'*** [...] The absence of this sentiment makes sense once one learns that Catherine MacKinnon served as a consultant on the film."

Over at Random House, Will Sloan puts it best: "Lovelace, a new biopic starring Amanda Seyfried, offers both a nostalgic ode to the era of 'porno chic' and a feel-good story of a woman reclaiming her agency. The real Lovelace's memoirs show that neither narrative fits."

*Interestingly enough, ghost-written by Mike McGrady, the journalist and mastermind behind Naked Came the Stranger, the multi-author Jacqueline Susanne spoof that became a bestseller and then a "Henry Paris" porn flick (1975 / trailer). Nevertheless, it was supposedly turned down by thirty-three publishers before Lyle Stuart, the publisher of The Anarchist Cookbook, picked it up.

**Not to mention the child she put up for adoption at age 19.
***Will Sloan states that after she became the poster girl for the Women Against Pornography movement, she got $1,500 a pop for speeches at colleges and religious groups which, if true, is indicative of Lovelace's selective memory.

Amanda Seyfried (Lovelace) and Adam Brody (Reems) worked together previously in the abysmal movie Jennifer's Body (2009):

Jennifer's Body - Red Band Trailervon dreadcentral



Harry Reems — May He Rest In Peace

Still to come, one day:
Harry Reems, Addendum— the films we missed the first time around.

Bad Moon (USA, 1996)

March 24, 2014, 1:53 am

≫ Next: Short Film: Hunger (Canada, 1974)

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The book is supposed to be better, but then, everyone always says that anyway. One thing for sure, though, is that this Bad Moon is a film probably better suited for dog lovers than horror fans, providing the former have nothing against a little blood and guts, for while this low budget, direct-to-video B-film features relatively few scenes of violence, two of the film's "high points" are not short on ketchup.

As in Wayne Smith's book Thor, the real hero of Bad Moon is neither human nor werewolf, but rather the German Shepherd of single mom Janet Harrison (Mariel Hemingway of Into the Badlands [1991 / trailer] and Lipstick [1976 / disco down]) and her son Brett (Mason Gamble). Into their life returns Janet's brother Ted (Michael Paré of Village of the Damned [1995] and Blood Rayne: The Third Reich [2010]), a photographer last on assignment with his girlfriend Marjorie (Johanna Lebovitz) somewhere in Nepal. Unbeknownst to Janet, but as the viewer knows due to the earlier well-staged, tension-building opening sequence of major coitus interruptus in Nepal, Marjorie was bloodily torn to pieces by a werewolf and Ted infected by its bite before he could blow its head away with a shotgun (silver bullets be damned here). 

Despite the trail of murder that seems to follow Ted where ever he goes, when a sleazy swindler ends up ripped to shreds near the Harrisons' home, Thor (a nice doggy once named Primo, probably long dead in real life) is assumed to be the guilty one and is sent off to the pound, from where he is no longer able to protect his "family" from the danger he knows to be lurking in the trailer parked next to their house. Luckily, plucky Brett isn't about to give up his beloved dog so easily and breaks into the pound that very night to help Thor escape. At that very same time, far across town and just as the moon is about to come out, the suspicious Janet finally confronts her ever-more-unhinged brother just as he is about to handcuff himself to a tree... 

Bad Moon is no film to write home about, to say the least, but then, there hasn't really been a good werewolf film since Dante's The Howling (1981 / trailer).* Still, considering all the really lousy werewolf flicks available at your local video store — including that big budget fiasco Wolfman (2010 / trailer) — this unpretentious little B-film is entertaining enough, if only for its opening scene, one nicely done track shot that reveals what happened to Ted's second victim, Parè's unexpected turn as a good actor, and Hemingway's even rarer turn as an adequate actor.

But while the acting and the direction of Bad Moon are definitely strong, the script itself is so full of flaws and holes to be almost undeserving of the unexpectedly good performances by Hemingway and Paré, two has-beens of the 1980s who never had the career their initial debuts so promised, but at least can obviously still pay their rent doing what they do. (Hard to believe that Hemingway ever had brief period of infamy by being one of the first Hollywood starlets to publicize pumping up her boobs just to get the lead in a movie, Bob Fosse's Star 80 [1983 / trailer], an action that made more waves back then than is presently understandable in this post-Demi Moore & Pamela Anderson age in which every American female gets plastic pads as soon as the parents are willing to pay for them. Really, why do American women still wear bras? It ain't like their boobs ever sag anymore or even move when they run... but we digress.)  

That scriptwriter and director Eric Red is capable of much stronger scripts is evident in that he is the man who wrote the classic (original) road thriller The Hitcher (1986) and the flawed redneck vampire movie Near Dark (1987 / trailer)... but then, he is also capable of much worse scripts, like that of the abysmal female cop driven to revenge flick, Blue Steel (1990 / trailer), not to mention the gagathon Hitcher Returns (2003 / trailer). Still, it seems a bit careless on part of the scriptwriter to state that a lycanthropy victim reverts by every full moon and then have every night a full moon... or did time fly while we were having fun? (Not likely.) 

Likewise, the film leaves one scratching one's head about how a werewolf can climb trees, how Ted manages in the mornings to undo the handcuffs he uses to fasten himself to a tree each night, why none of the doctors Ted went to because of his "sickness" didn't have him locked up, why no one ever suspects Ted despite his trailer being located so close to all the brutally torn-apart victims referred to but (other than for two) never shown, why no one notices when Brett breaks into the pound, how a revolver can fire 8 times without being reloaded, why the damned werewolf looks so fake, and why ain't there more gratuitous blood & guts & titty scenes?

But to return to Wolfman (2010), for a moment. This film here probably cost that film's toilet-paper budget, and for all its flaws is also far more entertaining than the big-budget Hollywood snoozer, which totally wipes butt in comparison to Bad Moon. So if you ever are in the need of a werewolf flick and have to choose between the two, we here at A Wasted Life say take this one, it's definitely the better of the two...

* This blanketing statement, of course, ignores a variety of films in which werewolves make appearances — not to mention two later top-notch werewolf films, Ginger Snaps (2000) and Dog Soldiers (2002).

Short Film: Hunger (Canada, 1974)

March 28, 2014, 12:49 am

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GIF courtesy of Network Awesome's tumbler.

Once again, Boing Boing leads us straight to a blast from our past. We don't remember how old we were or where we saw it — and, indeed, we never actually saw all of it — but in our younger, more impressionable days we once caught the ending of a truly disturbing, expressionistically drawn animation film in which a gluttonous man was... well, see the end of the short. Way back then, we didn't see the film start, we didn't know what it was called, and we never saw it again, but we also never truly forgot those few minutes we saw — indeed, it inspired a nightmare or two in our pre-teen days.

And then, unexpectedly to say the least, Boing Boing had it in their daily email the other week. After decades, we now know the short was (appropriately enough) entitled Hunger.Hunger was made in 1974 by the Hungarian-born Peter Foldes (1924 — 29 March 1977), one of so many forgotten, interesting, but not overly productive animated-film makers of the world.

Network Awesome says the following about the good man, who studied painting at the Slade School of Art and the Courtald Institute: "Peter Foldes was [...] one of a number of Hungarian émigrés drawn to animation. Following his relocation to Britain in 1946, Foldes became closely associated with the Halas and Batchelor Animation Studios. Founded in 1940, the studio was known as the British Disney, producing hundreds of animations ranging from commercials and public-information films to full-length animated features, notably [the first British full-length animated feature] Animal Farm (1954 / trailer) [...]. His work achieved considerably notoriety after A Short Vision (1956) was screened on the Ed Sullivan Show. The film, which had been assembled in the Foldes' kitchen, graphically depicts the annihilation of the world. A blunt Cold War allegory, the experience of watching it apparently left much of Sullivan's audience traumatized."

A Short Vision (full short), which looks much like the animated film that Bernard Buffet (10 July 1928 — 4 October 1999) never made, is an amazing and disturbing film and, likewise mostly forgotten today, is equally worth being chosen as our Short Film of the Month— but the unstated rule here at A Wasted Life is that any given filmmaker can only be chosen once, and we've chosen Hunger.

Hunger, which was nominated for an Oscar as Best Animated Short in 1974 (it lost to Bob Gardiner &  Will Vinton's equally nightmarish Closed Mondays [full film]) — "as well as receiving a special jury prize at Cannes, a Bafta and a Silver Hugo"— is generally touted as one of the first computer-animated films ever made. (The first one being, arguable, Hummingbird [1967 / fragment].) Hunger, however,was Foldes' second computer-animated film, preceded as it was in 1971 by the less interesting experimental short Metadata (full film). Hunger, which took one and a half years to produce, takes the then-new technical possibilities experimented with in Metadata, particularly those offered by morphing, and melds them successfully with the almost expressionistic drawing conventions found in Foldes' 1967 short Un Garcon Pleain d'Avenir ("A Boy with a Big Future") and the bleak and merciless view of the world found in A Short Vision. 
In its view of greed and gluttony, Hunger is possibly even more relevant now than when it was made, as the gap between the haves and have-nots is bigger now than ever.

 Hunger by Peter Foldes: 

 

The memorable music is by Pierre F. Brault (3 August  1939 — 14 January 2014), and while we are sure we've heard it sampled somewhere, we can't remember where... anyone know?

R.I.P.: Harry H. Novak

March 31, 2014, 9:20 am

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January 12, 1928 — March 26, 2014

Harry H. Novak, alongside David F Friedman (24 December 1923 — 14 February 2011) one of the great (s)exploitation kings of the last half of the 20th century, died 26 March 2014 at the age of 86. 

Novak began his career at RKO, where he worked until the studio collapsed in 1957. Next, he went to work for Seymour Borde at JEM Distribution, whence he was eventually fired after an argument with Borde. Forming Boxoffice International Pictures, the firm's first release, the monster nudie musical Kiss Me Quick (1964), directed by Peter Perry (as "Seymour Tuchus"), was a hit and his future in exploitation set in cement: for the decades to come, Novak produced or distributed hundreds of notable, un-notable, forgettable and un-forgettable movies spanning the whole palette of exploitation: nudie-cuties, white coaters, shockumentaries, hixploitation, Blaxploitation, roughies, soft-core sex films, hardcore sex films, horror films — you name the genre, he probably released a title that fits it.

To do a detailed career review presentation of the projects Harry H. Novak foisted upon the American public would take more time than we have, but nevertheless shall attempt a superficial one in the months to come...

Trailer to Kiss Me Quick:

More to come at a later date...

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R.I.P.: Kate O'Mara

April 1, 2014, 3:06 am

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10 August 1939 — 30 March 2014

The English actress Kate O'Mara is dead. For us here at A Wasted Life, she was one of our favorite actresses from the Golden Age of English Gothic Cleavage, despite the fact that her horror output was extremely limited. Indeed, though often lumped together with the beautiful Hammer Screamers, she only ever appeared in three Hammer films and turned down a contract when offered in fear of being typecast. We've seen all her three of her straight Horror Films, and she was without a doubt always the most impressive looker in the given movie, despite some hefty competition.
Also active on stage and on TV, "She was perhaps most widely known for her role as Caress Morell, the scheming sister of Alexis Colby (Joan Collins) in the 1980s American primetime soap opera Dynasty." Born to John F. Carroll, an RAF flying instructor and actress Hazel Bainbridge (25 January 1911 — 7 January 1998), she was the older sister to actress Belinda Carroll. Twice married and twice divorced, she had two sons, one of whom, Dickon Young (1964—2012), hanged himself in the garage of the house he shared with his mother, O'Mara, in the village of Long Marston, Warks. O'Mara died on 30 March 2014 in a Sussex nursing home at the age of 74 after a short illness.

 

 

 

Home and Away
(1956, dir. Vernon Sewell)

At the tender age of 17, Kate O'Mara, billed by the name her parents gave her, [Frances] Merrie Carroll, made her film debut playing "Annie Knowles" in this comedy directed by Vernon Sewell, better known for his later sleaze and horror films like the Stanley A Long produced The Blood Beast Terror (1968 / trailer) or such faves as Curse of the Crimson Altar  (1968), with Michael Gough, and Burke & Hare (1972 / trailer). 

The plot of Home and Away, according to the BFI:"Comedy concerning the troubles loosed on an ordinary British home when one of the family finds he has won a half-share in the pools." At imdb, John Howard Reid says the film is only for those who will watch anything: "Writer-director Vernon Sewell's career was mostly limited to British 'B' films or quota quickies. Even by his humble standards, however, this entry is well below average. In fact, it's the sort of movie that you can happily come late for and yet have no trouble picking up the threads of the almost non-existent plot. If you are watching a TV transmission or a DVD, you can even keep the movie running while you visit the kitchen and make yourself a midnight snack. There's absolutely no danger of missing anything of consequence! [...]" 

The next year "Kate O'Mara" would have a bit part as a nurse in the TV series Emergency Ward, but she pretty much never showed her pretty face on the screen again until 1967 when she began doing regular bit parts on British TV series.

Trailer to Vernon Sewell's Curse of the Crimson Altar (1968):
 

 

 

  The Limbo Line

(1968, dir. Samuel Gallu)

O'Mara's second feature-film credit, and she's already headlining on the poster. The Limbo Line is the second to last movie of director Samuel Gallu, whose better-known works would be Theatre of Death (1967 / trailer) and his last project, the rarely screened Arthur! Arthur! (1969). The Limbo Line is based on the 1963 Victor Canning novel of the same name, the cover of which was graced by a photo of O'Mara when republished after the release of the movie. She plays the lead damsel in distress, Irina Tovskia. The plot of the movie seems to follow the book rather closely, and the plot of the book, according to the Mount Benson Report is as follows: "Richard Manston is a retired agent living the life of leisure as a gentleman farmer and golfer. He gets drawn back in to the game by his superiors to break a Russian kidnapping ring that is grabbing low level defectors and whisking them back to the Motherland. The British Secret Service has identified the next victim, a ballerina, Irina Tovskaya, as the next victim. Manston’s job is to dangle her as bait and follow her through the 'Limbo Line' the organization that handles the kidnapping, brainwashing, and smuggling of the kidnapped defectors.Of course, nothing goes as planned and like any good spy novel there are various crosses and double-crosses, escapes and evasions. This was a fully satisfying and fun read."

Richard Manston was played by the husband of actress Alexis Smith (8 June  1921 — 9 June 1993), Craig Stevens, an American B-movie actor best known for The Deadly Mantis (1957) and Abbott & Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1953 / trailer).

Craig Stevens in The Deadly Mantis:
 

 

 

 

 Great Catherine
(1968, dir. Gordon Flemyng)

Kate O'Mara appears to play "Varinka" in this forgotten comedy based on a George Bernard Shaw play from 1931 which, according to Wikepedia, "is loosely based on the story of Sir Charles Hanbury Williams and his time spent as an envoy at the Russian court." O'Mara is not on the poster.
The NY Times says "Braced immeasurably by the Shavian lines, as arranged by the scenarist, Hugh Leonard, and stylishly piloted by the director, Gordon Flemyng, the picture is also beautiful in its lavish décor, costumes and color photography."A Tank Full of Gas, however, calls the movie "an acquired taste": "Peter O’Toole plays Captain Charles Edstaston, a British officer dispatched to Russia during the reign of Catherine the Great (Jeanne Moreau). Edstaston is betrothed to Claire (Angela Scoular), the daughter of the British Ambassador to Russia (Jack Hawkins) who feels the dashing young officer might be able to win the Empress's confidence. First, however, Edstaston must get past Potemkin (Zero Mostel), the Empress's drunken, boorish chief minister. Fortunately, after an initially difficult encounter, Potemkin eventually comes to believe that Edstaston would make a perfect lover for Catherine and literally carries him to her boudoir. Unfortunately, Edstaston is so deeply mired in the social dictates of his country that he almost immediately blows his chance of learning anything from the Empress, even though she clearly takes a shine to him. [...] The decadence of Catherine's reign — and its inevitable consequence — is symbolized by the movie's high point, an opulent ball that degenerates into a drunken orgy while Catherine pleasures herself by teasingly torturing a prostrate Edstaston in her own private torture chamber." 

Great Catherine is the last film to feature a score composed by Dimitri Tiomkin, whose long career includes films like the original version of The Thing (1951 / trailer) and Mad Love (1935 / trailer). He shared the 1952 Oscar for Best Music, Original Song with Ned Washington (lyrics) for the title track High Noon (1952 / trailer):

Tex Ritter — High Noon (Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darlin'):
 

 

 

 

 

Corruption

(1968, dir. Robert Hartford-Davis)

Kate O'Mara is the second lead and best-looking babe in this fabulously trashy piece of English sleaze horror featuring one wigged-out Peter Cushing. Our spoiler-heavy review of the film — hell, we tell everything that happens — can be found here.

 

 

 

 

The Desperados

(1969, dir. Henry Levin)

A former stage actor and director, Henry Levin, who entered the biz in 1943, had a long and prolific career in films: he had produced well over a movie a year by the time he died in 1980 while shooting the TV movie Scout's Honor (1980). Among his many movies are Cry of the Werewolf (1944 / full movie), the second movie to ever feature a female werewolf; two Matt Helm flicks, Murderers' Row (1966 / trailer) and The Ambushers (1967 / trailer); and the fabulous guilty pleasure Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die (1966).

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die:

Dennis Schwartz of Ozus' World Movie Reviews, which calls the movie "An unpleasant, below-average revenge western about an outlaw rebel family ruled by a fanatical sicko father," gives the plot as follows: "As the Civil War draws to a close, the rabid psychopathic Parson Josiah Galt (Jack Palance) and his three sons, Adam (Christian Roberts), Jacob (George Maharis), and David (Vince Edwards), lead a gang of southern guerilla pillagers and rapists. Josiah is crazed over the death of his visionary Indian wife and ruthlessly raids the Kansas town of St. Thomas. Revolted over the carnage inflicted, David tries to escape from his family but is captured. Dad accuses him of treason and plans to execute him, but David escapes and lives under a new name with his wife Laura (Sylvia Syms) in Texas. Six years later, after the war, the notorious Galt boys are still marauders. The gang catches up with David and the climax has David set a trap with the local sheriff (Neville Brand) to catch the gang in a foiled railroad heist. It leads to a tragic confrontation between father and son, as prophesized by David's soothsayer mom."

David Whittaker's Music to The Desperados:

A Tank Full of Gas is of the opinion that "The Desperados is an ill-advised American/British co-production — which explains the unlikely presence of such quintessentially British actors as Kenneth Cope and Kate O'Mara in the wild, wild west. As such, it suffers from the kind of messiness that is common to many international co-productions. And The Desperados is messy, a very messy movie, with very sloppy editing, gaping holes in the narrative, a leading man who appears to be in the throes of some kind of emotional numbness, and Jack Palance hamming it up for all he's worth."

Aside from the female eye candy of Kate O'Mara as Adah, The Desperados also has the male eye candy of George Maharis as bad guy Jacob, whose bed Adah keeps warm. Maharis was one of the first (and few) Hollywood men to show wurst in Playgirl (example photo, with horse, above), which he did the same year (1974) that he — to quote Gay Influence  — "was arrested [...] and charged with committing a sex act with a male hairdresser in the men's room of a gas station in Los Angeles. 46 years old at the time, Maharis was booked on a sex perversion charge and released on $500 bail. Six years earlier Maharis had been arrested by a vice squad officer for lewd conduct in the restroom of a Hollywood restaurant; the officer said Maharis made a pass at him." 

George Maharis sings You Don't Know What Love Is:
 

 

 

 

 Cannon for Cordoba

(1970 Directed by Paul Wendkos)

Director Wendkos began his directorial career with the excellent and unjustly forgotten low budget flick The Burglar (1957), starring a young and pneumatic Jane Mansfield. According to Wikipedia and Boot Hill, Kate O'Mara appears in this movie as a whore, but we were unable to find much confirmation in this regard other than in a William Amazzini review at Amazon, which states "Keen Euro-viewers will also spot Aldo Sambrell, beautiful Francine York, Giovanna Ralli who graced many a spaghetti western, and Hammer actress Kate O'Mara." The movie was scripted by Stephen Kandel, who four years earlier wrote the entertaining but rarely screened Chamber of Horrors (1966).

Chamber of Horrors:

The plot, according to 10K Bullets, which calls the movie "average": "The year is 1912 and there is a revolution going on in Mexico. General Hector Cordoba steals six cannons from the forces that have been sent to eliminate him and solidify the Texas-Mexico border. General Pershing gives the job of retrieving the six stolen cannons to Captain Rod Douglas (George Peppard)."TV Guide, which calls the movie "average", adds the following: "[A] subplot concerns Ralli as a woman who helps Peppard because she seeks revenge on [Raf] Vallone for raping her." Filmed in Spain, set in Mexico.

Belly-Dancing in Mexico — A Scene from Cannon for Cordoba:
 

 

The Horror of Frankenstein

(1970, dir. Jimmy Sangster)

We already took a look at this flick in our R.I.P. career review of Jimmy Sangster. To simply re-use what we wrote there: "The Horror of Frankenstein, Hammer's 6th Frankenstein film, is a stand-alone film that occurs outside of the Peter Cushing films. Often dissed as the worst in the Hammer series, it is also Sangster's directorial debut, a reworking of the script he supplied for the first film of the series, The Curse of Frankenstein (1957 / trailer), revamped for a younger audience. Contrary to popular opinion, the humor, like all the sex, is intentional. The plot as told at Popcorn Pictures: 'Victor Frankenstein (Ralph Bates) is angry when his father forbids him from going to study at college to continue his anatomical experiments. So kills his father and makes it look like accident, thus leaving Victor with the family fortune and title of Baron. He uses this wealth to finance his college studies but leaves when he gets the dean's daughter pregnant. Returning home, he sets up a laboratory and starts a series of experiments aimed at bringing the dead back to life with the intention of creating a human being from stolen body parts. Unfortunately his creature doesn't behave the way he intended it to.'The film, like all of Sangster's feature film directorial efforts, was less than a commercial success."

Kate O'Mara is there as the supposedly 16-year-old Alys, the housemaid bonking both Frankenstein senior and, later, junior. Hammer fave Veronica Carlson is also on hand to show cleavage. Ralph Bates went on to play Dr. Jekyll in the Hammer film Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (1971).

 

 

 

The Vampire Lovers

 (1970, dir. Roy Ward Baker)

O'Mara, as the Governess Mme. Perrodot, gets bitten by none other than the great Ingrid Pitt  in this adaptation of Sheridan Le Fanu's novella Carmilla. This lezzie vampire flick, the first of the so-called Karnstein Trilogy — the others being Lust for a Vampire (1971 / trailer) and Twins of Evil (1972 / trailer) — wasn't too well accepted at its release, but it has stood the test of time rather well and has long since become a cult fave. Among the many other films directed by Roy Ward Baker (19 December 1916 — 5 October 2010) are the equally entertaining Hammer outings Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde(1971) and The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974), neither of which are truly as good as this film.

All Movie explains the movie: "This sexy horror story from Britain's Hammer Films finds Ingrid Pitt playing three roles [Marcilla / Carmilla / Mircalla Karnstein], the most notable being a lesbian vampire who will resort to biting a man only when it is absolutely necessary. A doctor and a manservant are victims, but only after she has exhausted all attempts to sink her fangs into the bosoms of young women. The General (Peter Cushing) finds his daughter Laura (Pippa Steel) is victimized by the bite of the vampiress. With the help of Baron Hartog (Douglas Wilmer), they try to end the horror brought by the blood-sucking beauty. Blood, gore and a few decapitations are depicted before the wooden stakes and crosses are brought out."

 

 

 

 

The Tamarind Seed
(1974, dir. Blake Edwards)

Director Blake Edwards began his career as an actor (in such fine stuff as Strangler in the Swamp[1946]) before moving onto directing and marrying Mary Poppins. And though he is remembered today primarily for comedies, he used to do all sorts of flicks, including stuff like this Cold War thriller based on a novel by Evelyn Anthony starring Dr. Zhivago and Mary Poppins.

Strangler in the Swamp— Full Movie:

Strangler of the Swamp (1946)von MargaliMorwentari

We've never seen The Tamarind Seed, but Kate O'Mara is in there somewhere as "Anna Skriabina", a part not big enough to get her on the poster or into the trailer. TCM explains the plot as "Rival Cold War diplomats (Zhivago & Poppins) fall in love in the Caribbean," a plot (like the stars) that hardly promises a good film; but if one is to believe Parallax View, the film is indeed of quality: "Between the shopworn genre, then, and Andrews and Sharif, I wasn't clamoring to be the first in line when The Tamarind Seed opened. I should have been. For The Tamarind Seed, like Roman Polanski's Chinatown (1974 / trailer), turns a Good Will genre into the genuine article, shifts and reshapes our thinking and feeling and seeing. And that new perception of reality is not just four-walled within a theater or the confines of a frame of film, but makes its way — or should — into the larger, less defined, and thus less understandable, territory of our lives."

 

 

 

 

Feelings

(1976, dir. Gerry O'Hara [as Laurence Britten])
"Hand-made babies...Was it the hand of God...Or the hand of the devil?"

Gerry O'Hara's directorial debut was the 1963 you-fuck-you-get-VD tale That Kind of Girl aka Teenage Tramp (1963); aside from working with Babe O'Mara, he also made films with Babe Olivia Hussey (All the Right Noises [1971 / song to film]), Babe Fiona Lewis (The Chairman's Wife [1971]); Babe Lisa Foster (Fanny Hill [1983 / trailer]); Babe-in-Decline Joan Collins (The Bitch [1979 / trailer]); and Babe Sarah Douglas in Brute [1973]) — "serious" dramas one and all.

Trailer to That Kind of Girl aka Teenage Tramp:

Feelings is the feature-film debut of Paul Freeman, one of those great actors everyone always recognizes but never knows from where. (Hint: His face melts in Raiders of the Lost Ark [1981 / trailer].) He plays the blank-shooting "Paul Martin" to Kate O'Mara's baby-hungry "Barbara Martin". Like any good "serious" (exploitation) drama, the main topic of Feelings — "test-tube children"— was very timely, if not anticipatory: the world's first official, real "test-tube child", Ms. Louise Brown, wasn't even born for another couple of years, on 25 July 1978. (In truth, the film seems to be more about artificial insemination than test-tube babies, but who's gonna draw fine lines like that in an exploitation film?)

Feelings is yet another O'Mara film we've never seen, and with its original title, Feelings, we probably never would have wanted to — as far as we're concerned, Kate O'Mara never really made another good film after The Vampire Lovers (1970) — but then we read a blurb at imdb written by Blood The Telepathic Dog from North Dakota, who states: "Kate O'Mara teased horror film viewers all throughout such films like Horror of Frankenstein and Vampire Lovers, but there is no teasing whatsoever here. In fact, the first 45 minutes of the film, Kate is completely naked half the time. Bare skin is also supplied by the ill-fated lab tech. Her nightmare scene may be the film's highlight."

This "serious" (exploitation) drama — re-issue/aka titles include Test-Tube Baby and Whose Child Am I?— has suddenly jumped high on our "We Want to See It" list.

Another Gerry O'Hara film — The Pleasure Girls (1965),

w/ Klaus Kinski:

Temple of Schlock, which supplied the newspaper clips, offers another aka: "The British fertility clinic exploitation pic Whose Child Am I? — shot in 1974 as Who's Harriet? [...] — was submitted to the MPAA in February 1975 and began a regional roll-out from Brian Distribution later that year. With newspaper ads that made it look like a horror film, and co-billed with a real horror film (The Devil's Wedding Night [1973]), it opened at the Marbro Drive-In in Kingsport, TN on September 29, 1977. Over a year later — and no longer aimed at the horror crowd — it opened in the New York City area on a double bill with Embryo (trailer / full film) December 15, 1978."

The Devil's Wedding Night:

Films de France says Feelings is "very poor, a hideous monstrosity of a film with absolutely no redeeming features — a seriously bad film to be avoided like the plague." A view shared by the 1995 publication of Video Movie Guide, which tersely says "Artificial insemination is this pitiful excuse for this ridiculously sordid film."
Blood The Telepathic Dog is of the opinion that "The main problem with this film is that it tries to do too much. The central couple are Kate O'Mara and Paul Freeman who can't have a child of their own [...]. But since there apparently wasn't enough meat on that bone, the script introduces other couples with ties to the fertility clinic. There is a lesbian couple, a kooky hippy broad accidentally planted with 'African seed,' and the most interesting sub-couple is the young clinic lab tech who is in love with an older man, who might be the sperm donor her mother used many years ago. This is an interesting film that presents the viewer with many socially taboo questions. Lesbianism is scratched at but nothing profound is said and even less is said about racism since the hippy lady's screen time was limited [...]. The spotlight really rests on O'Mara and Freeman and how they cope with not having a child conventionally. Kate takes drastic measures to get impregnated when the AI doesn't take either and the film gains speed when Freeman learns of Kate's adulterous methods."

Has nothing to do with the film — 

Morris Albert lip syncs Feelings (1975):

 

To be continued...

Disaster (USA, 2005)

April 9, 2014, 6:23 am

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 German Trailer:

Ah, the genre of disaster films! They've been around since the silent era, the earliest possibly being the British short film by James Williamson's Fire! (1901 / film), which was undoubtedly a direct influence on the first US disaster film, Edwin S. Porter's later short, Life of an American Fireman (1903 / film). But when it comes to feature-length films, say over an hour, the first true disaster movie is (arguably) Michael Curtiz's part-talkie Noah's Ark (1928 / trailer) — the filming of its flood scene cost the lives of three extras; others merely suffered broken bones or amputated limbs — or, after the arrival of full talkies, Felix E. Feist's Deluge (1933 / NYC destroyed), a once-lost movie that — like Roland Emmerich's disaster comedy 2012 (2009 / trailer) — involves the end of the world.

In the decades since Deluge, many disaster films of note and lesser note have come and gone (and were then mostly forgotten), but the genre truly flowered in the 1970s, with the support of big budgets, the "All-Star Cast" and "The Master of Disaster" Irwin Allen: one after the other they flickered across the screen, including such fun films as The Poseidon Adventure (1972 / trailer), The Towering Inferno (1974 / trailer), Earthquake (1974 / trailer), and the so-bad-it's-good Airport 1975 (1974 / trailer) and many, many more.* During the polyester decade, Hollywood rolled the disasters out one after the other, killing people en mass anywhere they could think of, until the genre's coffin was opened wide by such terrible and cheap-looking big budget feculence like The Swarm (1978 / trailer) and the mega-embarrassing Meteor (1979 / trailer), and then nailed shut with the take-no-prisoners comedy Airplane! (1980 / trailer).

But come the 1990s, the genre raised its head like a revived and unstoppable zombie in the (most notable) form of the idiotic and unpalatable alien-invasion movie Independence Day (1996 / trailer), the far more entertaining and knowingly ironic Sylvester Stallone vehicle Daylight (1996 / trailer), and the consciously culty Tim Burton movie, Mars Attacks! (1996 / trailer). Since then, hardly a year has gone by without some big budget disaster film being dumped on the market in which one nation's capital city or landmark after the other (if not the whole world) gets pulverized.

And among this plethora of mostly wasted celluloid are two films that must be seen as the illegitimate babies of the turkey's turd from 1979, Meteor: Deep Impact (trailer) and Armageddon (trailer), both from 1998. Neither is very good in the end; Deep Impact is by-the-numbers and unsurprising, while Armageddon is hilariously terrible. And, indeed, it was the latter movie that, despite being the bigger hit, got the worst reviews. (As an example, Roger Ebert, who put the movie on his worst films of the year list, said Armageddon "is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense and the human desire to be entertained".)

Here at A Wasted Life, however, we must admit we have a soft spot for that movie. It is a train wreck, a total waste of all the talent of any and all involved, which of course explains why it was such a hit. But like most train wrecks, it is also oddly fascinating and, despite being a disaster movie — and unlike most Hollywood movies that advertise themselves as comedies — Armageddon is truly hilarious. We laughed our way through from beginning to the end and, since then, have heartily recommended it as the comedy it is to many a person — none of whom have found it as funny and entertaining as we. (Some people just don't know how to appreciate a good train wreck.)

So, enough film history and enough verbosity, let's get to the movie at hand...
We would assume that the makers of this movie here, Disaster!, were also not very fond of Armageddon. Perhaps, so amazed by the overall stupidity of that blockbuster, and inspired by the big-budgeted puppet movie Team America (2004 / trailer), they came up with the inspiration to do both better by doing both worse — sort like pointing out the overall stupidity by being even more stupid, both in narrative and in execution. (You know, sort of how the stupidity of Republican politicians sort of helps to reveal the stupidity of Democratic politicians, or the Muslim religion that of the Christian religion.) A "schnapps idea", to use some German terminology generally used to infer that the idea is so stupid that one has to be drunk to even think of it, but in all truth this time around the schnapps idea actually works — to an extent.

In execution, the movie works fine. A stop-motion movie of intentional low-quality execution, the stop-motion technique used is as primitive as the puppets, which display a total rejection of any attempt of quality execution — to the extent that no attempt is even made to smooth out the seams that arise from the casting of the puppets. The overall look of the film is one of loud and proud cheapness, and in its dedication to its tawdry shoddiness, the movie achieves a holistic style that not only succeeds but is enjoyable to watch. (As sloppily as the characters are made, the sets and backgrounds in which they agitate are prime examples of loving detail, full of so many throwaway gags that even attentive eyes hardly catch half of them.)

This cheapness is matched by the crude, overly puerile humor that never stops from the first to last frame of the flick: sex, violence, flatulence, drugs, gore, the handicapped (in the form of a wheelchair-bound and drooling "Stephen Mocking"), Afro-American studliness, white man penis inadequacy, blonde stupidity, dim-witted names ("Harry Bottoms", anyone?) — you name it, and the film probably takes the piss out of it. No topic is too haloed, no joke too stupid for Disaster! The movie is totally juvenile and totally tasteless from beginning to end, and we loved it — despite some glaring flaws.

The biggest flaw is simply the storyline. Armageddon was so hilariously stupid that it really didn't need a full-length parody; Disaster! might have been even better had the overall storyline not been a virtual one-for-one spoof. True, a lot of other films are obviously referenced — amongst others that we noticed: Godzilla (1954 / trailer), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968 / trailer), Alien (1979 / trailer), Alive (1993 / trailer), Twister (1996 / trailer), Deep Impact, King Kong (1933 / trailer), Dante's Peak (1997 / trailer) — but the overall narrative, despite all the jokes, is almost too familiar. True, we laughed a lot, despite the feeling that we've seen it before, but that feeling wouldn't have arisen had the script shown a bit more narrative creativity and a bit less Armageddon (or, optionally, had gone in the direction of Airplane! or Top Secret [1984 / trailer] and broadened its breadth of parody even more).

In our view, this is the only flaw of the film. Everything else we liked, and in truth we laughed our heads off despite not being stoned and despite the familiar plot — but then, we are partial to the P.I., foul and infantile take-no-prisoner approach that this film bathes in.

That said, be warned: viewers who want their jokes intelligent and refined should avoid this movie like, dunno, Pat Robinson a NAMBLA meeting.

*Of these films, The Poseidon Adventure has aged well and remains the best of them all — and indefinitely better than the misfired remake in 2006 (trailer). The Towering Inferno has aged the worst and despite its at-the-time huge budget looks oddly cheesy and cheap now. Earthquake has aged a tad better (but not much), while Airport 1975 — like all the movies of the franchise but for the very first, the relatively involving Airport (1970 / trailer) — is still as crappy and funny as the day it came out. The last movie, like all the Airport movies that followed, now stands out as excellent proof of the fleeting nature of fame: most of the "name" stars of the all-star cast that parade by in their cameos of varying length are long gone, forgotten and totally unknown today.

R.I.P.: Kate O'Mara, Part II

April 21, 2014, 7:13 am

≫ Next: Short Film: Nightmare at Elm Manor (Great Britain, 1961 or 63)

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The English actress Kate O'Mara (10 August 1939 — 30 March 2014) is dead. For us here at A Wasted Life, she was one of our favorite actresses from the Golden Age of English Gothic Cleavage, despite the fact that her horror output was extremely limited. Indeed, though often lumped together with the beautiful Hammer Screamers, she only ever appeared in three Hammer films and turned down a contract when offered in fear of being typecast. We've seen all her three of her straight Horror Films, and she was without a doubt always the most impressive looker in the given movie, despite some hefty competition.
An active stage and television actress, "She was perhaps most widely known for her role as Caress Morell, the scheming sister of Alexis Colby (Joan Collins) in the 1980s American primetime soap opera Dynasty."
Born to John F. Carroll, an RAF flying instructor and actress Hazel Bainbridge (25 January 1911 — 7 January 1998), she was the older sister to actress Belinda Carroll. Twice married and twice divorced, she had two sons, one of whom, Dickon Young (1964–2012), hanged himself in the garage of the £750,000 cottage he shared with his mother, O'Mara, in the village of Long Marston, Warks.
O'Mara died on 30 March 2014 in a Sussex nursing home at the age of 74 after a short illness. We looked at her best films in Part I; here, we look as what's left...

Machinegunner
(1976, Patrick Dromgoole)

The year previously, director Patrick Dromgoole directed his only horror movie, Deadly Strangers (1975 / full movie). This TV flick here, which Cathode Ray Tube calls "an eccentric, rather seedy and often violent detective story", eventually received a DVD release. Over at YouTube, The Disappearance 62 says: "Leonard Rossiter plays Cyril Dugdale, a Bristol debt collector (the 'machinegunner' of the title) and would-be detective who agrees to handle a well-paid divorce case for the mysterious Felicity (Nina Baden-Semper). His job is to get incriminating photographs of property developer Jack Bone (Colin Welland), who is carrying out an adulterous affair, but after getting the shots, Dugdale finds himself caught up in an escalating series of events — hunted by Bone's heavies who want the negatives, he manages to just about avoid them only to see Bone murdered by people who are just as keen to get hold of the photographs and get rid of business (not to mention romantic) rivals. And Felicity is refusing to reveal who her real client is...
Machinegunner is a tight, twisting mix of dark humour, noir-esque crime drama and gritty Seventies bleakness, topped off with a heavy sprinkling of racial tension (delicate viewers might cringe at some of the language used here). It's got a Sweeney-esque feel at times, with villains toting sawn-off 'shooters', corruption in high places and urban violence, and is laced through with a black comic feel. [...] There are solid turns from Welland and Kate O'Mara as the woman at the centre of the action."

Full movie:

The Nativity
(1978, dir. Bernard L. Kowalski)
TV Trailer:

While we must admit that the legendary lost gay porno film, Ed D. Louie's Him (1974), is Numero Uno on our list of films we would even buy Crisco and bend over for, in general we are not into religious movies, so though Kate O'Mara appears as the legendary Salome in this TV flick, we probably won't see it — or does she drop all veils when dancing?

Director Bernard L. Kowalski made mostly TV crap, but he did make an occasional real feature film, including a horror film or two, namely: Sssssnake Kobra (1973 / German trailer); Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959), with Yvette Vickers;  and Night of the Blood Beast (1958 / trailer / full film). Currently (01.04.14), Wikipedia explains this movie as: "The Nativity is a 1978 television film starring Madeleine Stowe as Mary, set around the Nativity of Jesus and based on the accounts in the canonical Gospels of Matthew and Luke, in the apocryphal gospels of Pseudo-Matthew and James, and in the Golden Legend.
The Nativity was [...] written by Morton S. Fine and Millard Kaufman, and filmed in Almería, Spain. Millard Kaufman also wrote the classic noir Gun Crazy (1950) and the not-so-classic sci-fi flick, Unknown World (1951 / full movie), both movies more worth your time than this snoozer here.

Fan-made Gun Crazy"Trailer":

 Tuntematon ystävä

(1978, dir. Lars G. Thelestam)
Title Track:

Aka An Unknown Friend.God only knows how Kate O'Mara managed to get in a Finnish crime film, but she's there — check out the trailer — as the "reluctant femme fatale". She plays "Karen Lindén / Judith Russell / Berit Lindström". This film seems to be forgotten and unknown, but over at imdb, Yrmy from Helsinki — that's a city in Finland, my fellow Americans — says that the movie is "Unknown for a reason": "Tuntematon ystävä was the third attempt to film the works of popular and populist Finnish detective novelist Mauri Sariola. Based loosely on the 1970 novel Susikoski virittää ansan, the film also features his most famous protagonist, the no-nonsense, conservative Detective Inspector (later Superintendent) Susikoski. It was also probably the worst of the three.

Sariola's strong points usually lay more with his characters and typically acerbic observations about society and people than his often mechanistic and haphazard plots. Unfortunately, what Tuntematon ystävä takes from its source is mostly the heavily reworked basic plot, which in the film concerns an American-Finnish couple who murder various 'society's parasites' for their insurance money.
The film does try. At the time, it was for Finnish cinema an exceptionally brazen attempt to make a mainstream commercial thriller with international cast and a climax shot in Morocco. The end result, however, is on par with a mediocre television film, which totally wastes its elite cast, including Lindholm in the title role. Staging, dialogue and attempts at suspense in fact now seem more fitting for a comedy than a thriller. Even a record-breaking marketing campaign couldn't turn the film into the hit it aspired to be."

Trailer:

 The Plank
(1979, dir. Erik Sykes)

Director Sykes, a well-known if now-dead comedian in the UK, can also be found in one of our favorite Vincent Price films, the classic Theatre of Blood (1973 / trailer), as well as the surprisingly effective Nicole Kidman vehicle, The Others (2001 / trailer). The Plank is a TV short and, as the Sydney Morning Herald says, when speaking of the first version of the filmlette made in 1967, "Eric Sykes' classic 1967 short is a sterling reminder of how great comedy does not age and, in its purest form, requires no words. An extended homage to the type of comic invention replete during the silent era, the short film (remade poorly in 1979 with a grating laugh track) follows two workmen (Sykes and British comedy legend Tommy Cooper [in the remake, Sykes and Arthur Lowe]) as they visit a timber yard to buy a plank." According to Wikipedia, "Like the original, it has an all-star cast of British comedians and other celebrities; although only Sykes, Jimmy Edwards and Kenny Lynch reprise their previous roles." Kate O'Mara shows up to say the only spoken line in the entire short: "It's paint."

New version, full short:

Beauty and the Beast
(1992, dir. Timothy Forder)

After the Finnish crime flick Tuntematon ystävä, Kate O'Mara stuck to television, where she had a viable career as both a regular (on series like Denver or Dr Who) as well as a featured guest star. In 1992, she finally returned to the movies, if only as a voice artist alongside — of all people — Christopher Lee in this direct-to-video animated film that road on the shirttails of Disney's major release of the same title the year before. She voiced Lucinda, one of Beauty's sisters. MJ Simpson— not to be confused with OJ — says: "This is an entirely British production; there are no Korean names in these end credits but maybe they should have considered farming this out to Seoul because the animation is awful. Very crude and basic and not helped by frankly poor character designs by Paul Gunson [...] and Gerard Kenny [...]. Though the characters are awful and their movements basic and repetitive, there is some consolation in well-painted backgrounds by Ian Henderson who also worked on both Watership Down (1978 / trailer) and The Plague Dogs (1982 / trailer)."

The first 14:27 minutes:

Aladdin
(1992, dir. Timothy Forder)

For his next animated film, Timothy Forder didn't even wait a full year but, rather, the very same year that Disney brought out their big budget version of Aladdin (trailer), Forder jumped on the wagon and dashed out his low-budget, direct-to-video version. Christopher Lee obviously took for the hills this time around, but O'Mara is still there, now doing the voice of "Madam Roly Poly". Another person there for the second time after Beauty and the Beast: Sean Connery's son Jason Joseph Connery, who is also found in masterpieces like Penance (2009 / trailer), The Thirst: Blood War (2008 / trailer), wih C. Thomas Howell), Hoboken Hollow (2006 / trailer), Brotherhood of Blood (2007 / trailer), Night Skies (2007 / trailer), Alone in the Dark II (2008 / trailer) and Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell (2001 / trailer).

Over at imdb, the User Reviews have such enlightening headings as: "Buyer Beware", "Made for children whose parents hate them", and "This Aladdin is cursed!!!!" At Amazon, anijunk— who, going by the moniker shouldn't have anything against junk films — says: "Sorry but this 'animation' is not worth the money. First of all the story locations are wrong (Morocco and China instead of Egypt and Bagdad). Then anachronisms like a genie with sports shoes. And a dialogue that uses 3 sentences to say something twice. The animation itself is poor and amateuristic (sic), the music is electronic and boring. But see it for yourself if you do not believe me."

See for yourself — the full movie:


 

 The Road to Ithaca
(1999, writ & dir Kostas Dimitriou)

As far as we can tell, this war drama/romance is the last known directorial effort of the Greek producer, director and actor Kostas Dimitriou, who acted alongside Alexandra Bastedo in the 1979 TV miniseries The Aphrodite Inheritance, which we did not look at in Bastedo's R.I.P. career review. Kate O'mara appears somewhere in The Road to Ithaca, yet another forgotten and seemingly unavailable movie, as "Despina". The year it came out, the movie was screened at the 40th International Thessaloniki Film Festival, where they wrote the following: "The loss of loved ones and the tragic present become entangled with memories of the past. Hope and the struggle for survival alternate with despair and hopelessness. In the turmoil of the war and occupation, a young Turkish girl, Yasmin (Berna Raif), refuses to stop searching for her great love, the Greek-Cypriot Telemachos (Alexis Conran, seen somewhere in Below [2002]), who has been taken prisoner by the Turkish occupying forces. While Yasmin never gives up hope of finding her beloved, her childhood friend, Eleni (Frances Ruffelle), is pregnant with the child of a Greek man, who, however, turned out to be a Turkish secret services officer who abandoned her after the invasion. Eleni keeps her secret buried deep inside, constantly haunted by nightmarish memories."
Although Kate O'Mara continued to act on the small screen and on stage, The Road to Ithaca was her last appearance in a feature or direct-to-video film.

Costas Cacyannis' ELEGY from The Road to Ithaca:


Kate O'Mara — R.I.P.

Short Film: Nightmare at Elm Manor (Great Britain, 1961 or 63)

April 29, 2014, 7:52 am

≫ Next: I Bury the Living (USA, 1958)

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Nothing like a well-made, enjoyable nudie cutie! How we love them! And that is exactly what this extraordinary short film here is: a top notch, quality example of a "horror" nudie-cutie from over 50 years ago! And, yes: there is a lot of naked breastage in this film, so not only is Nightmare at Elm Manor totally NSFW, we also proclaim loudly: "If the sight of beautiful love pillows swinging freely doth offend thee, then away with thou now!" Go here instead and leave this little film to the more sinful-minded…

We stumbled upon this visually entertaining, almost innocent but nevertheless boob-opulent piece of cinematic cheesecake at one of our favorite sites for public domain films, the indispensibleInternet Archives, where it bears — bares ? — the title Nightmare at Elm Manor aka Flesh and Fantasy; we have since found it elsewhere as Nude in Dracula's Castle.

The plot is very simple: A lone, lovely lass (June Palmer) takes a room at the Elm Manor Hotel, a remote and secluded boarding house populated by a sinister-looking butler (Stuart Samuels). That night, as she prepares for bed (for the most part in the nude, of course) by doing such logical things as applying lipstick, she sees something scary — but nothing is there! Later, resplendently nude in bed, she awakens thirsty, so she pulls on an evening gown that she never bothers to tie shut and goes to find some water — only to end up running in terror, her evening gown forever open and her bodacious breasts always in view, from the threatening vampiric butler... Come daylight, however, the world is once again in order. Or is it?

Perhaps the most precise explanation of the events pictured is found at the Ultimate Vampire Movie Guide, which calls Nightmare at Elm Manor"a rather interesting short that is the perfect example of the vampire as a sexual predator". While fully acknowledging the exploitation roots of the film, the website nevertheless also sees a deeper meaning in the events and postulates that "Our vampire is the heroine's fantasy demonization of a man she perceives as a sexual threat." An on-the-mark interpretation, and an oddly Freudian theme for a simple nudie cutie.

Nightmare at Elm Manor:

As a low budget piece of exploitation, Nightmare at Elm Manor is surprisingly entertaining and funny, and offers a certain level of visual intrigue beyond just that of the delightful love pillows of the movie's unnamed lead, the pleasantly curvaceous (38–23–37) and non-anorexic June Palmer (1 August 1940 — 6 January 2004), seen here in this filmlette in her youthful prime of 21 years of age. June, who began her career as a topless dancer at the famous Windmill Theatre in London and "glamour" model, made a number of 8-mm shorts for the great Harrison Marks, who also directed this little film here. June went on to have bit parts in a variety of family favorites — Otto und die nackte Welle (1968),  The Nine Ages of Nakedness (1970 / full movie), Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970 / trailer), Not Tonight, Darling (1971) and Games That Lovers Play (1971) — and an occasional TV show, but undoubtedly she left her most lasting impression in the memories of the heterosexual youth of her day.

Director [George] Harrison Marks (6 August 1926 — 27 June 1997), a familiar name to Brits, "was a British glamour photographer and director of nudist, and later, pornographic films who was active in the fields for several decades." In 1957, Marks and his model wife Pamela Green (28 March 1929 — 7 May 2010, 38-23-37) launched Kamera magazine, a beat sheet like no other at the time and a huge success. (June Palmer premiered in issue #23 [1959], and later went on to become the only model to appear in two different issues of Green and Marks' follow-up publication Solo under the same name.) Green and Marks'"glamour films", of which Nightmare at Elm Manor is one, were a natural follow-up product to their magazines. (Pamela, by the way, as "Milly" meets a grisly end in the disquieting classic Peeping Tom [1960].) The couple split in the mid-sixties, but continued to work together for a long time thereafter.

 Trailer to Michael Powell's Career-Killing Peeping Tom (1960):

I Bury the Living (USA, 1958)

May 11, 2014, 3:03 am

≫ Next: Lost in Space (USA, 1998)

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Trailer:

We all have to start somewhere, and here is almost where B-movie producer and director Albert Band (7 May 1924 — 14 June 2002) began: I Bury the Living was his second directorial effort, a horror film after his mildly interesting debut, The Young Guns (1956), the latter of which is unique in being perhaps the first teenage-rebel western. (We'll conveniently overlook the very first credit of his we could find, that of c-scriptwriter of John Huston's The Red Badge of Courage [1951 / trailer].)

By the time Band had made his first two films, he had also already procreated, and he and his son Charles Band eventually went on to form the production company Empire Pictures and, after that firm collapsed, Charles went on to found Full Moon. The twenty fingers between them have been in many a pie, be it as producer or un-credited extra, including (to list only those reviewed here at A Wasted Life): Tourist Trap (1979),Re-Animator (1985), Creepozoids (1987), Shadowzone (1990), Castle Freak (1995), Head of the Family (1996), Blonde Heaven (1996), Retro Puppet Master (1999), Killjoy (2000) and The Dead Hate the Living! (2000).

With I Bury the Living, Band and his screenwriter Louis Garfinkle (who went on to one day supply the story for The Deer Hunter [1978 / trailer]) crafted an intriguing psychological horror story that, despite some directional dull spots and occasional questionable acting, definitely chills for almost the entire film — only to resolve in an ending that stinks worse than a diarrhea-soaked fart in a windowless subway on a hot summer day.

Filmed over nine days partly on location in a Los Angeles cemetery, I Bury the Living features a stalwart Richard Boone (of The Last Dinosaur [1977 / scene] and Vicki [1953 / trailer]) as the manly businessman, Robert Kraft, of the small town of Milford who, thanks to the vagaries of a local rotating advisory committee, takes over the management of the "Immortal Hills" cemetery just as the cemetery's friendly gravedigger of 40 years, Andy McKee (Theodore Bikel of 200 Motels [1971 / trailer]), is pensioned. The less-than-comfortable management office is dominated by a large map of the cemetery, almost modern art in its design, on which the empty and occupied graves are marked by, respectively, white or black pins. Kraft accidentally mixes up the colors of the pins when visited by an old friend and new wife, Stuart (Glen Vernon of I Saw What You Did [1965 / trailer] and So I Married an Axe Murderer [1993 / trailer]) and Elizabeth Drexel (Lynette Bernay of Night of Evil [1962 / trailer] and The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent [1957 / trailer]), and soon comes to realize that he can cause the death of others simply by placing a black pin on their plot on the map...

It is a power that he does not gladly have, and that no one he tells believes him, be it his ready-to-trot fiancé Ann Craig (Peggy Maurer), the police in the form of Lt. Clayborne (Robert Osterloh of The Prowler [1951 / trailer] and Wicked Woman [1953 / trailer]), the local reporter Jessup (Herbert Anderson), or his three business partners, which include his uncle George Kraft (Howard Smith, the narrator of Ecco [1964 / trailer]). But confronted with the power of God and an ever-increasing feeling of guilt, Robert slowly begins to lose his marbles — especially after the disastrous results of his business partners' unwise attempt to dissuade Robert of his conviction by forcing him to mark all their graves with black pins.

The story and its development of I Bury the Living is interesting and not lacking in suspense, and the movie often displays an effectively moody atmosphere and unnatural aura interjected by an occasional prick of black humor and, almost as rarely, an almost baroque twirling of a scene into black (symbolizing, one assumes, the whirlpool that is Robert's mind). In truth, most of the time Band's camerawork is rather staid if not almost boring and static, but the occasional experimental directorial touches like the twirl to black or overlapping dissolves are pleasant and do serve to break the monotony of the normally unmoving camera. A stroke of visual and symbolic brilliance, however, was his decision to make the map gradually larger with each scene it's in, a surrealistic touch that does well in symbolizing Robert's crumbling grasp on reality and the map's growing control over him.

Aspects like those mentioned manage to carry the film above the oft-weak acting turns of those involved. Richard Boone, a graduate of the John Wayne School of Acting, is no better or worse than normal, but as to be expected most of the surrounding B-actors are relatively stilted. Special mention must be made of Theodore Bikel, nominated for an Oscar the same year as this film for his appearance as Sheriff Max Muller in The Defiant Ones (1958 / trailer), who does an excellent job in regard to his facial and physical acting, but negates his whole performance with a hilariously incomprehensible and unconvincing Scottish brogue. What was he ever thinking, and how did he convince anyone it would work?

But then, one also wonders what the fuck they all were thinking when the film finally reaches its culminating plot twist that sets up its shockingly emasculated, cop-out resolution. At the point that Robert, following the logic that if he can kill them he must be able to bring them back, decides to test his power by replacing the black pins with white, I Bury the Living suddenly reveals a total disrespect for its viewers as well as the entire supernatural scenario established thus far. At the point upon which the gravestones topple and the ground is seen being pushed up from below, viewers are well advised to turn off the film and simply imagine the ending that they would like to see, for the real ending given is stupid, disgusting, aggravating and a total raspberry that ruins the movie.
And we mean: IT FUCKING RUINS THE MOVIE!!!!

Full film:

Lost in Space (USA, 1998)

May 16, 2014, 4:25 am

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A remake that works better now 16 years after its initial release than when it first came out.

When viewed as a kiddy film, which it actually is, Lost in Space does become a bit more enjoyable, but nonetheless it seems to be lacking some unknown ingredient, the special zing needed to make it truly likeable.

The original television show, for all its verbal adherents, is actually much better in memory than in real life, as are the other "classic" Irwin Allen TV adventure series of the 1960s that we watched the most, The Land of The Giants (1968-70 / trailer) and Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1964-68 / promo). And perhaps that's one of the reasons why the movie — despite being a financial success — was viewed as such a dud: adults, blinded by gold-tinged nostalgia, failed to see that despite all its flaws, the movie was simply a contemporary and updated kiddy film, a product of both new technical possibilities and new socio-cultural truths, but still meant for youngsters. Unable to live up to adult expectations, word-of-mouth remained lukewarm at best, with neither the nostalgic nor the children that came to watch it being overly thrilled by a film that not only feels like three episodes of a big-budget television show strung together but also has an ending promising a new episode next week.

Scriptwriter Akiva Goldsman is hardly the Hemingway of Hollywood, as such past turkey's as Silent Fall (1994 / trailer), Batman & Robin (1997 / German trailer) and the two abysmal hits I, Robot (2004 / trailer) and I Am Legend (2007 / trailer) have proven — films, one and all, that are far more entertaining as trailers and that offer testament in their success to the complacency and simplicity of the masses. Here, in Lost in Space, his big weakness of not being able to offer believable character development or narrative coherence is in full force. The lack of believable character development is also aggravated by some unbelievably weak acting on part of the cast, particularly Matt Le Blanc and Heather Graham (the latter of whom simply can't compete with the original Judy Robinson, Marta Kristen, who was perhaps just as bad an actress but somehow dreamier), while the lack of coherence is amplified by a plot that stuffs three noticeably separate stories into one film.

What Lost in Space (the film) needed more than all its special effects was the time (only a weekly format offers) for character development and continuity. On television, for example, it took months for Jonathon Harris's Dr. Smith to go from cold and calculating to campy and cowardly; in the movie, Gary Oldman has to flip-flop scene to scene – charismatically, perhaps, but still unconvincingly. That Lost In Space suffers greatly by not being a weekly is made even more obvious by the alternative scenes found on the DVD, which reveal an entire feel-good women's episode obviously (and rightly) deemed too schmaltzy and boring for the theatrical release, but which would have worked well for a weekly format in which all characters not only have to have their appearance but multiple storylines can be effectively narrated, and characters and their relationships can be shown to grow.

Among those with whom we watched the film, there were complaints that the characters had been updated a bit too much, with the kids using swear words and the parents having marital problems. We see that as hardly something to get upset about; indeed, in that regard the movie works much better than the following year's remake of The Avengers (1999 / trailer), which updated the proto-feminist, ass-kicking Emma Peel into a women eternally in need of (male) help. That pre-peach-fuzz Will (Jack Johnson) says "shit" is hardly something to get upset about, for even back in the 60s kids said it, if only more secretly. Likewise, that the new Family Robinson is somewhat dysfunctional is less a flaw than added realism: they have problems like every real family (and unlike the original television show), but unlike every real family, they talk, solve them and even get touchy-feely — besides, how dysfunctional can a family be if its 6-year-old can repair robots, their pre-teen bratty daughter can do video mechanics, and their oldest daughter (18? 21? 25?) is a medical doctor? Excuse me, if this family is dysfunctional, where are the drugs, emotionally dead relationships, alcohol, switchblades, incestuous parental figures, illiterate kids, runaways, disrespect, or even zits? Get real people, you wish your family was this good.

Lost in Space (the movie) is basically three episodes of Lost in Space (the television show) on speed and with a huge special-effects budget and some truly wonderful homoerotic S&M spacesuits. Opening with a rather unconvincing Star Wars inspired space shootout in which one of the film's reoccurring themes is first exemplified — that of friendship and responsibility — the first episode sets up the situation of why the Family Robinson is going off into space, where they are going, who the characters are, and what fucks up. (It also allows the nostalgic viewer to play "spot [four of] the original surviving cast members".) Basically, earth has no resources left and the next inhabitable solar system is ten years away with normal space travel, so Family Robinson is going there (in suspended animation) to build a "hyper-gate" to allow all future ships to travel there faster than light.

But, of course, terrorists are out to stop them. After programming the robot to destroy the Family Robinson 16 hours into the flight, Dr. Smith gets double-crossed by his superiors and knocked out, only to revive in time to wake the Family and prevent total destruction of the ship. Now trapped in the gravitational pull of the sun they are forced to use the hyper-drive and land in an unknown, uncharted universe, lost in space.

Thus the second episode cues in, which has them: discover two ships, find a cute alien that Penny (an excellent Lacey Chabert of Black Christmas [2006 / trailer], Sanitarium [2013 / trailer] and Ghost of Goodnight Lane [2014 / trailer]) eventually takes on as a pet, deal with nasty silicone space spiders out for food (?), have the robot destroyed, and barely escape with their lives. Oh, yeah, there's also some distracting sub-plot thing about how one of the ships they find is an earth ship sent to find them after their ship disappeared that raise more "huhs?" than it does intrigue.

Episode three has them crash land on a planet that is gonna explode, has the robot rebuilt in a form more true to the original series — admittedly a far cooler design than the contemporary one the robot started out with — and has all the men experience a really confusing and illogical adventure with time travel and alternative futures that ends with everyone getting away only to be pulled into a black hole taking them god knows where... episode four five and six would have happened, had it been decided by the powers that be that Lost in Space merited a sequel.

A children's film too all over the place for children to follow, Lost in Space still is more fun than such other unnecessary remakes of around the same time such as Flubber (1997 / trailer), The Nutty Professor (1996 / trailer), The Saint (1997 / trailer), or Doctor Dolittle (2001 / trailer), not to mention a much better updating of a television show than Star Trek — The Motion Picture (1979 / trailer) or the previously mentioned The Avengers, not to mention much truer to the original source than any of the sometimes enjoyable Mission: Impossible or Charlie's Angels films. In short, Lost in Space has too much action, too many special effects, too little time — despite a snooze-inducing and excessive running time of over two hours! Still, it's an okay film for a rainy Sunday afternoon with the kids, if your television screen is large enough.

R.I.P.: Harry H. Novak, Part II – 1956 to 1964

May 18, 2014, 6:09 am

≫ Next: Short Film: King Star King (USA 2013)

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12 January  1928 — 26 March  2014

"When I was a kid, my Daddy told me, 'There's a buyer for everything.' And I lived to find out that he was right."
Harry H. Novak

Harry H. Novak, alongside David F Friedman (24 December 1923 — 14 February 2011) one of the great (s)exploitation kings of the last half of the 20th century, died 26 March 2014 at the age of 86.

A detailed career review of all the projects Harry H. Novak — as Boxoffice International, Valiant International Pictures, Harry N Novak Productions and one assumes other still undocumented firm names — foisted upon the American public would be Sisyphean task at best and hardly possible, as no full and unequivocal list exists. What follows is a review of the films that we found that, for the most part, probably had Novak involved somewhere along the way — and some that may not have. It is definitely not a complete list, and definitely not infallible, it is merely culled from sources reliable and unreliable that we found online. We also in no way suggest that the given release dates are the correct ones, they are merely the first ones we found.

If you know any we missed, feel free to send the title...

Girls Without Rooms
(1956, dir. Arne Ragneborn)

Aka Flamman. The earliest reference we could find of Harry Novak being involved with a specific film was on Wikipedia, which states "After dubbing and distributing a 1956 Swedish melodrama about a 'bad girl' in a reformatory under the name Girls Without Rooms to limited but respectable grosses, Novak's earliest film productions fell into the 'nudie cutie' category." At imdb, nL (ni_la2000@hotmail.com) explains with fine foreign English: "Fransiska (Catrin Westerlund) is visited by a social worker when she's in the custody. She tells him her lives story, about her mother who was an alcoholic, her father a night watchman and how she and her five year old little sister was left. Her boyfriend was unemployed and needed money and to help him she stole money."

 Swedish Trailer to Flamman:

 

Geisha Playmates
(1960, dir. Tetsuo Takata)

 

A big maybe at best when it comes to Novak's participation, but the movie does have a nice poster. The now-deleted Something Weird VHS of the Novak project The Notorious Concubines (1969) included, as an extra, a variety of trailers to other state-side releases of Japanese films, including the Harry Novak distributed Boneless (1968), Naked Pursuit (1968) and The Slave Widow (1967). Could it not possibly be that the sticky fingers of Harry Novak also touched the other two Nippon films presented, Geisha Playmates (1960) and The Weird Lovemakers (1960)? For the benefit of doubt, let's look at Geisha Playmates— not that there is anything definite to find online about this movie.

We believe that this "documentary" film was directed by Tetsuo Takata and may have originally been titled "Tokyo odori". Emovieposter says: "Geisha Playmates, the 1960 Japanese showgirl sexploitation movie ('The story of a beautiful model from the FLESH-POTS of TOKYO') featuring '300 Gorgeous Show Girls'. We were unable to find any information about this movie. If anyone knows more about this, please e-mail us and we will post it here."

Among the performances presented was the Shochiku Kagekidan Girls Revue — seen above from the Marlon Brando movie Sayonarra (1957 / trailer) — which specialized in transgender performances long before the concept of transgender entered mass comprehension.

The Weird Lovemakers
(1960, dir. Koreyoshi Kurahara)

The now-deleted Something Weird VHS of The Notorious Concubines included, as an extra, a variety of trailers to other stateside releases of Japanese films, including the Harry Novak distributed Boneless (1968), Naked Pursuit (1968) and The Slave Widow (1967). Could it not possibly be that the sticky fingers of Harry Novak also touched the other two Nippon films presented, Geisha Playmates (1960) and The Weird Lovemakers (1960)? For the benefit of a super-tiny doubt — hell, the poster below even lists Radley H Metzger (see: The Cat & the Canary [1979]) as presenting the movie — let's look at The Weird Lovemakers— originally entitled Kyonetsu no kisetsu and aka The Warped Ones, Season of Heat and Wild Love-Makers.

Although this movie is basically a JD movie, it is hardly the traditional and low-aiming sexploitation movie it was sold as to the American masses; indeed, its director, Koreyoshi Kurahara, was an extremely successful and respected filmmaker in Japan. Mondo Digital explains the plot of "The Warped Ones, originally released [...] as The Weird Lovemakers (a title it retained during its brief VHS tenure from Something Weird Video). Tamio Kawaji (Youth of the Beast [1963 / trailer]) pulls out all the stops here as Akira, a ferocious teenager hellbent on kicks and picking pockets with the accompaniment of his friend Masaru (Go) and a maniacal young hooker, Fumiko (Matsumoto). Together they set out for revenge against the reporter who landed Akira in a reformatory, even molesting and kidnapping his girlfriend on the beach. Things continue to spiral out of control, reaching a fevered pitch at an abortion clinic where the whole world seems to come crashing down. Frenetic, outrageous, and fueled by an aggressive jazz score Toshir Mayuzumi, this film grabs you by the throat in the opening seconds and never lets go; there would certainly be later j.d. films, of course, including more than a couple in Britain starring Malcolm McDowell, but none are quite like this one."

 Trailer:

 

The Touchables
(1961, dir. Monte Mann & Jay Sheridan)

Not to be mistaken with 20th Century Fox's The Touchables, from 1968. In the case of this movie here, from 1961, the title and poster, at least, are an obvious spoof of the then still aired and popular TV series, The Untouchables (1959–1963). At imdb, way back in 2003, Andrew Leavold (trash@trashvideo.com.au) of Brisbane, Australia, said: "Early nudie-cutie set on a fat farm instead of a nature camp, crammed with sped-up sight gags and cornball vaudeville routines, and one of the earliest in Box Office International's garden of earthy pleasures. First up we're treated to a swimming costume parade around a swank poolside as a singer croons, 'You're so...Touchable'. Our narrator, self-proclaimed schnook Fred Barf (Billy Holms), takes us back thirty years, when affable low-rent gangsters Monk [John Dennis] and Louie [Brad Logan] (alias Smith and Jones) threaten schnook accountant Fred to cook their books. This inflames his moral sensibilities, sending the uncooked books (and their $65,000 tax bill!) to the IRS. Now on the run from Monk and Louie, the schnook is sneaked unknowingly into the 'Fat Chance' Rejuvenation Center, and does all manner of bug-eyed double takes from the bushes and behind exercise machines, as he ogles a pornucopia of showgirls and society dames in various states of undress. 'Fat Chance' worker Jessie (Claire Brennen, later in David F. Friedman's She Freak [1967 / trailer]) takes pity on the schnook cowering in a panty hamper and helps him escape from Monk and Louie, now disguised as the two ugliest broads at the clinic, and an army of showgirls who have discovered what's under Fred's towel. The film rests squarely on TV comic (???) Billy Holms' spindly frame, which serves as the main target of the cheapshots — a masseuse, thinking he's a she, looks down at his chickenbone ribcage and says 'You poor thing! No wonder you didn't want to take off your towel'."

Also from 1961 — Dickie Goodmann, The Touchables in Brooklyn:

According to an article about Novak written by Gene Ross in an early issue of AVN — Adult Video News (reprinted in Masque), one of the rumors spread by Novak to publicize the film was that Woody Allen was the true author of the script.

Trailer:

The Touchables 1961-trailervon pogox
 

The Ruined Bruin
(1961, writ & dir John K. McCarthy)

Though filmed the same year as Russ Meyer's much more well-known Eve and the Handyman (1961 / 3 minutes), Novak "presented" this nudie-cutie some years later after the success of Kiss Me Quick. According to an article on Novak by Gene Ross (in issue 2?), AVN — Adult Video News (reprinted in Masque), Novak, in need of more product to follow KMQ, struck a deal with Rossmore Films (headed by Maryt Ross and Ted Paramore, the latter aka "adult movie" director Harold Lime, a man with a penchant for S&M porn) to distribute their productions; The Ruined Bruin was one such production.

 

We were unable to find out much about the plot, but in his book Profoundly Erotic: Sexy Movies that Changed History, Joe Bob Briggs blithely says it tells a tale "in which twenty-one girls are pawed by a bear". Of the movie's "stars", as far as we can tell only two seemed to have done further films: Myron Griffin (as "Buddy") went on to be seen in the background of films like Superchick (1973 / trailer), while Maureen Janzen (as "The Nurse") was a She-Demon in Richard E. Cunha's She Demons (1958 / trailer), starring Irish McCalla (visit her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, at 1722 Vine Street). 

Speaking of buxom babes like McCalla, Ted Paramore aka Harold Lime was once married to Betty Blue (14 August 1931 — 23 August 2000), Playmate of the Month in the November, 1956, issue of Playboy. That's her smoking below.

  The Wild and the Naked
(1962, dir. Stan Roberts)

 

The credits say "Filmed in Latin America," but both Frank Henenlotter and imdb say it was filmed in Texas. On an (out-of-date) list of Something Weird releases found here, this movie is listed as having been produced by Harry Novak; we have out doubts, but what the heck, who are we to disagree?

Cult Movie Reviews says: "The Wild and the Naked is a strange little slice of US sexploitation dating from 1962. [...] Paulette ('Tina French') is a French nude model living in the US. We see her driving off to a modeling session, then taking a break and having a nap. She falls asleep and has a strange dream, and that's pretty much what the movie consists of. She has all manner of odd adventures in her dream, and somehow she just always seems to end up naked. She encounters the usual hazards that you expect to come across while wandering through an American forest — gorillas, naked jungle girls, cute men, sex-crazed hermits. [...] To be honest it starts to drag after a while, at least until the arrival of the go-go dancing nude jungle girls. That adds the kind of surreal touch the movie needs. [...] There's a bondage scene where the ex-crazed hermit ties up poor Paulette, but it's done in such a bizarre manner that it's hard to find it offensive — it's just much too silly, and it is after all only a dream. [...]."

 

Scriptwriter Enrique Madariaga went on to work with Dale Berry, who has nothing to do with this film, on Passion in the Sun (1964) and The Hot Bed (1965), a fact we mention only as an excuse to include the following excerpt from Dale Berry's 1967 sleazefest, Hip Hot and 21. 

Scene from Dale Berry's Hip Hot and 21:

 

 Knockers Up
(1963, dir Peter Perry Jr. [as A.J. Gaylord]) 

Another movie on the list due to benefit of doubt. In Gutter Auteur: The Films of Andy Milligan, author Rob Craig offers the following tidbit: "Harry Novak, another prolific sexploitation distributor whose remarkable career eventually contained over 200 exploitation films, started his career with two nudie-cuties: Knockers Up (1963), featuring risqué nightclub comedienne and recording star Rusty Warren, and Kiss Me Quick (1964), considered by many the quintessential nudie-cutie, which successfully merged comedy, sex and horror elements into a most amazing grindhouse anomaly."

Whether or not Rusty Warren is indeed found in Knockers Up we have been unable to confirm, but if she is, it seems odd that she is not referred to on the poster, seeing what a drawing card her name would have been at the time. Still, it cannot be doubted that the filmmakers swiped the title of their film from the entertainer's second LP, likewise entitled Knockers Up. According to WFMU, "Knockers Up [the LP] spent a year in the top ten, one hundred and eighty-one consecutive weeks on the charts and, by the end of 1962, 1.5 million copies sold."

Rusty Warren — Knockers Up:

And who is Rusty Warren? Well: "Against insurmountable odds, she [Rusty, née Ilene Goldman] went from tiny midwestern cocktail lounges to well-known Vegas showrooms and ascended to the heights of stardom without the help of radio, television or film. During a time when many women were content to embrace the role of submissive homemaker, Rusty was in nightclubs making fun of male hang-ups and advocating that women shed their shackles and embrace an appetite for sex. Warren has often been described as the 'Mother of the Sexual Revolution.' Some scholars have gone so far as to suggest that her song Bounce Your Boobies was what eventually convinced women to burn their brassieres en masse."

Rusty Warren — Bounce Your Boobies:

As for the movie, the only plot description we could find was (once again) on TCM, which says: "Mr. Winkler (Sidney Saks), a voyeur, takes a Hindu potion that makes him invisible, and he has an office romance with his co-worker, Millie (Sandra Montez)."

The memorable Althea Currier (38 25 36), seen below, was also in Knockers Up as the "busty woman". Althea, a glamour model of the 60s who retired much too early to "settle down and raise a family", was seen in a variety of nudie-cuties and early sexploiters, including three (possibly four) Russ Meyer flicks: Erotica (1961), Heavenly Bodies! (1963), Lorna (1964 / scene) and (maybe) The Immoral Mr. Teas (1959).

 
Another Movie with Althea Currier,
Loel Minardi's Sinderella and the Golden Bra (1964):

 

Sexy Proibitissimo
(1963, dir Osvaldo Civirani & Marcello Martinelli)

 

Assuming that a Something Weird double feature of Harry Novak films would, in turn, present trailers to more Novak films, we look at the "Bra-Busting Sexploitation Trailers" presented in Harry Novak presents Street of a Thousand Pleasures / Way Out Topless: Street of a Thousand Pleasures, Forbidden Beauties, International Smorgasbroad, Paris Topless, Sexy Proibitissimo, Substitution and The Wonderful World of Girls. Of them, three (Street of a Thousand Pleasures [1972], Substitution [1970] and The Wonderful World of Girls [1965]) are known to have been pies in which Novak had his fingers, the rest we see as open to question — but, for the benefit of the doubt, we'll count them as having been fondled by Harry Novak. So, let's take a look at Sexy Proibitissimo, aka Prohibited Sex, Verbotene Frauen — Verbotene Nächte, The Most Prohibited Sex and many more names.

 

Of its two directors, it seems to be Marcello Martinelli's only known film, but Osvaldo Civirani went on to do other fun stuff like Voodoo Sexy (1975 / 1st NSFW 44 minutes), Kindar the Invulnerable (1965 / full movie), and The Devil Has 7 Faces (1971).

 Italian Trailer to Osvaldo Civirani's The Devil Has 7 Faces (1971):

An extremely obscure film, Sexy Proibitissimo is yet another "documentary" of sorts that everyone released (or re-released) on the heels of the success of GualtieroJacopetti(and Franco E. Prosperi and Paolo Cavara)'s Mondo Cane (1962 / trailer), but not extreme enough to be a true "shockumentary". In Sexy Proibitissimo, the filmmakers mix fiction with "reality", going by what Classic Horror says: "A nude musical that features Count Dracula, the Frankenstein monster, Martians, cavemen and an astronaut in some cabaret sequences."

 

At imdb, Paul Petroskey (weirdpaulp@yahoo.com), of Pittsburgh, Pa, raves: "This Italian 'documentary' is the best stripping movie I have ever seen. It stages stripteases through the ages: a cavewoman, during the French Revolution, biblical times, ancient Egypt, etc., etc., all the way up to the future (a striptease for aliens on another planet). The narration is witty, the girls are beautiful. There could be little more you'd want in such a film."

The usually jaded lor of New York City seems to agree, saying "Sexy Proibitissimo puts to shame the many American striptease features of the '50s and '60s, playing at adult cinemas. [...] Format is simple: one vignette after another showing how the fairer sex used striptease to attract and/or subjugate the male of our species, dating from caveman times to a futuristic (in 1963) scene on the moon featuring a stripping cosmonaut ogled by tentacled (and presumably horny) aliens. [...] What makes this a superior example of the genre is the casting of beautiful women who all dance — each striptease is a real routine, not just shedding of clothes. The costumes, sets and lighting are all pro, not the canned proscenium arch shooting style of so many tedious American burlesque movies. This being 1963 the girls only go topless, with the best-built beauty playing a spider lady oddly enough the only one who retains pasties at the end of her act. [...] Jazzy musical score is a plus, including an excellent imitation of Dave Brubeck's classic Take Five [...].

Dave Brubeck's classic Take Five:

 

Queens Wild
(1963, dir. Unknown)

We could find little online about this 67-minute nudie-cutie, one of the various older films that Novak took on from Rossmore Films after the success of Kiss Me Quick, not even a poster. But we were able to find out that it was featured in the summer 65 issue of Modern Man Quarterly (pictured above) and that the film itself featured the famous, 100% natural topless model and "actress" Virginia "Ding Dong" Bell (1932 — 1 July 2010); aside from countless pneumatic but not-pornographic loops, she also appeared the movies Fräulein Doktor (1969 / title track) and Bell, Bare and Beautiful (1963), the last of which was the product of Herschell Gordon Lewis and David Friedman.

Virginia Bell and Her Ding Dongs in Two Bells for Virginia:

 


Forbidden Beauties
(1964, dir. Mino Loy)

Another Italo mondo documentary, original Italian title: Veneri proibite. Assuming that a Something Weird double feature of Harry Novak films would, in turn, present trailers to more Novak films, we look at the "Bra-Busting Sexploitation Trailers" presented in Harry Novak presents Street of a Thousand Pleasures / Way Out Topless: Street of a Thousand Pleasures, Forbidden Beauties, International Smorgasbroad, Paris Topless, Sexy Proibitissimo, Substitution and The Wonderful World of Girls. Of them, three (Street of a Thousand Pleasures [1972], Substitution [1972] and The Wonderful World of Girls [1965]) are known to have been pies in which Novak had his fingers, the rest we see as open to question — but, for the benefit of the doubt, we'll count them as have been fondled by Harry Novak. So, let's take a look at Forbidden Beauties.
It seems to be a movie that no one has seen, or if they have they haven't found it worth writing about online. The sadly under-appreciated Mino Loy made a lot of entertaining if third-rate shockumentaries, including this typically misogynistic one. (Yes, women are man-eating monsters.) Aside from directing mondo films, Loy was also active as a producer of fine Italo trash, including, among others, Umberto Lenzi's Cannibal Ferox (1981 / trailer) and Eaten Alive (1980 / trailer), Sergio Martino's All the Colors of the Dark (1972 / Italian trailer), Lamberto Bava's Devil Fish (1984 / trailer) and A Blade in the Dark (1983 / trailer).

 Trailer to Forbidden Beauties:

Kiss Me Quick!
(1964, dir. Peter Perry Jr. [as Seymour Tuchus])

Trailer:

Originally filmed under the title Dr. Breedlove, or How I Stopped Worrying and Love— a blatant reference to Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1967 / trailer) — Novak later changed the the title to the less litigious Kiss Me Quick! Over at My Reviewer, they describe the movie as "a very weird sci-fi spoof where an alien (wearing what looks like a kitchen implement on his head) is dispatched to earth to research that mystery of all mysteries — women! After all, his boss thinks they would probably make ideal servants."Dave Sindelar is of the opinion that "If more nudies were this amusing, they might actually be worth watching."

 Sweater Girl Scene:

Kiss Me Quick Sweater Girl from MoviesAboutGirlson TnaFlix.

Lesbian SexSex Videos

The Beautiful, the Bloody, and the Bare
(1964, writ & dir Sande N. Johnsen)

Aka Bloody, Bare, and Beautiful and The Beautiful and the Bloody. Video Vacuum says "The Beautiful, the Bloody, and the Bare lives up to its title, but that's about it. At least ONE of the half dozen or so chicks is a beauty (the redhead... YOWZERS), the killer ends up all bloody in the end, and all the girls in the cast take their clothes off. So that's the good news. The bad news is that the movie is boring as hell because it's more or less 50 minutes of nude modeling (in a chair, on a couch, in a bubble bath, etc.) and 15 minutes of murdering. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Naked chicks and psycho killers; so what's not to like? Well, if that's the ONLY reason you're picking this up, you might enjoy it. [...]"

All Movie says the movie is a "standard nudie-horror film about a mad artist. Jack Lowe plays Peter, a photographer who comes to work at a friend's Greenwich Village studio. Lengthy scenes of demure nude models are followed by Peter being driven into a killing frenzy by the color red and strangling the women. By the end of the film, Peter is a raving, knife-wielding maniac, finally brought down after attacking his friend's wife." Actor Jack Lowe later appeared in Sande N. Johnsen 1966 movie, The Twisted Sex.

Trailer to The Twisted Sex (1966):

Artist Studio Secrets
(1964, dir. J.M. Kimbrough)

As far as we can tell, this is the only movie Kimbrough ever made, but in 1987, J.M. Kimbrough appeared as one of the talking heads in Diane Keaton's bizarre directorial debut, Heaven.

Diane Keaton's Heaven (1987):

Movies Unlimited has the plot: "Poor Percy Green (J.M. Kimbrough). He's an artist who only gets turned on when his female models are clothed, so his wife makes sure the lovelies parading before his palette all show up undressed in this masterpiece of campy Sixties softcore."The Psychotronic Guide notes that "one of the two models is cross-eyed", while lor of New York City calls the movie an "entertaining, extremely minor silent nudie", explaining "adult movie audiences were seriously starved for shots of skin in the early '60s. Artist Studio Secrets provides more than enough T&A to qualify as a diversion, and it has nostalgia value today. [The] film has some silly narration, but is mainly a repository of models doffing and putting back on their clothing for over an hour, mixed in with some pleasant historical shots of Greenwich Village. The director/star portraying the 'artist' hams it up for the duration, but his presence is not all that distracting from the pulchritude. [...] Film is more suggestive than its nudist-camp style ancestors in the genre, as evidenced by the two lead models exchanging massages — most of the nudies of this era were 'hands off' mode to avoid censorship. One of the most popular of the NY stable, Gigi Darlene, makes an uncredited appearance and steals the show with a very sexy dance."

Gigi Darlene, by the way, played the lead lass in Doris Wishman's great film, Bad Girls Go to Hell (1965):

Trailer to Doris Wishman's Bad Girls Go to Hell:

Bad Girls Go to Hell | Doris Wishman | George LaRocque | Gigi Darlene | Movie Trailer | Review
 

Raw Weekend
(1964 Sidney Niehoff)

Thanks to www.emovieposter.com for above poster. The American Film Institute Catalog of Motion Pictures (Vol. 1, Pt. 1) explains the plot: "A small movie crew shooting a love scene in a wooded valley with Tammy and Pete, is surprised by the appearance of Dolores, a semi-nude woman who wanders through the background. The crew follows her, in hopes of photographing her for the motion picture. They find Dolores and her friend, Lee, sunbathing amidst the rocks and waterfalls, and the women invite the crew to picnic beside their cabin. After lunch Dolores and Lee row and swim in the lake while Tammy stays inside the cabin studying her script. Tammy grows restless, takes off her nightgown, and joins Dolores and Lee outside."
At MSN, Sandra Brennan of Rovi is of the opinion that Raw Weekend is "an example of the rather tame nudie films (featuring lots of bare bosoms but no sex) that predated their hard-core cousins."

My Tale Is Hot
(1964, dir. Peter Perry Jr. [as Seymour Tokus])

Full movie:

My Tale Is Hotvon crazedigitalmovies 

Aka Always on Monday. Personally, we here at A Wasted Life have our doubts that Harry H. Novak had anything to do with this movie, as there is only one source, an online magazine called Funhouse, that claims he distributed it and all other sources tend to credit the film to the forgotten sleazemonger Dan Sonney (who once owned the mummified body of Elmer McCurdy). But My Tale is Hot is so comparable to the typical Harry H Novak product of the time, and it does share the same director as Kiss Me Quick!— Peter Perry Jr. [as Seymour Tokus] — so we'll give the benefit of doubt and present it here.

Harem Scene:

The plot, as given by some illegal download site: "Lucifer (Max Gardens, aka Manny Goodtimes, also of Kiss Me Quick!) is unhappy: too few new souls in Hell. So, he bets his wife Saturna ('Ima Ghoul') that he can get the world's most faithful husband, according to 'Ladies' House Companion' magazine, to forsake that faithfulness. Lucifer visits the husband, Ben-Her Ova (Jack Little), and his doting wife, Miassis ('Bea Reddy'). At first, none of Lucifer's ploys work: a backyard swimming pool with one bathing beauty, the same pool with two bathing beauties, a peek at the new maid. Then, Lucifer escorts Ben on a night on the town: will liquor, barmaids, a burlesque show, a hotel room, a Turkish bath, and a special commercial during Ben's favorite TV show (Walt Disney) finally turn Ben's head? What's the secret of his will power?"

 

My Tale is Hot incorporates a four-minute clip from the mid-50s of an "exotic dance" from the great Candy Barr (born Juanita Dale Slusher, 6 July 1935 — 30 December 2005) who, at the age of 16, starred in the infamous and extremely popular stag film Smart Alec (1951 / 10 NSFW silent minutes of the movie), thus earning herself the moniker of "the first porn star".

The Candy Barr Number Used in My Tale Is Hot (NSFW):

Nudes Inc.
(1964, dir. Barry Mahon)

Possibly aka Broadway Pin-up Honeys, Pin-Up Camera and The Pin-up Factory. Yet again, we here at A Wasted Life have our doubts about to what extent Harry H. Novak had anything to do with this movie, but not only does the on-line magazine Funhouse believe Novak had his fingers in the pie, Rotten Tomatoes goes so far as the call this film "A Harry Novak sexploitation classic".
The plot, according to The American Film Institute Catalog of Motion Pictures (Vol. 1, Pt. 1): "Barbara Jo travels from her small southern hometown to New York and finds it difficult to find employment. Eventually she becomes desperate enough to call Nudes, Inc., the largest studio in the world producing pinup photographs. Barbara Jo is at first reluctant to pose in the nude, but Mr. Lewis, the managing director, gives her a tour of the studio and convinces her of the studio's legitimacy. Mr. Lewis points out that the models are also employed elsewhere as school teachers, airline stewardesses, housewives and professional models. Barbara is reassured, and after lunch she begins work."

Nudes Inc. was directed by Barry Mahon (and written by his wife Clelle Mahon); Mahon (5 February 1921 — 4 December 1999), one of the original prisoners at Stalag Luft III whose stories served for the film The Great Escape (1963 / trailer) — Mahon allegedly loosely inspired the character played by Steve McQueen — had a long career in fringe filmmaking made everything from nudie-cuties like this to roughies to documentaries like Musical Mutiny (1970 / trailer) to decidedly odd kiddy films like The Wonderful Land of Oz (1969).

Trailers to Barry Mahon's The Wonderful Land of Oz (1969):

Wonderful LAND OF OZ! Trailervon NilbogLAND

More to follow.... eventually.

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Short Film: King Star King (USA 2013)

May 22, 2014, 1:48 am

≫ Next: The Brides of Dracula (Great Britain, 1960)

≪ Previous: R.I.P.: Harry H. Novak, Part II – 1956 to 1964

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Naw, no one's paid us to make this oddity our Short Film of the Month— we doubt enough people watch our choices that it would be worth it for anyone to do so — but this time around we're presenting a pilot episode aired last November on Adult Swim that has since been greenlit and, sometime this year, should get another half-dozen episodes. God only knows where the fuck the show is gonna go, but we do like the pilot: idiotic, tasteless, sexist, immature, badly drawn, ultraviolent, big-boob fixated, drug and alcohol heavy — a perfect mirror of sorts for today's male youth. As Bubble Blabber says: "Basically: King Star King is [...] like one of Hunter S. Thompson's wet dreams."

King Star King was created by some dude named JJ Villard, yet-another graduate of Cal Arts, "and developed by Tommy Blacha." JJ Villard previously directed the shorts Son of Satan (2003), based on a Bukowski story, and Chestnuts Icelolly (2004). He also does some groovy artwork, an example of which — inspired by Goya — is presented below.

The plot, as explained by Toonami, who for some reason calls the muscle-bound, testosterone-laden anti-hero "punk" when we see him more as heavy metal: "King Star King features a punk rock, modern day he-man who falls from the realm of the gods to land as a fry cook in a slummy waffle joint. King Star King must regain his memory to defeat the evil (and adorable) Spring Bunny and rescue his love, the megababe Princess Snow White. Only then will King Star King regain his rightful place in the heavens."

Enjoy King Star King:

The Brides of Dracula (Great Britain, 1960)

June 4, 2014, 9:45 am

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(Spoilers.) We are not impressed. The second of the three Dracula movies made by Terence Fisher for Hammer, The Brides of Dracula is also the second of a grand total of eight Hammer productions featuring the famed Count — and also the only one not to feature Christopher Lee in the title role (but then, Dracula himself never even shows up in this movie, and is only referred to twice in passing). Wherever it sits in the cannon of Hammer vampire films, it is without a doubt one of the most overrated of all the "classic" Hammer horror films. Indeed, rather than the stellar reputation it seems to have, The Brides of Dracula should better be qualified as one of Hammer's great turkeys.

As normal with all Hammer films neither the costumes nor sets nor babes can be faulted. Likewise — but for the titular bloodsucker — the movie also features fairly decent casting and some good acting. The story itself, however, is an illogical mess overpopulated with tertiary characters. The script is little more than a variety of unbelievable elements strung together so badly that it could easily and believably be attributed to Ed Wood Jr. rather than the 3 or 4 names listed in the credits (one name of which is Jimmy Sangster).

The Brides of Dracula starts with a voiceover informing us that though Count Dracula is dead, the world is still populated by his evil disciples — though in this case, the "world" seems to be Transylvania sometime in the late 19th century. Marianne Danielle (Yvonne Monlaur of Circus of Horrors [1960 / trailer]) is on her way by stagecoach from Paris to teach at the all-girl Lang Academy, but along the way her stagecoach driver deserts her at an obscure roadside Gasthaus. Of course the landlord warns her to leave the area before nightfall, but Marianne obviously lacks the brains needed to be frightened. Baroness Meinster (Martita Hunt) shows up, and before Marianne can say "I am young and stupid and want to die," she accepts an invitation to spend the night at the Baroness' big, eerie castle. At first, the only other person in the castle seems to be the decidedly unfriendly and strange servant Greta (Freda Jackson of The Valley of Gwangi[1969]), but then Marianne discovers that the Baroness has her supposedly dead (and oddly fey) son Baron Meinster (David Peel) chained to a wall in another room. He reveals not that he is a vampire and that the Baroness brings him young and naive girls to feed upon, but rather that the Baroness has told everyone that he is dead and keeps him chained up so as to keep control of his rightful inheritance. In no time short, Marianne steals the key to the shackles and sets the man free. Perversely enough — and perhaps the only disturbing idea in the movie — he promptly takes advantage of his new freedom to sink his fangs into his mother's neck.

Marianne, frightened by the body of the dead Baroness and the crazed, cackling servant runs out into the night where she is eventually found unconscious but unharmed by Dr. Van Helsing (some actor named Peter Cushing), who in due course drops her off at the Lang Academy. Between a lot of interplay between forgettable characters, Van Helsing kills the now undead Baroness and Baron Meinster sucks on the neck of a few maidens and proposes marriage to Marianne, who promptly accepts. (She obviously is not only of inferior intelligence, but is also highly forgetful and half blind.) But luckily Dr. Van Helsing is there to come to the rescue and, by the end of the film, not only is Marianne still alive but everyone evil is dead.

Though the sight of a blonde, dandy-looking and decidedly un-charismatic vampire is a bit jarring at first, it is hardly the biggest of the numerous flaws in The Brides of Dracula. Marianne is slightly better cast, but while she indeed good looking and hardly someone you would kick out of bed, she is such an idiot that one begins to wish that she would get what she deserves and die. Likewise, unlike in the other Dracula films, this time around Van Helsing comes across as a bit of an incompetent klutz with little vampire-hunting experience. But worse than these mistakes in characterization (and an overpopulation of characters which serve no real purpose to the plot) is the laughable lack of logic inherent to the disjointed script. Baron Meinster can change into a bat and magically unlock windows, but is incapable of escaping from a shackle around the leg? (Oh, yeah: the chain was silver — so why didn't his leg burst into flame and/or rot?) When Van Helsing gets bitten by Meinster, why is he the only one to wake up early and not undead? And since when does burning the bite with a hot iron and pouring a little holy water disinfect the wound and prevent the final conversion? Would any woman — other than the most money-hungry gold digger — really say "Yes" to a marriage proposal under the circumstances Marianne does?* (Aside from all the sinister events that occur in the Baron's shadow, they only meet twice and never even actually kiss!) And, really! Who the hell thought up the retarded idea of having the not-so-big and not-so-bad vampire being killed by the cross-shaped shadow of a windmill? (Can shadows only kill when cast advertently?) With flaws like this, it becomes easy to overlook some of the most fake-looking plastic fangs to ever grace the silver screen — but, regrettably, it never becomes easy not to laugh whenever vampy gets all beady-eyed in blood lust. And lets not mention the bat.

The Brides of Dracula is a film for completionists and people born without brains. If you are neither, then don't bother with this lousy piece of flyshit, the only truly redeeming quality of which (aside from the Gothic trappings, color, sets & costumes) is the typically top notch Hammer cleavage quotient.

*OK, maybe the times were different then — marriage was more financial security than anything else.

The Wig / Gabal (Korea, 2005)

June 10, 2014, 7:17 am

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The cover of our German release DVD has a Circe-call like the best that any exploitation distributor could hope to achieve: the back of a hairless, bloodied scalp, two halves sewn together, with a bloodied hand forcing its way out and, branded into one half of the head, "CAUTION SICK SHIT". Yep, Harry Novak, David Freidman or Jerry Gross couldn't have done better: the presentation is 100% grindhouse and as inviting to people like us as a beautiful, dreamy-eyed, big-breasted babe who purrs "I swallow."

But like so many advertising campaigns of those former masters of exploitation, the way the The Wig is sold has little to do with the film itself. "SICK SHIT" might do well to describe such entertaining, over-the-top Japanese excesses as Tokyo Gore Police  (2008), Meatball Machine (2005), Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl (2009) or the truly repulsive Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (2011 / trailer), but in the case of this Korean movie here, which is unarguably closer in tone to the visually attractive Korean horror flick A Tale of Two Sisters (2003) or  Thai flick Shutter (2004) than any of the Japanese Pop Gore films just named, the description is way off base. The Wig is hardly "sick shit"— other than one scene, maybe, the one in which the cancer-suffering girls begins pulling pills out of her skull — it is a slow-moving but involving horror film that strolls casually but disturbingly to a truly depressing ending.

This is one you can watch with the girls, which isn't meant as an insult — The Haunting (1963 / trailer), one of our all time favorite films, is also one you can watch with the girls — it just means that there is a lot more art and artistic intention than exploitive drive, a lot more mood than shock, and a lot more emotion than adrenaline or blood — although enough shock and blood are indeed present. And it has a pretty good classical music soundtrack, too. The Wig is simply a fine example of a horror movie in which the filmmakers are obviously attempting to deliver more than just shocks: they realize they are working with a camera, and a camera can be used to make visuals, visuals that in turn serve to propel the story (and, on occasion, simply thrill for being original).

And let's not forget the concept of building and sustaining mood, something this depressing little flick does well, too. The human relationships and interaction in The Wig have as much of a sustained sense of desperation and unavoidable fate as the certain death of the fatally ill young woman who ends up with the titular wig. The characters move within the same circles on the same screen, they love or hate each other, they care or hurt each other, but as close as they are they are separated by walls of secrets and lies and desperation and unavoidable fate — a mixture into which comes The Wig, a cursed hairpiece of beautiful, long real human hair bought by sister Ji-hyeon (Yoo Sun) for her younger sister Soo-hyeon (Chae Min-seo), who is dying of leukemia and bald from chemo and medications. (Ji-hyeon is separated from her surrounding even more by the fact that she cannot speak, having lost her vocal cords in a terrible but disconcertingly aesthetic car accident, a handicap that simply echoes the sense of loss — loss of family, loss of love, loss of life — that threads through the entire movie.)

Like most Asian films, important plot points are inserted so quickly that if you're reaching for your beer you might miss them, but luckily, despite the occasional revelatory flashback, The Wig is relatively straightforward in its narrative: sick girl gets wig, wig makes her healthy and horny for sister's ex and suffer from an occasional nasty hallucination, without the wig — which kills a couple of people along the way — she withers away and has one foot deeper in the grave. What is a loving sister to do? Doubt and guilt hang heavy on the sister's shoulders — and, for some inexplicable reason, on the shoulder's her ex, though for most of the movie we know not why.

The scares of The Wig, a beautifully made movie dank with unavoidable doom, might not always make sense but they do tend to shock or scare, and are presented in a manner that, while often verging on being almost too beautiful or cinematic, nevertheless aggregate to support the movie's overriding, bleak sense of unavoidable fate. A bit slow at times, The Wig is nevertheless never boring, and keeps you mesmerized all the way to its extremely logical last scene, a truly depressing punch in the gut. Much more effective, in any event, than most Asian, hair-obsessed ghost flicks — One Missed Call (2003 / trailer), anybody?

Not that we have no complaints about The Wig. It attempts to be a bit too clever sometimes, as evidenced in its temporally non-consecutive narrative that the viewer never realizes is non-consecutive until almost the end of the movie. (In other words, the reason the opening scene of the almost-car accident makes no real sense it because it is not the actually start of the movie but a scene of a later point in time.) An unneeded complication to the narrative. Likewise, why the young female student is killed on the bus — we hear about in the news, Soo-hyeon hallucinates it at one point, and the young girl herself sees scary strands of hair when taking a photo — makes no real sense: she had nothing to do with any of the characters other than she took a photo for them, so why did the wig kill her? And, lastly, like so many movies — 28 Weeks Later (2007), anyone? — The Wig relies too dearly upon the fortuitous coincidence typical of Hollywood plotting to drive its story: Seoul, where the movie is set, is a city of almost 10 million inhabitants, and thus must have well over, dunno, a couple of tens of thousand wig shops at least and, naturally, even more wigs. But somehow, of all the wigs in the entire city, sister Ji-hyeon not only buys a wig cursed with an angry killer entity, but a wig — and the corresponding angry spirit — that is also directly linked, we learn along the way, to her immediate circle, namely her estranged x-boyfriend Ki-Seok.*

But: Hey! It's the movies, things like that happen. And in real life, some people actually buy winning lottery tickets, which are surely rarer than possessed wigs.  In any event: The Wig— a downer of a film, but two thumbs up from A Wasted Life.

*We won't go deeper into the wig/ex connection, 'cause it does involve one of the more original and surprising twists of the flick.

Harry H. Novak, Part III: 1965 – 1966

June 16, 2014, 6:40 am

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12 January 1928 — 26 March 2014

"When I was a kid, my Daddy told me, 'There's a buyer for everything.' And I lived to find out that he was right."
Harry H. Novak

Harry H. Novak, alongside David F Friedman (24 December 1923 — 14 February 2011) one of the great (s)exploitation kings of the last half of the 20th century, died 26 March 2014 at the age of 86.

A detailed career review of all the projects Harry H. Novak — as Boxoffice International, Valiant International Pictures, Harry N Novak Productions and one assumes other still undocumented firm names — foisted upon the American public would be Sisyphean task at best and hardly possible, as no full and unequivocal list exists. What follows is a review of the films that we found that, for the most part, probably had Novak involved somewhere along the way — and some that may not have. It is definitely not a complete list, and definitely not infallible, it is merely culled from sources reliable and unreliable that we found online. We also in no way suggest that the given release dates are the correct ones, they are merely the first ones we found.

If you know any we missed, feel free to send the title... 

Go here for Part I
Go here for Part II— 1956-64

The Beast That Killed Women
(1965, dir. Barry Mahon)

Great poster! Personally, we here at A Wasted Life have our doubts that Harry H. Novak had anything to do with this movie, as there is only one source, an online magazine called Funhouse, that claims he (in the form of Boxoffice International Film Distributors) had his fingers in the pie this, yet another no-budget nudie-cutie from fringe filmmaker Barry Mahon.

Gratuitous Nudity:

Bloody Disgusting explains the movie: "It's a nudist's nightmare as naked terror runs amuck in this delirious horror film [...]! Unable to get an even tan, wife (Delores Carlos) and hubby (Byron Mabe) scurry off to a Miami nudist camp at precisely the same moment the camp is invaded by The Beast that Killed Women, a goofy-looking gorilla with an appetite for the ladies. Murder and panic quickly spread before a pretty policewoman (Juliet Anderson) volunteers to enter the camp as ape bait."

The Beast That Killed Women has the distinguished honor of being one of the first films to ever feature cult fave and future suicide Janet Banzet (17 May 1934 — 29 July 1971) as well as future Golden Age porn star Juliet Anderson (23 July 1938 — 11 January 2010), the latter better known as "Aunt Peg". The Smart Marks, which had possibly never before seen a nudie-cutie, complains that: "Despite the credit's claim of 'Miami Beach's Most Lovely Nudists', there's a disturbingly high number of tan lines present [...], and the women are 'normal women', as opposed to the pin-up queens and starlets expected of these films [...]. Besides their physical appearances, however, the nudists are just plain annoying. They wander around, play a game of volleyball, and go swimming, and then once the killings occur they all whine and complain about how scared they are and how they're going to leave the camp. That's it. With probably a maximum of five minutes of beast in the film, and one killing, that means you're stuck with these annoying women for an hour [...]. Lovely."

Clip from The Beast That Killed Women:


 

Nude Scrapbook
(1965, dir. Barry Mahon)

Personally, we here at A Wasted Life have our doubts that Harry H. Novak had anything to do with this movie, as there is only one source, an online magazine called Funhouse, that claims he (in the form of Boxoffice International Film Distributors) had his fingers in the pie this, yet another no-budget nudie-cutie from fringe filmmaker Barry Mahon.

The American Film Institute Catalog of Motion Pictures (Vol. 1, Pt. 1) calls the film a "comedy": "One of New York's most successful pin-up photographers (Bernie Allen) enjoys thumbing through his scrapbook of the world's most beautiful women whenever he has a few free minutes. As he reminisces, his vivid imagination brings his models to life again. At the same time, he maintains a busy schedule. Before he can steal some time with his scrapbook, he must photograph the beautiful pin-up models who wait in his studio."

Also from Barry Mahon — The Love Cult (1966):


 

International Smorgasbroad
(1965, dir. Barry Mahon)

Yet another Barry Mahon nudie-cutie with Bernie Allen. Assuming that a Something Weird double feature of Harry Novak films would, in turn, present trailers to more Novak films, we look at the "Bra-Busting Sexploitation Trailers" presented in "Harry Novak presents Street of a Thousand Pleasures / Way Out Topless": Street of a Thousand Pleasures, Forbidden Beauties, International Smorgasbroad, Paris Topless, Sexy Proibitissimo, Substitution and The Wonderful World of Girls. Of them, three (Street of a Thousand Pleasures [1972], Substitution [1970] and The Wonderful World of Girls [1965]) are known to have been pies in which Novak had his fingers, the rest we see as open to question — but, for the benefit of the doubt, we'll count them as have been fondled by Harry Novak. So, let's take a look at International Smorgasbroad (1965), yet another low-class product from the ever-productive Barry Mahon.

The only info we found online about the movie is from TCM, which explains "Every time gourmet chef Bernie Allen looks at food, he is inspired by visions of beautiful, nude women. Two cantaloupes, a can of sardines, and a mold of shimmering jello are among the foods which evoke mental delights. Since Bernie is a man of conscience, he tries instead to think of his librarian girl friend, or of the upcoming Sunday school picnic, but he is powerless in the face of the beautiful visions that grip his imagination as he works."

Among the jiggling boobs are those of "the Swenson Twins" (aka Darlene and Dawn Bennett), Delores Carlos, Gigi Darlene and Herschell Gordon Lewis's then-wife, Allison Louise Downe, seen above from behind in Goldilocks and the Three Bares (1963 / credits). As "Louise Downe", she is credited as having written the scripts for the HG Lewis classics Blood Feast (1963 / trailer), The Gruesome Twosome (1967 / trailer), She-Devils on Wheels (1968 / trailer) and others.

Trailer:

International Smorgas-Broad, trailervon mrdantefontana

 

Tales of a Salesman
(1965, dir. Don Russell)

"Hello out there! I’m a poltergeist, sent down here to help salesmen! I'm the gremlin of the spirit world. And I do awful things. But man, do I have fun! For example, right now I'm here on your planet trying to help a salesman with problems."

In an article on Harry Novak by Gene Ross in AVN — Adult Video News (reprinted in Masque), it was once explained that after the success of Kiss Me Quick!, Novak struck a deal with Rossmore Films (headed by Marty Ross and Ted Paramore, the latter aka porn director Harald Lime) to distribute their productions; Tales of a Salesman was one such production. Tales of a Salesman is, as far as we can tell, the only directorial work of Don Russell who, two years previously in 1963, played "Carl Oliver", the first teacher to die in the low-budget masterpiece The Sadist, which we here at A Wasted Life justly listed as Number One on our "Ten Best Films [Viewed] in 2013" list. Like that film, the cinematography of Tales of a Salesman was done by William Zsigmond, later Vilmos Zsigmond, who won as Oscar for the cinematography of Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977 / trailer). Tales of a Salesman is written by John Lawrence, who six years later wrote his disasterpiece, The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant (1971).

Trailer to The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant:

According to Bleeding Skull, whence we took the movie quote above, "After forty-five seconds, it's obvious that this movie is something special. [...] Sixty years ago, nudie-cuties were the epitome of red-hot sexuality. [...] Today, slogging through a nudie-cutie takes more effort than being cordial to someone who wears a hoodie without a shirt underneath. Even nudie-cuties that were directed by lunatics like H.G. Lewis (The Adventures of Lucky Pierre [1961 / trailer]) and Barry Mahon (Nude Scrapbook [1965]), are relentlessly boring and repetitive. But there are exceptions — instances when madness, creative drive, or a rejection of reality take over. That's when nudie-cuties get good. That's what happens when Russ Meyer one-ups Jean-Luc Godard with the pop-art earthquake known as Wild Gals of the Naked West (1962). That's also what happens when Bob Cresse dresses in drag and keeps a werewolf for a pet in House on Bare Mountain (1962 / full film). That's what happens when Tales of a Salesman happens."

Plot, according to some website: "Herman (David Reed) dreams of being warned by his manager to increase his sales. As he contemplates his predicament, a mischievous poltergeist arrives to help him out. The ghost surveys the salesman's territory for potential customers and discovers five scantily-dressed prospects."

Trailer to Russ Meyer's Wild Gals of the Naked West:

Wild Gals of the naked west "trailer" Russ Meyervon gregwallace

 

Agony of Love
(1965, writ & dir. William Rotsler)

 "Don't bite! Pain hurts."

(William Rotsler as the Beatnik)

In the article about Novak written by Gene Ross in an issue of AVN — Adult Video News (reprinted in Masque), the author calls the movie "a luridly fascinating sketch about prostitutions, based on a real event. [...] It did enormously well." Its stars the pneumatic, great non-actress Pat Barrington — we here at A Wasted Life often wonder where she is now. Harry Novak makes a rare and un-credited film appearance as a door opener in this William Rotsler (3 July 1926 — 8 October 1997) movie about a bored housewife who works — shades of Luis Buñuel's Belle de jour (1967 / trailer) — as a call girl on the side. Video Drone, which thinks the film is "easily his best work", says: "Made in the time when the drive-ins ruled entertainment, during the golden age of sexploitation smut, The Agony of Love is a real standout among many of its competitors of the era, not the least of which is due to that luscious 60s' silicone siren, Pat Barrington."

Funhouse shares their opinion: "Boxoffice's first diversion from nudie-cuties, this black and white kinky is raised above its peers by the relative talents of its creator, William Rotsler. [...] Barrington is 'Barbara' by day, and 'Brandy' by night. Rotsler gives us a psychological study, told through Barrington's visits to her shrink (who has Groucho greasepaint eyebrows). She talks of feeling unwanted and unloved by the men in her life: her moralistic father and her workaholic husband. Her neurosis leads her to a night life of prostitution where the customer's pay her for her time and love — she thus feels useful and wanted. [...] This film is similar to others in that most of the actual sex act are implied or off camera. The extent of the on-camera action is almost always a topless woman in her underwear rolling around on a bed with a guy in HIS underwear, or just as commonly, in his long pants — that's it, they're done!"

In an interview at Mondo Digital, Harry Novak once revealed: "Agony of Love was the story of a couple I knew very well, the woman in particular. She was married to a very rich man, and she'd sit around all day without nothing much to do. She wanted to make money on her own. This happened on Sunset Boulevard, at a restaurant called Ben Frank's across from the Playboy Club, where I saw this blonde over on the other side of the room and told the guy I was eating with, 'See her over there? She's got money in the bank. A lot of money. She doesn't know what to do with it.' We started talking, and that's how Agony of Love got started. She would go out and hustle, not for the money, but for the fact that she could make money. If you see the end of the picture, then you know the whole story. It's really true. She's dead now, and so is her husband."

NSFW Trailer:

Trailer till Agony of Love från rstvideos trailerarkiv.

 

The Wonderful World of Girls
(1965, dir. Peter Perry Jr. [as Arthur P. Stootsberry])

A lesser-known and lesser-screened nudie-cutie "Presented" by Harry Novak; according to the William Rotsler Virtual Museum, "Rotsler did camera stills for the movie The Astro-Naughties. This was co-filmed with or a scene in The Wonderful World of Girls." We could find little info about either movie online, other than the latter premiered in beautiful Fresno, California, on 10 September 1965.

Over at the Kinsey Institute, they offer the kind of platitudes written when space must be filled and no info exists: "In 1959, films such as Russ Meyer's The Immoral Mr. Teas (1959) brought forth the age of the nudie cutie. These silly slapstick comedies specialized in showing as many topless, large-breasted women as possible. One such film is The Wonderful World of Girls (1965), directed by Peter Perry (under the pseudonym Arthur P. Stootsberry) and produced by Harry Novak, the sexploitationeer known for such movies as Kiss Me, Quick (1964) and Mantis in Lace (1968). This film for 'Broad Minded Adults with Young Ideas' features a poster that includes many of the staples of the nudie cutie, including a large number of attractive women, the leering, voyeuristic man, and the promise of 'The Wildest Party Ever Filmed'."

TCM offers a plot description to WWG, but — not that we have any justification — it simply feels wrong to us: "Although Sammy, a maintenance man, is faithful to his suspicious wife, Fanny, he continually finds himself in compromising situations with nude women. As Sammy and Fanny watch a movie, an attractive exhibitionist sitting next to Sammy disrobes, placing her clothes on his lap. Jumping to conclusions, Fanny beats her husband. At work the next day, Sammy daydreams of beautiful girls who disrobe as he plays music on the mop, broom, and duster. Diving toward a waiting beauty, he collides with his wife, who has been napping as she keeps track of him. She again beats him. Sammy and Fanny then go to visit a doctor, but they stumble into a Nudist Colony Club office instead. A group of pretty applicants disrobe and attempt to initiate Sammy into the club. Sammy receives another beating from his wife. He finally takes a job as a salesman and visits a house inhabited by four scantily-dressed girls. As they try to lead him to the bedroom, the police burst in and drag all of them before a judge, who places all the blame on Sammy."

Among the nude gals of the movie is Missy Simone, seen above, but not from the movie. And below, a film that probably has nothing to do with Harry Novak*: Revenge of the Virgins (1959), Peter Perry Jr.'s directorial debut and possibly the first Western nudie cutie ever made — two years before Russ Meyer's Wild Gals of the Naked West (1962).

Revenge of the Virgins— Full Move:

*We found one source that calls the film a Novak film.

Crazy Wild and Crazy
(1965, dir. Barry Mahon)

Novak distributes another Barry Mahon movie. The plot, according to TCM: "Bob Meyer (Tony Bogart) buys himself some movie equipment, hires 20 models, and enthusiastically sets out to make nude movies. When his first film is completed, he is startled at the results. He has produced a wild comedy: a volleyball game is ridiculously speeded up, while swimming and diving scenes have been caught in slow motion. Four images of the same woman suddenly appear together, and then seem to turn upside-down."Crazy Wild and Crazy is one of those films that have aged so badly that they make excellent moving wall deco for parties.

Crazy Wild and Crazy premièred in Los Angeles on 4 March 1966 and was, at one point, banned in Maryland. Among the on-screen pulchritude: both of the non-identical Bennett Twins (Darlene & Dawn), two long-forgotten lasses active in exploitation in the mid-sixties, often in the same film, like this one here or Doris Wishman's Another Day Another Man (1966 / trailer). We here at A Wasted Life wonder where they are now...

While It Lasts — the Full Film @ YouTube:

Hawaiian Thigh
(1965, dir. Bob Felderman)

In an article on Novak by Gene Ross in an issue of AVN — Adult Video News (reprinted in Masque), Ross states that after the success of Kiss Me Quick!, Novak struck a deal with Rossmore Films (headed by Marty Ross and Ted Paramore, the latter aka porn director Harald Lime) to distribute their productions; Hawaiian Thigh was one such production. Director Bob Felderman can be seen acting in the other Novak/Rossmore film, The Ruined Bruin (1961, writ & dir John K. McCarthy).

The American Film Institute Catalog of Motion Pictures (Vol. 1, Pt. 1) offers the following plot: "Prominent Hollywood producer Pompus J. Pumpslush invites a novice reporter to his office to promote his latest production Hawaiian Thigh. Unaware that Pumpslush produces 'nudies', the rookie is not prepared for the reception he receives from the nude secretary, who has been instructed to impress the young man. The producer begins the interview with a preview of the film: a group of beautiful vacationers begin a holiday in the glamour capitals of the world. After a wild send-off in Hollywood, they head for Las Vegas, where they soon run out of funds and become involved in a strip poker game. Next, they charter a yacht to Hawaii, and sunbathe on the deck while the love-starved crew looks on. Once on land, they attend a native luau and perform a hula without grass skirts. Afterwards, they happily head home. The reporter is ecstatic. To ensure a favorable review, Pumpslush enlists the aid of the steno, who performs a wild striptease for the already-shaken reporter."

Among the gals of the movie is Maureen Gaffney of such fine stuff as Ted V. Mikels'The Black Klansman (1966) and One Shocking Moment (1965 / scene), the latter of which is source of the photo above. Maureen Gaffney is now the artist Maureen Gaffney Wolfson, and she now swings a paintbrush instead of her boobs.

Trailer to The Black Klansman (1966):

 

Always on Saturday
(1966, dir. unknown)

Personally, we here at A Wasted Life have our doubts that Harry H. Novak had anything to do with this movie, but there are two sources that list this totally unknown, forgotten and possibly lost movie as a project fingered by Novak / Boxoffice: an online magazine called Funhouse and good ol' unreliable TCM, the latter of which also supplies the following plotline: "Tom, the town drunk, relates tales to his bartender of the weekend sexual adventures of their neighborhood friends."

Has Nothing to Do with the Movie — 

Andy Cavell singing Always on Saturday:

No credits to Always on Saturday, however, are listed anywhere, so we are also not 100% sure that the above poster is to the movie, but we would also say it seems a safe guess that it is, considering how closely TCM synopsis fits to the almost unreadable text at the lower right of the poster.

Pauly Dash, Leonor Montes and Dolores Carlos were seen as the names that would draw in "broad minded adults." Of Leonor Montes, we could find nothing, other than she seems to have appeared with Dolores Carlos and any equally unknown Maryland Chapman in the unknown, forgotten and possibly lost movie Indiscreet Stairway, which oddly enough is also from 1966, and glanced at elsewhere in this career review. Dolores Carlos, on the other hand, did a good dozen exploitation films between '59 and '69 before, like so many, disappearing. As for the comedian Pauly Dash, he appeared in even fewer movies but didn't just eventually disappear: he died in Miami, FL, on 2 February 1974. His only credited appearance in a "real" film was in the 1968 Frank Sinatra / Raquel Welch vehicle, Lady in Cement.

Trailer to Lady in Cement (1968):
 


Flesh and Lace
(1965, writ & dir Joe Sarno)

Both TCM and the online magazine called Funhouse claim that Novak (in the form of Boxoffice International Film Distributors) had his fingers in the pie in this early film by the great Joseph W. Sarno (15 March 1921 — 26 April 2010), whom Wikipedia calls "One of the most prolific and distinctive auteurs to emerge from the proto-pornographic sexploitation film genre of the 1960s [...]."

Flesh and Lace is a "stripper character study", the plot of which is supplied here by DVD Drive-In: "New York City, 1964: Naive blonde Bev is the new girl in town, forced to work in a dimly-lit bar populated by topless dancers (including nudie-cutie regular June Roberts [as Gilda...]) and femme fatales who coerce numerous drinks out of loaded patrons. Even though Bev is one of the least effective bar girls in the joint, her guardian angel Joanie (Alice Linville, real name — Judy Young [...]) sticks up for her when bespectacled bar owner Dop (Norman Lind) threatens to throw her out on her ass. It seems our lovely heroine is a bit frigid and becomes uneasy at the thought of physical love... until she is swooped off her feet by Joanie's greasy gambler boyfriend Rook. Joanie will have none of that and sends Bev packing after beating her black and blue, but Bev finds solace in the arms of Julian, a sinister-yet-sweet toy store owner (familiar character actor Joe Santos) who loves her so much he calls up all his guy friends to feed her growing nymphomania in her basement dwelling. Like a spider devouring her prey, each man ventures into the cellar of the toy store to be sucked dry by the insatiable vixen. Meanwhile, back at Joanie's place, Rook's ever-growing debt gives her the bright idea of a toy store robbery... the same toy store in which Bev now resides..."

Scene from Flesh and Lace:

Naked Fog
(1966, writ & dir Joe Sarno)

Another Sarno flick, aka Night Fog and Nackt für eine Nacht; again, both TCM and the online magazine called Funhouse claim that Novak (in the form of Boxoffice International Film Distributors) had his fingers in the pie of this early Sarno drama.

TCMsaw the movie: "Marge (Tammy Latour), a jet set playgirl, visits relatives in a small harbor town. She meets Jack (George Quinn), owner of a marina, and is attracted by his rugged charm. Marge's brief affair with Jack ends when she discovers that he is a pimp; one night his teenage cousin, Marina (Gretchen Rudolph), interrupts their lovemaking to hand him her evening's earnings. Revolted, she turns in vain to an old boyfriend for consolation. Finally, she pairs off with Evan (Phil Mason), an unsophisticated young man who is the son of the local madam. The film concludes with the happy couple planning their future together."

The same year as Naked Fog, and also with Tammy Latour & Gretchen Rudolph, Joe Sarno filmed Moonlighting Wives...

Trailer to Joe Sarno's Moonlighting Wives (1966):
Joe Sarno's MOONLIGHTING WIVES from Joe Sarno on Myspace.

 

Paris Topless
(1966, dir. Gerald Perry).

"At first, there was the topless bathing suit, and we were sure that it wouldn't last. But it did. Then along came the topless waitresses and, here again, we were sure that this wouldn't last. Not only have the topless waitresses survived, but they have flourished and multiplied. And now we have in our midst the newest craze of all: the topless go-go dancer!"

Assuming that a Something Weird double feature of Harry Novak films would, in turn, present trailers to more Novak films, we look at the "Bra-Busting Sexploitation Trailers" presented in Harry Novak presents Street of a Thousand Pleasures / Way Out Topless: Street of a Thousand Pleasures, Forbidden Beauties, International Smorgasbroad, Paris Topless, Sexy Proibitissimo, Substitution and The Wonderful World of Girls. Of them, three (Street of a Thousand Pleasures [1972], Substitution [1970] and The Wonderful World of Girls [1965]) are known to have been pies in which Novak had his fingers, the rest we see as open to question — but, for the benefit of the doubt, we'll count them as have been fondled by Harry Novak. So, let's take a look at Paris Topless (1966), as far as we can tell the only known directorial effort of Gerald Perry — if one can even really speak of direction.

It is narrated by Joel Holt, the director of The Wild, Wild World of Jayne Mansfield (1968), among other films, and narrator of the mondos Chained Girls (1965 / trailer), It's a Sick, Sick, Sick World (1965 / trailer) and Mondo oscenità (1966 / trailer), and the only name dancer in the movie, going by the trailer, is Tempest Storm (born: Annie Blanche Banks), seen at the top of this entry in her prime.

Trailer to The Wild, Wild World of Jayne Mansfield (1968):

But rest assured, you are never in Paris, Toto. The chain of action, as revealed by "Mr. Daddy-O" at this website: "Up first, eleven different strippers in 15 different minutes, each of whom, despite their costumes and props, end with their tits exposed for all the world to see. Then it's off to Baltimore's notorious 'Block' where a bunch of well-seasoned pros take it off in a variety of gloriously seedy strip joints.

"Eventually, we're whisked away to Paris where, as luck would have it, legendary strip queen Tempest Storm, 'The Greatest Topless of Them All,' is performing at a Parisian dive. And, my oh my, Miss Storm looks as young and as vibrant and as beautiful as when she made Paris After Midnight some 17 years earlier. In fact... Hey, wait a minute! It is Paris After Midnight! Yup, the 'Paris' in Paris Topless is actually footage from Paris After Midnight, made back in 1950! And, well… yeah, sure, it's a sneaky trick alright but, seriously, do you think anyone who saw Paris Topless even noticed?"

Trailer to Paris Topless:

Sexploitation "trailer"von gregwallace

Indiscreet Stairway
(1966, dir. Ron Mart [as Ren Mart])

Aka Up the Naughty Staircase. Director Ron Mart (aka Ren Mart), a man of Doris Wishman-like talents, also made The Sexiest Story Ever Told (1970), The Hot Pearl Snatch (1966) — which inspired a Cramps song— and Naked Complex (1963 / trailer). We couldn't find a poster to this film here, but for that we found this vintage issue of Natural Herald, which features Dolores (ala Delores) Carlos on its cover; following her first credited appearance (as Dorothy Courtney) in Hideout in the Sun (1960), she was found in many a nudist movie in the early sixties, including Barry Mahon's The Beast That Killed Women (1965), which we looked at earlier, and this movie here. One of her last appearances was in HG Lewis's A Taste of Blood (1967).

Trailer to A Taste of Blood (1967):

In regards to Indiscreet Stairway, Chateau Vulgaria calls the movie an "obscure nudie with lesbianism and a guillotine scene; no VHS or DVD release."

TCM explains a bit more: "The talking staircase in a French apartment building reveals the intimate lives of five of the building's tenants: two bikini-clad young women go swimming together; a muscleman who is pretending to be a painter uses a nude model; Marcy, a 15-year-old, skips school to attend a party with the milkman; and a woman whose husband is out of town showers and applies skin lotion before going to bed." We don't know which part Carlos plays, but we can imagine.

Also with Dolores (aka Delores) Carlos, Diary of a Nudist (1961) — Full Movie:

Hot Hands of Love

(1966, dir. unknown)

In fact, almost everything is unknown about this movie supposedly "presented" by Novak and produced by Rossmore Films.The American Film Institute Catalog of Motion Pictures, Vol. 1, Pt. 1 does offer a plot, however: "A gang of crazed killers terrorize New York. These sadists, who strike only pretty women, rob, torture, and murder their victims. Finally, the vengeful boyfriend of one of the women is able to track down the gang, and they are wiped out." Over at El Blog de Hola, in their obituary of the Puerto Rican stage actress Olga Agostini — "the Puerto Rican Ava Gardner" pictured above — they list this film as one of her film credits, thus making her the only name we could trace to the movie other than Novak's.

Mondo Keyhole 

(1966, dir. Jack Hill)

Original title: The Worse Crime of All. Novak distributed this early directorial effort from the great Jack Hill, who had already made Spider Baby (1964 / full movie) and went on to do The Big Bird Cage (1972), Coffy (1973) and much, much more before retiring much too early.

Trailer to Jack Hill's The Big Bird Cage (1972):

Producer John Lamb, unknown and forgotten today, is credited as co-director and writer, but Jack Hill, who thinks the Mondo Keyhole"just a cheapo junk movie", once said "He [Lamb] took my name off Mondo Keyhole [...]. He had no directorial input into the film other than insisting on certain things — a little bondage, a rape scene, etc. — the usual recipe of the time." The first film of note by John Lamb, who started his film career by selling home-made nudie-cuties through the mail, is probably Mermaids of Tiburon (1962 / trailer); his directorial career in films seems to have ended (as M.C. von Hellen) with the "documentary"Sex Freaks (1974 / full NSFW art film), though he produced a porno film or two later on.

Scene from Mondo Keyhole:

The One Sheet Index explains Mondo Keyhole which, despite the "mondo" in the title, has nothing to do with the mondo shockumentaries popular at the time: "Howard Thorne (Nick Moriarty) is a compulsive rapist. Or perhaps his savage attacks on women are only his fantasy, real though they may seem. But his twisted mind can no longer distinguish between reality and hallucination. With his beautiful wife, Vicki (Adele Rein), Thorne is strangely impotent, however, though she uses all the wiles her lush body can command to arouse his ardor. Frustrated, Vicki calms her seething passions with narcotics. Perhaps Thorne's inability to find sexual power without the violence and danger of forcible rape is due to his utter saturation by prurient sexual material which his mail-order business involves; he is a 'smut-peddler' on a grand scale, dealing with films, magazines, etc. Nevertheless, his obsession with rape drives him on, to seek victim after victim, until the inevitable mistake: he rapes a woman ('Carol', played by Carol Baughmann, below) whose homosexual companion is a vicious, man-hating Karate expert.

At a masked ball, Thorne attempts another rape. But in the struggle, the girl's mask is torn away to reveal — his wife! Confused, Thorne flees from the scene, but soon falls at the hands of the 'Crow' (the beautiful Cathy Crowfoot, below), the deadly Karate expert. She quickly beats Thorne senseless. He awakes to find himself in bondage, to suffer endless punishment for his crimes at the hands of the two cruel Lesbians.

Meanwhile, Vicki, dazed and hurt by the attempted rape, has again blotted out her consciousness with drugs. She finds herself, perhaps in a fantasy, in a wild nightmarish orgy, conducted on a tour of the inferno by a fiendish, masked character who resembles Satan. Thorne and Vicki both succumb to their respective fates, losing themselves in pure sexual fantasy."

Mondo Keyhole— Pre-credit Introduction:

More to come... eventually.

Swamp Thing (USA, 1982)

June 25, 2014, 4:43 am

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(Spoilers) Way back in July 1971, in issue #92 of House of Secrets, DC Comics' less popular of two supernatural publications (the other being House of Mystery), writer Len Wein and artist Berni Wrightson had an eight-page story of theirs published featuring a swamp-dwelling monstrosity. The reader reaction to the story was unexpectedly positive, so positive, in fact, that DC Comics decided that the two of them should develop a regular character based on the idea.

Thus the following year saw the premiere issue of Swamp Thing, one of the more individual and interesting horror-heroes that populated the comic book racks of the period, others being DC's The Demon and Marvel's Werewolf, Dracula and (directly in response to the DC publication) Man-Thing— the première issue of the last which, coincidentally enough, featured the first appearance of Steve Gerber's equally individualistic Howard the Duck.

The original Swamp Thing was a surprisingly depressing and Gothic series of exceptional quality, a quality that got tarnished but was not completely lost once Wrightson departed the series after its tenth issue. Still, like so many of DC's more original characters, Swamp Thing did slowly slide down in quality, especially after the departure of Wein and of Wrightson's successor, the Christian illustrator Nestor Redondo (4 May 1928—30 September 1995). In the end, following a variety of mundane writers and artists and stories, the publication was given the kiss of death — comic artist Alfredo Alcala (23 August 1925—8 April 2000), the artist almost every DC publication was given when thought to be beyond help — and then cancelled. Since then, the series has been revived and has regained substantial popularity, but even Alan Moore's version, as excellent and close as it was to the moody quality of the early 70s, failed to have the evocative individuality of the first version.

The movie starts out staying relatively close in telling the creature's original story. Deep in the swamps, Dr Alec Holland (Ray Wise, perhaps best remembered as Laura's father and murderer in Twin Peaks [1990 / intro]) is involved in the creation of some secret formula. Craven, by changing Holland's assistant to his sister, allows the introduction of Alice Cable (Adrienne Barbeau), a government agent sent down to check up on how Holland's project is going. Of course, the Holland and Cable get all romantic, but before things can get down and dirty, Arcane (Louis Jordon) shows up with his private army, led by Ferret (Last House On The Left's [1972 / trailer] David Hess, disgustingly repulsive as ever) to steal Holland's formula and notes. A few explosions and some cheap fireworks later, the Swamp Thing (Dick Durock, who went on to repeat the roll both in the sequel [Jim Wynorski's The Return of the Swamp Thing (1989 / trailer)] and the television series [1990-1993]) is born when Holland, doused with a container of his secret mixture, takes a fiery leap into the swamp and, rather than dying, mutates into some sort of half-man half-plant.

Though everyone else at the site is killed, Cable manages to escape with one of Holland's notebooks, so a good percent of the film is spent watching her run around in a wet shirt and designer boots, constantly being caught and then escaping from Arcane and his henchmen, the Swamp Thing always turning up at some opportune moment to help. At first Cable is as scared of the creature as she is of Arcane's men, but once she realises that the Swamp Thing is actually Holland, they get all chummy again, which allows Craven to include a yummy, minute-long full frontal topless nude scene of Barbeau cleaning herself under the safety of the creature's watchful eye. (This scene alone probably made the film the hit it was, seeing that every teenage boy in 70s and early-80s America had dreamed of Barbeau's breasts since they first bounced [clothed] across the TV screen on the sitcom Maude [1972-78].)

Barbeau's breasts:

Adrienne Barbeau Topless in Swamp Thing...von madgeniusmusic

Of course the two eventually get taken prisoner and, in short, Arcane decides to drink the formula himself and mutates into a monster who, after following the escaped Swamp Thing and Cable, gets killed in the end like all bad guys do everywhere but in real life. 

Crane, her dress and hair once again miraculously both clean and dry, obviously in love and oblivious to the fact that the Swamp Thing is rather thing-less, pleads that he should stay with her, but instead, the saddened Swamp Thing shambles off into the backwaters, on his way to the sequel — a sequel we have to see, but know that somehow Arcane reappears in, alive and kicking.

Needless to say, Wes Craven's film adaptation of the cult character fails miserably in coming close to the one created by Wein & Wrightson. Despite this, however, Craven's Swamp Thing is a fun film in its own way — one just shouldn't see it expecting a film presentation of all that which made the original comic book character so good. Craven himself claims an affinity to the film that belays the problems he faced making it, including technical problems brought on by location filming and a budget that was severely lacking. Indeed, while the problems faced on location aren't noticeable in the final product, one has to overlook some truly horrendous special effects, especially in regard to the birth of the last monster, an actor in suit of obviously synthetic fur with a plastic mask ripping his way out of what looks to be a paper-maché egg. Also, as good as Louis Jordon is at playing an evilly corrupt version of his stereotyped suave, rich and cultured European — basically a run through of the part he was to play again the following year in Octopussy (1983 / trailer) — his version of Dr. Anton Arcane is simply blasé in comparison to that of the crippled and wizen character in the original comic series.

Odd is also the fact that Barbeau's costumes regularly manage to not only miraculously clean themselves from scene to scene, but also dry out as well. Other revisions in the original story line, like that of changing Dr. Alec Holland's wife to his sister, are easier to bear....

In general, Swamp Thing should be viewed for what it is: a flawed film, but a painless way to spend a few hours, especially if one doesn't have too many expectations. Made a year after Craven's under-appreciated Deadly Blessings (trailer) and two years before his classic A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984 / trailer), the US cut of Swamp Thing is the first PG film Craven ever made. It is definitely a pre-teen or young-teen film, meant for young boys either beginning or going through puberty, and should be seen as such if it is meant to be enjoyed. (Oddly enough, we've read that the film is also remarkably popular amongst females of all ages, something we can only put down as probably due to both its romantic aspects and the relatively strong — if not continually improperly dressed — female lead.)